Do You Dignify Others When Offering Counsel?
HOW good and how beneficial it is to be counseled with dignity! “Kind, considerate, caring counsel makes for good relationships,” says Edward. “When you feel that the counselor honors and respects you by showing a willingness to listen to your side of the story, the counsel is a lot easier to take,” claims Warren. “When a counselor treats me with respect, I feel free to approach him, asking him for counsel,” remarks Norman.
Man’s Natural Right to Dignity
Warm, friendly, and loving counsel is indeed welcome. Counseling others the way you want to be counseled is beneficial. (Matthew 7:12) A good counselor takes the time to listen and seeks to understand the one being counseled—his thinking, his position, and his feelings—instead of criticizing and condemning.—Proverbs 18:13.
Today’s counselors, including Christian elders, need to be alert to dignify others when giving counsel. Why? For the simple reason that a prevailing attitude in society is to deal with others in an undignified manner. This is contagious. Very often the ones from whom you expect dignified treatment are the ones who fail to provide it, be they professionals, religious leaders, or others. To illustrate, in the workplace a job dismissal is traumatic and stressful for both the employer and the employee. It is damaging to self-esteem, especially if the one being fired is treated without dignity. Supervisors in this setting must learn how to deliver the “hard message so that it comes across clean, crisp and professional, and keeps the individual’s dignity intact,” reports The Vancouver Sun. Yes, all humans merit dignified treatment.
The General Assembly of the United Nations proclaims: “All human beings are born free and equal in dignity and rights. They are endowed with reason and conscience and should act towards one another in a spirit of brotherhood.” Since the dignity of man is under attack, it is with good reason that the Charter of the United Nations and the preamble to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights recognizes this quality. They affirm “faith in fundamental human rights, in the dignity and worth of the human person.”
Jehovah Created Man With Inherent Dignity
Jehovah is a God of dignity. His inspired Word correctly states, “Dignity and splendor are before him,” and, “[His] dignity is recounted above the heavens.”—1 Chronicles 16:27; Psalm 8:1.
As a dignified God and Universal Sovereign, he confers dignity upon all his creation, heavenly and earthly. Outstanding among those so honored is his glorified and reigning Son, the King, Christ Jesus. “Dignity and splendor you put upon him,” David wrote prophetically.—Psalm 21:5; Daniel 7:14.
Sadly, this basic human right has been much abused throughout history. A powerful angel, who by his actions became Satan the Devil, challenged the rightfulness, righteousness, and deservedness of God’s sovereignty. In so doing he showed disrespect for Jehovah and dishonored His dignified name while challenging His right to rule. He arrogated excessive dignity to himself. Like the Devil, powerful human monarchs, such as Nebuchadnezzar of Bible times, have boasted of their ‘might and their majesty.’ They have assaulted Jehovah’s dignity, attributing unreasonable dignity to themselves. (Daniel 4:30) Satan’s oppressive rule, imposed upon the world of mankind, has attacked and continues to attack the dignity of man.
Has your dignity ever been undermined? When counseled, have you been made to feel excessively guilty, ashamed, disgraced, or degraded? “I did not sense concern, compassion, and dignity. I was made to feel worthless,” claims André, adding: “This led to feelings of frustration and anxiety, even depression.” “It is difficult to accept counsel from someone you feel does not have your best interests at heart,” says Laura.
For this reason, Christian overseers are admonished to treat the flock of God with respect and honor. (1 Peter 5:2, 3) If situations arise in which it is necessary and beneficial to counsel others, how can you protect yourself from the thinking and conduct of worldly men who, without hesitation, assault the dignity of others? What can help you to preserve the dignity of fellow Christians, as well as your own?—Proverbs 27:6; Galatians 6:1.
Principles That Preserve Dignity
God’s Word is not silent on this subject. A skillful counselor will put implicit trust in the counsel of God’s Word, rather than look to the wisdom of this world. The Sacred Writings contain valuable advice. When followed, they dignify both the counselor and the one being instructed. Thus, Paul’s direction to the Christian overseer Timothy was: “Do not severely criticize an older man. To the contrary, entreat him as a father, younger men as brothers, older women as mothers, younger women as sisters with all chasteness.” (1 Timothy 5:1, 2) How much sorrow, hurt feelings, and embarrassment can be avoided by adhering to these standards!
Notice that the key to successful counseling is proper respect for the other person and his right to be treated in a dignified, caring manner. Christian elders, including traveling overseers, should endeavor to follow this advice, seeking to determine why the one needing readjustment thinks and acts as he does. They should want to hear his point of view, and make every effort to avoid shaming, degrading, or disgracing the one being assisted.
As an elder, let your brother know that you care and want to help him with his problems. That is what a good doctor does when you visit his office for a physical examination. The thought of disrobing in a cold, sterile room may leave you embarrassed and humiliated. How you appreciate a doctor who shows sensitivity to your self-esteem and dignifies you with a covering garment while he performs the necessary examination to determine the cause of your illness! In like manner, a Christian counselor who shows proper respect for the individual is kind and firm, yet clothes the recipient with dignity. (Revelation 2:13, 14, 19, 20) Conversely, counsel that is harsh, cold, and unfeeling is like a figurative undressing that makes you feel ashamed, disgraced, and stripped of your dignity.
Theocratic Ministry School overseers are especially careful to counsel with dignity. When counseling the elderly, they reflect the same love that they would show to their fleshly parents. They are considerate, friendly, and warm. Such sensitivity is necessary. It generates an atmosphere conducive to the proper giving and receiving of counsel.
