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Is It Normal to Grieve the Way I Do?Questions Young People Ask—Answers That Work, Volume 1
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CHAPTER 16
Is It Normal to Grieve the Way I Do?
Although this chapter specifically deals with the death of a parent, the principles discussed apply when any family member or close friend passes away.
“When Mom died, I felt completely lost and empty. She was the glue that held our family together.”—Karyn.
FEW things in life will ever affect you more deeply than the death of a parent. Afterward, you may have to contend with a range of emotions that you have never before experienced. Brian, who was 13 when his father died from a heart attack, says, “The night we found out, all we could do was cry and embrace each other.” Natalie, who was ten when her dad died of cancer, recalls: “I didn’t know what to feel. So I felt nothing. I was void of emotion.”
Death affects each person differently. Indeed, the Bible says that “each one” has “his own plague and his own pain.” (2 Chronicles 6:29) With that in mind, take a moment to think about how your parent’s death has affected you. Below, describe (1) how you felt when you first found out about your parent’s death and (2) how you feel now.a
1 ․․․․․
2 ․․․․․
Perhaps your answers reveal that your emotions are, at least to a degree, leveling off. This is normal. It does not mean that you have forgotten your parent. On the other hand, you may find that your emotions are still the same or are even more intense. Maybe your grief comes in waves that seem to ebb and flow and then “crash ashore” at unexpected moments. This too is normal—even if it occurs years after your parent’s death. The question is, How can you cope with your grief—whatever form it takes?
Don’t hold back the tears! Crying helps ease the pain of grief. However, you may feel the way Alicia did. She was 19 when her mother passed away. Alicia relates, “I felt that if I showed too much emotion, it would seem to others that I lacked faith.” But think: Jesus Christ was a perfect man who had strong faith in God. Yet, he “gave way to tears” when he saw those who were bereaved over the death of his dear friend Lazarus. (John 11:35) So don’t be afraid to let your tears flow. It does not mean that you lack faith! Alicia says: “Eventually, I cried. A lot. Every day.”b
Address feelings of guilt. “I always went upstairs and kissed my mom good night,” says Karyn, who was 13 when her mother died. “There was one time that I didn’t do that. The next morning, Mom passed away. As unrealistic as it sounds, I feel guilty for not having seen her that last night—and for the chain of events that occurred the next morning. My dad left on a business trip and wanted me and my sister to look in on Mom. But we slept late. When I went into the bedroom, Mom wasn’t breathing. I felt terrible, because she was OK when Dad left!”
Like Karyn, perhaps you feel a measure of guilt for things you neglected to do. You might even torture yourself with “if onlys.” ‘If only I had urged Dad to see a doctor.’ ‘If only I had checked on Mom earlier.’ If such thoughts plague you, remember this: It’s normal to feel regret over things you wish you had done differently. The fact is, you would have done things differently had you known what would happen. But you did not know. Therefore, guilt is inappropriate. You are not responsible for your parent’s death!c
Communicate your feelings. Proverbs 12:25 states: “Kind words will cheer you up.” (Today’s English Version) Keeping your feelings bottled up inside may make it difficult for you to deal with your grief. On the other hand, discussing your feelings with someone you trust will open the way for you to receive “kind words” of encouragement when you need them most.
Talk to God. Likely, you will feel much better after you “pour out your heart” to Jehovah God in prayer. (Psalm 62:8) This is not simply a ‘feel-good therapy.’ In prayer, you are appealing to “the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation.” (2 Corinthians 1:3, 4) One way that God provides comfort is through his Word, the Bible. (Romans 15:4) Why not keep handy a list of scriptures that are comforting to you?d
Grieving is not an overnight process. But the Bible can provide comfort, for it assures us that in the new world that God promises to bring about, “death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore.” (Revelation 21:3, 4) You too may find that meditating on such promises will help you cope with the loss of your parent.
[Footnotes]
a If answering those questions is too difficult at present, you might try to do so at a later time.
b Don’t feel that you must cry to manifest your grief. People grieve in different ways. The important thing is this: If you feel tears welling up, realize that it may be “a time to weep.”—Ecclesiastes 3:4.
c If such thoughts continue to plague you, share your feelings with your surviving parent or another adult. In time, you will acquire a more balanced outlook.
d Some have been comforted by the following scriptures: Psalm 34:18; 102:17; 147:3; Isaiah 25:8; John 5:28, 29.
