How Christians Can Help the Elderly
“WE DO not give up, but even if the man we are outside is wasting away, certainly the man we are inside is being renewed from day to day. . . . We keep our eyes, not on the things seen, but on the things unseen. For the things seen are temporary, but the things unseen are everlasting.” So said the apostle Paul in his second letter to the Corinthians.—2 Corinthians 4:16-18.
In ancient times, men and women of faith kept their eyes on the things unseen, which included all the things their God, Jehovah, had promised to do in his due time. In the book of Hebrews, Paul speaks highly of such ones, who maintained their faith till the time of their death—and some of them lived to be very old. He points to them as an example for us, saying: “In faith all these died, although they did not get the fulfillment of the promises, but they saw them afar off and welcomed them.”—Hebrews 11:13.
Today we are very close to the fulfillment of these promises. But we have sick and elderly ones among us who do not feel certain that they will personally live to see the end of this wicked system. Maybe some of these also will die in faith without having seen all the promises fulfilled during their present lifetime. To such ones the words of Paul at 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 can be a great encouragement.
Jehovah remembers all of his loyal ones, including the sick and the elderly. (Hebrews 6:10) Faithful older ones are mentioned honorably at several places in the Bible, and in the Law of Moses, special mention is made of the honor to be shown the aged. (Leviticus 19:32; Psalm 92:12-15; Proverbs 16:31) Among early Christians, elderly ones were treated with esteem. (1 Timothy 5:1-3; 1 Peter 5:5) One Bible book contains a beautiful description of the loving care and touching self-sacrifice shown by a young woman toward her aging mother-in-law. The book appropriately carries the name of that young woman, Ruth.
A Devoted Helper
Life was bitter for the aging Naomi. A famine had forced her, together with her small family, to leave friends and inheritance behind in Judah and live east of the Jordan River in the land of Moab. Here Naomi’s husband died, leaving her alone with their two boys. These, in time, grew up and married, but then they too died. Naomi was left with no heirs to take care of her.
She was too old to start a new family, and life seemed to offer very little. Unselfishly, she wanted to send Ruth and Orpah, the widows of her two sons, back to their mothers’ homes so that they might find husbands for themselves. She would return alone to her native land. Today, too, some older ones feel depressed, especially if they have lost dear ones in death. Like Naomi, they may need someone to take care of them, but they do not want to be a burden.
Ruth, however, did not abandon her mother-in-law. She loved this older woman, and she loved Jehovah, the God worshiped by Naomi. (Ruth 1:16) So together they set out on the journey back to Judah. In that land, there was a loving arrangement under Jehovah’s Law that poor people could glean, or gather, whatever was left in the fields after the harvest was brought in. Ruth, who was younger, willingly offered to do this work, saying: “Let me go, please.” She worked untiringly for the benefit of both.—Ruth 2:2, 17, 18.
Ruth’s faithfulness and love for Jehovah was a strong encouragement to Naomi, who began to think in a positive and constructive way. Her knowledge of the Law and the customs of the country was useful now. She gave wise advice to her devoted helper so that the younger woman, through a levirate marriage, could win back the inheritance of the family and have a son to continue the family line. (Ruth, chapter 3) Ruth is a beautiful example for those who make sacrifices to care for sick or older ones. (Ruth 2:10-12) Within the congregation today, much can similarly be done to help the sick and the elderly. How?
Organizing Is Valuable
In the early Christian congregation, a list was kept of widows in need of material support. (1 Timothy 5:9, 10) Likewise today, in some cases elders might make up a list of sick and elderly ones who need special attention. In some congregations an elder has been asked to care for this as his special responsibility. Since many elderly ones, like Naomi, are not inclined to seek help, such a brother would need to be skilled in analyzing a situation and—in a tactful and discreet way—make sure that necessary things are done. He could, for example, see if the Kingdom Hall has ample provisions for sick and elderly ones. If practical, he could consider matters like a sloping ramp for wheelchairs, suitable restroom facilities, earphones for the hard of hearing, and a place for special chairs. This brother could also make sure that all who are unable to come to the Kingdom Hall can borrow a tape recording of meetings or listen to them over a telephone hookup.
There may also be a need to organize transportation to meetings and conventions. One elderly sister had a problem because the one who regularly took her to meetings was not available. She had to telephone many individuals before she finally found a ride and consequently came to feel that she was a burden. An arrangement with an elder who could see to all such matters would have eased her embarrassment.
This elder could also ask various families if they would take turns in visiting the elderly. In this way children would learn that care for the elderly is part of a Christian’s life. It is good for children to learn to shoulder this responsibility. (1 Timothy 5:4) One circuit overseer states: “In my experience, very few children or young ones visit elderly or sick ones on their own initiative.” Maybe they just do not think of it, or they may feel uncertain as to what to do or say; parents can teach them this.
