“[Husbands,] let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.

Eph. 5:33–6:4.

Is it not true that many marriage problems would not exist if the husband loved his wife as he did himself and if the wife respected her husband’s headship? Certainly a wife who is treated with consideration would have no reason to complain about her husband’s exercise of headship? She cannot help but respect a man who sticks to right principle and is willing to deny himself the pursuit of personal likes to promote the welfare and happiness of the entire family.

The wife, however, must prove herself to be a woman who merits her husband’s understanding and consideration. She should not be surprised if her husband does not respond in a loving way when she shows herself to be contentious, irritable and faultfinding. As the Bible puts it: “Better is it to dwell in a wilderness land than with a contentious wife along with vexation.” (Prov. 21:19) Also, a husband’s interest in his wife usually diminishes if she takes little interest in his plans and activities.

The attitude of a wife toward her husband’s headship can have a profound effect on the children. If she ignores God’s law to be in subjection and displays an independent spirit, the children often come to the point where they do not consult their father. They do not look to him for direction, since the example set by the mother implies that the father’s guidance is undependable and not in the best interests of the family. The disagreements between husband and wife that arise through a wife’s undermining the husband’s position cast doubt on whether either one of them really has the welfare of the family at heart. So the children generally have no more reason to respect the mother than they do the father. All this works to the injury of the children, for they need guidance and direction to become balanced adults who will be able to handle responsibilities in a fine way.

It is therefore vital that parents, by word and example, prove that they have an unselfish interest in the family. The mother can do so by remaining submissive to her husband, whereas the father can do this by exercising his headship in a loving way, as directed by God’s law.