KEY SCRIPTURE
“[God] will wipe out every tear from their eyes, and death will be no more, neither will mourning nor outcry nor pain be anymore. The former things have passed away.”—Revelation 21:4.
TIP
Keep a journal. Writing out your thoughts about the parent you lost can be a tremendous aid in coping with grief.
DID YOU KNOW . . . ?
Crying is not a sign of weakness. Even such strong men as Abraham, Joseph, and David shed tears when they were grieving.—Genesis 23:2; 50:1; 2 Samuel 1:11, 12; 18:33.
ACTION PLAN!
When I feel overwhelmed with grief, I will ․․․․․
What I would like to ask my surviving parent about this subject is ․․․․․
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
● Why is it good to reflect on pleasant memories you have of the parent you lost in death?
● Why can writing out your thoughts help you to cope with grief?
[Blurb on page 112]
“I kept all my feelings locked up inside me. It would have been healthier for me if I had talked more about it. I could have coped better.”—David
[Box/Picture on page 113]
CHANTELLE
“My dad had been sick for about five years, and his health was deteriorating. I was 16 years old when he took his life. Afterward, my mother kept me and my older brother informed of everything that was happening. She even let us help make decisions about the funeral. That made it easier for us. I think that children do not like to feel that things are being kept from them—especially huge things like this. As time went on, I was able to speak openly about my dad’s death. Whenever I felt the need to cry, I would just go somewhere or to a friend and cry. My advice is: If you need to talk about it, approach your family and friends. Whatever you have to do to grieve, do it.”
[Box/Picture on pages 113, 114]
LEAH
“Mom had a massive stroke when I was 19, and she died three years later. After her death, I felt that I had to be strong. The last thing Dad needed was for me to go to pieces. When I was growing up, Mom was always there when I was sick or didn’t feel good. I remember how her hands felt when she checked me for a fever. Often, I’m painfully reminded of her absence. I tend to bury my feelings, and that’s not healthy. So sometimes I look at pictures just to make myself cry. Talking to friends helps too. The Bible promises that those who have died will be resurrected to a paradise earth. (John 5:28, 29) When I focus on the hope of seeing my mom again—and when I focus on what I need to do to be there—the stabs of grief lessen.”
[Box/Picture on page 114]
BETHANY
“I wish I could remember telling my dad ‘I love you.’ I’m sure I did, but I don’t remember telling him, and I would like to have that memory. I was only five years old when he died. My dad had a stroke in his sleep, and he was rushed off to the hospital. When I woke up the next morning, I found out that he had died. Afterward, talking about my dad bothered me, but later I came to enjoy hearing stories about him because that has helped me get to know him better. My advice to any who have lost a parent in death is to savor every moment you had with your parent and to write your memories down so you don’t forget them. Then do what you can to build your faith so that you’ll be there when your parent is resurrected in God’s new world.”
[Box on page 116]
Worksheet
Write Your Thoughts
List some pleasant memories you have of your parent. ․․․․․
Write down what you wish you could have said to your parent while he or she was still alive. ․․․․․
Imagine that you have a younger sibling who struggles with feelings of guilt over the death of your parent. Write down what you would say to comfort your sibling. (This can also help you to put your own feelings of guilt into perspective.) ․․․․․
List two or three things that you wish you could have known about your deceased dad or mom, and then ask to discuss one of these with your surviving parent. ․․․․․
Read Acts 24:15. How does the hope held out in that verse help you to cope with your parent’s death? ․․․․․
[Picture on page 115]
Grief can be like waves that crash ashore at unexpected moments
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Why Should I Care About My Health?Questions Young People Ask—Answers That Work, Volume 1
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CHAPTER 10
Why Should I Care About My Health?
Put a ✔ next to each goal you would like to reach.
□ Reduce anxiety
□ Control temper
□ Feel more confident
□ Be more alert
□ Have more energy
□ Improve complexion
□ Lose weight
THERE are some things in life that you as a young person don’t get to choose—your parents, your siblings, and where you live, to name just a few. Your health, however, is a different story. While genetics play a role, your physical condition is often determined by the lifestyle you choose.a
‘But I’m too young to worry about my health!’ you might say. Do you really think so? Look at the list of goals on page 71. How many did you check off? Believe it or not, good health is a vital key to reaching each one of those goals.