Remember, though, that most elderly ones would appreciate knowing ahead of time that a friend is coming. This gives them the added joy of expecting a visitor. If the visitors bring refreshments, such as coffee or cake, and quickly clean up afterward, an extra burden on the elderly is avoided. One elderly couple, still with full vigor, have a regular day each week on which they pack a small picnic basket and set out on a series of visits to elderly ones in the congregation. Their calls are highly appreciated.
For the benefit of elderly ones, many congregations have a Congregation Book Study held during daytime hours. At one place some families and single publishers were asked if they would be willing and able to support such a group, and the result was a book study group where elderly and younger ones could care for one another.
It should not be left to the elders alone to take the initiative in this area. All of us must be aware of the needs of sick and elderly ones. We can greet them in the Kingdom Hall and take time to talk with them. An invitation to informal association may be welcome. Or we can invite them to accompany us on a picnic or even a vacation. One Witness often took elderly publishers with him in his car when going out of town on business calls. It is important to help the elderly to continue to feel involved. Do not allow them to withdraw, as Naomi was inclined to do, which would hasten the process of aging or senility.
Young ones who are disabled or sick also need attention. A Witness who had three incurably sick boys, two of whom have since died, says: “It can be difficult for a congregation to continue showing care when someone has an illness that goes on for an extended period of time. Why not assign some reliable young publishers to discuss the daily text and read a chapter from the Bible each day with their bedridden friend? Young ones, pioneers included, could take turns.”
When Death Seems Inevitable
Servants of Jehovah have always boldly faced death, be it due to sickness or persecution. When afflicted ones begin to feel that death may be close, it is natural for them to experience different emotions. After their death, their relatives too would pass through a period of adjustment, grief, and acceptance. So it is often good for the ailing person to speak openly about death, as did Jacob, David, and Paul.—Genesis, chapters 48 and 49; 1 Kings 2:1-10; 2 Timothy 4:6-8.
A Witness who is a physician writes: “We must be very open about this subject. I have never in my career found that it has done a patient any good to hide the fact that he or she is terminally ill.” Nevertheless, we need to understand what the patient himself wants to know, and when he wants to know this. Some patients clearly indicate that they are aware of the closeness of death, and they need to discuss their thoughts and feelings about this. Others seem to insist on hoping, and their friends do well to hope with them.—Compare Romans 12:12-15.
Someone close to death may be so tired or confused that it is difficult for him to pray. Such a patient will probably be comforted by learning from Romans 8:26, 27 that God understands “groanings unuttered.” Jehovah knows that under such stress a person may have difficulty in finding words for a prayer.
When possible, it is important to pray with a patient. A brother relates: “When my mother was dying and no longer had the strength to speak, she indicated by folding her hands that she wanted us to pray with her. After our prayer, we sang one of the Kingdom songs, for my mother had always been very fond of music. At first, we were humming the tune, and then we quietly sang the words. She clearly enjoyed it. Undoubtedly, these songs that we connect with our life as Jehovah’s Witnesses embody feelings that it might otherwise be hard to express.”
Speaking with a dying person requires love, tact, and feeling. A visitor can prepare upbuilding and faith-strengthening matters to mention, and he should be alert to avoid negative talk about other people and their problems. Also, the duration of the visit should be adjusted to what is reasonable and fitting. If the patient seems unconscious, it is good to remember that he may still be able to hear what is said. So be careful about what you say.
A Responsibility We Share
Caring for sick and elderly ones is a heavy responsibility. For those closest to the patient, it is demanding, both physically and emotionally. They need and deserve understanding and help from the rest of the congregation. Those who care for sick family members or fellow believers are doing what is right, even if it means that they miss some meetings or that their share in the field ministry decreases for a period. (Compare 1 Timothy 5:8.) They will be strengthened by the congregation’s understanding attitude. At times a brother or a sister may be able to take over temporarily so that the regular care-giver can attend a meeting or enjoy a few refreshing hours in the preaching work.
Of course, if you yourself are the ailing one, you can do something too. Hopelessness and helplessness with regard to your infirmity could make you bitter, but bitterness isolates a person and repels others. You could instead try to express appreciation and be cooperative. (1 Thessalonians 5:18) Pray for others who are in pain. (Colossians 4:12) Meditate on the wonderful truths of the Bible, and discuss these with visitors. (Psalm 71:17, 18) Eagerly keep up-to-date with the faith-strengthening progress of God’s people. (Psalm 48:12-14) Give thanks to Jehovah for these happy developments. Meditating on such matters can, like a setting sun that casts an even deeper and warmer light than the sun at noon, give our life’s twilight hours a beauty all their own.
We should all struggle to maintain the hope that, especially in trying times, guards our mind like a helmet. (1 Thessalonians 5:8) It is good to meditate on the resurrection hope and its strong foundation. We can look ahead with assurance and eager expectation to the day when there will be no more sickness or weakness due to old age. Then, everyone will feel well. Even the dead will return. (John 5:28, 29) These “things unseen” we see with the eyes of our faith and our heart. Never lose sight of them.—Isaiah 25:8; 33:24; Revelation 21:3, 4.