How Can I Explain My Beliefs About Sex?

A virgin is someone who has never had sexual intercourse.

But, of course, intercourse is not the only form of sexual activity. Some may label themselves as “technical virgins” because they haven’t had intercourse​—even if they’ve done just about everything else.

The word “sex” can refer, for example, to such things as oral sex, anal sex, or masturbating another person.

The bottom line: People who have engaged in sex​—including oral sex, anal sex, or masturbating another person​—cannot say that they are virgins.

The Bible says that sexual activity should take place only between a man and a woman who are married to each other. (Proverbs 5:​18) Therefore, a person who wants to please God should not engage in sexual activity until he or she gets married.​—1 Thessalonians 4:​3-5.

Some say that the Bible’s view is old-fashioned and completely out of touch with our modern world. Keep in mind, though, that our modern world is plagued with divorce, unwanted pregnancies, and sexually transmitted diseases. Really, our modern world is in no position to dole out advice about morals!​—1 John 2:​15-​17.

When you think about it, the Bible’s moral code makes sense. To illustrate: Suppose that someone gave you a gift of $1,000 in cash. Would you throw the money from a rooftop for just anyone passing by to pick up?

You face a similar decision with regard to sex. “I don’t want to throw away my virginity on someone whose name I may not even remember years from now,” says 14-year-old Sierra. Tammy, 17, would agree. “Sex is too special a gift to waste,” she says.

The bottom line: The Bible upholds virginity and clean conduct as the standard for those who aren’t yet married.​—1 Corinthians 6:​18; 7:​8, 9.

• Do you believe that the Bible’s view of sex is reasonable or too strict?

• Do you believe that sex is OK if two unmarried people say that they really love each other?

After carefully weighing the matter, many young people have concluded that virginity and clean conduct are the best choice. They neither regret that decision nor feel deprived. Consider what some of them have to say:

• “I’m glad I’m a virgin! There’s nothing wrong with avoiding the mental, physical, and emotional pain that comes along with having premarital sex.”​—Emily.

• “I’m glad I don’t have a list of failed sexual relationships, and it feels great knowing that there isn’t even the slightest chance I have an STD.”​—Elaine.

• “I’ve heard several girls my age and older say that they regret having had sex and that they wish they had waited, and I don’t want to make the same mistake.”​—Vera.

• “I’ve seen so many people with emotional scars and baggage because of losing their virginity or having multiple partners. In my opinion, that’s a sad way to live.”​—Deanne.

The bottom line: You need to know what you believe before you face pressure or temptation to have sex.​—James 1:​14, 15.

What should you say if someone questions your belief about sex? Much depends on the circumstances.

“If someone was teasing me and that was their only motive, I wouldn’t just stand there and take it. I would say, ‘That’s none of your business,’ and I would walk away.”​—Corinne.

“Unfortunately, some people at school enjoy bullying others just for the fun of it. If that was their intention in questioning me, I might not reply at all.”​—David.

Did you know? At times, Jesus used silence to “answer” ridiculers.​—Matthew 26:62, 63.

But what if the person questioning you is respectfully sincere? If you think that the person might respect the Bible, you could refer to a passage such as 1 Corinthians 6:​18, which says that the person who has premarital sex is sinning against, or harming, his or her own body.

Whether you use the Bible right away or not, it’s important that you speak with conviction. Remember, you have every right to be proud of your choice to remain morally clean.​—1 Peter 3:​16.

“Responding with confidence shows that you don’t question or doubt your beliefs and that you do what you do because it’s right, not just because it’s what you were told to do.”​—Jill.

The bottom line: If you have confidence in your stand on sex, you will be able to explain it to others. And you might be surprised at their response. “My coworkers have actually commended me for my virginity,” says 21-year-old Melinda. “They don’t see it as weird. They see it as a mark of self-control and virtue.”

Tip! If you need help developing your convictions about sex, download the worksheet “How to Explain Your Beliefs About Sex.” Also, check out the book Questions Young People Ask​—Answers That Work.

• Chapter 24 of Volume 1 is entitled “Will Sex Improve Our Relationship?”

• Chapter 5 of Volume 2 is entitled “Why Stay a Virgin?”

“I love the reasoning in the ‘Young People Ask’ books. For example, page 187 of Volume 1 illustrates how engaging in premarital sex is like giving away a costly necklace for free. You cheapen yourself. Page 177 shows how engaging in premarital sex is like taking a beautiful painting and using it as a doormat. But my favorite illustration is on page 54 of Volume 2. The caption says: ‘Engaging in premarital sex is like opening a gift before it has been given to you.’ It’s as if you’re stealing something that belongs to someone else​—your future mate.”​—Victoria.