Elders, bear in mind that practical counsel is elevating, encouraging, upbuilding, and positive. Ephesians 4:29 states: “Let a rotten saying not proceed out of your mouth, but whatever saying is good for building up as the need may be, that it may impart what is favorable to the hearers.”
There is no need to employ harsh terms, language, or reasoning. Rather, respect for the other person and a desire to preserve his feelings of self-worth and esteem prompt you to present matters in a positive, constructive way. Preface any remarks with sincere, genuine commendation for his good points or qualities, rather than emphasize views that make him feel frustrated and worthless. If you serve as an elder, use your ‘authority to build up and not to tear down.’—2 Corinthians 10:8.
Yes, the effect of any counsel from Christian overseers should be to give needed encouragement, to impart what is favorable. It should not discourage or “terrify.” (2 Corinthians 10:9) Even one who has committed a serious wrong needs to be accorded a measure of self-respect and dignity. Counsel must be balanced with kind, yet firm, words of reproof so as to move him to repentance.—Psalm 44:15; 1 Corinthians 15:34.
Significantly, God’s Law to Israel embodied these same principles. It permitted counsel and even physical discipline, while simultaneously preserving an individual’s right to a measure of personal dignity. Beating with strokes “by number to correspond with [the] wicked deed” was allowed, but this was not to be excessive. A limit was imposed on the number of strokes administered so that the wrongdoer would not be “actually disgraced.”—Deuteronomy 25:2, 3.
Concern for the feelings of repentant wrongdoers was also characteristic of Jesus. Of him, Isaiah prophesied: “No crushed reed will he break; and as for a dim flaxen wick, he will not extinguish it. In trueness he will bring forth justice.”—Isaiah 42:3; Matthew 12:17, 20; Luke 7:37, 38, 44-50.
Further emphasizing the need for empathy are Jesus’ words in the Sermon on the Mount: “All things, therefore, that you want men to do to you, you also must likewise do to them.” (Matthew 7:12) So pivotal is this principle in promoting good relationships that it is commonly called the Golden Rule. As a Christian elder, how can it help you to treat others with kindness and dignity when counseling?
Keep in mind that you too make mistakes. As James observed, “all stumble many times.” (James 3:2) Remembering this will help temper your remarks and control your feelings when it is necessary to talk to others about their shortcomings. Recognize their sensitivities. This will help you to avoid excessive criticism, drawing attention to minor mistakes or flaws. Jesus stressed this when he said: “Stop judging that you may not be judged; for with what judgment you are judging, you will be judged; and with the measure that you are measuring out, they will measure out to you.”—Matthew 7:1, 2.
Dignify Others—Oppose the Devil
Satan’s tactics are designed to strip you of dignity, to produce feelings of disgrace, worthlessness, and despair. Notice how he used a human agent to stimulate negative emotions in faithful Job. Hypocritical Eliphaz claimed: “In his servants he [Jehovah] has no faith, and his messengers [holy angels] he charges with faultiness. How much more so with those dwelling in houses of clay [sinful humans], whose foundation is in the dust! One crushes them more quickly than a moth.” (Job 4:18, 19) So according to him, Job was of no more value to God than a moth. Indeed, the counsel of Eliphaz and his companions, far from being upbuilding, would have left Job bereft of even the memory of better times. In their view his past faithfulness, family training, relationship with God, and gifts of mercy were worth nothing.
Likewise today, repentant wrongdoers are particularly susceptible to such feelings, and the danger exists of their being ‘swallowed up by being overly sad.’ Elders, when counseling such ones, “confirm your love” for them by allowing them to preserve a measure of dignity. (2 Corinthians 2:7, 8) “Being treated with a lack of dignity makes it difficult to accept counsel,” admits William. It is essential to strengthen their belief that they are valuable in God’s eyes. Remind them that Jehovah is “not unrighteous so as to forget [their] work and the love [they] showed for his name” during their past years of faithful service.—Hebrews 6:10.
What additional factors can help you to dignify others when offering counsel? Recognize that all humans possess a natural right to dignity, since they are made in God’s image. They are valued by Jehovah God and Jesus Christ; the dual provisions of the ransom and the resurrection attest to that fact. Jehovah adds further dignity to Christians by “assigning [them] to a ministry,” using them to entreat a wicked generation to make peace with God.—1 Timothy 1:12.
Elders, remember that the vast majority of your Christian brothers are prospective foundation members of the new human society in the cleansed earth. As such valued and precious individuals, they merit being assigned honor. When counseling, recall how both Jehovah and Jesus show consideration for them, and continue to do your part to help your brothers preserve a feeling of dignity and self-worth in the face of Satan’s challenges.—2 Peter 3:13; compare 1 Peter 3:7.
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Counsel That Dignifies
(1) Give genuine and sincere commendation. (Revelation 2:2, 3)
(2) Be a good listener. Clearly and kindly identify the problem and the reason for the counsel. (2 Samuel 12:1-14; Proverbs 18:13; Revelation 2:4)
(3) Base your counsel on the Scriptures. Be positive, reasonable, and encouraging, and show empathy. Keep the recipient’s dignity and self-worth intact. (2 Timothy 3:16; Titus 3:2; Revelation 2:5, 6)
(4) Assure the recipient that blessings come from accepting and applying the counsel. (Hebrews 12:7, 11; Revelation 2:7)
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Christian elders need to dignify others when giving counsel