Chapter 16

Sports and Entertainment

1, 2. (a) What sports or other entertainment do you particularly enjoy? (b) What is there about Jehovah’s handiwork that indicates that he wants us to enjoy life? (Psalm 104:14-24)

THERE is a worldwide interest in various sports and forms of entertainment. Each year billions of dollars are spent on enjoying them. Do you share an interest in these things? Do you, for example, like to go skiing or boating? Do you enjoy swimming, playing tennis or participating in other sports? Or do you perhaps find pleasure in going to movies or watching television programs?

² Some persons would say that such pleasures are wrong. What do you think? Why, some persons even claim that the Bible disapproves of these things. But, frankly, such persons have misrepresented the Bible and its author, Jehovah God. God’s Word speaks favorably of young people deriving pleasure from recreational activities. For example, in describing God’s blessed people, the Bible says: “The public squares of the city themselves will be filled with boys and girls playing.” Also, it says that there is “a time for dancing.” (Zechariah 8:5; Ecclesiastes 3:4, New English Bible) Obviously, God purposed that we should gain pleasure from wholesome recreational activities. One of the fruits of God’s spirit is “joy.” (Galatians 5:22) And our enjoyment of healthful recreational activities is normal and natural.

GUIDANCE TO ENHANCE PLEASURE

3-8. (a) What balanced counsel on recreation is found at 1 Timothy 4:7, 8? (b) How is “bodily training” beneficial? But what can happen when a person becomes too serious about sports? (c) What problems can confront a person if he gets involved in playing on a school team? What should help him to decide wisely as to whether this is what he will do?

³ To help us to gain pleasure from such activities, God has lovingly provided us with guidance. For example, so that we would avoid the unhealthful results of overeating, God’s Word counsels: “Do not come to be among . . . those who are gluttonous eaters of flesh.” (Proverbs 23:20) Similarly, he gives us this wise counsel in connection with recreational activities: “Be training yourself with godly devotion as your aim. For bodily training is beneficial for a little; but godly devotion is beneficial for all things, as it holds promise of the life now and that which is to come.”​—1 Timothy 4:7, 8.

⁴ So the Bible shows that “bodily training,” such as we get in sports, has its place. It is good for us; it can help us to develop physical coordination, flexibility, muscle tone and strength. Also, it can refresh us mentally, especially if we spend a lot of time studying. But note that the Bible cautions that “bodily training is beneficial for a little.” What can happen if such Bible advice is ignored and you become totally absorbed in sports?

⁵ For one thing, it can spoil the fun, making sports “serious business” rather than a welcome recreation. Pointing to the effects of overstressing competitive games, sports psychologist Bruce Ogilvie said: “I once interviewed the rookies in 10 major league baseball camps and 87 per cent of them said they wished they’d never played Little League baseball because it took the joy out of what had been a fun game.”

⁶ Also, some sports, such as football, can be dangerous, especially when your body is in the process of developing physically. Science Digest reports that about 12,000,000 American children, before they turn eighteen, suffer some permanent physical impairment from engaging in sports! One of professional football’s most prominent players would not let his two sons play in the children’s football leagues. “Parents don’t stop to think of all the things that can go wrong for a young fellow,” he said. “For one thing, he can come home with a handful of teeth.” What has made some sports so dangerous is the extreme competitiveness​—the win-at-all-costs attitude—​that is often encouraged.

⁷ Another thing to consider is the associations to which playing organized sports may expose you. Locker-room talk generally has the reputation of being sexually immoral. Furthermore, when a team takes a trip to play another school, one may for an extended time be in the company of persons who have little regard for faithfulness to God. This is something to think about, since God’s Word stresses “training yourself with godly devotion as your aim.” And how practical would it be to get involved in something that could easily damage your moral principles and your relationship with your Creator?

⁸ So sports are much like other things that are good when they are kept in balance​—when they don’t dominate your life so as to overshadow more important things, or expose you to damaging situations. How exhilarating it can be to play a fast-moving sport and experience the thrill as one’s body responds and performs feats of skill! It can provide a joy and satisfaction that is long remembered. And it can help you to appreciate our grand Creator who made us with the capabilities to do such things.

MOVIES AND TELEVISION

9-14. (a) When selecting a movie or TV show to watch, against what sort of thing does one need to be on guard? (b) How would it affect a person if he watched as entertainment things that are morally corrupt? Why? Even though we know that such acts are wrong, why should we not underestimate the effect that watching them could have on us?

⁹ The type of movie and TV entertainment we choose can also affect our relationship with God. Some movies and TV shows are delightful entertainment; some may even enhance our appreciation of our Creator’s marvelous handiwork. But no doubt you have noticed that many shows have exploded with stories featuring adultery, fornication, lesbianism, homosexuality, violence and mass killing. These may be viewed as entertainment. But how do they affect a person?

¹⁰ Well, ask yourself: How have you become the person you are today? Is it not by your environment and education, by what you have been taking into your mind, especially through your eyes and ears? Yes, to a large extent you are what you feed your mind. The more you are exposed to a certain thing, the more likely it becomes part of you.

¹¹ You wouldn’t think of choosing to eat a meal of filthy garbage, would you? What, then, if you are continually exposed to mental garbage? It is bound to become part of your thinking. When watching a motion picture, you are, in effect, associating with the kinds of persons being portrayed on the screen. And movies are deliberately designed to involve you emotionally with the characters, often arousing sympathy for the wrongdoer​—the fornicator, the homosexual, even the murderer. Do you want to get deeply involved in such a way with homosexuals, lesbians, fornicators, adulterers and criminals?

¹² Still, as you watch some act of sexual immorality or violence on the screen, you may think: “Why, I’d never do a thing like that!” True, right now it might repel you if someone were to suggest that you steal from your neighbor, lie to your friends or commit fornication. But what if you were to keep company with thieves, fornicators and homosexuals long enough, listening to their distorted thinking? In time, you might well become sympathetic toward them. What at first seemed repulsive might not seem that way in time. And consider this: How did the majority of homosexuals get to be that way? By spending time thinking about it and by associating with others who were that way.

