M’banja Mukabuka Mikangano

PALIBE mwamuna kapena mkazi wabwinobwino amene amasangalala ndi mikangano ya m’banja, komatu mikangano yotere n’njofala kwambiri. Nthawi zambiri chimachitika n’chakuti wina amanena chinachake chom’pweteka mtima mnzakeyo. Kenaka onse amayamba kulankhula mokweza mawu n’kufika polusirana kwadzaoneni, ndipo zikatero kulankhula kwake kumangokhala kokhadzula basi. Ndiyeno aliyense amakwiyira mnzakeyo, osafuna kum’lankhula ngakhale pang’ono. Komano pakapita nthawi, onse mtima umakhala m’malo ndipo amapepesana. Zikatero amagwirizana mpaka adzayambanenso.

Mikangano ya m’banja imatchulidwa m’nthabwala ndiponso m’nkhani zosangalatsa zambirimbiri zoonetsedwa pa TV, komatu kunena zoona, mikangano yeniyeni yotereyi siisangalatsa ayi. Mwambi wina wa m’Baibulo umanenadi zoona kuti: “Munthu wolankhula mopanda nzeru amalasa ngati lupanga.” (Miyambo 12:18, Malembo Oyera) Inde, mawu okhadzula angathe kuvulaza munthu mumtima ndipo amasiya zipsera. Mikangano imatha kufika pochititsa zachiwawa.​—Eksodo 21:18.

N’zoona kuti chifukwa choti anthufe n’ngopanda ungwiro, nthawi zina mavuto satha kupeweka m’banja. (Genesis 3:16; 1 Akorinto 7:28) Komabe, kukangana kwapafupipafupi komanso kopweteketsana mtima kwambiri tisamakuone ngati si vuto. Akatswiri amanena kuti kukonda kukangana kumachititsa kuti anthu okwatiranawo adzasudzulane mosavuta. Motero, inuyo ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu muyenera kuphunzira kuthetsa kusiyana maganizo kwanu mwamtendere.

Ganizirani Bwinobwino za Vutolo

Ngati mumangokhalira kukangana m’banja mwanu, yesetsani kuona chimene chimachitika kawirikawiri. Nthawi zambiri, kodi zimatani inuyo ndi mnzanuyo mukasiyana maganizo? Kodi mukangosiyana maganizo, basi nthawi yomweyo mitima imakhala m’mwamba n’kuyamba kunyozana ndiponso kulozana chala? Ngati n’choncho, kodi mungatani?

Choyamba, yambani mwaganizira moona mtima ngati inuyo panokha mumawonjezera vutoli. Kodi ndinu wamtima wansontho? Kodi muli ndi chibadwa chokonda kulankhula mopikisana mawu? Kodi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu anganene chiyani pa za chibadwa chanu? Funso lotsirizali n’lofunika kuliganizira mofatsa, chifukwa n’kutheka kuti inuyo ndi mnzanuyo mumaona nkhani ya kupikisana mawu m’njira zosiyana.

Mwachitsanzo, tingoyerekezera kuti mnzanuyo ndi munthu waphee, pamene inuyo ndinu munthu wolankhula mosapsatira mawu komanso mwamphamvu. Ndiyeno mwina inuyo munganene kuti: “Ine ndi mmene ndinakulira, aliyense m’banja mwathu ankalankhula choncho. Si kuti kulankhula kotereku n’kukangana ayi!” Ndipo mwinadi inuyo simuona kuti n’kukangana. Komatu n’kutheka kuti inuyo mumaona ngati mukungolankhula momasuka koma mnzanuyo angaone kuti mukulankhula mom’pweteka ndiponso mokangana naye. Kudziwa chabe kuti inuyo ndi mnzanuyo mumalankhula m’njira zosiyana kungathandize kupewa kusemphana maganizo.

Musaiwalenso kuti kukangana si mapokoso okha ayi. Paulo analembera Akristu kuti: “Chiwawa, ndi mwano zichotsedwe kwa inu.” (Aefeso 4:31) Mawu akuti “chiwawa” akutanthauza malankhulidwe okweza mawu, pamene mawu akuti “mwano” akutanthauza zimene munthuyo akulankhula. Motero, ngakhale kulankhula chapansipansi kungakhale kulankhula mwamkangano ngati kuli kopweteka ndiponso konyoza.

