Nxa Umtshado Wenu Usulenga Ngomnxeba

1, 2. Yiwuphi umbuzo ongazibuza wona nxa sekusele kancane ukuthi umtshado wakho uchitheke?

OMUNYE owesifazana wase-Italy okuthiwa nguLucia wayekhathazeke kakhulu.a Kwakungu-1988 futhi eseleminyaka elitshumi etshadile. Kodwa umtshado wabo wawusulenga ngomnxeba. Wayesezame wazama ukuthi balungise izinto lomkakhe kodwa kusala. Bacina sebesehlukana ngenxa yokuthi basebeyimpumalanga lentshonalanga. Kwasekumele awakhulise yedwa amadodakazi akhe amabili. Nxa ecabanga ngokwakusenzakala ngalesosikhathi, uLucia uthi: “Ngasengizitshela ukuthi akulalutho olwalungavuselela umtshado wethu.”

² Nxa kuyikuthi lawe izinto azimanga kuhle emzini wakho, ungamzwisisa kuhle uLucia. Izinhlupho zenu zingabe zingangentaba, mhlawumbe uze ucabange lokuthi umtshado wenu uzachitheka. Kungakunceda ukucabangisisa ngombuzo lo othi: Ngiyazama yini ukulandela konke esikutshelwa nguNkulunkulu eBhayibhilini ukuze umtshado wethu ungachitheki?​—IHubo 119:105.

 3. Lanxa bebanengi abachitha imitshado, kujayele ukwenzakalani kulabo abayichithayo kanye lasezimulini zabo?

³ Nxa kuliwa endlini, abatshadileyo bangabona angathi ukuchitha umtshado yindlela engcono yokuqeda umsindo. Emazweni amanengi inani lemitshado echithekayo liyamangalisa kakhulu. Kodwa kubikwa ukuthi abanengi basala bezisola. Abanye babanjwa imikhuhlane eminenginengi futhi bakhathazeke kakhulu ukwedlula labo abakhetha ukulondoloza imitshado yabo. Abazali kanye labangane babo labo bathwala nzima kakhulu. Labantwana basala bekhathazekile njalo bangakhula bengathokozi. Kodwa uNkulunkulu onguye owaqalisa umtshado uthini ngendaba le?

 4. Abatshadileyo kumele benzeni nxa belezinhlupho?

⁴ Ezihlokweni ezisanda kwedlula sibonile ukuthi uNkulunkulu ufuna ukuthi abatshadileyo bahlale bonke okwempilo yabo yonke. (UGenesisi 2:24) Manje kuyini okwenza imitshado ichitheke kusa kwamalanga? Kakujayelekanga ukuthi abantu baphonguvuka sebefuna ukuchitha umtshado. Zandise ukubakhona izinto ezitshengisa ukuthi kukhona okutshaya amanzi. Izinto ezincane nje zingakhula kancane kancane kuze kucine kukhanya angathi kazisalungiseki. Kodwa nxa izinhlupho lezi zilungiswa masinyane kusetshenziswa iBhayibhili, ingaba milutshwana imitshado engachitheka.

 5. Kuyini okumele abatshadileyo bakwazi?

⁵ Okunye okujayele ukuhlupha abanye abatshadileyo yikucabanga ukuthi izinto zizatshelela sonke isikhathi. Amabhuku othando, amamagazini, izinhlelo ze-TV kanye lamafilimu kungenza ukuthi umuntu aphuphe izinto ezingasoze zafa zenzakala futhi alindele ukuzithola. Nxa engasazitholanga, engacina engasasuthiseki ngakuthola emtshadweni wakhe, abone angani waqilwa njalo ahlale esefuthelene. Pho kuyini okungenza ukuthi abantu ababili abazalwa belesono bathokoze emzini wabo? Kumele basebenze gadalala ukuze bazwisisane.

 6. (a) Yiliphi iqiniso eliseBhayibhilini elimayelana labatshadileyo? (b) Yiziphi ezinye izinto ezixabanisa abantu abatshadileyo?