¹³ You may feel that you would not engage in immorality. But what if you go to motion pictures with persons of the opposite sex and watch repeated acts of necking, petting and immorality? What will you be more likely to do after such movies, especially if you also have access to alcoholic beverages, which lower inhibitions? You know the answer. In effect, many of today’s films shout out: “We’re going to engage in badness! We’re going to break all laws, even God’s!” Is that the kind of influence you want working on you?

¹⁴ Do you honestly think that you are above being corrupted by bad influences? Remember, millions of once-decent, hardworking Europeans were “brainwashed” by Nazi propaganda to commit or support terrible crimes against humanity. So do not underestimate the effect that the corrupt propaganda spread through motion pictures on sex and violence can have on you.

FILLING THE NEED FOR RECREATION

15-19. What are some wholesome activities in which we can satisfy our need for recreation?

¹⁵ Our Creator made us with a need for recreation. But he never purposed that it should center around moral filth or violence, around the breaking of his laws. True, if you exclude movies and TV shows that feature these things, you may find that you are excluding a great many films and television programs. But there are still many wholesome forms of recreation that you can enjoy.

¹⁶ After all, what good is recreation or entertainment if, after it’s finished, you don’t feel refreshed or if it leaves you feeling disturbed or upset​—as the saying goes, with a ‘bad taste in your mouth’? If someone offered you something to eat and it looked good and tasted nice but after eating it you felt sick, would you go back for ‘seconds’? Be selective, then, as to how you spend your free time in recreation and entertainment. Don’t just “kill time” by settling for any kind of entertainment that happens to be on hand, but put some life into that free time by doing something that will bring real enjoyment and refreshment, something that you can look back on and remember with pleasure.

¹⁷ There is a variety of outdoor sports that you can play. Many folks have had hours of enjoyment hiking in the woods, playing handball and badminton, or pitching horseshoes. Some have set up a Ping-Pong table or pool table at home and invited their friends over to play such games. If you check with your parents, you may find that they will welcome your doing this.

¹⁸ You may also be able to visit museums or other places of interest that both entertain and inform. Have you visited a chicken farm, a dairy, an auction or a printing plant? If you live in a city, there may be government departments that can give you facts about places of interest in the city. They may tell you about the industries in your vicinity that welcome visitors. In addition, trips to scenic spots such as lakes, mountains and beaches can be delightful recreation, especially when families can enjoy these things together.

¹⁹ Of course, there is the need to exercise caution so that these pleasurable pursuits don’t become the chief objective in our lives, and we thereby fail to receive the benefits that they can provide. Yet how grateful we can be that our Creator has made us with the capacity to share in and enjoy such a wide variety of recreational activities! These can indeed make life more worth while.

[Picture on page 121]

Does what you watch have any effect on you?

Chapter 17

The Music and Dancing You Choose

1-3. (a) In what way is it true that the Creator has built music into our natural surroundings? (b) Give examples to show that the Bible speaks with approval of dancing.

MAN’S Creator built music into human surroundings. Not just the clear, flowing tones that spring from the throats of birds, but the gurgle of brooks, the whisper of the wind in the trees, the chirp of crickets, the croak of frogs and the calls of many others of earth’s creatures​—all of these have a musical sound to them. Not surprisingly, then, the development of musical instruments dates all the way back to the dawn of human history.

² Dancing, too, has an ancient history. In Israel, Moses’ sister Miriam led the women “with tambourines and in dances.” Also, after God helped King David defeat depraved enemies “the women began coming out from all the cities of Israel with song and dances.” It is evident, too, that Jesus Christ approved of dancing, since he mentioned it as a part of a proper celebration in his illustration about the prodigal son. Jesus spoke of “a music concert and dancing” being arranged when the prodigal returned. The Bible shows that some dancing was by individuals or by groups of men, or of women.​—Exodus 15:20; 1 Samuel 18:6; Luke 15:25.

³ Does that mean that all music and dancing are necessarily good? Or do you need to be selective in the music you listen to and the dances in which you might engage? What can help us to determine? How much does it really matter?

CHOICE IN DANCING

4-6. (a) What could make some dances objectionable for Christians? (Colossians 3:5, 6) (b) Why have certain modern dances been compared to ancient fertility dances?

⁴ There is a wide variety of dances​—from graceful waltzes to lively polkas. There are Latin-American congas, rumbas and sambas, also merengues, beguines and bossa novas, many of these having an African background. There is also rock ’n’ roll, as well as more recent dances. Is there good reason why you might have objection to certain of these dances?

⁵ There is if the dance arouses you sexually and brings a temptation to commit sexual immorality. It could cause you many problems.

⁶ Ancient fertility dances, for example, were designed to incite sexual passions, and certain modern dances have been reminiscent of these. Some years ago Time magazine observed:

“The Twist at first was an innocent enough dance . . . But the youngsters at [a certain New York nightclub] have revived The Twist and parodied it into a replica of some ancient tribal puberty rite.”

7-10. (a) If a person shared in such dancing, on what basis might others be attracted to the individual? Would you want to attract persons of the opposite sex on that basis? (b) Even in ballroom dancing, why is caution needed?

⁷ Many dances in recent years have been variants of the Twist. The dancers do not touch, but the hips and shoulders may gyrate in sexually suggestive ways. A young person’s passions may easily be aroused by watching a body perform these gyrations. A girl, for example, may not think anything about it, simply being caught up in the movements of the dance. But she shouldn’t ignore the effect on onlookers, and on what they might think of her, as this letter to the editor of the New York Times Magazine observes: “Let’s hope that the young (and not so young) bodies of our Twisters are lying, that their minds do not behave inside the way their pelvises and pectorals do outside.”

⁸ Even though you have no wrong motive, if you participate in such dances you would be wise to consider the kind of attraction you may be to other young persons. For example, are they attracted to you on the basis of the sexual arousal they get from you, a type of arousal they can get from persons who dress in tight clothing, and gyrate their hips and make various erotic gestures? Do you want to attract someone simply on that basis? Or do you want the kind of person who likes you for what you are? for the things that you feel are important in life? for your conversation? Are you interested in someone who takes pleasure in doing things for you, or only in what he can get from you?