Poganizira zimenezi, ganiziraninso bwino mmene mumachitira mukasiyana maganizo ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu? Kodi mumakonda kupikisana naye mawu? Monga taonera, yankho lenileni la funso limeneli angalidziwe bwino ndi mnzanuyo, chifukwa likudalira mmene iyeyo amaonera. Ndiyeno inuyo musafulumire kum’nena mnzanuyo kuti akungokokomeza nkhani, koma m’malomwake yesetsani kudziona mmene iyeyo amakuonerani, ndipo mukaona kuti mukufunika kusintha, teroni. Paulo analemba kuti: “Munthu asafune zake za iye yekha, koma za mnzake.”​—1 Akorinto 10:24.

“Yang’anirani Mamvedwe Anu”

Njira ina yothetsera mikangano inanenedwa ndi Yesu m’mawu akuti: “Yang’anirani mamvedwe anu.” (Luka 8:18) Inde, sikuti Yesu anali kunena za kulankhulana muukwati. Komabe, mfundo ya mawu akewa imagwiranso ntchito muukwati. Kodi mumamvetsera motani mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu akamalankhula? Kodi mumatchera khutu n’komwe? Kapena mumangomuyankha mwachidule akamakuuzani vuto limene simunalimvetse n’komwe? Baibulo limati: “Wobwezera mawu asanamvetse apusa, nadzichititsa manyazi.” (Miyambo 18:13) Motero, mukakangana, inuyo pamodzi ndi mnzanuyo muyenera kukambirana bwinobwino nkhaniyo ndi kumvetserana bwinobwino.

M’malo mongokankhira kunkhongo maganizo a mnzanuyo yesetsani ‘kum’chitira chifundo.’ (1 Petro 3:8) M’Chigiriki choyambirira, mawu akuti ‘kum’chitira chifundo’ kwenikweni amatanthauza kumva ululu umene munthu wina akumva. Ngati mnzanu zinazake zikum’vutitsa maganizo, inunso muyenera kuvutika nazo maganizo. Yesetsani kuona nkhaniyo mmene iyeyo akuionera.

Zikuoneka kuti Isake, yemwe anali munthu woopa Mulungu, anachita chimodzimodzi. Baibulo limatiuza kuti mkazi wake Rebeka, anavutika maganizo kwambiri chifukwa cha nkhani inayake ya m’banja mwawo yokhudza mwana wawo, Yakobo. Rebeka anamuuza Isake kuti: “Ndalema moyo wanga chifukwa cha ana aakazi a Heti: akatenga Yakobo mkazi wa ana aakazi a Heti, onga ana aakazi a m’dziko lino, moyo wanga udzandikhalira ine bwanji?”​—Genesis 27:46.

N’zoona kuti chifukwa cha maganizo, Rebeka ayenera kuti anakokomeza vutoli. Kodi zingakhale zoona kuti moyo wake akanasowa nawo chochita? Kodi n’zoona kuti iye akanaganiza kuti ndibwino kungofa ngati mwana wake akanakwatira ana aakazi a Heti? Ayi zimenezi n’zokayikitsa kwambiri. Komabe Isake, sananyalanyaze maganizo a mkazi wakeyu. M’malo mwake Isake anamvetsa zifukwa zimene Rebeka analili ndi maganizo otere, ndipo anachitapo kanthu. (Genesis 28:1) Inunso dzachiteni chimodzimodzi mkazi kapena mwamuna wanu akadzavutika maganizo chifukwa cha nkhani inayake. M’malo mochepetsa nkhaniyo, dzamvetsereni maganizo ake, osawapeputsa, ndipo mudzachitepo kanthu momuganizira.