Granted, your feelings might be similar to those of 17-year-old Amber, who says, “No way could I stick to eating whole wheat and low-fat, sugar-free food all the time!” If that’s how you feel, don’t worry—you don’t have to give up sweets completely and jog outrageous distances every week. Really, it may take just a few simple adjustments for you to start looking better, feeling great, and performing at your best. Let’s see how some of your peers have done it.
Eat Right—Look Better!
The Bible recommends moderation in our habits. “Don’t . . . stuff yourself with food,” says Proverbs 23:20. (Contemporary English Version) That advice isn’t always easy to follow.
“Like many teenagers, I’m always hungry. My parents have likened my stomach to a bottomless pit!”—Andrew, 15.
“Because I can’t actually see how some foods are harming me now, they don’t seem that bad.”—Danielle, 19.
Do you need more self-control when it comes to your diet? Here’s what some of your peers say works for them.
Listen to your stomach. “I used to count calories,” says 19-year-old Julia, “but now I just stop eating when I’m full.”
Avoid foods that are unwholesome. “By cutting out soda,” says Peter, 21, “I lost ten pounds [5 kg] in just a month!”
Adjust bad eating habits. “I try not to go back for seconds,” says 19-year-old Erin.
Secret to Success: Don’t skip meals! If you do, you’ll feel starved and tend to overeat.
Exercise More—Feel Great!
The Bible says: “Bodily training is beneficial.” (1 Timothy 4:8) Yet, many young ones don’t seem too eager to exercise.
“You wouldn’t believe how many kids failed gym when I was in high school. It was the easiest class, next to lunch!”—Richard, 21.
“Some think, ‘Why run around outside in the hot sun until you’re sweaty and tired when you can play a video game that allows you to pretend you’re someone else doing that?’”—Ruth, 22.
Does the very word “exercise” tire you out? If so, here are three solid payoffs from getting into a good exercise routine.
Payoff #1. Exercise boosts your immune system. “My father always said, ‘If you can’t find time to exercise, you’d better find time to be sick,’” says 19-year-old Rachel.
Payoff #2. Exercise releases brain chemicals that calm you. “Running is a good release when I have a lot on my mind,” says Emily, 16. “Physically I feel refreshed, and emotionally it’s a great relief.”
Payoff #3. Exercise can increase your fun. “I love the outdoors,” says Ruth, 22, “so my exercise includes hiking, swimming, snowboarding, and biking.”
Secret to Success: Devote at least 20 minutes three times a week to a vigorous physical activity that you enjoy.
Sleep Better—Perform at Your Best!
The Bible says: “Better is a handful of rest than a double handful of hard work and striving after the wind.” (Ecclesiastes 4:6) Without proper sleep, your performance will nosedive!
“If I don’t get enough sleep, I’m out of it. I have trouble focusing on anything!”—Rachel, 19.
“At about 2:00 p.m., I get so tired that I could almost fall asleep in the middle of a conversation!”—Kristine, 19.
Do you need more sleep? Here’s what some of your peers have done.
Avoid late nights. “I’ve been making an effort to get to bed at a decent hour,” says 18-year-old Catherine.
Cut out the chatter. “Sometimes friends would call or text me really late,” says Richard, 21, “but I’ve recently learned to end the conversation and just go to sleep.”
Aim for consistency. “Lately,” says 20-year-old Jennifer, “I’m trying to go to bed and get up at the same time every day.”
Secret to Success: Strive to get at least eight hours of sleep each night.
You have everything to gain by taking just a few simple steps to take care of yourself. Remember, having good health will help you to look better, feel great, and perform at your best. Unlike certain things in life, your physical condition is something over which you do have a degree of control. “In the end,” says 19-year-old Erin, “your health depends on only one person—you.”
Can’t see eye-to-eye with your parents when it comes to clothing? Find out how you just might be able to reach an agreement!
[Footnote]
a We acknowledge that many people suffer from health problems or disabilities that are beyond their control. This chapter can help such ones achieve better health within their limitations.
KEY SCRIPTURE
“Bodily training is beneficial.”—1 Timothy 4:8.
TIP
Get a partner to exercise with. This will give you incentive because you won’t want to disappoint the other person.
DID YOU KNOW . . . ?
