True Accounts—What Do They Show?

LOCAL gossips and tabloid newspapers often highlight tales of family violence, doing so because morbid interest in such stories is common. However, it is for a totally different reason that we present the following true accounts.a These are offered in order that we might learn from them. Thus, after each case we will raise some thought-provoking questions. Ponder over these. The examples presented may help you to see where responsibility for the problem often rests. They may alert you to weaknesses giving rise to the difficulty and may aid you to discern ways of solving this problem or avoiding violence in the home. This is in harmony with the Bible proverb: “Sensible people will see trouble coming and avoid it, but an unthinking person will walk right into it and regret it later.”—Prov. 22:3, “Today’s English Version.”

A dreadful scar from Gloria’s chin to her collarbone is one of the first things you would note about this 24-year-old New York woman. She was one of six children. When her father was drunk he often beat his wife and daughters. To escape the violence Gloria’s mother sometimes fled the home. But she would return.

Gloria turned to heroin as a way of escape. Her next step was to leave home and marry Robert, another addict. He beat her but, because of her childhood, that seemed to Gloria to be just a normal part of family life. When she became pregnant, Gloria sought treatment to overcome her heroin addiction. After her son was born his crying made life more difficult. She began to drink heavily. Under the stress of her marriage and caring for an infant, Gloria began to abuse her baby—slapping him, beating him and burning his feet with a hot iron; once she even broke both his arms. When her baby was just over a year old he was put in a foster home.

Robert’s response was to beat Gloria more and finally to leave her. Soon afterward she took up with Albert and was hopeful of a real change. But he had a quick temper and when enraged would lash out at her. During one fight he beat Gloria so badly that she wound up in the hospital with broken ribs. Did that shock them into making changes? Hardly. As Albert was bringing her home from the hospital he got angry again. Picking up a bottle from the gutter, he broke it and slashed Gloria’s throat, leaving the horrible scar we mentioned.

The family began to get help from social workers. Gloria stopped drinking and works at providing a more balanced diet for the family. Albert is trying to control his anger and now sometimes goes weeks without hitting his wife.

Ask yourself: TO WHAT EXTENT WAS ALCOHOL PART OF THE PROBLEM? HOW DID GLORIA’S CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCE AFFECT HER?

Sarah’s marriage certainly did not mellow with age. Assaults at her husband’s hands came with increasing frequency. Aside from the tranquilizers she was taking, Sarah’s recent history—two broken ribs, a missing tooth, bruises, lacerations and being hospitalized three times—bore witness that her husband was losing his temper more easily. Her two teen-aged sons could see that too.

One day Sarah’s husband, before leaving for work, told his 16-year-old son to clean up the garage. By lunchtime it was not done and the lad said that he was going swimming with his friends. That frightened Sarah, for she knew that her husband would pour out his wrath on her. Her knuckles were white on the back of the kitchen chair as she told her son, “You’ve got to clean up the garage today.” “Get off my back!” he yelled, and stormed up the stairs toward his room. Running up behind him, Sarah grabbed his arm and started to say, “You’re not going anywhere until . . . ” But she didn’t finish. He swirled about and violently shoved against her chest. Grabbing for the handrail, Sarah missed and fell all the way down the steps into a pile at the bottom.

Ask yourself: WAS WAITING THE SOLUTION? WHAT RELATIONSHIP SEEMS TO EXIST BETWEEN THE TEMPERAMENT AND ACTIONS OF FATHER AND SON?

[Letter to a counselor:] “I am 13 years old and am writing this letter not only for myself but for my four younger brothers and sisters. They are 11, 10, 9 and 6. Our parents don’t miss a night to fight. We are fed up with the yelling and screaming and name-calling, door-slamming and plate-throwing. Dad works hard and is a great guy. The minute he walks in the door mom hits him with a list of complaints. He tells her to shut up and then the battle is on. After the fight is over, mom cries and says dad doesn’t love her. She is wrong. He loves her a lot. But if he didn’t, would you blame him? Who wants to get chewed out all the time? Please help us straighten these two out. We don’t want our family split, but this is no way to live.”

Ask yourself: WHO WAS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE VIOLENT FIGHTS? WHAT COULD BE DONE TO PREVENT SUCH ANGRY SCENES? DO YOU KNOW OF CHILDREN WHO MIGHT HAVE CAUSE TO WRITE SUCH A LETTER?

Connie had been beaten almost senseless by her husband of many years. Too embarrassed to go to the hospital for needed treatment, she went to a shelter for battered women that had been set up nearby in San Antonio, Texas. Without going into the mutual tensions or frustrations that led up to the outburst, Connie described the occasion of her beating.

Her husband had come home, but he was not his normal self. Rather, he was staggering drunk, reeking of beer. In the emotionally charged confrontation that followed, Connie slapped him. It was the first time in their years of marriage that she had done so. “Then,” she recalls, “he got me. He started hitting me like I was a man—punching me in the stomach, the neck. And after I was down, he kicked me.” It was a brutal attack, an assault.

Ask yourself: WHO WAS GUILTY OF VIOLENCE IN THIS CASE? HOW COULD SUCH A FIGHT HAVE BEEN AVOIDED? WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE IF YOU HAD BEEN CONNIE?

While these examples do not cover the full range of home violence, they do illustrate some of the more common aspects of the problem. And the subsequent questions may already have helped you to gain some insight into home violence. In the articles to follow, some of the factors in these true accounts will be taken up. Also, we will specifically focus in on causes and results of violence involving husbands, wives and children. Then we will be better able to appreciate counsel about solving this problem or preventing this widespread scourge that is destroying the families and lives of so many today.

[Footnotes]