⁹ Even ballroom dancing, which emphasizes foot patterns accompanied by graceful movements of the body and in which partners hold one another, may sometimes be sexually stimulating due to close physical contact. So, if you participate in such dances, considerately recognize the possibility that your partner could be stimulated improperly even though you may feel that it is not close enough for you to develop sensual pleasure from the dancing.

¹⁰ It’s a fact that most dances cannot be classified as either proper or improper. Many of them can be done either in a decent, proper way, or in a way that violates the counsel of God’s Word to behave in a clean, wholesome manner.

CHOICE OF MUSIC

11, 12. How does music exercise power? Cite examples.

¹¹ Just as with dancing, care and thought are also necessary in your choice of the music you listen to. Why? Because music has power. And, like any other power, it can serve for good or for harm.

¹² Where does music’s power come from? From its ability to cause a certain feeling, mood or spirit in people. Music can relax and soothe, or refresh and enliven. You can almost “feel” the difference between a vigorous march and a soft serenade. Music can stir every human emotion​—love, tenderness, reverence, sadness, anger, hatred and passion. Throughout history men have recognized music’s power and have used it to move people in certain ways. For instance, part of the triumph of the French Revolution is frequently credited to what one writer calls “the bloodcurdling call to arms” of the song La Marseillaise. And schools often have their “fight songs” used before athletic contests.

13-16. (a) How is the counsel at Proverbs 4:23 related to one’s choice of music? (b) How can music be a “catalyst,” and sometimes with lastingly harmful results?

¹³ In the Bible the heart is closely associated with emotions and motivation, so God’s Word counsels: “More than all else that is to be guarded, safeguard your heart, for out of it are the sources of life.” (Proverbs 4:23) Since music’s emotional power is a fact, our guarding our hearts requires being selective about the music we choose.

¹⁴ True, music’s moving effect is only temporary. But it is often long enough to give a decided push in a certain direction, or to lower resistance to a certain attraction or temptation. If you studied chemistry in school you learned about “catalysts.” You learned that the combining of two or more chemicals can often be achieved only by using some other ingredient that, in effect, brings the chemicals together. That ingredient is a “catalyst.” Now, we all have certain weaknesses and wrong inclinations, and so we feel tempted at times to do certain things that are wrong. Suppose circumstances come up that encourage you to do a wrong act. Music can be the “catalyst” that will cause desire and circumstances to combine​—resulting in something you may afterward seriously regret. On the basis of her studies, one researcher for a government commission studying pornography said:

¹⁵ “Music, by playing on girls’ emotions to arouse love and affection, frequently serves as a catalyst for love and thereby a stimulus for sexual arousal in the adolescent female. . . . The music surfaces this feeling.”

¹⁶ Yes, the impulse that music supplies, though temporary, may be all that is needed to trigger you into a course or way of life that is itself long lasting or that produces results that are. So, is it not worth your while to use discernment where music is involved?

THE PROBLEM OF DECIDING

17, 18. By listening to a piece of music, how can you determine whether it is something that is good for you or something that is bad?

¹⁷ Actually, no one can provide you with a list that immediately identifies what music is good and what is bad. The reason is that among practically all kinds of music there is none that can be stamped as “all good” or “all bad.” You have to use your mind and heart for discerning the individual value of certain music, and be guided by principles such as those already considered. And your choice tells others something as to the kind of person you are.

¹⁸ “Does not the ear itself test out words as the palate tastes food?” asked Job long ago. (Job 12:11) So, too, your ear can test out music. Even without the words, you can often tell what kind of mood or spirit a piece is designed to produce, what kind of conduct it encourages. That was the case with the music that Moses heard on coming down from Mount Sinai and approaching the Israelite camp. As he said to Joshua: “It is not the sound of the singing over mighty performance [a victory song], and it is not the sound of the singing of defeat [a mournful singing]; it is the sound of other singing that I am hearing.” The singing actually reflected wild and idolatrous immoral activity.​—Exodus 32:15-19, 25.

19-22. (a) Against what do those who like classical music need to be on guard? (b) As to the effect of some jazz and rock music, what facts deserve thoughtful consideration?

¹⁹ Consider more recent examples. Classical music, for instance, generally has a dignified, sometimes majestic sound. But while much of it may have a rather noble effect on one’s thoughts, some of it deals with and even glorifies the sordid or selfish side of life. It is worth remembering that many famous classical composers lived immoral, even dissolute, lives. And though they generally wrote for an audience that supposedly appreciated the “finer things of life,” it is almost unavoidable that some of their warped outlook and warped emotions would show up in some of their music, with or without words. So, if we want to guard the health of our minds and hearts, even so-called “serious” music cannot be accepted without question.

²⁰ At the other end of the musical spectrum from classical compositions we find the syncopated jazz and rock music. Even here one finds some music that is melodic and moderate. But some of it is wild and strident. That is why musicians themselves distinguish between jazz and rock music that is “soft” and that which is “hot,” “hard” or “acid.” You should be able to tell what kind of conduct the music is promoting​—your ear, your mind and heart should tell you. The words or the tone of certain music is sometimes so obvious that people easily associate it with certain types of conduct or kinds of persons. The Bible, for example, speaks of the “songs of drinkers” and the “song of a prostitute.” (Psalm 69:12; Isaiah 23:15, 16) What about today?

²¹ If, for example, you read in the newspaper about a music concert or festival and the report tells of people screaming, girls fainting, the use of drugs and of the police having to be brought in to keep the theater from being wrecked​—what kind of music would you think was involved in the performance? If you hear of a popular young singer or musician dying of an overdose of drugs​—what kind of music would you think he or she specialized in?

