Do your parents agreeably live together in peace and unity? Do father’s counsel and mother’s understanding come to your assistance in trialsome times? If so, then, indeed, you have a happy life, the memories of which you can treasure up for years to come. On the other hand, if your parents are constantly badgering each other or are engaged in open warfare, or if you live in a household divided by communications barriers between you and your parents, then childhood must be a nightmare you hope soon to forget.

3. What may parents feel is influencing their family life?

³ And what is the opinion of you parents? How wholesome is your home? Do you find that the pressures of the times and the deteriorating influences all around are permeating your family? Do you find that in this modern world former guidelines have vanished and along with them the peaceful norms of the past? Do you feel that there is a need for improvement in the home, but you cannot put your finger on the cause of the trouble or find a cure?

4. What is meant by “wholesome” especially as pertaining to family life?

⁴ “Wholesome” means being healthy, entire, complete; not sickly, morbid or diseased. Especially is this important in the spiritual and moral senses. The family that is vigorous and sound morally and spiritually is able to cope with other problems that may arise, such as poor physical health and financial difficulties. It is able to resist all the divisive forces that beset so many families today.

IMPORTANCE OF THE BIBLE IN THE HOME

5. How important is the Bible in the home?

⁵ How, then, can a family reach that desirable high plateau of moral and spiritual wholesomeness? It is not too difficult. The family that makes the Bible its most read book, the family that applies the Bible’s principles in daily life is the family that is wholesome and happy. Only by means of God’s Word can moral fiber and spiritual strength be built into each member of the family.

6. What is one of the two principal reasons for family disunity?

⁶ There are basically two reasons why households have a constant struggle to maintain a wholesome atmosphere. First, there is inborn imperfection and weakness in every one of us. As the Scriptures say: “‘There is not a righteous man, not even one; . . . all men have deflected,’ . . . all have sinned.” (Rom. 3:10-12, 23; Ps. 14:3) “If we make the statement: ‘We have no sin,’ we are misleading ourselves and the truth is not in us.”​—1 John 1:8, 10.

7. (a) What correction can be effected in the hereditary traits of a child? (b) By discipline and training, can inborn imperfections be completely removed? Explain.

⁷ The baby when born, though helpless and blameless, is hereditarily imperfect and sinful. As David said, “With error I was brought forth . . . and in sin my mother conceived me.” (Ps. 51:5) And yet with proper training the child can grow up to be much more than a wild, unruly offshoot. “Foolishness is tied up with the heart of a boy,” the proverb says; “the rod of discipline is what will remove it far from him.” (Prov. 22:6, 15; 23:13, 14) This does not mean that inborn traits to do what is bad are completely removed by discipline. No, the tendency to do bad is ever present from the cradle to the grave, even in individuals as devoted to righteousness as the apostle Paul, who confessed: “I really delight in the law of God . . . but I behold in my members another law warring against the law of my mind and leading me captive to sin’s law that is in my members.”​—Rom. 7:22, 23.

8. What is another important reason for family disunity?

⁸ The second reason why a constant struggle is necessary to maintain a peaceful household is the presence of Satan the Devil and his demons. These are very real, powerful and ever-present forces that must be reckoned with. It is their wicked purpose not only to cultivate in men wrong desires but to capitalize on man’s imperfection and sinful tendencies, in an effort to plunge men deeper into the pit of despair. Hence the warning: “Stand firm against the machinations of the Devil; because we have a wrestling, not against blood and flesh, but against . . . the world rulers of this darkness, against the wicked spirit forces in the heavenly places.”​—Eph. 6:11, 12.

APPLYING BIBLE PRINCIPLES TO THE PROBLEMS

9. What suggestion is here given as to a solution for family problems?

⁹ It is not intangible, impractical theory to say that Bible principles, if applied, can solve everyday problems in the home. The practicality and usefulness of the Bible’s counsel in the everyday and personal affairs of the family can be easily demonstrated.