⁶ IBhayibhili libeka izinto njengoba zinjalo. Liyakutsho ukuthi abatshadileyo bayakholisa, kodwa liphinda lixwayise ukuthi “bazabona izinhlupho ezinengi kulokhukuphila.” (1 KwabaseKhorinte 7:28) Indoda lenkosikazi ngabantu abazalwa belesono futhi bahlala besenza amaphutha. Indlela abacabanga ngayo labakhuliswa ngayo itshiyene njalo izinto ezibadanisayo lezibathokozisayo kazifanani. Abatshadileyo bangaxatshaniswa yimali, ngabantwana kanye labakwabozala. Kanti njalo bangabe besithola gqo isikhathi sokwenza izinto ndawonye loba bengazwisisani ezindabeni zemacansini.b Kuthatha isikhathi ukulungisa izinhlupho lezi kodwa ungakhalali. Abanengi abatshadileyo bayenelisa ukulungisa okubakhathazayo lokuthola amacebo angabanceda ukuthi baphilisane kuhle.

7, 8. Abatshadileyo bangasebenzisa siphi isimiso esiseBhayibhilini nxa bengazwisisani kumbe omunye wabo ezondile?

⁷ Izikhathi ezinengi kunzima ukuthi indoda kumbe inkosikazi yehlise umoya nxa isizwa ubuhlungu, loba ibona angathi umkayo kayizwisisi njalo nxa iphambanisile kungaba nzima lokuthi izithibe. Kulokuthi ithi: “Ngibona angani kawungizwisisi,” yona ingaxhwatha yenze into encane ibe yinkalakatha yendaba. Abanengi uzwa besithi: “Vele wena kawulasikhathi lami,” kumbe besithi, “Vele awungithandi.” Otshelwa lokhu angabona kungcono ukuthi abhule umlilo ngokuzithulela athunge owakhe.

⁸ Kodwa okungcono yikulandela amazwi la aseBhayibhilini athi: “Ekuthukutheleni kwenu lingenzi isono: Ilanga kalingatshoni lilokhu lithukuthele.” (Kwabase-Efesu 4:26) Kulabanye ababuzwa ukuthi yiwuphi umuthi ababewusebenzisa ukuze bahlalisane kuhle. Basebeleminyaka engu-60 betshadile. Indoda yaphendula yathi: “Sazifundisa ukuthi nxa kulokunye okusixabanisileyo, singaqali ukulala singakulungisanga kungelani lokuthi kuncane kakhulu.”

 9. (a) IMibhalo ithi kuyini okuqakathekileyo nxa abantu bexoxa ngohlupho olubaxabanisayo? (b) Kuyini okumele abatshadileyo bahlale bekwenza lanxa kungalula?

⁹ Nxa kuyikuthi indoda lomkayo bahlafuna udaba olubenza bangazwanani, bonke kumele ‘baphange balalele, baphuze ukukhuluma, njalo baphuze lokuthukuthela.’ (UJakhobe 1:19) Ngemva kokulalelisisa, bobabili bangabona ukuthi kufanele baxolisane. (UJakhobe 5:16) Akulula ukuxolisa umuntu ngenhliziyo yonke lokuvuma ukuthi umzwise ubuhlungu. Kudinga ukuthi uthobeke futhi ube lesibindi. Kodwa ukuxakulula izingxabano ngendlela le kuyabanceda kakhulu abatshadileyo ukuthi balungise izinto. Kwenza lokuthi bathandane futhi bazwisisane okokuthi bayabe sebekukholisa kakhulu ukuba ndawonye.

10. Kuyini uPhawuli akutshela amaKhristu aseKhorinte okungasinceda lamuhla?

¹⁰ UPhawuli wathi ebhalela abaseKhorinte wabakhuthaza ukuthi batshade ngenxa “yokuxhwala” kobufebe okwasekubhahile. (1 KwabaseKhorinte 7:2) Lalamuhla kugcwele ububi emhlabeni, mhlawumbe leKhorinte yasendulo isala phansi! Zinengi izinto ezitshotshozela abantu ukuthi baziphathe kubi kwezemacansini. Abanengi kabakwazi ukugqoka. Abanye bakhuluma ngezemacansini cala celeni futhi zigcwele kumamagazini, emabhukwini, kuma-TV lakumafilimu. Umphostoli uPhawuli wabhalela abaseKhorinte ababephila labantu abanjengalaba ebatshela ukuthi ukuthatha loba “ukwenda kungcono kulokutshiseka ngokufisa.”​—1 KwabaseKhorinte 7:9.