²² You probably know that many young people are drawn to rock music because they believe that its lyrics describe the realities and problems of the world around them. Perhaps more than any other form of popular music, rock music tries to put across a message: on the problems of growing up, the generation gap, drugs, sex, civil rights, dissent, poverty, war and similar topics. It tries to express many young people’s discontent with social injustices and their ideas for a better world. But what has been the general effect? What has it done for most young people? What real solutions have its philosophies brought them? If such music is designed to bring realities into focus, why is so much of it drug-oriented, some lyrics being understandable only to those who take drugs? These are questions to consider.

23-25. (a) In connection with music, what is the point of the counsel at Ecclesiastes 7:5? (b) Whom should we consider when choosing music and dances? Why? (1 Corinthians 10:31-33; Philippians 1:9, 10) (c) So why is our choice as to music and dancing no light matter?

²³ So, your choice of music is no light matter. You can let others decide for you simply by going along with the crowd, choosing what is popular, what has mass appeal. Or you can think for yourself and use care in selecting, guided by the enduring and superior wisdom found in God’s Word. Ecclesiastes 7:5 says: “Better is it to hear the rebuke of someone wise than to be the man hearing the song of the stupid ones.” The “stupidity” the Bible talks about is no mere mental dumbness but means moral stupidity, following a course that can only bring future trouble.

²⁴ You may feel that you can listen to music containing some words that go contrary to what is true and right or that has a sensual, wild sound to it, and still not be affected. You may feel similarly about the dances you dance. But what kind of influence are you on others? Do you feel as the apostle Paul, who said that he was willing to forgo even such proper things as eating meat if thereby he could avoid becoming a stumbling block to others? With what kind of persons does the music you choose identify you?

²⁵ Your choice, then, of the music to which you listen and the dances in which you might engage shows whether you are simply interested in a “good time” or in a good life, an everlasting one in God’s favor.

[Picture on page 124]

Dancing has a long history

Chapter 18

Does Sexual Morality Make Sense?

1-3. How do many people in the world feel about premarital sex?

THE pressure to engage in premarital sex today is powerful in many places. The world, in fact, is caught up in a “sexual revolution.” The New York Daily News explains: “Sexual relationships without marriage are now broadly recognized by parents, colleges and the public generally. There is a sort of quiet tolerance of immorality, as if it would be futile to stem a new irresistible tide.”

² Many people demand freedom to have sexual relations with whomever they wish and in any way that they choose. Such attitudes cause uncertainty for many individuals. A college girl tells of a typical problem she encountered on a date: “He would say, Why not? I would spend half the date trying to explain to him what was so special about morality. Then afterward I would ask myself, Why not?” Might you, too, have wondered, “Why not?” Does sexual morality really make sense?

³ Youths commonly believe that, since they are physically capable of having sexual intercourse, and since it reportedly is ‘a lot of fun,’ this is something for them to do. But is it really? Is sex prior to marriage proper? Does it help to make life worth living?

GOOD EFFECTS OR BAD?

4-7. (a) What are some of the common results from engaging in premarital sex? (b) What shows that loose sex practices are not really a “new” morality? (Judges 19:22-25; Jude 7) (c) Why is the counsel at 1 Corinthians 6:18 such a serious matter? (Acts 15:28, 29; 1 Thessalonians 4:3, 7, 8)

⁴ What about the claim of some that sexual freedom brings greater personal happiness, that it’s ‘a lot of fun’? The Journal of the American Medical Association reported this conclusion of a youth who had premarital sex relations with many girls: “I have learned that this did not bring me happiness.” Girls are even less likely to realize happiness from premarital relations. A tearful young college student said of such an experience: “It sure wasn’t worth it​—it was no fun at the time, and I’ve been worried ever since.”

⁵ Such worry often is justified for a number of reasons. Pointing to one reason, a health official said that gonorrhea threatened to infect 50 percent of United States teen-agers in just five years! And medical authorities say that modern drugs are proving ineffective in stopping the growth of both gonorrhea and syphilis, the major venereal diseases. All too often those affected realize it too late to avoid serious and irreversible damage to their bodies. Does it make sense to risk the chance of suffering permanent damage, perhaps even blindness or sterility, as a result of immorality?

⁶ Also, there exists the strong possibility of becoming pregnant. Millions of unmarried girls do. Many of these go through the dangers and emotional strains of abortions. Others are forced into unhappy marriages. Still others face a long, unhappy struggle to rear an illegitimate child. So it is easy to see that, although contraceptives are becoming more easily available to teen-agers, they don’t give “guaranteed” freedom from pregnancy.

⁷ Really, there is nothing new or “modern” about sexual looseness. It has been around for a long, long time. The people of Sodom and Gomorrah practiced it nearly two thousand years before the birth of Jesus Christ. If you read the history of the old Roman Empire you will see that it was notable for sexual looseness of all the kinds carried on today. In fact, its fall came largely because of moral decay. Surely, it is a wise thing to heed the Bible’s command to “flee from fornication.”​—1 Corinthians 6:18.

MORALITY A SIGN OF WEAKNESS?

8-11. (a) Why does refraining from premarital sex call for moral strength? (b) As related at Proverbs chapter 7, what shows that the young man who got immorally involved lacked good motive? (c) How is the firmness for right principles on the part of a young woman of Shunem illustrated?

⁸ However, you may be challenged to commit fornication and, if you refuse, others may accuse you of being weak. In some places fornication has become an accepted practice. Two doctors writing in Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality observe: “Young people have come to feel guilty for refusing to have ready sex, and there are instances where young women have expressed shame at still being virgins at the age of 25.” Is it a sign of weakness to refuse to enter sexual relations before marriage? Well, which would you say takes more strength​—to give in to passion or to contain it?

⁹ Actually, any weakling can give in to the sex urge. But it takes a real “man” (or a real “woman”) to control that urge until taking a mate in marriage. It takes even more strength now when the global trend is going the other way, because it means bucking the current.

¹⁰ The Bible book of Proverbs presents an account illustrating this point. It relates the way a young man from among the “inexperienced ones,” lacking in good heart motive, wanders down into a street where he is approached by a prostitute. Under the pressure of her shrewd persuasiveness, he caves in and “all of a sudden he is going after her, like a bull that comes even to the slaughter, and just as if fettered [or shackled] for the discipline of a foolish man.” (Proverbs 7:6-23) He did not have the moral strength to resist.

