Not a Tyrant

How should a husband exercise his authority? By following the fine example of God’s Son. The Bible says: “A husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation, he being a savior of this body. Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:23, 25) Jesus Christ’s exercise of headship was a blessing to the congregation. He was not a tyrant. He did not make his disciples feel restricted or oppressed. Instead, he gained the respect of all by his loving and compassionate treatment of them. What a fine example for husbands to follow in their treatment of their wives!

There are husbands, though, who do not follow this fine example. They use their God-given headship selfishly, rather than for the good of their wives. They dominate their wives in a tyrannical manner, demanding total subjection and often not permitting them to make any decisions for themselves. Understandably, the wives of such husbands often live an unhappy life. And such a husband also suffers in that he fails to gain the loving respect of his wife.

True, God requires a wife to respect the position that her husband holds as head of the family. But if the husband desires to enjoy her heartfelt respect for him as a person, he has to earn it, and the best way to do that is by acting responsibly and cultivating fine, godly qualities as head of the household.

Subjection Is Relative

A husband’s authority over his wife is not total.

A husband will keep the love and respect of his wife when he reflects the godly qualities of his head, Jesus Christ, who commanded his followers to love one another. (John 13:34) Even though a husband is fallible and imperfect, if he manages his authority in harmony with the superior headship of the Christ, he makes it easier for his wife to be happy to have him as her head. (1 Corinthians 11:3)

A husband can show his tender affection and mildness by listening to suggestions from his wife. He should consider his wife’s point of view before making a decision affecting the family.

A reasonable husband, like a reasonable elder, is approachable and kind.