Ubwino wa Kumvetsera ndi Kulingalira

Mwambi wina wa m’Baibulo umati: “Kulingalira kwa munthu kuchedwetsa mkwiyo.” (Miyambo 19:11) Mkangano ukafika pachimake, m’posavuta kunyanyuka mtima ndi mawu aliwonse opweteka amene mnzanu anganene. Komabe, nthawi zambiri zimenezi zimangokolezera moto wa mkanganowo. Motero mnzanu akamalankhula, yesetsani kumvetsera zimene akunenazo komanso kuzindikira mmene akumvera ponena zimenezozo. Kulingalira kotereku kungakuthandizeni kusawawidwa mtima ndi mawu akunenawo, n’kuona pagona vutolo.

Mwachitsanzo, ingoyerekezerani kuti mkazi wanu akukuuzani kuti, “Inu nthawi zonse simupezeka pakhomo pano ngakhale pang’ono!” Mwina zimenezi zingakupsetseni mtima ndipo mungafune kum’tsutsa mosapita m’mbali pomuuza kuti: “Iwe waiwala kuti mwezi watha ndinakhala pakhomo pano tsiku lathunthu?” Koma mukamvetsera modekha, mwina mungaone kuti mkazi wanu sakunena zoti akufuna kuti muzikhala naye limodzi pakhomo kwa nthawi yaitali kwambiri ayi. M’malomwake, n’kutheka kuti akungofuna kuti mumutsimikizire kuti mumamukonda, ndipo kwenikweni akukuuzani kuti amaona kuti mumamunyalanyaza ndiponso simum’konda kwambiri.

Ndiyeno tiyeni tiyerekezere kuti ndinu mkazi ndipo mwamuna wanu akudandaula pa nkhani ya chinachake chimene mwagula. Iye mosamvetsa akukuuzani kuti: “Zoona ungawononge ndalama zambiri chonchi!” Mwachibadwa, mungafune kudziikira kumbuyo polongosola mmene ndalama zakhala zikuyendera m’banja mwanumo kapena poyerekezera zimene inuyo mumagula ndi zimene iyeyo amagula. Komatu kulingalira, kungakuthandizeni kuona kuti n’kutheka kuti mwamuna wanuyo kwenikweni sakunena zoti mwawononga ndalama zochuluka kwambiri ayi. M’malomwake, angakhale atakhumudwa chifukwa choti mwagula chinthu chachikulu choncho musanagwirizane.

Inde, banja lililonse limakhala ndi njira zakezake zothetsera vuto losowa nthawi yokhala limodzi pakhomo ndiponso vuto la kagulidwe ka zinthu. Koma apa mfundo n’njakuti vuto likafika pokukanganitsani, kulingalira kungachepetse mkwiyo wanu n’kukuthandizani kuona pamene pagona vutolo. M’malo mochita zinthu monyanyuka mtima, mverani mawu a Yakobo akuti mukhale “wotchera khutu, wodekha polankhula, wodekha pakupsa mtima.”​—Yakobo 1:19.

Mukamalankhula ndi mnzanuyo, kumbukirani kuti muyenera kuganizira bwino za malankhulidwe anu. Baibulo limati “lilime la anzeru lilamitsa.” (Miyambo 12:18) Kodi inuyo ndi mnzanuyo mukasemphana maganizo, mawu anu amakhala opweteka kapena olamitsa, kutanthauza kuti oziziritsa mtima? Kodi amakhala mawu otseka kapena otsegula njira yoti muyambenso kumvana? Monga taonera kale, kuyankhana mokhadzula kumangowonjezera moto wa mkangano.​—Miyambo 29:22.

Ngati mkangano wafika posaleletseka, yesetsani kulimbana ndi chimene chatsitsa dzaye kuti njovu ithyoke mnyanga. Muzilimbana ndi vuto layambitsa mkangonolo osati mnzanuyo ayi. Muziganizira kwambiri kuti kodi cholondola n’chiti osati kuti kodi wolonda ndani? Samalani kuti zonena zanu zisasonkhezere moto wa mkanganowo. Baibulo limati: “Mawu owawitsa aputa msunamo.” (Miyambo 15:1) Inde, mnzanuyo angamvere zimene mukumuuza malingana ndi zimene mukunenazo komanso mmene mukuzinenera.