¹¹ But earlier in this publication we read about the attractive young maiden of Shunem who resisted all the enticements that wealthy King Solomon could offer, preferring to remain true to the young shepherd she hoped to marry. Yes, instead of being like a “door” that could easily be swung open, she proved to her older brothers that she was as firm as a “wall” in her determination to keep her virginity for the man she was waiting for.​—Song of Solomon 8:8-10.

WHY SEXUAL MORALITY MAKES SENSE

12-14. (a) Why does it make good sense to conform to God’s rules regarding sex? (b) What do Hebrews 13:4 and 1 Corinthians 6:9, 10 say that the future holds for fornicators? What is meant by fornication?

¹² The main reason sexual morality makes sense is that it is the way set out by the One who knows the most about human happiness: Jehovah God. Think about it. Jehovah God has lovingly made provision for the transmission of human life by means of sex relations, and this is a very wonderful and sacred thing. We have all received of its benefits, because we are living. If we accept its benefits, doesn’t this place an obligation on us to accept God’s regulation of the entire process? Surely, as our Life-Giver, Jehovah God has the right to set forth rules of conduct as to the use of our procreative organs with the life-transmitting powers.

¹³ Through the apostle Paul, God tells us: “Let marriage be honorable among all, and the marriage bed be without defilement, for God will judge fornicators and adulterers.” (Hebrews 13:4) Fornication includes not only promiscuous sex relations with just anyone​—it also includes premarital sex, as between persons who are engaged but not yet married.

¹⁴ God’s Word is very definite in condemning fornication and other loose conduct. It says that persons practicing such things will have no part in God’s kingdom. The Bible says: “Do not be misled. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men kept for unnatural purposes, nor men who lie with men, nor thieves, nor greedy persons, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit God’s kingdom.”​—1 Corinthians 6:9, 10.

15-19. (a) Why should we actually hate sexual immorality? (Psalm 97:10) (b) What can help us to cultivate such proper hatred?

¹⁵ This positiveness of God’s law is really for our good. The sexual urges can be very strong, and occasions come in the life of most persons when it would be easy to give in under the pressure of temptation. If God’s law on the matter were vague or weak, it certainly would not help us much in those times. But because it is so clear and forceful it helps us to keep our senses, bolsters our moral courage and, most important, it helps us to learn to hate the wrong course. Do you actually hate the course of sexual immorality? Why should you?

¹⁶ If that course at times seems appealing, ask yourself: ‘Would I want those of my own family to engage in it, my parents or my brothers and sisters? Would I want them to have illegitimate children? Would this increase my love and respect for them?’ If not, then isn’t that course worth hating? Surely you would not want to make yourself like a public towel on which any man or woman can wipe his or her hands by means of immorality.

¹⁷ What of children born from such an immoral course? Suppose you, if a girl, gave birth to such a child​—who would care for it? Your mother and father? You yourself? How would you do it? And how would the child feel when it grows up and finds out how it was conceived? Or if you refused to shoulder the responsibility and you put the child up for adoption, how would other people feel about you? How would you feel about yourself? You might try to cover up the birth, then put the child out of sight by giving it up for adoption and thus try to run away from shame and responsibility. But you can never run away from yourself, can you?

¹⁸ If you, as a male, fathered an illegitimate child, would your conscience be at rest? Think of all the trouble and shame brought on the mother as well as your child. Certainly that is something to avoid.

¹⁹ Really, what good has ever come from the course of sexual immorality? Why is it that so many undesirable things are associated with it, including crippling venereal diseases, abortions, jealous fights and even murders? Why is it that in lands where great sexual “freedom” is allowed, the divorce rates are often among the highest in the world? Does divorce spell success or is it evidence of failure? Is it a sign of true happiness or of unhappiness and dissatisfaction?

20, 21. How can avoiding sexual immorality improve your prospects for a successful marriage?

²⁰ On the other hand, sexual morality does make sense because those who hold to it have a far better likelihood of a successful marriage. This is because they have kept marriage in high regard, respecting God’s arrangement and respecting their future mates and their mutual right to receive a clean partner in marriage.

²¹ In fact, the more careful you are to avoid loose conduct or the taking of liberties during courtship and engagement periods, the more likely will be your success in marriage. Then neither you nor your mate will have nagging doubts of the genuineness of the other’s love due to suspicion that sex was the sole motive for marrying. For marriage, after all, is not just a union of two bodies​—it is a union of two persons. And there must be mutual high regard and love for the person if the marriage is to bring lasting happiness.

MAKING A WISE CHOICE

22-24. (a) What helpful lesson can a young woman learn from the Bible account about Amnon and Tamar? (b) What shows that the passion displayed by Potiphar’s wife was not enduring love?

²² Love based solely on passion is not an enduring love. It is a selfish, greedy love. That kind of love is well illustrated in the Bible by the case of one of David’s sons, named Amnon. He “fell in love” with his beautiful half sister Tamar. Then, through trickery, he forced her into having relations with him. After that, what? The record tells us: “And Amnon began hating her with a very great hatred, because the hatred with which he hated her was greater than the love with which he had loved her.” He sent her out into the street. (2 Samuel 13:1-19) Now, if you are a young woman, should you naïvely think that, because some boy expresses passionate love for you and wants you to have relations with him, this means he sincerely loves you? He may very well turn out to be just as Amnon was.

²³ The Bible tells us that the wife of Egyptian officer Potiphar expressed the same kind of interest in young Joseph, who served in their house. When he resisted all her attempts to seduce him, she then showed her true colors. She viciously lied to her husband about Joseph, causing him to be unjustly imprisoned.​—Genesis 39:7-20.

²⁴ Yes, so-called sexual “freedom” changes what should be pleasurable and clean into something cheap and detestable. So, which do you want​—an occasional brief moment of illicit sexual excitement with all the risks and problems it involves, or the satisfaction of having a clean conscience before God and all persons, with self-respect, day in and day out?

