Mmofra Bisa Sɛ. . .

Mɛyɛ Dɛn Adi Me Bo A Efuw No So?

“Me koko nye koraa. Me bo fuw, na ansa na m’ani bɛba me ho so no, na merekeka nsɛm a ɛmfata kyerɛ nkurɔfo a mepɛ wɔn asɛm ankasa. Mebɔ mmɔden sɛ mebu m’ani agu nneɛma nketenkete a ɛhyɛ abufuw so, nanso ɛba ara. Bere a me bo apae akyi no, mete afobu nka.”​—Abeawa bi a onnii mfe 20.

AKYINNYE biara nni ho, w’abufuw a wubedi so no yɛ apereperedi ankasa. Enti ɛnyɛ nwonwa pii sɛ wɔn a wɔyɛ adwene ho adwuma no binom ka sɛ eye sɛ wobɛda w’abufuw adi nnakoro nnakoro. Wɔkyerɛ sɛ eyi ma ‘obu a wowɔ ma wo ho no kɔ anim’ na ɛma wo ne afoforo ntam ‘wow.’ Ɛdɛn, ebinom mpo ka sɛ abufuw a wobɛhyɛ so no nye mma w’akwahosan!

Nanso, Bible no se: “Momma wonnyi anobow nyinaa ne bobɔne ne abufuw ne ano kurokuro ne abususɛm, ɛne bɔnepɛ nyinaa mfi mo mu.” (Efesofo 4:31) Ɛnde, afotu no mu nea ɛwɔ he na eye? Na so ebetumi ayɛ yiye mpo sɛ obi bɛhyɛ n’abufuw so bere a nneɛma a ɛhyɛ abufuw pii wɔ hɔ no?

W’Abufuw​—So Ɛyɛ Ɔhamuni Nkate Bi?

Nea abufuw ho nkyerɛkyerɛ pii gyina ao ne adannandi nkyerɛkyerɛ no. Ebinom gye di sɛ abufuw yɛ ade a yenya fii yɛn nenanom a na wɔyɛ ahamufo no hɔ, nkate bi a wontumi nni so. Carol Tavris ka wɔ ne nhoma Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion no mu sɛ: “Darwin nkyerɛkyerɛ no yɛ ade titiriw wɔ Atɔefo nsusuwii mu: saa bere no na gyidi a wɔwɔ sɛ yebetumi adi yɛn abufuw so​—na ɛsɛ sɛ yedi so​—no bɛhyɛɛ gyidi a ɛne sɛ yɛrentumi nni so no ase, ɛbɛyɛɛ ɔkwantiaa a wɔrefa so aka sɛ ɛnsɛ sɛ yedi so.”

Enti ebinom tu fo sɛ ‘da w’abufuw adi.’ ‘Kɔ so keka bi ma wo ho ntɔ wo.’ Nanso so mfaso aba afotu a ɛte sɛɛ so? Ade biako ne sɛ, woda so ara nya adanse a etia adannandi nkyerɛkyerɛ no. Na Tavris ne afoforo sɔre tia abufuw ho adwene a ɛne sɛ ‘gyae ne nyinaa mu’ no. Tarvis ka sɛ: “Mihu sɛ wɔn a wɔtaa ma abufuw kwan no bo taa fuw, na ɛso ntew. Mihu nkate mu opira pii wɔ wɔn a wɔma abufuw kwan no mu.”

Nhoma a wɔfrɛ no Behind Closed Doors: Violence in the American Family no de amanneɛbɔ a ɛte saa ara a ɛfa nhwehwɛmu bi a wɔyɛe wɔ awarefo apem mu ho ma. N’akyerɛwfo no hui sɛ abufuw a wɔma kwan no mma obi ho ntɔ no koraa. Mmom no, kasa gyegyeegye taa kowie ntɔkwaw mu! Dɛn ntia? Abufuw de basabasayɛ ba. Enti nhwehwɛmu a ɛte saa no si nea Bible ɔkyerɛwfo no kae mfehaha bi a atwam ni no so dua: “Obufufafo hwanyan atutuw mu, na abodwokyɛrefo pata akayɛ.”​—Mmebusɛm 15:18; fa toto 29:15 ho.

‘Wo Bo Mfuw, Nanso Nyɛ Bɔne’

Enti, abufuw nyɛ aboa nkate bi a wontumi nni so. Wobetumi na ɛsɛ sɛ wodi so. Nanso so eyi kyerɛ sɛ ɔkwan bi so no yebetumi atra ase a nsɛm a ɛhyɛ abufuw nka yɛn​—a yenni nkate biara anaa? Dabi, efisɛ wɔ Efesofo 4:26 no Bible no gye tom sɛ ɛtɔ bere bi a yɛn bo befuw ma afata: “Mo bo mfuw, na monyɛ bɔne.”