Physical exercise triggers the release of endorphins—chemicals in the brain that can relieve pain and heighten your sense of well-being.
ACTION PLAN!
A reasonable goal I could set with regard to my diet is ․․․․․
A reasonable goal I could set with regard to exercise is ․․․․․
I will strive to get an average of ․․․․․ hours of sleep a night for the next month.
What I would like to ask my parent(s) about this subject is ․․․․․
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
● How can taking care of your health affect your self-confidence?
● What is even more important than taking care of your physical health?—1 Timothy 4:8.
[Blurb on page 74]
“I like the way I feel when I exercise. And when I start to look better because of it, that’s a great confidence boost!”—Emily
[Box on page 73]
“I Made a Lifestyle Change”
“I was an overweight teenager, which was something I never wanted to be. I was so unhappy with the way I looked and felt! From time to time, I tried to lose weight with some special diet, but I always gained it back. So when I was 15, I decided enough was enough. I wanted to lose weight the right way—a way that I could maintain for the rest of my life. I bought a book that discussed basic nutrition and exercise principles, and I incorporated what I read into my life. I was determined that even if I ‘fell off the wagon’ or got discouraged, I would not give up. Guess what? It worked! Over the course of one year, I lost 60 pounds. I’ve maintained my desired weight for two years. I never thought it would happen! I think the reason I was successful is that I didn’t merely diet—I made a lifestyle change.”—Catherine, 18.
[Picture on page 74]
Your health is like a car—if you don’t maintain it properly, it will break down
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Why Won’t My Parents Let Me Have Fun?Questions Young People Ask—Answers That Work, Volume 1
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CHAPTER 37
Why Won’t My Parents Let Me Have Fun?
For Allison, a teenager in Australia, Monday morning at school is as stressful as it is predictable.
“Everyone talks about what they did on the weekend,” she says. “They tell stories that sound so exciting, like about how many parties they went to and how many boys they kissed—even about running away from the police . . . It sounds so scary, but fun! They come home at five o’clock in the morning, and their parents don’t care. I have to be in bed before they even start their night!
“Anyway, after telling me their weekend action stories, my classmates ask me what I did. . . . I went to Christian meetings. I engaged in the ministry. I feel like I really missed out on a good time. So I usually just tell them that I did nothing. Then they ask why I didn’t come with them.
“Once Mondays are over, you’d think it would be easier. But it’s not. By Tuesday, everyone is talking about the upcoming weekend! I usually sit and just listen to them talk. I feel so left out!”
IS YOUR Monday morning at school similar? You might feel that there’s a world of fun outside your door but that your parents have locked it tight—or as if you’re at an amusement park but you’re not allowed to get on any of the rides. It’s not that you want to do everything your peers do. You’d just like to have fun once in a while! For example, which recreational activity would you most like to engage in this coming weekend?
□ dancing
□ party
□ music concert
□ movie
□ other ․․․․․
You need recreation. In fact, your Creator wants you to enjoy your youth. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4) And although you may doubt it at times, your parents also want you to have fun. Likely, however, your parents will have two legitimate concerns: (1) what you will do and (2) who will accompany you.
What, though, if you’re invited to go out with friends but you aren’t sure how your parents will react? Consider three options and their consequences.
OPTION A DON’T ASK—JUST GO
Why you might consider this option: You want to impress your friends with how independent you are. You feel that you know better than your parents, or you have little respect for their judgment.—Proverbs 14:18.
The consequences: Your friends may be impressed, but they’ll also learn something about you—that you’re deceitful. If you’d deceive your parents, you might be willing to deceive your friends. If your parents find out, they’ll feel hurt and betrayed, and you’ll likely be grounded! Disobeying your parents and going out anyhow is a foolish option.—Proverbs 12:15.
OPTION B DON’T ASK—DON’T GO
Why you might consider this option: You think about the offer and decide that the activity doesn’t measure up to your principles or that some of those invited wouldn’t be good company. (1 Corinthians 15:33; Philippians 4:8) On the other hand, you might want to go but don’t have the courage to ask your parents.
The consequences: If you don’t go because you know it’s a bad idea, you’ll be more confident when answering your friends. But if you don’t go simply because you lack the courage to ask your parents, you might end up sitting home brooding, feeling that you’re the only one who’s not having fun.
