Fulfill Your Role in Your Family
CAN a family enjoy peace and unity if the husband and wife are competing with each other for headship? Can the children learn discipline if the mother countermands the restrictions placed on them by the father? Or can a family maintain good morale if the father refuses to shoulder his responsibilities? The failure of either husband or wife to fulfill the role each has can lead to very undesirable results, even to a breakup of their family.
The respective roles of husband and wife are not recognized by many married couples, causing their marriages to be on a rocky road from the very beginning. This undoubtedly is one of the main factors behind the high divorce rate in many countries today. If they would only follow the good counsel on marriage given in the Bible they could avoid much trouble, heartache and emotional stress.
The Bible clearly sets out the respective roles of husband and wife. It assigns to the husband the role of being head of the family, saying: “A husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation.” (Eph. 5:23) As head of the family he is responsible to make important decisions for the family.
Regarding the role of the wife the Bible says: “As the congregation is in subjection to the Christ, so let wives also be to their husbands in everything.” (Eph. 5:24) Thus the role of the wife is one of subjection to her husband. In view of this, would it be proper for her to compete with her husband for family headship? Would she be showing subjection if she were to countermand his restrictions on the children? Would it not be more in keeping with her role for her to support them? As for the children, the Scriptural role for them in the family is to be ‘obedient to their parents in union with the Lord.’—Eph. 6:1.
The Bible admonishes husbands to use their authority in a loving way: “Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies.” (Eph. 5:28) The husband, therefore, should lovingly care for his wife as he does for himself and be considerate of her. In all of his decisions he should have her happiness and best interests at heart.
This means that before making important decisions for the family the Christian husband does well to consider the wishes of his wife as well as those of the children. Such communication needs to be maintained within the family for its well-being. All need to feel that the father is approachable and reasonable. However, when he makes a final decision, it is the responsibility of the wife and children to accept that decision and to work in harmony with it.
But what if the husband’s decision is not a wise one? What then? Should the wife try to usurp his headship and institute a different decision? That would not be wise. In a kind and tactful manner she can discuss the matter with her husband, but if he is determined to stick to it, then it is her responsibility to support his decision, provided he is not demanding that she do something that is a violation of God’s law. By such loyal wifely support she will help the children to maintain respect for his headship, as well as maintain peace and unity in the family.
Repeatedly nagging at him about his mistake would not be in keeping with her role as a submissive helpmate. It would only make life in the family intolerable for him. For this reason the Bible says: “A leaking roof that drives one away in the day of a steady rain and a contentious wife are comparable.” (Prov. 27:15) Many homes have been broken up because of such wives.
Now suppose a mother does everything she can to give her children proper training, but some of them turn out to be bad because the father fails to fulfill his role by disciplining them and by exercising his authority. Should the mother feel that she is to blame? In such a case the blame rests chiefly upon the father’s shoulders for failing to fulfill his role.
There are instances, though, when both parents properly fulfill their roles, but some of the children still turn out bad. If they have done all they could to train the children properly, the responsibility for the badness does not rest on them. They should not blame themselves. There are several instances in the Bible where good parents had some children that turned out bad. Jotham is one who had this experience.—2 Chron. 27:6, 9; 28:1.
Usually marital problems can be solved when husband and wife follow the Scriptural counsel regarding their respective roles in the family. This can be illustrated by the experience of one couple whose marriage actually broke down in divorce. A year after the divorce the man contacted the woman and expressed a desire to remarry her. When relating the experience, she said:
“I advised him that remarrying would not be the answer. If we did not make it before we definitely could not make it the second time. He kept insisting that he knew how to make a good marriage now. From nothing but mere curiosity I asked him what this one and only way was that would make us happy. His reply was God’s Word of truth. I told him, ‘I’ll tell you what, you show me that you are sincere about this and as time goes by, if you are, we will remarry.’ His reply was, ‘O.K., that’s fair enough with me.’ On his return to . . . , he contacted one of Jehovah’s witnesses and arranged for a home Bible study. He attended all the meetings, called or wrote to me every night and was really excited about everything he had learned. We remarried on January 16, 1968, and have been very happy. When a problem arises now, we go to the Scriptures for guidance.”
By following the Bible’s guidance a family need not be faced with turbulent crises and threatened by a shattering divorce. Problems can be solved and differences settled peacefully. With each one in the family fulfilling his respective role it is possible for a family, even now, to enjoy peace, unity and happiness.