Nanso, hyɛ no nsow sɛ ɛnyɛ abufuw na Bible no kasa tia, na mmom abufuw a wobɛma kwan ma adi wo nneyɛe so! Mmebusɛm 29:22 se: “Obobɔnefo mmarato dɔɔso.” Enti sɛ́ anka wobɛma anyin mmom no, “di no so.” (Fa toto Genesis 4:7 ho.) Sɛ nhwɛso no, fa no sɛ woaba tebea bi a ɛhyɛ abufuw kɛse mu. Ɔkwan bɛn so na wubetumi ‘adwudwo no ma aka akyiri’? (Mmebusɛm 29:11) Ebia wubetumi aso tete afotu no ahwɛ sɛ ‘kan ade kosi du’​—anaasɛ dodow biara a ebegye wo na ama wo bo atɔ no.

Asɛm bi a epuei wɔ ‘Teen nsɛmma nhoma no mu no kamfo kyerɛ bio sɛ: “Fa abufuw ahoɔden no bi nantew . . . Ebia wobɛpɛ sɛ woyɛ ade bi a ɛbɛma wo ho adwo wo, sɛ ebia wubetie nnwom, wubeguare nsuhyew, anaasɛ wobɛhwɛ sini.” Nanso nea eye kyɛn so no, srɛ Yehowa Nyankopɔn wɔ mpaebɔ mu sɛ ɔmmoa wo mma wonkɔ so nnwo wo bo. “Na Onyankopɔn asomdwoe a ɛtra adwene nyinaa so no bɛhwɛ wo koma ne w’adwene so.” (Filipifo 4:7) Nea ɛka ho no, bɔ mmɔden kenkan Bible no anaa nhoma afoforo a ɛfa Bible ho, te sɛ saa nsɛmma nhoma yi ne ne hokafo Ɔwɛn-Aban no.

‘Abufuw a Wɔntwentwɛn Ase’

Mmebusɛm 19:11, New World Translation se: “Onipa nhumu twentwɛn n’abufuw ase.” (Fa toto Mmebusɛm 14:29 ho.) Nhumu ne adeyɛ anaa tumi a wɔde hu tebea bi mu, wuhu asɛm bi mu nokwasɛm nyinaa ansa na woayɛ ho biribi. Sɛ wuyi nhumu adi a, ebia wubebu sɛ ntease pa biara nni hɔ a enti ɛsɛ sɛ wudi kan ma wo bo fuw.

Sɛ nhwɛso no, fa no sɛ wo nnamfo ammɛfa wo ntɛm amma moankɔ sin. Wufi ase susuw mmere a atwam a wɔyɛɛ saa ara no ho. Dodow a wususuw ho no, dodow no ara no ara na wo ho yeraw wo! Sɛ wɔba akyiri yi a, dɛn na wobɛyɛ? So wobɛka nea ɛwɔ w’adwene mu akyerɛ wɔn​—anaa wubebisa wɔn nea enti a wɔkaa akyi saa? Ebia na ntease pa bi ntia. Na ebia nhumu a wubenya no besiw abufuw a ɛbɛsɔre ano.

Nea ebetumi aka nhumu ho nso ne bere a wubegye de asusuw nea ebetumi afi abufuw mu aweretɔ mu aba ho no. Susuw Bible mu asɛm bi a ɛfa Ɔhene Dawid ho no ho. Bere a ɔbarima bi a wɔfrɛ no Nabal ankyerɛ anisɔ wɔ Dawid ayamye ho no, Dawid de abufuw kae sɛ ɔbɛto ne so werɛ​—awudi! Nanso, Nabal yere a wɔfrɛ no Abigail siankaa Dawid sɛ onsusuw nea ebefi mogya a edi bem a obehwie agu mu aba no ho. Dawid twe sanee. Dawid ka kyerɛɛ Abigail sɛ: “Nhyira nka w’adwempa, na nhyira nka wo sɛ woasianka me nnɛ da yi na mankodi mogya ho sõ.”​—1 Samuel 25:2-33.

Nea ebetumi afi abufuw a wode kasa dennen mu aba a wubesusuw ho no betumi abɔ wo ho ban wɔ ntease bi a enni wo ne ɔpanyin bi, te sɛ ɔkyerɛkyerɛfo anaa adwumawura bi ntam a wobɛma ayɛ kɛse no ho. Salomo kae sɛ: “Sɛ otumfoɔ honhom sɔre hyɛ wo a, nnyaw w’afã, na odwo brɛ bɔne akɛse ano ase.” (Ɔsɛnkafo 10:14) Nanso sɛ wo tipɛnfo bi mpo na wopɛ sɛ woyɛ bi tua no ka a, kae sɛ Bible no se: “Nka sɛ: sɛ ɔyɛɛ me no saa na mɛyɛ no.”​—Mmebusɛm 24:29.

