What Is in the Child’s Best Interests?
TO DIVORCE or not to divorce? That is a big question on the minds of many unhappily married people. Many years ago divorce was frowned upon, if not condemned, for moral and religious reasons. And any unhappily married parents usually stayed together for the sake of the children. However, this world’s standards have changed radically in more recent times. Today divorce is widely accepted.
Yet, despite the acceptance of divorce, more parents, judges, social scientists, and others are expressing concern about the bad effects of divorce on children. More voices of caution are now being heard. Growing evidence shows that divorce can have a devastating impact on a child. Parents are being urged to think of the consequences of divorce for themselves and for their children. Sociologist Sara McLanahan, of Princeton University, states that “between two-thirds and three-quarters of the families who divorce should probably give it more time and more thought about whether they’re doing the right thing.”
Recent studies show that children of divorce are at greater risk of teenage pregnancy, dropping out of school, depression, divorce in their own marriages, and joining the ranks of welfare recipients. In the Western world, 1 in 6 children is affected by divorce. Historian Mary Ann Mason, in her book on child custody in the United States, observed: “A child born in 1990 had about a 50 percent chance of falling under the jurisdiction of a court in a case involving where and with whom the child would live.”
Sadly, hostilities do not always end with the divorce, as parents may continue to fight in the courts over custody and visitation rights, inflicting further stress on their children. These emotionally charged encounters in the adversarial courtroom atmosphere test the children’s loyalty to their parents and often leave them feeling powerless and fearful.
A family counselor said: “Divorce does not rescue children. It does sometimes rescue adults.” The reality is that by divorcing, parents may resolve their own dilemmas, but at the same time, they can deliver a blow to their children, who may spend the rest of their lives trying to compensate for the damage.
Child-Custody Options
In the hostility and emotional stress of a marital split, it is extremely difficult to negotiate the future custodial placement of the children in a calm and rational way. To minimize parental confrontation and avoid adversarial litigation, some jurisdictions offer an alternative way to resolve disputes, such as out-of-court mediation.
When properly handled, mediation allows the parents to work out an agreement rather than leave the decisions for placement up to a judge. If mediation is not possible, parents may be able to work out an arrangement for custody and visitation through their lawyers. Once the parents come to an agreement and put it in writing, the judge can sign an order that contains their wishes.
When the parents cannot agree on a custody arrangement, the legal system in most lands will provide means to try to ensure that the children’s best interests are protected. The judge’s paramount concern will be the children, not the parents. The judge will consider many relevant factors, such as the wishes of the parents, the relationship of the child to each parent, the preferences of the child, and each parent’s ability to provide day-to-day care. Then the judge will determine where and with whom the child will live as well as how the parents will work out important decisions about the child’s future.
In a sole-custody arrangement, one parent may have the authority to make decisions. In a joint-custody arrangement, both parents must agree on significant decisions, such as the child’s health care and education.
Questions That May Be Faced
When faced with child-custody litigation, parents who are Jehovah’s Witnesses must also consider what is in the best interests of the children’s spirituality. For example, what if the non-Witness parent is against any Bible-based training for the children? Or what if the non-Witness parent has been disfellowshipped from the Christian congregation?
These scenarios can make decision-making more complex for Christian parents. They want to act in a wise and reasonable manner, and they also want to maintain a good conscience before Jehovah as they prayerfully consider the best interests of the children.
In the following articles, we will look at such questions as these: When awarding custody of children, how does the law view religion? How can I meet the challenge of a custody case successfully? How do I cope with losing custody of my children? How do I view a joint-custody agreement with a disfellowshipped parent?