11, 12. (a) Abatshadileyo kumele bagcwalise wuphi umlandu, njalo kumele bawugcwalise njani? (b) Kuyini okumele kwenziwe ngabatshadileyo nxa omunye wabo engenelisi ukugcwalisa umlandu wokuthathana okwesikhatshana?

¹¹ Ngakho-ke iBhayibhili linika abatshadileyo umlayo lo: “Indoda kumele igcwalise umlandu wayo wokuthathana kumkayo, kube njalo lomfazi endodeni yakhe.” (1 KwabaseKhorinte 7:3) Nanzelela ukuthi okuqakathekileyo yikuthi omunye lomunye azimisele ukugcwalisa umlandu wakhe, hatshi ukuthi afune ukusuthisa isifiso sakhe ngenkani. Okungenza bobabili basuthiseke kwezemacansini yikuthi ngamunye wabo abe lendaba lokufunwa ngomunye. Ngokwesibonelo, iBhayibhili likhuthaza amadoda ukuthi aphathe amakhosikazi “ngokwazi.” (1 UPhetro 3:7, The Holy Bible in Ndebele) Ukuzwisisa inkosikazi yakho kuqakatheke kakhulu kwezemacansini. Nxa indoda ingamphatha ngesihluku umkayo, kungabanzima ukuthi akholise nxa begcwalisa umlandu wokuthathana.

¹² Kodwa zikhona izikhathi lapho abatshadileyo abayabe bengenelisi ukugcwalisa umlandu wokuthathana. Kwezinye izikhathi inkosikazi ingabe idinwe ifile futhi kulezikhathi zenyanga lapho eyabe ingeke iye emacansini. (Qathanisa loLevi 18:19.) Kanti njalo kwesinye isikhathi indoda layo ingabe ilohlupho olukhulu emsebenzini kumbe kulolutho oluyikhathazayo. Okunganceda ukuthi bangahluphani nxa omunye engenelisi ukugcwalisa umlandu okwesikhatshana yikuthi baxoxe ngakho, bengafihlelani lutho ukuze kube ‘ngokuvumelana.’ (1 KwabaseKhorinte 7:5) Nxa bangenza njalo, akula ozacabangela omunye okungayisikho. Kodwa nxa inkosikazi incitsha umkayo ngabomo kumbe indoda ingagcwalisi umlandu wayo ngendlela elothando, omunye engacina esewela esilingweni. Lokhu kungabangela lokuthi kube lezinhlupho emzini wabo.

13. Kuyini okunganceda wonke amaKhristu ukuthi ahlale elemicabango emsulwa?

¹³ Wonke amaKhristu kugoqela lezinceku zikaNkulunkulu ezitshadileyo kumele axwaye iphonogirafi, ngoba ingenza abe lezifiso ezingcolileyo, ezingayisizo zemvelo. (KwabaseKholose 3:5) Kumele abe leqiniso lokuthi aziphatha kuhle nxa elabantu abangatshadanga lawo njalo angacabangi izinto zokuxhwala. UJesu wathi: “Lowo okhangela owesifazana amfise usephinge laye enhliziyweni yakhe.” (UMathewu 5:28) Nxa abatshadileyo besebenzisa iseluleko esiseBhayibhilini mayelana lezemacansini, bangenelisa ukunqoba izilingo njalo kabasoze bafebe. Bangaqhubeka betshengisana ukuthi bayathandana, bakholise ezemacansini ngoba yisipho esihle esivela kuJehova owasungula umtshado.​—IZaga 5:15-19.

14. Kuyini okudanisayo okwenzakala kweminye imitshado, njalo kubangelwa kuyini?

¹⁴ Kuyathokozisa ukuthi amaKhristu amanengi atshadileyo angenelisa ukulungisa loba yiluphi uhlupho emulini. Kodwa kwezinye izikhathi kuyehlula. Sonke sazalwa silesono njalo siphila emhlabeni ogcwele ububi futhi obuswa nguSathane. Lokhu kubangela ukuthi eminye imitshado icine isilenga ngomnxeba. (1 UJohane 5:19) Pho umKhristu kumele enzeni nxa sekunjalo?