10. Where proper headship in the home is lacking, what conditions result?

¹⁰ Take, for instance, the home where there is improper headship or where headship is lacking altogether. Results? Confusion and disorder. Members of the family act independently. There is an absence of rules and regulations. Homelife soon disintegrates. The house then in reality is no more than a “service station,” a shelter from the rain in which to eat and sleep. And once these needs are satisfied, each one hurries off to associate with other companions more to his liking. As wise King Solomon observed, ‘Better to live in the attic than downstairs with a contentious wife.’ The other side of the coin might read, ‘Better to live in a shelter in the yard than to share a house with a domineering, alcoholic husband.’​—Prov. 21:9, 19.

11. In contrast, what may be expected if the Bible’s laws on headship are followed?

¹¹ But what a difference if the Bible’s laws regarding headship are followed! There is then a basis upon which peace and unity can be built. ‘I want you to know,’ the apostle Paul says, ‘that the man is the head of the house.’ Proper male headship carries with it the responsibility of looking to Jehovah God and Christ Jesus for direction. This means that the husband will treat his wife with the same tender affection that he shows toward his own body. He will be a good provider for both the family’s material and spiritual needs.​—1 Cor. 11:3; Eph. 5:22-33; 1 Pet. 3:1-7.

12, 13. (a) Describe Jehovah as a Model Head of his household. (b) In imitating Jehovah, how should fathers treat their families?

¹² In this regard you fathers find a wonderful example in the great Father of the universe, Jehovah God, whom you do well to emulate. He constantly provides not only for the material and spiritual needs, but also counsel and encouragement for everyone in his household. He abhors rebellion and administers punishment to lawbreakers without partiality.​—Prov. 6:16-19; Deut. 10:17, 18.

¹³ But at the same time, O how loving and compassionate and merciful Jehovah is! Yes, to a degree far beyond description or measure. (Ps. 103:8; Jas. 5:11) Similarly, you fathers can provide a wholesome atmosphere in your households by lovingly and tenderly caring for your families’ needs with understanding. Dwell with your wives according to knowledge and bring up your children in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah. Do not be irritating them.​—1 Pet. 3:7; Eph. 6:4.

14. When it comes to controlling anger, what practical counsel does the Bible give?

¹⁴ Are bitter words and explosions of emotional temper common occurrences in your home? Not if the Bible’s counsel is followed. There may seem to be ever so many situations that justify angry words. But when all is said and done, prevention of anger is largely a matter of guarding one’s tongue and controlling one’s spirit. (Ps. 34:13; Prov. 25:28) This is the wise course to follow. “All his spirit is what a stupid one lets out, but he that is wise keeps it calm to the last.” (Prov. 29:11) “Let anger alone and leave rage,” for “he that is slow to anger is abundant in discernment.” (Ps. 37:8; Prov. 14:29) ‘A mild answer turns away rage.’ Use “wholesome speech which cannot be condemned” if you want peace and unity in your home.​—Prov. 15:1; Titus 2:8.

15. How should individual likes and personal traits be viewed so as not to allow them to disturb the family’s peace and unity?

¹⁵ There may be petty likes and dislikes among members of the family due to differences in temperament and personality, but these need not be a source of contention and strife. If everyone were exactly alike in these characteristics, what a dull world this would be! Rather, individual traits add spice, color, variety and life to the family circle. They enhance the joy of living together without the boring monotony of sameness.

16. What may be some of the reasons why children in the home are unruly?

¹⁶ What about the home where the children are unruly and disobedient? Is it because parents have completely given up trying to maintain authority over their rebellious offspring? Or is it a case where the rules are not clearly defined or understood? Perhaps the root of the trouble lies with parents who have forgotten what the Bible says: “Just let your word Yes mean Yes, your No, No.” (Matt. 5:37; Jas. 5:12) As parents, do you unwisely violate the rules you expect your children to keep? Do you in substance preach, ‘Do as I say but not as I do’? Children are quick to detect hypocrisy in their parents. (Matt. 23:3) Parents therefore can give forceful meaning to the rules of the home, and at the same time win the respect of their children, if they keep the rules themselves, thus setting a good example for their offspring to copy.

