Is It Always the Parents’ Fault if the Child Goes Bad?

Neither parents nor children are perfect. Both will make regrettable mistakes. Yet, because the Bible says that a properly trained child “will not turn aside,” some parents feel solely at fault when a child goes bad. (Prov. 22:6) However, this verse has to be viewed in its proper setting. It is part of the advice given in Proverbs to parents. A parent knows whether he paid only lip service to this counsel or not.

Advice is also given to children. If they are to turn out well, they are urged to ‘listen to,’ “treasure up,” “not forget,” “pay attention [to],” “observe” and “not forsake” the commandments and discipline of parents. (Prov. 1:8; 2:1; 3:1; 4:1; 6:20) Over four times as much counsel is given to children as is given to parents in just this one book of the Bible!

Some children will ‘despise obedience’ to a parent. (Prov. 30:17) One exemplary father of a wayward son remarked: “I have tried and tried to reach his heart. I do not know what to do because I have tried so many things. Nothing has worked.”

A child has a responsibility to heed those verses that apply to him. If both parent and child heed Bible counsel, the general rule is that a child will not deviate. There is no need for a parent to dishearten himself with guilt over what has happened in the past. Concern yourself with what you can do now to help your child.

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“TRAIN” FOR ADULT LIFE

“Train up a boy according to the way for him.” (Prov. 22:6) A child needs to be trained in adult skills such as decisiveness, showing initiative and self-control. Without such training he may fail in adulthood.

Especially delicate are teenage years​—a time of transition. One moment the child may complain: “Don’t tell me what to do!” and an hour later he may ask: “Mom, what should I do now?” You can help the child to make the transition by being neither too restrictive nor too easygoing.