Will Sex Improve Our Relationship?
Heather has been seeing Mike for only two months, but she feels as if she’s known him forever. They text each other constantly, they talk for hours at a time on the phone, and they can even finish each other’s sentences! But now, as they sit in a parked car under the moonlight, Mike wants more than conversation.
During the past two months, Mike and Heather have done nothing more than hold hands and briefly kiss. Heather doesn’t want to go further. But she doesn’t want to lose Mike either. No one makes her feel so beautiful, so special. ‘Besides,’ she tells herself, ‘Mike and I are in love . . .’
YOU can probably guess where this scenario is heading. But what you may not realize is how dramatically sex would change things for Mike and Heather—and not for the better. Consider the following:
If you defy a physical law, such as the law of gravity, you suffer the consequences. The same is true if you defy a moral law, such as the one that states: “Abstain from fornication.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3) What are the consequences of disobeying that command? The Bible says: “He that practices fornication is sinning against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18) How is that true? See if you can list below three harmful effects that can come to those who engage in premarital sex.
Now look at what you wrote. Did you include such things as sexually transmitted disease, unwanted pregnancy, or the loss of God’s favor? Those certainly are devastating consequences that can come to anyone who violates God’s moral law regarding fornication.
Still, you might be tempted. ‘Nothing will happen to me,’ you could reason. After all, isn’t everyone having sex? Your peers at school brag about their escapades, and they don’t seem to be hurting. Perhaps, like Heather in the opening scenario, you even feel that sex will make you and your partner closer. Besides, who wants to be ridiculed for being a virgin? Isn’t it better to give in?
Not so fast! First of all, not everyone is doing it. True, you may read statistics indicating that a large number of youths are having sex. For example, a U.S. study revealed that by the time they finish high school, 2 out of 3 youths in that country are sexually active. But that also means that 1 out of 3—a sizable number—are not. Now, what about those who are? Researchers have found that many such youths experience one or more of the following rude awakenings.
RUDE AWAKENING 1 DISTRESS. Most youths who have engaged in premarital sex say that they regretted it afterward.
RUDE AWAKENING 2 DISTRUST. After having sex, each partner begins to wonder, ‘Who else has he/she had sex with?’
RUDE AWAKENING 3 DISILLUSIONMENT. Deep down, many girls would prefer someone who will protect them, not use them. And many boys find that they are less attracted to a girl who has given in to their advances.
In addition to the above, a number of boys have said that they would never marry a girl they have had sex with. Why? Because they prefer someone who is more chaste!
If you’re a girl, does that surprise you—perhaps even anger you? Then remember this: The reality of premarital sex is far different from what is shown in movies and on TV. The entertainment industry glamorizes teen sex and makes it look like harmless fun or even true love. But don’t be naive! Those who would try to coax you into premarital sex are only looking out for their own interests. (1 Corinthians 13:4, 5) After all, would anyone who truly loves you endanger your physical and emotional well-being? (Proverbs 5:3, 4) And would anyone who truly cares for you tempt you to jeopardize your relationship with God?—Hebrews 13:4.
If you’re a young man and you’re dating, what has been stated in this chapter should give you reason to reflect on the relationship you’re involved in. Ask yourself, ‘Do I really care for my girlfriend?’ If your answer is yes, how can you best show it? By having the strength to uphold God’s laws, the wisdom to avoid tempting circumstances, and the love to look out for her interests. If you have such qualities, then likely your girlfriend’s feelings will be similar to those of the morally upright Shulammite, who said: “My dear one is mine and I am his.” (Song of Solomon 2:16) In short, you’ll be her hero!
Whether you’re a boy or a girl, if you were to give in to premarital sex, you would be degrading yourself by giving away something precious. (Romans 1:24) No wonder so many feel empty and worthless afterward, as if they’ve carelessly allowed a precious part of themselves to be stolen! Don’t let that happen to you. If someone tries to coax you into sex by saying, “If you love me, you’ll do this,” firmly reply, “If you love me, you won’t ask!”
Your body is far too valuable to give away. Show that you have the strength of character to obey God’s command to abstain from fornication. Then, if you do marry one day, you can have sex. And you’ll be able to enjoy it fully, without the worries, regrets, and insecurities that are so often the aftermath of premarital sex.—Proverbs 7:22, 23; 1 Corinthians 7:3.
READ MORE ABOUT THIS TOPIC IN VOLUME 2, CHAPTERS 4 AND 5
How serious is the practice of masturbation?
“Flee from fornication. . . . He that practices fornication is sinning against his own body.”—1 Corinthians 6:18.
When it comes to conduct with the opposite sex, a good rule to follow is this: If it’s something you wouldn’t want your parents to observe you doing, then you shouldn’t be doing it.
DID YOU KNOW . . . ?
After having sex, a boy is more likely to abandon his girlfriend and move on to someone else.
When I’m with a member of the opposite sex, the circumstances I need to avoid are ․․․․․
If a member of the opposite sex wants to meet me in a secluded place, I will say ․․․․․
What I would like to ask my parent(s) about this subject is ․․․․․
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
● Although premarital sex may appeal to the imperfect flesh, why is it wrong for you?
● What will you do if someone asks you to have sex?
[Blurb on page 176]
“As a Christian, you have qualities that will make you attractive to others. So you have to be alert and back off when invited to do something immoral. Respect those qualities. Don’t sell out!”—Joshua
[Picture on pages 176, 177]
Engaging in premarital sex is like taking a beautiful painting and using it as a doormat