Trust and Be Trusted
NOT least among the blessings of life are friends that one can trust and that trust one another. There was a time when persons were readily inclined to trust others; honesty was more or less taken for granted. But no more. At least not in the larger cities. As violence and wickedness increase, and every imaginable form of immorality and all kinds of dishonesty become more commonplace, people become more and more suspicious, less and less trustful.
Thus Life magazine, November 19, 1971, featured a cover article entitled “The cities lock up. Fear of crime creates a life-style behind steel.” It told of an apartment house in which 17 out of 24 of the tenants had been burglarized at least once, and one of them three times. The article showed the picture of the front door of a home defended by five locks, two peepholes, alarms, chains, bars, bolts and booby traps. And all this in one of the better residential sections of New York city. Distrustful? Suspicious of strangers? No question about it!
And not only are houses burglarized. People are held up at gun or knife point in broad daylight. Hardly a week goes by that one does not hear of a friend or relative who has been robbed. People are advised not to venture forth alone, especially not at night, for usually it has been those who were alone that were beaten or robbed.
In view of the worsening crime situation, caution is the prudent course. But if we do not exercise care, this caution, this distrust of strangers, can influence all our relationships with others. If we let that happen, what would result? Would we not cause even those who might have been friends to become distrustful, suspicious of us in return? That is why there is talk of every man being an island and of persons being lonely though in a crowd.
We cannot help influencing others. It is even as Jesus of Nazareth, the Son of God, enunciated: “Stop judging, and you will by no means be judged; and stop condemning, and you will by no means be condemned. . . . For with the measure that you are measuring out, they will measure out to you in return.”—Luke 6:37, 38.
If we are unduly distrustful or suspicious of another we could well discourage him or perhaps harm him in other ways. History records many crimes that were committed because of a lack of trust, because of suspicion. Those who stabbed Julius Caesar to death included some of the very men whom he considered to be his friends. Why did they do it? Because of being suspicious of his ambitions. King Herod murdered members of his own family because of suspicions.
Among the relationships where there should be a high degree of trust is the family circle. We all are imperfect; we all make mistakes. Even if we have the best intentions we are not always consistent, and so at times we may well disappoint a loved one. This being so, what a blessing it is when those close to us show that they understand our weaknesses, and so are not quick to impugn our motives or judgment but to give us the benefit of the doubt. We need to remember that even when circumstances may appear to be suspicious, as Shakespeare showed in his tragedy “Othello,” yet the person can truly be innocent.a
We make both ourselves and the other person unhappy if we are suspicious, distrustful. Why not give him the benefit of the doubt, appreciating that there could have been extenuating circumstances? Especially when we are inconvenienced or tried in some way by the other person’s shortcoming do we need to exercise care so that we do not let impatience make us harsh and critical. By showing loving and trustful concern and exercising empathy—saying, “It could have happened to me”—not only will we make matters more pleasant at the time, but we are bound to reap personal dividends. When “time and unforeseen occurrence” make us the cause of trial to another, then we can hope to be shown the same trustful empathy. Here too the Bible principle applies, ‘What you sow you will also reap.’—Eccl. 9:11; Gal. 6:7.
The same principle applies to the parent-child relationship. There is no question today about the reality of the “generation gap.” Youths proclaim their rebellion by the clothes they wear, by the way they groom their hair, by the language they use, by their resorting to drugs and in many other ways. Parents complain, and rightly so, that their children do not confide in them, that they show a lack of trust in them. But what most likely is the cause? Could it not well be that the parents in the first place have not been sufficiently intimate, confiding, honest and trusting with their children?
But not all parents have cause for complaint. There are parents who have shown themselves understanding, unselfish, deeply concerned with the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical growth of their children. Such parents have been as an open book to their children, so that their children naturally trusted them; they are parents who have put the welfare of their children ahead of their own conveniences and pleasures. As a result, their children are not strangers to them.
The same principle also applies among members of a Christian congregation. He who would be trusted must show himself trusting. Make allowances for the shortcomings of others; give them the benefit of the doubt. Remember that it is the privilege of the strong to bear the burdens of those not strong, to be patient, long-suffering, hoping for the best. Better to suffer disappointment and even loss from being overly trustful of a Christian brother than to discourage or stumble another because of being distrustful. Your trusting attitude will cause others to trust you. Trust is a two-way street. Trust and be trusted.—Rom. 15:1.
[Footnotes]
a In this tragedy the husband kills his wife in a jealous rage, only to find out that she was innocent, and so he commits suicide.