OPTION C ASK—AND SEE
Why you might consider this option: You recognize your parents’ authority over you and respect their judgment. (Colossians 3:20) You love your parents and don’t want to hurt them by sneaking out behind their backs. (Proverbs 10:1) You also have a chance to present your case.
The consequences: Your parents feel that you love and respect them. And if they view your request as reasonable, they might say yes.
Why Parents Might Say No
What, though, if your parents say no? That can be frustrating. However, understanding their point of view may help you cope with the restrictions. For example, they might say no for one or more of the following reasons.
Greater knowledge and experience. If you had a choice, likely you would prefer to swim at a beach that is manned by lifeguards. Why? Because while you’re in the water having fun, your awareness of danger is very limited. But the lifeguards have a better vantage point from which to spot hazards.
Similarly, because of their greater knowledge and experience, your parents may be aware of dangers that you do not see. Like the lifeguards on the beach, your parents’ goal is, not to spoil your fun, but to help you avoid dangers that could rob you of enjoyment in life.
Love for you. Your parents have a strong desire to protect you. Love moves them to say yes when they can but no when they have to. When you ask their permission to do something, they ask themselves if they can grant the request and then live with the consequences. They will say yes to themselves—and to you—only if they are reasonably convinced that no harm will come to you.
How to Improve Your Chances of Getting a Yes
Four factors come into play.
Honesty: First, you need to ask yourself honestly: ‘Why do I really want to go? Is it primarily the activity that I enjoy, or is it that I want to fit in with my peers? Is it because someone that I’m attracted to will be there?’ Then be honest with your parents. They were young once, and they know you well. So they will likely discern your real motives anyhow. They’ll appreciate your candor, and you’ll benefit from their wisdom. (Proverbs 7:1, 2) On the other hand, if you’re not honest, you undermine your credibility and lessen the chances that you’ll hear a yes.
Timing: Don’t pummel your parents with requests when they have just arrived home from work or when they are concentrating on other matters. Approach them when they are more relaxed. But don’t wait until the last minute and then try to pressure them for an answer. Your parents will not appreciate having to make a rushed decision. Ask early, giving them time to think, and your parents will appreciate your consideration.
Content: Don’t be vague. Explain exactly what you want to do. Parents feel uncomfortable with the answer “I don’t know,” especially when they’ve asked you: “Who will be there?” “Will a responsible adult be present?” or “When will the event end?”
Attitude: Don’t view your parents as enemies. View them as part of your team—because, all things considered, they are. If you view your parents as allies, you’re less likely to sound combative and they are more likely to be cooperative. Avoid such statements as “You don’t trust me,” “Everybody else is going,” or “My friends’ parents are letting them go!” Show your parents that you’re mature enough to accept their decision and respect it. If you do, they will respect you. And next time, they may be more inclined to look for ways to say yes.
READ MORE ABOUT THIS TOPIC IN VOLUME 2, CHAPTER 32
KEY SCRIPTURE
“Be wise, my son, and make my heart rejoice.”—Proverbs 27:11.
TIP
When going to a gathering, have an exit plan. Before you attend, know what you will do or say so that, if you need to, you can leave with your conscience intact.
DID YOU KNOW . . . ?
Loving parents will err on the side of caution. If they don’t understand what you are asking for or if they feel that vital facts are missing from your request, chances are they will say no.
ACTION PLAN!
If my conscience is bothered by what I see or hear when I’m at a movie or a gathering, I will ․․․․․
What I would like to ask my parent(s) about this subject is ․․․․․
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
● Why might you be reluctant to give your parents all the information they need in order to make a decision?
● What might be the consequences of your getting a yes from your parents by withholding vital facts?
[Blurb on page 268]
“I was so dumb when I was younger. Some of the ‘fun’ things I did were not so much fun in the long run. Your actions will catch up with you. I regret not listening to my parents.”—Brian
[Picture on page 269]
Like lifeguards on a beach, your parents have a better vantage point from which to see danger
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How Can I Make Worship of God Enjoyable?Questions Young People Ask—Answers That Work, Volume 1
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CHAPTER 38
How Can I Make Worship of God Enjoyable?
Josh, 16, is sprawled on his bed. His mom stands at the doorway. “Joshua, get up!” she says sternly. “You know it’s a meeting night!” Josh is being raised as one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, and attendance at Christian meetings is a part of the family routine. Lately, though, Josh hasn’t felt inclined to attend.