15. (a) IMibhalo ithi yiphi into eyodwa engenza umuntu achithe umtshado aphinde atshade lomunye umuntu? (b) Kungani abanye bekhetha ukuthi bangachithi umtshado wabo lanxa omunye efebile?

¹⁵ Esahlukweni sesibili sebhuku leli, sibonile ukuthi iMibhalo ithi ukufeba yikho kuphela okungenza umuntu achithe umtshado, abesetshada lomunye nxa efuna.c (UMathewu 19:9) Nxa ulobufakazi obeneleyo bokuthi otshade laye ufebile, kuyabe sekumele ukhethe ukuthi uzaqhubeka utshadile yini kumbe uzachitha umtshado. Lokhu kunzima sibili. Akulamithetho ephathelane lokuthi kumele wenzeni. Amanye amaKhristu ayabathethelela omkawo nxa bephenduka ngenhliziyo yonke njalo acine esehlalisana kuhle labo. Kanti njalo amanye akubona kungcono ukuthi angachithi umtshado esenzela abantwabawo.

16. (a) Yiziphi izinto ezingabangela ukuthi abanye bacine sebebona kungcono ukuchitha umtshado? (b) Kungani kungamelanga simsole umuntu osekhethe ukuchitha umtshado wakhe kumbe ukuwulondoloza?

¹⁶ Kodwa kunengi okumele ucabangisise ngakho ungakenzi isinqumo. Kwezinye izikhathi ofebileyo angazithwala kumbe amithise loba abuye eselengulamakhwa. Kanti njalo umkakho angabe ehlukuluza abantwabakho kwezemacansini, ubusubona kungcono ukuthi ubavikele. Kodwa ake sithi usukwazi ukuthi umkakho ufebile ubusulala laye. Lapho-ke uyabe utshengisa ukuthi usumthethelele kanye lokuthi ulesifiso sokuthi lingachithi umtshado wenu. Lanxa ungawuchitha umtshado, iMibhalo kayisakuvumeli ukuthi uphinde utshade lomunye umuntu. Kodwa akulamuntu okumele angenele endabeni yakho abesezama ukukukhuthaza ukuthi wenze isinqumo asifunayo njalo akumelanga kube lokusolayo. Ozakhetha ukukwenza uzaphila lakho. “Lowo lalowo kumele athwale umthwalo wakhe.”​—KwabaseGalathiya 6:5.

17. Lanxa iBhayibhili livuma ukuthi abantu bangehlukana kumbe bachithe umtshado ngaphandle kobufebe, kuyini okungamelanga bakwenze?

¹⁷ Ngaphandle kobufebe, kukhona yini okungenza ukuthi abatshadileyo behlukane kumbe bachithe umtshado? Ye kukhona. Lanxa kunjalo, umKhristu oyehlukana lomkakhe kumbe ochitha umtshado kungelasizatho sobufebe kavunyelwa ukutshada lomunye umuntu. (UMathewu 5:32) IBhayibhili liyavuma sibili ukuthi abantu bangehlukana lanxa omunye engafebanga. Kodwa likubeka kucace ukuthi osukayo kumele “ahlale engendanga loba abuyisane” lomkakhe. (1 KwabaseKhorinte 7:11) Kuyini okungatshayisa otshadileyo ngekhanda aze acine esebona kungcono ukuthi ehlukane lomkakhe?

18, 19. Kuyini okunye okungabangela ukuthi otshadileyo acabange ukwehlukana lomkakhe kumbe ukuchitha umtshado lanxa engasoze aphinde atshade lomunye?

¹⁸ Nxa indoda ingafuni ukusebenza njalo ilemikhuba emibi, kungaphilwa nzima ngekhaya.d Indoda elivila ingabe ithatha yonke imali isiyayiqedela emakhasini kumbe iyisebenzisa ukuthenga izidakamizwa loba utshwala. IBhayibhili lithi: ‘Uma umuntu enganakekeli abendlu yakwabo, uselulahlile ukholo lwakhe njalo mubi kakhulu kulongakholwayo.’ (1 KuThimothi 5:8) Kungenzeka ukuthi indoda leyo kayifuni ukutshiya imikhuba yayo emibi, mhlawumbe ize ithathe lomholo kamama isiyawusebenzisa ezintweni zayo ezingaqedakaliyo. Yikho-ke inkosikazi ingakhetha ukuvikela impilo yayo kanye leyabantwabayo ngokuya emthethweni ukuze behlukane.