17. (a) Why are parents sometimes alienated from their children? (b) How may grudges be prevented from creating a barrier between parents and a child?

¹⁷ Are domestic friction and heated arguments due to misunderstanding and a lack of communication? Parents sometimes seem to be at a loss to understand their children. So often this is due to a lack of intimate association between parents and children, a condition that may begin even when the children are small. In other instances the communication breaks down during the teen-age stage of the child’s development when the child and parents stop speaking to one another because of hurt feelings. However, the bearing of grudges is condemned by the Bible. To avoid this, “let the sun not set with you in a provoked state, neither allow place for the Devil.”​—Eph. 4:26, 27; Lev. 19:18.

18. How does the function of the human body furnish a fitting example that members of a household do well to copy?

¹⁸ A wholesome family can well be compared to the human body in which every member functions according to its created purpose. In the human body if one member fails to do its part the entire body suffers. However, when this occurs the healthy members do not chastise, beat and ill-treat the member that fails in its function. Rather, the rest of the body comes to the rescue to give aid, assistance and support to the ailing member by taking over part of the work load until the sick member is able to recover its strength. So too it should be in a family that is wholesomely strong.​—1 Cor. 12:19-26.

19. From what other area may a household expect disturbance if not watched?

¹⁹ In addition to the internal causes of friction, there are a multitude of outside influences that may disturb the tranquillity of the home if they are not closely watched and kept in check.

PRESSURES FROM WITHOUT

20. (a) Name some of the common sources of pressure in our times. (b) How can the Bible be of aid under present conditions?

²⁰ The sources of pressure in our times seem legion​—fear of thieves and immoral persons bent on doing harm, dangers of fearsome diseases, skyrocketing costs of living, shrunken purchasing power of savings, the seemingly endless stream of crises one atop another due to strikes, riots, wars, revolutions—​just to enumerate a few. While such things are far beyond a person’s control, yet with the aid of the Bible one is able to prevent such pressures from disturbing the tranquillity of the family circle.

21, 22. How may the right viewpoint of religious opposition and persecution help to prevent these from disturbing a household?

²¹ Severe opposition from relatives, or physical abuse from neighbors, may be the source of pressure on the family. Understanding the reason for this may not eliminate the pressure, but it will greatly strengthen the family to endure it. Does not the Bible say that one’s closest relatives may violently oppose those devoted to Jehovah God and Christ Jesus?​—Matt. 10:21, 22.

²² Parents who are compelled by economic circumstances to work in association with worldlings are often under great pressure to conform to this system, the god of which is the Devil. If you do not join with them in the same low sink of debauchery, consisting of “deeds of loose conduct, lusts, excesses with wine, revelries, drinking matches, and illegal idolatries,” your workmates may speak abusively of you. (1 Pet. 4:3-5) Sometimes one is persecuted because of remaining neutral toward political issues or for refusing to compromise Bible principles in matters of honesty, chaste conduct or the use of blood. But here again such experiences should never disturb the family’s peace of mind. “Happy are you,” Jesus said, “when people reproach you and persecute you and lyingly say every sort of wicked thing against you for my sake.” “In fact,” the apostle Paul adds, “all those desiring to live with godly devotion in association with Christ Jesus will also be persecuted.”​—Matt. 5:11, 12; 2 Tim. 3:12.