“Oh, Mom,” he groans, “do I really have to go?”
“Stop complaining and get dressed,” she replies. “I don’t want to be late again!” She turns and starts to walk away.
“Look, Mom,” Josh blurts out while she’s still within earshot. “This may be your religion, but that doesn’t mean it’s mine.” He knows his mom heard that because the sound of her footsteps has stopped. Then, without responding, she continues walking away.
Josh feels a twinge of guilt. He doesn’t really want to hurt his mom. But he doesn’t want to apologize either. The only thing he can do is . . .
With a sigh, Josh starts getting dressed. Then he says, more to himself than to his mom: “Sooner or later I’m going to have to make my own decision. I’m not like the others at the Kingdom Hall. I’m just not cut out to be a Christian!”
HAVE you ever felt the way Josh does in the preceding scenario? At times, does it seem that while others enjoy Christian activities, you’re just going through the motions? For instance:
● Is studying the Bible just like another homework assignment to you?
● Do you dislike taking part in the door-to-door ministry?
● Do you often find yourself getting bored at Christian meetings?
If your answer is yes, don’t be discouraged. You can learn to enjoy serving God. Let’s see how.
CHALLENGE 1 Studying the Bible
Why it’s not easy. Maybe you feel you’re just not the “studying type.” Your attention span seems short—it’s hard to sit still and concentrate! Besides, don’t you have enough studying to do for school?
Why you should do it. Not only is the Bible inspired of God but it’s also “useful for teaching and helping people and for correcting them and showing them how to live.” (2 Timothy 3:16, Contemporary English Version) Studying the Bible and meditating on what you read can open up a whole new world for you. Let’s face it, nothing worthwhile comes to you without some hard work. If you want to play a sport well, you’ve got to learn the rules and practice the game. If you want to get fit, you need to exercise. Likewise, if you want to learn about your Creator, you need to study God’s Word.
What your peers say. “I came to a crossroads in my life when I got to high school. The kids were doing all sorts of wrong things, and I had to make some decisions: ‘Is that what I want to do? Are my parents really teaching me the truth?’ I had to find out for myself.”—Tshedza.
“I always believed that what I had learned was the truth, but I needed to prove it to myself. I had to make it my own religion—as opposed to it being just a family religion.”—Nelisa.
What you can do. Make up your own, customized personal study plan. You get to choose which subjects you’ll explore. Where could you start? Why not dig into your Bible and scrutinize your beliefs, perhaps using a book such as What Does the Bible Really Teach?a
Get started! Put a ✔ next to two or three Bible topics below that you’d like to learn more about—or, if you prefer, write in some of your own.
□ Is there a God?
□ How can I be sure that the Bible writers were inspired by God?
□ Why should I believe in creation rather than evolution?
□ What is God’s Kingdom, and how can I prove its existence?
□ How can I explain my belief about what happens at death?
□ Why should I be convinced that there will be a resurrection?
□ How can I be sure which is the true religion?
․․․․․
CHALLENGE 2 Engaging in the Ministry
Why it’s not easy. Talking to others about the Bible—or encountering a schoolmate while doing so—can be scary.
Why you should do it. Jesus instructed his followers: “Make disciples . . . , teaching them to observe all the things I have commanded you.” (Matthew 28:19, 20) But there are further reasons for doing it. Studies suggest that in some places the vast majority of teens believe in God and in the Bible. Yet, those same youths have no genuine hope for the future. Through your study of the Bible, you have the very information that many of your peers are searching for and need! By sharing your beliefs with others, you will feel better about yourself, and more important, you will make Jehovah’s heart rejoice.—Proverbs 27:11.
What your peers say. “My friend and I prepared effective introductions, and we learned how to overcome objections and how to make return visits. Once I started putting more into my ministry, it became more enjoyable.”—Nelisa.
“One Christian sister has helped me out so much! She’s six years older than I am, and she takes me out in the ministry with her and sometimes out to breakfast. She showed me encouraging scriptures that helped me to rearrange my thinking. I find that now I reach out to people more because of her wonderful example. I could never repay her!”—Shontay.
What you can do. With your parents’ permission, find someone in your congregation who is older than you and with whom you can share in the ministry. (Acts 16:1-3) The Bible states: “By iron, iron itself is sharpened. So one man sharpens the face of another.” (Proverbs 27:17) There are many benefits to associating with older ones who have a wealth of experience. “It’s actually a relief to be around older ones,” says 19-year-old Alexis.
