CHAPTER 7

What if I Hate the Way I Look?

Are you often disappointed with the way you look?

□ Yes □ No

Have you ever considered resorting to cosmetic surgery or an extreme diet to correct a physical flaw?

□ Yes □ No

What physical feature(s) would you change about yourself if you could? (Circle those that apply.)

Height

Weight

Body shape

Hair

Complexion

Voice

IF YOU answered yes to the first two questions and circled three or more features in the third, consider the bright side of the situation: There’s a good chance that others don’t see you as negatively as you see yourself. It’s easy to go overboard and worry about your appearance too much. In fact, one poll revealed that young women are often more afraid of putting on pounds than they are of nuclear war, of cancer, or even of losing their parents!

There’s no doubt that how you look can affect how you view yourself​—and how you’re treated by others. “Growing up, my two older sisters were completely gorgeous, and I was the chubby one,” says 19-year-old Maritza. “I received plenty of ridicule in school. On top of that, my aunt nicknamed me Chubs, which was the name of her small and overweight dog!” Julie, 16, had a similar experience. “A girl at school teased me and said I had ‘bunny teeth.’ Even though it wasn’t a big deal, it still made me feel bad, and even now I’m uncomfortable with my teeth!”

Concern or Obsession​—Which?

It’s not wrong for you to be concerned about how you look. In fact, the Bible comments favorably on the physical appearance of a number of women and men, including Sarah, Rachel, Joseph, David, and Abigail. The Bible says that a woman named Abishag was “beautiful in the extreme.”​—1 Kings 1:4.

However, many youths are obsessed with their appearance. Some girls, for example, believe that being attractive means being thin, and those superslim models in the slick magazine ads certainly seem to support that belief. Never mind that those stunning photos were airbrushed to perfection or enhanced on a computer and that those lithe specimens have to keep themselves in a state of near starvation to maintain their figure! Still, comparing yourself with what you see in magazines might leave you distraught. What if you’re genuinely unhappy about your appearance? First, you need to take a realistic look at yourself.

A Distorted Image?

Have you ever looked at yourself in a distorted mirror? The reflection might make you look bigger or smaller than you actually are. Either way, the view is inaccurate.

Similarly, many youths have a distorted self-image. Consider this: In one study, 58 percent of girls claimed to be overweight, when, in fact, only 17 percent were. In another study, 45 percent of women who were actually underweight thought that they were too heavy!

Some researchers say that most girls who are worried about their weight have no reason to be. That fact may provide little comfort, of course, if you truly have a stocky frame. If that’s so in your case, what could be the cause?

Genes could play a role. Some people are thin and angular by nature. But if your genes have designated you to have a rounder figure and more body fat, you were simply not programmed to be thin. Even at your medically ideal weight, you’ll probably look heavier than you prefer. Exercise and diet can help, yet for the most part, you’re stuck with your inherited body shape.

Another factor could be the normal changes of adolescence. At puberty a girl goes from having about 8 percent body fat to about 22 percent body fat. Often, such a situation changes over time, and a plump 11- or 12-year-old girl will emerge from puberty as a shapely teenager. On the other hand, what if your physique is the result of poor nutrition or a lack of exercise? What if you really need to lose weight for legitimate health reasons?

A Balanced Approach

The Bible speaks highly of being “moderate in habits.” (1 Timothy 3:11) So avoid skipping meals or going to extremes in dieting. Perhaps the best way to shed pounds is to adopt a plan of healthful eating and get a reasonable amount of exercise.

There’s no need to resort to a fad diet. For example, diet pills may curb your appetite for a while; but the body quickly adjusts to them, and your appetite returns. Or your metabolism slows down, and you gain weight anyway​—not to mention the side effects some experience, such as dizziness, high blood pressure, anxiety attacks, and perhaps even addiction. Much the same can be said for pills that eliminate water or that speed up your metabolism.

In contrast, a reasonable eating program, balanced with moderate but regular exercise, will help you look and feel your best. Moderate aerobics several times a week will work wonders for your health. Something as simple as a brisk walk or stair climbing may suffice.

Beware of the Anorexia Trap!

In their quest to lose weight, some youths have fallen victim to anorexia​—a life-threatening eating disorder that really amounts to self-starvation. Says Masami, after some four months of getting help for her anorexia: “When people tell me ‘you look well,’ I say to myself, ‘It must be because I’m getting fat.’ At times like that, I cry to myself and I think, ‘If only I could go back to my previous weight​—the weight I was four months ago!”

Anorexia can develop innocently. A young girl might embark on a seemingly harmless diet, perhaps to lose just a few pounds. When she reaches her goal, however, she isn’t content. “I’m still too fat!” she declares as she stares disapprovingly at herself in the mirror. So she decides to lose just a few more pounds. Then just a few more. And a few more. The pattern is set, and the seeds of anorexia are sown.

If you have symptoms of anorexia or any other eating disorder, you need to get help. Confide in a parent or another trusted adult. A Bible proverb states: “A true companion is loving all the time, and is a brother that is born for when there is distress.”​—Proverbs 17:17.

Defining True Beauty

On the whole, the Bible places very little emphasis on one’s physical appearance or bodily shape. Rather, it’s the inner person that truly makes one either attractive or not in the eyes of God.​—Proverbs 11:20, 22.

Consider King David’s son Absalom. The Bible says: “There proved to be no man so beautiful in all Israel as to be praised so much. From the sole of his foot to the crown of his head there proved to be no defect in him.” (2 Samuel 14:25) Yet, this young man was treacherous. Pride and ambition impelled him to try to usurp the throne of Jehovah’s appointed king. The Bible, therefore, doesn’t paint a pretty picture of Absalom but, rather, portrays him as a man of shameless disloyalty and murderous hatred.

The bottom line is that “Jehovah is making an estimate of hearts”​—not the size of a girl’s waistline or a boy’s biceps. (Proverbs 21:2) So while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to look good, far more important than your appearance is your personality. In the long run, spiritual qualities will make you more attractive to others than chiseled muscles or a flat stomach!

READ MORE ABOUT THIS TOPIC IN VOLUME 1, CHAPTER 10

KEY SCRIPTURE

“Man sees what appears to the eyes; but as for Jehovah, he sees what the heart is.”​—1 Samuel 16:7.

TIP

When you’re trying to lose weight . . .

● Don’t skip breakfast. If you do, the resulting hunger may actually cause you to eat more than you would otherwise.

● Drink a large glass of water before each meal. It will curb your appetite and help you control how much you eat.

DID YOU KNOW . . . ?

Some experts warn that if you starve yourself to shed pounds, your body may shift into “crisis mode,” slow down your metabolism, and quickly cause you to regain any weight you’ve lost!

ACTION PLAN!

I can take better care of my health by ․․․․․

For me, a reasonable program of exercise would include ․․․․․

What I would like to ask my parent(s) about this subject is ․․․․․

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

● How do you feel about the way you look?

● What are some reasonable steps you can take to improve your appearance?

● What would you say to a friend who has developed an eating disorder?

● How would you help a younger sibling acquire a balanced view of his or her appearance?

[Blurb on page 69]

“For a long time, I was teased about how big my eyes are. I learned to laugh but also to be confident in my personality and other strengths. I’ve come to terms with my appearance. I accept myself as I am.”​—Amber

[Picture on page 68]

Your perception of yourself can be just like the reflection in a distorted mirror