Young People Ask . . .

How Important Are Looks?

‘I’ve got this dislike about my body,’ laments 16-year-old Maria. ‘I think I don’t look so good’

YOU say you don’t like the way you look? Well, few of us​—if any—​are entirely satisfied with our physical appearance. Unlike Narcissus, who fell in love with his reflection in a pool of water, some of us nearly fall into depression when we see our reflection in the mirror.

Especially may this be so if you are a growing, perhaps self-conscious youth. ‘I’ve got this dislike about my body,’ laments 16-year-old Maria. ‘I think I don’t look so good.’ Thirteen-year-old Bob has a similar grievance: ‘I don’t like my hair, the way it sticks up here in the back.’

Of course, it’s only natural to want to look attractive. And making reasonable efforts to care for your personal appearance makes good sense. Nevertheless, has concern about your looks begun to dominate your thinking? Do you dislike yourself because of how you look? If so, ask yourself, How legitimate are my complaints? Could it be that I am simply trapped on the ceaseless treadmill of longing for greener grass?

Greener Grass

Yes, for many, life is like an endless line of fences with greener grass just on the other side. You’ve seen such ones. The naturally slender girl who thinks she is skinny and eats herself sick. The pleasingly plump girl who thinks she is fat and nearly starves herself to death. Or ones like Annie, who grew faster than her schoolmates. Was she delighted with her adult stature? She recalls: “I was taller than everybody. It was embarrassing for me. I had a really tiny friend and I used to envy her.”

Thus, beauty aids, gadgets, and contraptions abound. Plastic surgeons proliferate and prosper. And at risk to health and happiness, young people fret about the unchangeable. Is there a way off this merry-go-round of dissatisfaction? Yes! But the key is having the right viewpoint toward your looks. How do you get it? Let’s begin by trying to understand why you may feel the way you do.

Powerful Influences

There are many forces that influence our views and feelings about our looks. One such influence comes from within. The Bible calls such “the desires incidental to youth.” (2 Timothy 2:22) These desires manifest themselves in many ways, and one such is an exaggerated concern with how we look.

Interestingly, though, professor of psychiatry Richard M. Sarles shows that those desires are often fed: “Adolescence is a period of transition in which a major reorganization of the body takes place. . . . To deal with the awkwardness of a new and changing body, most adolescents rely upon the security of their peer group.” In other words, if our friends do not notice how big our nose is, we can shrug it off. But when peers notice, so do we.

Another persuasive influence is the subtle system known as the media. From childhood on, TV, books, and movies teach us that “good” people are beautiful and that “bad” people are ugly, a theme relentlessly echoed throughout the corridors of the media. This worsens the tendency of imperfect humans to “look at things according to their face value,” to stereotype people according to their looks.​—2 Corinthians 10:7.

The media would thus have you believe that if you’re not a sleek, seductive, high-cheekboned, flawless-skinned beauty, or a muscle-bound “hunk,” you might as well crawl into a hole somewhere​—or at least give up on the idea of ever being popular, successful, or happy. Of course, consciously you probably see the media’s ploy for what it is: utter nonsense. However, much of the media’s effect is subconscious. Subtly or blatantly, beauty is idealized or worshiped at every turn! Striking looks sell everything from perfume to chain saws. As a result, many people buy not only products but also the twisted notion that looks are everything.

Combating the ‘Beautiful People’ Fantasy

Without a doubt, then, the ‘beautiful people’ fantasy infects many. Life becomes an endless round of fad diets, gaudy cosmetics, and expensive treatments. The Bible, however, says: “Don’t let the world around you squeeze you into its own mould.” (Romans 12:2, Phillips) Think: Who is it that promotes the idea that you need a certain look if you are to be popular, successful, or happy? Is it not the manufacturers and advertisers who profit from such deception? Why let your thinking be molded by them? And if the put-downs about your looks emanate from friends, who needs “friends” like that, anyway?

The Bible further advises you to “think so as to have a sound mind.” (Romans 12:3) That can mean casting a dubious eye on propaganda​—whether from friends or from the media—​that promotes self-dissatisfaction. Isn’t it true that very few people really look like supermodels? “Beauty is a bubble,” says the Bible. (Proverbs 31:30, Byington) So even people who are paid for their looks are at their peak for but a brief moment​—before they are discarded for a fresh new face. Also, wonders can be done for the face and body with makeup, lighting, and photographic magic. Some have been shocked when they saw their favorite celebrity in person without the benefit of his or her complex beauty-support system!

Another point to ponder: Aren’t most of your friends rather average-looking? Some of them may by certain standards even be considered unattractive. And what about your parents? Would either of them be material for the cover of a fashion magazine? Probably not. But does that change your feelings toward them? In fact, once you come to appreciate them for what they are and not for how they look, you probably seldom even think about their looks.

Finally, is it not true that as a growing youth, your appearance is changing anyway? Teens mature at different rates. So if you’re too short or too tall, or your complexion isn’t right, be patient. Time may take care of some of these so-called flaws.

Looking at such matters with a sound mind can thus spare you the frustration of trying to match the unnatural images of screen and glossy magazines or of making unnecessary comparisons of yourself with other youths. You have assets that far outweigh any physical deficiencies​—imagined or real. However, there is yet one more important factor for you to consider.

God’s Thinking on the Matter

Have you ever noticed how little the Bible talks about the way people looked? Why aren’t we told what Abraham, Mary​—or even Jesus—​looked like? Obviously, God did not consider it important.

In fact, God once rejected for the position of king a young man named Eliab, who was apparently a fine physical specimen! Jehovah God explained to the prophet Samuel: “Do not look at his appearance and at the height of his stature. . . . For not the way man sees is the way God sees, because mere man sees what appears to the eyes; but as for Jehovah, he sees what the heart is.” (1 Samuel 16:6, 7) God instead chose a young boy named David.

Rightly, then, the Bible encourages us to focus our attention, not on outward adornment, but on “the secret person of the heart.” (1 Peter 3:3, 4) Of course, this does not mean we should neglect our outward appearance. The Bible encourages us to maintain high standards of dress and grooming. (Compare 1 Timothy 2:9.) Still, at times our outward appearance may distress us a bit. But what a comfort it is to know that to God, the One who really counts, our looks are not the important thing! “He sees what the heart is.” Would it not therefore be wise to stop worrying so much about your looks and work instead on beautifying your heart before him?

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What you dislike about yourself may be envied by others

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You have assets that far outweigh any physical deficiencies