Get started! Below, write the name of someone in your congregation in addition to your parents who could assist you in the ministry.
․․․․․
CHALLENGE 3 Attending Christian Meetings
Why it’s not easy. After sitting in class all day, an hour or so of listening to Bible-based talks might seem like an eternity.
Why you should do it. The Bible exhorts Christians: “Let us consider one another to incite to love and fine works, not forsaking the gathering of ourselves together, as some have the custom, but encouraging one another, and all the more so as you behold the day drawing near.”—Hebrews 10:24, 25.
What your peers say. “Preparing for congregation meetings is an absolute must. Sometimes you just have to motivate yourself. When you do prepare, you enjoy the meetings because you know what’s being discussed, and you can even participate.”—Elda.
“At one point, I began to notice that when I gave comments at the meetings, those meetings became much more interesting to me.”—Jessica.
What you can do. Take time to prepare in advance, and if you can, offer a comment. This will help you to feel more a part of what is going on.
To illustrate: What’s more enjoyable—watching a sport on television or playing it on the field? Obviously, being a participant is more rewarding than being a spectator. Why not take that approach to Christian meetings?
Get started! In the space below, write down the time when you can spend just 30 minutes each week preparing for a congregation meeting.
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Many youths are experiencing the truthfulness of Psalm 34:8, which says: “Taste and see that Jehovah is good.” How satisfying is it just to hear about a mouthwatering dish? Isn’t it better to savor the food for yourself? It’s the same with worshipping God. Taste and see for yourself how rewarding it is to participate in spiritual activities. The Bible says that the one who is not just a hearer but a doer of the work “will be happy in his doing it.”—James 1:25.
Learn how to set—and reach—your goals.
[Footnote]
a Published by Jehovah’s Witnesses.
KEY SCRIPTURE
“Be transformed by making your mind over, that you may prove to yourselves the good and acceptable and perfect will of God.”—Romans 12:2.
TIP
Get a notebook, and start writing down main points at Christian meetings. Time will pass faster, and learning will be easier!
DID YOU KNOW . . . ?
It’s not wrong to examine your religious beliefs. In fact, asking questions and then doing research is a good way to find out whether what you believe about God is really the truth.—Acts 17:11.
ACTION PLAN!
I will schedule ․․․․․ minutes of Bible reading each day and will spend ․․․․․ each week preparing for Christian meetings.
To pay better attention at Christian meetings, I will ․․․․․
What I would like to ask my parent(s) about this subject is ․․․․․
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
● Why might spiritual activities seem boring to a teenager?
● Which of the three aspects of worship discussed in this chapter would you like to work on?
[Blurb on page 278]
“The religion I’m in is no longer just my parents’ religion but my religion. Jehovah is my God, and I don’t want to do anything that will harm my relationship with him.”—Samantha
[Box/Pictures on pages 280, 281]
They Set Goals
The Bible states: “You do not know what your life will be tomorrow.” (James 4:14) In some cases, death comes unexpectedly and at a young age. As you read the experiences of Catrina and Kyle, note how they made a good name with Jehovah God during their brief lives by setting and reaching spiritual goals.—Ecclesiastes 7:1.
Catrina passed away at the age of 18, but at 13 she had already written out a “life plan”—a list of goals she wanted to achieve. Her goals included entering the full-time ministry, serving in a land where there is a need for Bible teachers, and working along with her dad on Kingdom Hall construction projects. She wrote: “I have made a dedication of my life to Jehovah God!” Catrina’s aim was to “live according to his standards, in a way that makes him happy.” At her funeral, Catrina was described as a “beautiful young woman who had her whole life planned out to be centered around Jehovah.”
From an early age, Kyle was taught to have goals. After a tragic car accident claimed his life at age 20, his relatives found a “goal book” that his mom helped him make when he was just four years old. His goals included getting baptized, giving talks at the Kingdom Hall, and serving at the headquarters of Jehovah’s Witnesses, where he could assist in producing literature that would help people to learn about God. After looking through Kyle’s goal book, made so many years earlier, his mother stated, “He reached every one of those goals.”