23. What pressures are many children under when going to school nowadays?

²³ Children going to school are much of the time in close association with others who use bad language and display all sorts of immodest conduct. More and more, schoolchildren are the victims of dope addiction, rowdyism, physical assault and rape inflicted by roving gangs of hoodlums who threaten, coerce, beat and in other ways intimidate both teachers and pupils. It is in the schools also where the seeds of discord and rebellion are planted and cultivated, which, if allowed to develop, will eventually replace the wholesome training instilled by parents at home. These things are all part of the troubled times in which we live, the “critical times hard to deal with” that make up the sign of the “last days” of this system of things.​—2 Tim. 3:1-5.

YOUR ONLY PROTECTION

24. What four aids are available to strengthen the family bond of unity in this “time of the end”?

²⁴ Make no mistake about it, only by remaining spiritually strong can one hope to resist the tidal wave of corruption sweeping over the world. You cannot turn this tide back but you can improve your spiritual strength to resist it, and this you can do with the aid of God’s Word, his spirit, his organization and by prayer. Consider briefly the importance of these four aids.

25. Who in a family will benefit from a regular study of the Bible?

²⁵ A regular family Bible study is most beneficial to all members of the household, the old as well as the young. Joshua was a very old man when told, “You must in an undertone read in [God’s Word] day and night, in order that you may take care to do according to all that is written in it; for then you will make your way successful and then you will act wisely.” (Josh. 1:8) In a study of the Bible, children learn: “Be obedient to your parents in everything.” In a study of the Bible parents compelled to do undesirable work learn: “Whatever you are doing, work at it whole-souled as to Jehovah, and not to men.”​—Col. 3:20, 23, 24.

26. What wholesome instruction does the Bible give on moral issues of the times?

²⁶ Bible study will transform your way of thinking in many other ways too so that your mind will no longer be “fashioned after this system of things.” (Rom. 12:2) For example, those who practice the “works of the flesh,” the Bible warns, “will not inherit God’s kingdom.” Such “works” include “fornication, uncleanness, loose conduct, idolatry, practice of spiritism, enmities, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, contentions, divisions, sects, envies, drunken bouts, revelries, and things like these.” (Gal. 5:19-21) “Things like these” are enumerated in other letters of the apostle as greediness, foolish talking, obscene jesting (Eph. 5:3-5), and also sexual appetite, hurtful desire, covetousness, wrath, anger, badness, abusive speech and obscene talk, all of which should be stripped off as part of the “old personality.” (Col. 3:5-9) Furthermore, “neither . . . men kept for unnatural purposes, nor men who lie with men, nor thieves, . . . nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit God’s kingdom.”​—1 Cor. 6:9, 10.

27. In addition to getting rid of the “old personality,” what does the Bible recommend?

²⁷ Doing away with all these evil practices in itself would certainly make for a much more wholesome home, would it not? But getting rid of the “old personality” is only part of it. The Bible says to put on a “new personality” described as one of “tender affections of compassion, kindness, lowliness of mind, mildness, and long-suffering.” Also, put up with and forgive one another, and, above all, clothe yourself with love, the “perfect bond of union.”​—Col. 3:12-14.

28. Of what aid is God’s holy spirit in the development of a new personality?

²⁸ Here is where the family needs the aid of God’s holy spirit, for without such divine active force it is impossible to develop a new, Christlike personality. This is because “love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faith, mildness, self-control” are the fruitage of God’s spirit. Whereas “there is no law” against bearing such fruitage, there is a law, “the kingly law,” that commands, “You must love your neighbor as yourself,” which law is particularly applicable among “neighbors” (meaning “near-dwellers”) within the family circle.​—Gal. 5:22, 23; Jas. 2:8.

29. How can good association be an aid to a wholesome home, and where can such association be found?

²⁹ The third important aid to acquiring peace and unity within the family is association with God’s organization of dedicated and devoted people. The truism “Bad associations spoil useful habits” emphasizes how important good association is for a healthy spirituality. Now, where can better association be found than in the company of Jehovah’s witnesses at their Kingdom Halls? It is there that the Witnesses gather together to incite one another “to love and fine works,” and all the more so as they see the end of this system drawing near.​—1 Cor. 15:33; Heb. 10:24, 25.