¹⁹ Kanti njalo otshadileyo angehlukana lomkakhe nxa kuyikuthi ulodlakela, mhlawumbe ehlala emtshaya okokuthi impilo yakhe isengozini. Omunye engabe ehlala emhlupha efuna ukuthi ephule imilayo kaNkulunkulu. Nxa kunjalo ohlukuluzwayo angakhetha ukuthi behlukane ikakhulu nxa ebona ukuthi ubudlelwano bakhe loNkulunkulu bungaphambaniseka. Engxenye angahle aphethe ngokuthi ukwehlukana yikho kuphela okungenza ‘alalele uNkulunkulu kulokulalela abantu!’​—ImiSebenzi 5:29.

20. (a) Abangane bomuntu olomtshado osuchitheka kanye labadala bangamncedisa njani, kodwa kuyini okungamelanga bakwenze? (b) Kuyini okungamelanga kwenziwe ngabatshadileyo endabeni yokwehlukana kanye lokuchitha umtshado?

²⁰ Lanxa otshadileyo ehlukuluzwa kabuhlungu, akulamuntu okumele ambelesele ngokuthi ehlukane lomkakhe kumbe ahlale laye. Abangane bakhe kanye labadala bebandla bangamsekela bamtshengise lokuthi iBhayibhili lithini. Kodwa abangeke bakwazi konke okwenzakalayo phakathi kwabo bobabili. UJehova nguye yedwa obona konke. Inkosikazi engumKhristu loba indoda iyabe ingawulandeli umlayo kaNkulunkulu ophathelane lomtshado nxa kuyikuthi ifuna ukwehlukana lomkayo kungelazizatho eziqinileyo. Kodwa nxa umkayo eqhubeka eyihlukuluza kabuhlungu, akula okumele ayisole ingakhetha ukwehlukana laye. “Sonke sizakuma phambi kwesihlalo sikaNkulunkulu sokwahlulela.”​—KwabaseRoma 14:10.

21. Okwenzakala kuLucia kutshengisa njani ukuthi iBhayibhili liyayivuselela imitshado?

²¹ ULucia esikhulume ngaye ekuqaliseni wathi eselezinyanga ezintathu ehlukane lomkakhe wahlangana laboFakazi bakaJehova, waseqalisa ukufunda labo iBhayibhili. Wathi: “Kwangimangalisa kakhulu ukuthi iBhayibhili lalilazo izinto ezazinganginceda ukuthi ngilungise uhlupho lwami. Sathi sileviki nje sifunda, ngezwa sengilesifiso sokubuyelelana lomkami. Lamuhla ngingatsho ngiphinde ukuthi uJehova angawuvuselela umtshado lanxa usudilika ngoba asifundisa khona kunceda abatshadileyo ukuthi bahloniphane kakhulu. Abantu abathi oFakazi bakaJehova bachitha imizi balamanga. Mina bangincedisa ukuthi owami ngiphinde ngiwakhe.” ULucia wafunda ukusebenzisa izimiso zeBhayibhili empilweni yakhe.

22. Kuyini okumele abatshadileyo bakwenze zonke izikhathi?

²² Banengi asebencedwe liBhayibhili njengoLucia. Nxa litshadile kumele lithokoze, hatshi ukuthi lithwalisane amagabha avuzayo. Yikho uJehova elaya abatshadileyo esebenzisa iLizwi lakhe eliligugu elibeluleka ngcono ukwedlula loba ngubani phansi kwelanga. IBhayibhili ‘lihlakaniphisa abayizithutha.’ (IHubo 19:7-11) Seliphathise abanengi abasebelemitshado elenga ngomnxeba ukuthi balungise izinhlupho zabo njalo selincede lezinye izimuli ukuthi zihlalisane kuhle. Kungaba kuhle ukuthi bonke abatshadileyo bakusebenzise zonke izikhathi abakutshelwa nguJehova uNkulunkulu. Kuyanceda sibili.