What goals have you set for yourself? You do not know what your life will hold tomorrow. So, use each day you have to the full. Like Catrina and Kyle, spend your time in the most rewarding way possible. Imitate the apostle Paul, who could say near the close of his life: “I have fought the fine fight, I have run the course to the finish, I have observed the faith.” (2 Timothy 4:7) The following chapter will help you to do just that!
[Picture on pages 274, 275]
If you want to become physically fit, you need to exercise. If you want to become spiritually fit, you need to study God’s Word
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How Can I Reach My Goals?Questions Young People Ask—Answers That Work, Volume 1
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CHAPTER 39
How Can I Reach My Goals?
Which of the following would you like to have?
□ More confidence
□ More friends
□ More happiness
ACTUALLY, you can have all three! How? By setting and reaching goals. Consider the following:
More confidence. When you set small goals and reach them, you’ll have the confidence to take on bigger ones. You’ll also feel more confident when facing day-to-day challenges—such as standing up to peer pressure.
More friends. People enjoy being around those who are reasonably goal-oriented—those who know what they want and who are willing to work for it.
More happiness. Let’s face it: There’s little fun in being bored or waiting for your life to happen. On the other hand, when you set and reach goals, you feel a sense of accomplishment. Ready to get started? The following pages will help!a
✔ 1 IDENTIFY
1. Brainstorm potential goals. Have fun with this step! Don’t analyze; just write down as many ideas as you can. See if you can come up with at least 10 possibilities.
2. Evaluate your ideas. Which ones seem the most exciting? The most challenging? Which would you be especially proud of achieving? Remember, the best goals are often the ones that mean the most to you.
3. Prioritize. Number your goals according to the order in which you would like to achieve them.
✔ 2 PLAN
For each of the goals you’ve chosen, do the following:
List your goal.
Learn Spanish for my trip to Mexico
Set a deadline. After all, a goal without a deadline is just a dream!
July 1
Plan the steps involved.
Steps
1. Get a phrase book.
2. Learn ten new words each week.
3. Listen to other people speaking Spanish.
4. Ask someone to verify my grammar and pronunciation.
Anticipate obstacles. Then think of how you’ll overcome them.
Potential obstacles
No one nearby speaks Spanish
Make a commitment. Promise yourself that you’ll do your best to reach this goal. Now sign and date it.
How I can overcome them
Download audio recordings in Spanish from www.jw.org.
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Signature Date
✔ 3 ACT!
Start immediately. Ask yourself, ‘What can I do today to start toward my goal?’ Granted, you may not have every detail worked out, but don’t let that keep you from getting started. As the Bible puts it, “if you wait until the wind and the weather are just right, you will never plant anything and never harvest anything.” (Ecclesiastes 11:4, Today’s English Version) Find something you can do today—even if it’s small—and do it.
Review your goals daily. Remind yourself why each one is important to you. Track your progress by putting a ✔ (or a completed-on date) next to each step as you complete it.
Use your imagination. Think ahead and imagine yourself achieving your goal. Feel the sense of accomplishment. Next, think back through the individual steps, one at a time, and visualize each of them. Finally, see yourself completing each step, and imagine how great you’ll feel when you reach your goal. Now go for it!
[Footnote]
a These suggestions are geared toward short-term goals, but the principles apply to long-range goals as well.
KEY SCRIPTURE
“The plans of the diligent one surely make for advantage.”—Proverbs 21:5.
TIP
Don’t worry about rigidly sticking to a plan. Be flexible, and make adjustments as you progress toward your goal.
DID YOU KNOW . . . ?
The bigger the goal, the more satisfying your feeling of accomplishment on reaching it!
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
● Is it possible to have too many goals at once?—Philippians 1:10.
● Does setting goals mean planning out every minute of your life?—Philippians 4:5.
[Blurb on page 283]
“It’s easy to get discouraged if you don’t have anything to focus on or look forward to. But when you set and reach goals, you feel good about yourself.”—Reed
[Box/Picture on page 283]
Sample Goals
Friendship Make one friend outside my age group. Reestablish an old friendship.
Health Exercise at least 90 minutes each week. Get eight hours of sleep each night.
School Improve my grades in math. Stand up for what is right when pressured to do what is wrong.
Spirituality Read the Bible for 15 minutes each day. Share my beliefs with a classmate this week.
[Picture on pages 284, 285]
Goals are like blueprints—it takes work to turn them into reality
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