Cholinga Chanu Chizikhala Kuthetsa Mkanganowo, Osati Kuwina

Polimbana ndi kusamvana maganizo, cholinga chathu ndicho kuthetsa mkanganowo osati kuwina ayi. Kodi mungathetse bwanji mkanganowo? Njira yotsimikizika kwambiri ndiyo kufunafuna ndiponso kugwiritsira ntchito malangizo a m’Baibulo, ndipotu amuna ndiwo makamaka ayenera kukhala patsogolo kuchita zimenezi. M’malo mofulumira kunena mawu otsekereza mfundo ina iliyonse yokhudza zomwe akukambiranazo kapena yokhudza mavutowo, bwanji osaona nkhaniyi mmene Yehova angaionere? Pempherani kwa iye, ndi kufunafuna mtendere wa Mulungu umene ungasunge mtima wanu ndi maganizo anu. (Aefeso 6:18; Afilipi 4:6, 7) Yesetsani kuganizira zofuna za mnzanuyo, osati zofuna zanu zokha.​—Afilipi 2:4.

Nthawi zambiri chimene chimaipitsa zinthu kwambiri ndicho kulola kuti tikakhumudwa tizingokhala okhumudwa n’kumachita zinthu mosapepeseka. Komano, kumvera malangizo a m’Mawu a Mulungu kumatipatsa mtendere, mgwirizano ndiponso madalitso a Yehova. (2 Akorinto 13:11) Motero, tsatirani “nzeru yochokera kumwamba,” tsanzirani makhalidwe a Mulungu kuti mupeze madalitso opita kwa “iwo akuchita mtendere.”​—Yakobo 3:17, 18.

Kunena zoona, aliyense ayenera kuphunzira kuthetsa mkangano mwamtendere, ngakhale ngati potero zinthu sizingayende mmene tikufunira. (1 Akorinto 6:7) Inde, tsatirani malangizo a Paulo akuti mutaye “mkwiyo, kupsa mtima, dumbo, mwano, zonyansa zotuluka mkamwa mwanu.” Ndi kuti ‘muvule munthu wakale pamodzi ndi ntchito zake, ndipo muvale watsopano.’​—Akolose 3:8-10.

N’zoona kuti nthawi zina mungathe kunena zinazake kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu koma pambuyo pake n’kuona kuti munalakwa. (Yakobo 3:8) Zikatero muzimupepesa. Yesetsani kuchita khama pankhaniyi. Patsogolo pake, n’kutheka kuti inuyo pamodzi ndi mwamuna kapena mkazi wanuyo mudzaona kuti mwayamba kuthetsa bwino kusemphana maganizo kulikonse.

[Bokosi/​Chithunzi patsamba 22]

Njira Zitatu Zothetsera Mkangano

• Mvetserani zimene mnzanuyo akulankhula. Miyambo 10:19

• Musapeputse maganizo ake. Afilipi 2:4

• Yankhani mwachikondi. 1 Akorinto 13:4-7

[Bokosi/​Chithunzi patsamba 23]

Zimene Mungachite Panopa

Funsani mwamuna kapena mkazi wanu mafunso otsatirawa, ndipo mvetserani mayankho ake popanda kum’dula pakamwa. Kenaka iyeyo achitenso chimodzimodzi.

• Kodi ndimakonda kulankhula mopikisana nanu mawu?

• Kodi ndimamvetsera zenizeni inuyo mukamalankhula, kapena ndimangokudulani pakamwa musanamalize n’komwe mfundo yanu?

• Kodi mawu anga amamveka ngati ndikulankhula mokhadzula kapena mokalipa?

• Kodi tonse awiri tingachite chiyani kuti tizilankhulana bwino, makamaka tikasiyana maganizo pa nkhani inayake?

[Chithunzi patsamba 21]

Kodi mumamvetsera zenizenidi?

[Chithunzi patsamba 22]

“Ndimaona kuti mumangondinyalanyaza ndiponso simundikonda”

[Chithunzi patsamba 22]

“Inu nthawi zonse simupezeka pakhomo pano ngakhale pang’ono!”

[Chithunzi patsamba 22]

“Iwe waiwala kuti mwezi watha ndinakhala pakhomo tsiku lathunthu?”