25, 26. What things will help us to avoid getting involved in sexual immorality? (Ephesians 5:3, 4; Philippians 4:8)

²⁵ If you want to stay free from immorality, then stay free from the things that lead to it: conversation that always dwells on the opposite sex, also reading material or pictures that have only one aim​—to excite sexual passion. Keep your mind, your eyes and your tongue occupied with clean, positive things, working toward worthwhile goals that bring enduring benefits and that leave no shame or heartache.

²⁶ Above all, strengthen your knowledge and appreciation of your Creator and of the rightness and wisdom of his ways. Look to him in prayer and fix your heart on the things he promises to those who serve him. You can hold firmly to the course of sexual morality if you really want to, for Jehovah God and his Son will give you the strength you need to do it.

Chapter 19

Dating and Courtship

1-4. (a) How recently did dating become a common practice? (b) Where dating is not customary, how may marriages be arranged? (c) In the final analysis, what determines how good or how bad these customs are?

EVERY normal person wants to get real enjoyment out of life. The Bible shows that this is proper, listing joy as one of the “fruits” of God’s spirit. (Galatians 5:22) Many young people, especially in Western lands, look to dating as a prime means of finding enjoyment. They often arrange to spend time, unchaperoned, with someone of the opposite sex. What can be said about this?

² You may assume dating to be a normal, expected practice, since it is so common in many places. Yet it hasn’t always been, as the book The Family in Social Context explains: “Dating as we know it probably emerged after World War I.” In many countries, however, dating never has become the custom. In fact, the prospective bride and groom may still not meet until their wedding day. The arrangements for their marriage are carried out by their respective parents, or perhaps by a “matchmaker” or “go-between.”

³ Of course, if you live where dating and courtship are accepted as normal, the absence of these customs in certain lands may seem hard to understand. But people living in those lands may be equally puzzled by the customs where you live. They may view dating and courtship as unwise, or even somewhat offensive. A girl from India explained to a well-known Western marriage counselor: “How would we be able to judge the character of a boy we met and got friendly with? We are young and inexperienced. Our parents are older and wiser, and they aren’t as easily deceived as we would be. . . . It’s so important that the man I marry should be the right one. I could so easily make a mistake if I had to find him for myself.”

⁴ So, rather than taking a narrow-minded viewpoint and thinking that the only way to do things is the way people in your own locality do them, it is good to broaden out your thinking. After all, in the final analysis, it is the way things work out, the results, that determine how good or how bad certain customs are. In the Bible at Ecclesiastes 7:8, we read: “Better is the end afterward of a matter than its beginning.” And we must admit that in many countries where dating and courtship are the custom, a large percentage of marriages are not working out well but are ending in divorce.

WHAT, THEN, ABOUT DATING?

5-8. (a) How does what is said at Ecclesiastes 11:9, 10 help us to take a long-range view of our conduct? (b) Why do many young people want to date?

⁵ If you believe in reasoning things out, you will want to consider not just the short-range effects of dating but also the longer-range results. Our Creator helps us to look at matters from this long-range viewpoint. He wants for us what will bring us true and lasting happiness. So he urges in his Word: “Rejoice, young man, in your youth, and let your heart do you good in the days of your young manhood, and walk in the ways of your heart and in the things seen by your eyes. But know that on account of all these the true God will bring you into judgment. So remove vexation from your heart, and ward off calamity from your flesh; for youth and the prime of life are vanity.” (Ecclesiastes 11:9, 10) What does this mean?

⁶ It means that the Creator wants you to enjoy your youth, but, at the same time, not to engage in conduct that will adversely affect your life later on. Unfortunately this so often occurs, even as a writer of modern times observed: “The greatest part of mankind employ their first years to make their last miserable.” You don’t want that to happen to you, do you? Neither does God want it to occur. Yet the Bible is also showing here in Ecclesiastes that God holds young persons responsible for what they do. Their youth will not excuse them from facing the consequences of the course they choose.

⁷ This all bears directly on the matter of dating. How so? Well, ask yourself: “Why do I want to date? What am I looking for that I couldn’t enjoy, for example, as part of a group? Why do I want to pair off with a person of the opposite sex?” Isn’t the basic reason the growing attraction you feel toward those of the opposite sex? This can be seen from the fact that physical attractiveness usually has a lot to do with one’s being desirable as a “date.”

⁸ Many young persons who date are not seriously thinking of marriage at present, or that they necessarily would like the person they date for a marriage partner. In most places where dating is considered to be customary, it is viewed merely as a form of recreation, a way to spend an evening or a weekend. And some persons, not wanting to be viewed as “different,” date because others their own age do. Yet, there is no question that dating can lead to “vexation,” and even “calamity.” Let’s consider why it can.

THE EFFECTS OF PHYSICAL CONTACT

9-11. (a) What physical contact is usually involved in dating? Why is there the natural inclination to become progressively more intimate? (b) Why may this result in nervous tension for an unmarried person? (c) If the physical contact leads to fornication, how can that result in calamity of many kinds?

⁹ More often than not, dating involves some physical contact​—holding hands, kissing, or something beyond that. At first, just touching the other person’s hand may be very pleasurable, causing one to feel a warm glow. But after a while it may lose its thrill and may not have the same effect. Something more, such as kissing, may appeal. But, then, that too may become ordinary, even a little stale. Why is this?

¹⁰ Because where sexual passion is involved it is all part of a chain of events designed to lead to a specific outcome. The first link is the first touch. The last link is sexual relations, which God’s Word shows is reserved for marriage mates. Everything in between can lead up to that last link of the chain. So, then, if you are not married, is it wise to start with the first link, or any of the others? To do so is likely to bring “vexation.” Why? Because your body is going to get itself ready for something it should not receive now, that last link. Stimulating the desire for sexual relations but not fulfilling this desire may lead to frustration and nervous tension.

