ENGAGEMENT
Among the Hebrews the marriage engagement and the negotiations involved usually depended on the parents of the couple, particularly the father. (Gen. 24:1-4; 38:6; 21:21) The young man’s wishes in the matter were often considered, and in the case of widows or of girls inheriting the ancestral property because of their father’s dying without sons, they could become wives to whomever it was fit in their eyes, as long as they married within their tribe. (Judg. 14:2; Num. 36:6) In the case of Isaac, it was really Jehovah who selected his bride. (Gen. 24:50, 51) The selection of the bride and the proposal, usually by the parents or father of the groom, was followed by the espousal or betrothal. This was a formal proceeding, handled by the parents on the part of the bride and often by a friend or legal representative on the part of the bridegroom.—Gen. 24:1-4; John 3:29.
A prominent feature of the engagement was the moʹhar, the bride price or dowry. This term moʹhar occurs three times in the Bible. (Gen. 34:12; Ex. 22:16, 17; 1 Sam. 18:25) The bride price was usually paid to the parents. In Rebekah’s case, Abraham’s servant gave “choice things” to her mother and to her brother Laban, who took the leading part in making the arrangements. (Gen. 24:53) The moʹhar could also be in the form of service. (Gen. 29:15-30; Josh. 15:16) Exodus 22:16, 17 shows that the moʹhar was paid to the father of a seduced girl as indemnity for the offense committed, even if the father refused to give her in marriage. The bride was occasionally given a present by her father as a “parting gift,” and sometimes the bride was presented with gifts at betrothal, as in the case of Rebekah.—1 Ki. 9:16; Josh. 15:17-19; Gen. 24:53.
The Hebrews viewed an engaged couple as bound and as if already married, though cohabitation did not take place until the formalities of the wedding were completed.—Gen. 19:8, 14; Judg. 14:15, 16, 20.
Among the Jews the engagement was regarded as so binding that if the marriage should not take place due to a change of mind on the part of the bridegroom or for some justifiable reason, the young woman could not be married to another until she was freed by due process of law, that is, by a bill of divorce. (Matt. 1:19) If the engaged girl committed fornication during the time of her engagement to her bridegroom, she was judged an adulteress and sentenced to death. (Deut. 22:23-26) Even if a man had relations with a slave girl designated for another man but not yet redeemed or freed, both parties were guilty and were punished. However, they were not to be put to death because she was not set free. (Lev. 19:20-22) The engaged man was exempt from military duty.—Deut. 20:7.
With respect to the age of engagement, no restrictions are pronounced in the Bible. In Middle Eastern lands today marriage often takes place after the bride reaches the age of sixteen and occasionally when she is younger. Talmudists forbade marriage in the case of a male who was under thirteen years and one day, and in the case of a female who was under twelve years and one day.
There generally was not a prolonged interval of years between engagement and marriage, although there could be times when an interval was needed so that the groom might pay the stipulated price or render the desired service. In the case of Jacob, the period of engagement was seven years, during which he served for Rachel but was given Leah. Then he waited one week longer before receiving Rachel, although he continued to serve Laban seven years more for her.—Gen. 29:20-28.
The Christian should consider his word of promise as binding, and in the case of a marriage engagement he should follow the principle expressed by Jesus: “Just let your word Yes mean Yes, your No, No; for what is in excess of these is from the wicked one” (Matt. 5:37), and by James: “But let your Yes mean Yes, and your No, No, so that you do not fall under judgment.”—Jas. 5:12.
THE BRIDE OF CHRIST
Jesus Christ is espoused to a bride, the Christian congregation, which is his body. (Eph. 1:22, 23) At Pentecost, 33 C.E., the first members of the Bride received the holy spirit with its miraculous gift of tongues. This was similar to gifts of betrothal, constituting for Christ’s spiritual Bride “a token in advance of our inheritance, for the purpose of releasing by a ransom God’s own possession, to his glorious praise.” (Eph. 1:13, 14) The apostle Paul spoke of those whom he had introduced to the truth about Christ and who had become Christians as promised in marriage, and exhorted them to maintain cleanness as a chaste virgin to the Christ. (2 Cor. 11:2, 3) Those engaged or promised to the Christ are, while on earth, considered as being engaged and invited to the evening meal of the Lamb’s marriage.—Rev. 19:9.