Ɔkwan foforo a wobɛfa so adwudwo abufuw ano ne sɛ wobɛhwɛ yiye wɔ nneɛma a wode hyɛ w’adwene mu no ho. Television so dwumadi pii kyerɛ basabasayɛ. Ampa, nnipa pii ka sɛ TV ne sini mu basabasayɛ no ka wɔn a wɔn adwene wɔ so nkutoo. Nanso nhwehwɛmufo bi kyerɛ sɛ “ɛte sɛ nea ɛka wɔn a wɔhwɛ nyinaa.”​—How to Live With​—And Without​—Anger, a Albert Ellis kyerɛwee.

Bible no kɔ so tu fo wɔ Mmebusɛm 22:24, 25 sɛ: “Wo ne obufufafo mmɔ ɔyɔnko, na wo ne ɔbarima niberefo mmɔ, na woansua n’akwan, na woannya afiri amma wo kra.” So w’ani gye sɛ wo ne “abufufafo” bɛbɔ? Ɛnde sɛ ɛyɛ den ma wo sɛ wobɛhyɛ w’abufuw so a mma ɛnyɛ wo nwonwa. Enti nhoma a wɔfrɛ no How to Live​—And Without​—Anger no hyɛ nkuran sɛ hwehwɛ “wɔn a wɔyɛ nhwɛso pa wɔ w’asetra mu . . . wɔn a wɔasi wɔn bo sɛ wobedi asetra mu nneɛma ahorow a ɛmfata no so na wɔbɔ mmɔden sɛ wɔbɛyɛ saa no. Wo ne nnipa a wɔte saa nkasa. Bɔ mmɔden sɛ wubesua ɔkwan a wɔfa so tumi hyɛ wɔn ho so wɔ asetra mu nneɛma a ɛhyɛ abufuw ho no so no.”

Abufuw a Efi W’ankasa Mu

Nanso, ebia wo bo a wobɛma adwo ara kwa no rentumi nsɔ abufuw no ano nkyɛ. Adwene ho ɔbenfo Richard Lazarus kyerɛw sɛ: “Enhia sɛ biribi a ɛwɔ abɔnten na ɛkanyan nkate bi. Obi nsusuwii betumi ama aba saa.” Sɛ nhwɛso no, abeawa bi gye tom sɛ mpɛn pii no n’abufuw no gyina nneɛma a ɔde n’adwene si so a ɛma obi ho yɛ no ahi no so. “Nsɛm no nyinaa ba m’adwene mu, na mihu sɛ me bo kɔ so fuw ara. Mete basaayɛ nka wɔ me mu. Biribiara sɛe wɔ ɛda no mu. Mete nka sɛ mahaw.”

Biribi a ɛhyɛ abufuw a wo ne w’adamfo bɛbɔ ho nkɔmmɔ akyiri yi nso betumi ama wo bo asan afuw bio. Ɛtɔ mmere bi a nea eye sen biara a ɛsɛ sɛ woyɛ ne sɛ wubehu nea ɛde ahoyeraw no bae no na wusiesie nneɛma. So obi afom wo? Sɛ wurentumi nyi asɛm no mfi wo mu a, kɔ onipa no nkyɛn na monkosieie asɛm no. (Fa toto Mateo 5:23-26 ho.) Mpɛn pii no ɛtaa ba sɛ ɛyɛ ade ketewaa bi ho ntease na amma.

Nneɛma a ɛhyɛ abufuw abu so. Nanso nhumu betumi ama woahu nneɛma mu yiye. Wubetumi asua sɛnea wɔdan nkate a ɛsɛe ade ma abɛyɛ nea wɔde yɛ nneɛma a mfaso wɔ so. Yiw, wubetumi adi wo bo ‘a efuw no so!

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“Enti sɛ wode w’ayɛyɛde ba afɔremuka ho, na ɛhɔ wokae sɛ wo nua wɔ asɛm bi tia wo a, gyaw w’ayɛyɛde no afɔremuka no anim hɔ, na kɔ na wo ne wo nua no nkɔbom kan ansa na wɔaba abɛma w’ayɛyɛde no. Wo ne wo nkurobɔfo wɔ kwan so no, wo ne no mmom ntɛm; na da bi wo nkurobɔfo no anyi wo anhyɛ ɔtemmufo nsa, na ɔtemmufo no anyi wo anhyɛ ɔsomfo nsa, na wɔamfa wo ankɔto afiase. Nokware mise wo sɛ, woremfi hɔ gye sɛ woatua ɔban a ɛbɛka akyiri no ansa.”​—Mateo 5:23-26

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So wɔpow abufufafo ayɔnkofa?