¹¹ Fornication will not end the “vexation.” Rather, it can lead to “calamity.” How? In a number of ways. It can result in venereal disease. The girl could become pregnant, and this could pressure a couple into a marriage they really are not prepared for, adversely affecting their future happiness. Or the young man may refuse to marry the young woman, and she is then obliged to bring up the child herself with no husband. Or she may be tempted to undergo an abortion, which the Bible shows to be a form of murder. Is this not “calamity”? You may be determined that dating will not have these consequences for you. But many who were just as determined as you are have wound up facing these troubles. Really, then, the question comes back to whether you are ready for marriage or not.

YOUR PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT

12, 13. How can dating hinder one’s development? So, what kind of relationships can be more beneficial?

¹² Even when dating doesn’t lead directly to “calamity,” it can have other disadvantages. One is the way it tends to narrow your interest down so soon to just one person. This is at a time when, for the development of your own emotional maturity, you can benefit most from association with a wide variety of persons. If you are in your young manhood, why not first concentrate on becoming a real man by having your main friendships with other men who demonstrate regard for what is right? You can learn manly abilities and ways from them. If you are in your young womanhood, why not interest yourself first in developing into a true woman, benefiting from association with those who are and who can help you to develop fine womanly abilities and ways? Dating really interrupts and slows down such development.

¹³ Before dating became a popular custom, young people found plenty of things to bring them enjoyment. You can too. You can find real enjoyment in conversing, learning, developing skills, working on projects, playing games, going places and seeing things. And you can find great pleasure in doing these things with someone of your own sex or with a group. You will often find that the wider the range of persons in the group​—some your age, some older, some younger—​the more enjoyment you will have.

WHEN TO GET MARRIED?

14, 15. (a) What do you think about the advisability of teen-age marriage? (b) What responsibility do parents have in connection with the desire of their children to marry?

¹⁴ There comes a time, however, when normally the young person wants to get married. When is the best time for this​—when you still are in your teens? Generally not, for the hard facts show that most teen-age marriages simply do not have the same success as marriages where one or both persons have attained a more mature age. As one sociologist commented: “Research studies show that, in general, teen-age marriages are characterized by a high divorce or unhappiness rate compared with marriages at later age.”

¹⁵ On the other hand, there is no Scriptural basis for rigidly ruling out all marriage among such younger persons. Generally, the laws of the land grant the parents the right to exercise their mature judgment to decide what they believe will be in the best interests of their children and lead to the greatest happiness and benefit for them. They may decide either to allow or not to allow marriage of their sons or daughters who are under their jurisdiction. Certainly, the many problems of our times and the large percentage of marriage failures should cause them to exercise caution. And it should cause thinking young persons likewise to exercise caution​—rather than to ‘marry in haste and repent at leisure.’ It is foolish to rush through a door just because it is open, when you do not have any good idea of what is on the other side.

CHOOSING A MARRIAGE MATE

16-19. (a) In places where courtship is permitted, how will application of the principle at Galatians 5:13 prove beneficial? (b) What should be the goal of courtship? So what should those who engage in it be ready for? (c) Why is it to your advantage to get acquainted with a person of the opposite sex as part of a group, instead of off by yourselves?

¹⁶ In some places a young man is allowed to be with a young girl only when at least one of the parents, or some other older person, is present. In many Western lands, however, such young persons may often be together without a chaperon. The question is, then, where such wider area of freedom is permitted, what can a young person do to assure that courtship will lead to a truly happy and successful marriage?

¹⁷ Freedom always brings with it responsibility. So, if this question is one that you now face, you do well to keep in mind the fine principle set out in the Bible at Galatians 5:13. Here the apostle Paul was, of course, speaking of the spiritual freedom that Christianity brought to those embracing it. But the principle applies to any kind of freedom, especially if we want our exercise of it to bring fine results and God’s favor. The apostle writes: “You were, of course, called for freedom, brothers; only do not use this freedom as an inducement for the flesh, but through love slave for one another.” Genuine love​—for God and for our neighbor, including the person we may be courting—​will help us to avoid using any freedom we have in a selfish, harmful way.

¹⁸ Properly, courting should be carried on with marriage as its goal. So, it should not begin before the person is ready to take on marriage responsibilities. Of course, you cannot know right at the start whether you want to marry a person or not. So it makes sense not to be too quick in settling your attention on any one individual. But this is no reason for carrying on “courtships” that amount to no more than a mere flirtation or a series of flirtations.

¹⁹ Even if you are “interested” in someone, you would be wise, for a while, to try to keep your association with such one as merely part of a group, in group activities. Why? Because, in those circumstances, you can often get a better idea of what a person is really like. This is because we all incline to be more “ourselves” when we are not under the pressure of feeling that someone is paying us special attention. But when a couple separates from the group, the natural tendency from then on is to be what the other person wants you to be, even to mirror his or her likes and dislikes. And sometimes this can camouflage one’s real personality. When paired off, a couple can also quickly become emotionally involved so that they begin to see each other through “rose-colored glasses.” If a couple get married under the flush of such emotion, they often face a rude awakening.

20-22. (a) Why is an honest, unselfish approach to courtship important? (b) What can you learn about a prospective mate during courtship? What qualities would you particularly want in a mate?

²⁰ Generally, it is the man who initiates courtship, by expressing interest in the woman. If he is honest and serious about it, she has the right to believe that he is at least contemplating marriage. Then what? Well, she then has a responsibility to ask herself whether she believes she could consider marriage with him. If she is quite certain that she would not consider him as a prospective husband, then it would be cruel for her to allow him to develop a deep interest in her. Some girls have been willing to let someone court them just to enhance their appearance of popularity or eligibility, hoping that other young men would now notice them. Some young men have done similarly, thinking they can “play the field,” have a good time and then depart before things get too serious. But such selfish use of one’s freedom can cause real hurt, severe wounds that may take months, even years, to heal.

²¹ Only if used unselfishly can the freedom to court bring benefits. It can afford an opportunity to become better acquainted with the person with whom you are considering spending the rest of your life. Depending on how honest each one is toward the other, you can get to learn each other’s likes and dislikes, standards, habits and outlooks, yes, and each other’s temper and disposition and reaction to problems or difficulties. You rightly want to know such things as: Is he or she kind, generous and considerate of others? What about respect for parents and older persons? Is there good evidence of modesty and humility, or is the person boastful, stubborn? Do I see self-control and balance or, instead, weakness and childishness, perhaps sulking or even tantrums? Since a large part of life is work, what about signs of laziness, irresponsibility or a wasteful attitude toward money? What about plans for the future? Is a family desired or is there interest in some special vocation? In an article entitled “Danger Signals in Courtship,” one writer states: “Our study of engaged and happily and unhappily married people found the unhappily married were in little agreement on life goals and values.”

²² Above all, you should want to know how much God’s purposes figure in the other’s interests and plans. Yes, when the whole picture is filled out, how well suited are you for each other? If serious differences exist, do not fool yourself into thinking that marriage will automatically solve them. It may only make the friction that they cause be felt more keenly.

HONORABLE CONDUCT IN COURTSHIP

23-26. (a) How do you feel about holding hands, kissing and embracing on the part of a couple that plan to get married? (b) How might one become guilty of “loose conduct” and “uncleanness”? Why is it important to avoid such things? (Galatians 5:19, 21)

²³ In lands where unchaperoned association is allowed by parents, couples who are courting often engage in expressions of affection such as holding hands, kissing, even embracing. Parents, of course, have the obligation to instruct their sons and daughters as to the standards by which they want them to conduct themselves. Elders in the Christian congregation can direct young people’s attention to the sound guiding principles found in God’s Word, and anyone who honestly wants to take a wise course in life will willingly and gladly give heed to such counsel.

²⁴ Not only does the Bible definitely rule out fornication, which is sexual intercourse by unmarried persons, including engaged couples, it also warns against immorality and “uncleanness,” which can take place during courtship. (Galatians 5:19-21) Any couple that heed these warnings will save themselves much grief and will not run the risk of having the memories of some misconduct come back to trouble them. But what is unclean conduct according to the Bible’s standards? What can it include?

²⁵ Holding hands can be a clean expression of affection between persons contemplating marriage. True, it does have a stimulating effect, but this is natural and not necessarily bad. Why, just the sight of the person one is considering marrying may also stimulate, ‘making the heart beat faster.’ (Song of Solomon 4:9) Nevertheless, we need to remember that, human nature being what it is, physical contact does increase the “pull” of sexual attraction. So, because of realizing the possible consequences to which it might lead, some persons may prefer to limit themselves very strictly as to physical contact during courtship. And no one should disparage or make light of their conscientious position.

²⁶ Kissing may also be a clean expression of affection between persons contemplating marriage​—or it may not be. Really, the question is, To what extent does passion enter the picture? Kissing can be done in a way that stirs passion to the point that a couple are deeply aroused sexually. Sexual arousal prepares the couple for intercourse, but this privilege, according to God’s law, is reserved only for married persons. If a couple knowingly flaunt God’s law by deliberately and brazenly engaging in passion-arousing conduct, whether by caressing each other’s sexual organs or otherwise, they are guilty of “uncleanness” and “loose conduct.”

27-30. What good reasons are there for avoiding passion-arousing conduct before marriage?

²⁷ We ought to be honest with ourselves. If we know we do not have strong self-control in these things, then we should not jeopardize our future or that of the other person by taking chances. Would you drive a car down a steep winding road if you knew its brakes were in poor shape? The time to make up your mind and settle your heart on these matters is before you begin, not after. Once the physical desires begin to stir, it is generally very difficult to stop their buildup. Those who let passion build up in them to the point of desiring sexual relations​—when they are not entitled to these through marriage—​subject themselves to tension and frustration. It is like reading an exciting book​—only to find that the last chapter has been torn out.

²⁸ Those who keep their relationship in courtship on a high level will get off to a far better start in marriage than those giving in to intimacy that steadily increases in frequency and intensity. How much respect can a girl feel for someone that she has to ‘keep fighting off’? But a young man who shows respectful restraint and strength of willpower earns respect. The same is true of a girl. And she particularly needs to realize that, whereas her feelings may require time to be stirred, this is seldom true of a male. He can easily and quickly become sexually aroused.

²⁹ Giving in to frequent and increasingly passionate expressions can lead to a premature marriage. The book Adolescence and Youth says: “The early stages of courtship are often impossibly romantic. Marriage at that time might lead a person to expect more of the marriage than any marriage could realize. Lengthened courtship usually brings about a more reasonable understanding of the other person so that an understanding marriage may result.” For such longer courtship, restraint must be exercised​—otherwise the power of sexual drive may build up so early as to become a real danger.

³⁰ Serious doubts and suspicions may also crop up after marriage if passion is allowed to color the picture strongly during the courtship period. The couple may begin to wonder, Did we really marry for love? Or were we just caught up in passion? Was it a wise choice? The girl may also incline to doubt the genuineness of her husband’s love, wondering if he did not marry her just for her body and not for what she is as a person.

31, 32. What can help a couple to avoid passion-arousing conduct that would mar their courtship?

³¹ So, to protect yourself and your future happiness, avoid situations that lend themselves to passion. Lonely places and darkness are not going to help you to keep courtship honorable. Nor will situations where time hangs heavily and there seems to be nothing else to do except engage in such expressions of affection. But much clean enjoyment can be had in such activities as skating, playing tennis or similar sports, having a meal together at a restaurant or visiting some museum or local place of interest and beauty. While enjoying some feeling of privacy because of not being around personal acquaintances, you will have the safeguard of not being completely isolated from other people.

³² Too, instead of thinking just about what you are “missing” by showing restraint, think about what you are preparing for in the future. Then, in all the years to come, you will be able to look back on your courtship, not with distaste or regret, but with pleasure and satisfaction.

[Picture on page 153]

If courtship is a series of passionate expressions with less and less restraint, how will this affect prospects for a successful marriage?

[Picture on page 155]

There is much clean enjoyment that young people can share