30. What does the Bible say about prayer as an aid in resisting the divisive forces of Satan in this time of the end?

³⁰ Prayer too is a powerful aid in this time of stress, for the family that prays together in God’s way is the family that stays together. “Do not be anxious over anything,” the Scriptures say, “but in everything by prayer and supplication along with thanksgiving let your petitions be made known to God.” “Persevere in prayer.” “Pray incessantly.” (Phil. 4:6; Rom. 12:12; 1 Thess. 5:17) Having on “the complete suit of armor,” you are able to stand up against the Devil, only if, in addition, “with every form of prayer and supplication you carry on prayer on every occasion in spirit.” (Eph. 6:11-18) And what should you pray for? Of first concern, Jesus said, is the sanctification of Jehovah’s name and the taking over of earth’s affairs by God’s kingdom; other matters are of secondary importance.​—Matt. 6:9-13.

31. What will assure a positive answer to the question, Is my home wholesome?

³¹ Again ask yourself the question, Is my home wholesome? If you are an overseer in the Christian congregation, surely your answer is “Yes!” For, as the apostle argues, “if indeed any man does not know how to preside over his own household, how will he take care of God’s congregation?” (1 Tim. 3:2-5) On the other hand, if your answer is not in the affirmative, then apply the Bible principles here discussed and you too will begin to enjoy a happy wholesome home.

Do Your Children Confide in You?

“Children, be obedient to your parents . . . you, fathers, do not be irritating your children.”​—Eph. 6:1, 4.

1. Describe the change that often occurs in a child’s attitude toward his parents as he grows older.

WHAT a delight to see a young child excitedly trying to tell his parents of some little event that just happened! To this child the most important thing at the moment is telling father and mother the whole story, for he feels that, above all others, the parents must hear about it. But alas! a few years later that warm and intimate confidence often deteriorates into icy silence, and a deep-freeze of evasiveness sets in.

2. Is the reason why parents lose the confidence of their children generally recognized? So what is needed?

² Why such change in attitude? Parents and children who find themselves in this unhappy situation can give a whole string of complaints against each other, but few of them know the basic reasons for the change, otherwise they could cope with it. Usually they are too close to the problem and too emotionally involved to recognize the cause or to find the remedy by themselves. They need outside aid. They need the aid of God’s Word the Bible, for it pinpoints the cause and highlights the remedy.

3. When were the seeds of rebellion against parents first planted, and by whom?

³ In searching for the cause it must be recognized, first of all, that the seeds of rebellion against parental authority were planted long ago. The Devil, that original rebel who is also called Satan, meaning adversary or opposer, caused Adam and Eve to lose confidence in their Father Jehovah, by calling into question the divine law. (Gen. 3:1-6; 2 Cor. 11:3) Since then Adam’s offspring, “sons of disobedience” for the most part, have put little faith and trust in Jehovah or his Word. (Eph. 2:2) In this regard, the religious leaders are primarily responsible, and particularly is this so in modern times. The majority of the clergy today discard the Bible as not inspired by God, and in its place preach that ‘God is dead’ and man is a product of evolution.​—Matt. 15:6, 9.

“CRITICAL TIMES HARD TO DEAL WITH”

4. Are conditions today any worse than in past generations?

⁴ Though the seeds of insubordination were planted long ago, it is only in modern times that such a bumper crop of rebels has appeared. This generation of lawless ones has created a crisis in the earth the like of which has never before existed. At the same time that international wars are being fought over border disputes, other types of warfare are waged on many home fronts, and it is these latter ones that have the greatest effect on youths. A neighborhood riot has a greater impact on children than the bombing of villages in a war zone halfway around the globe.

5. What are some of the things today that are “hard to deal with”?

⁵ Local labor disputes are ever more frequent and more and more difficult to mediate. Peace in such disputes is often restored only temporarily. Confidence and trust are at a low ebb. Labor and management have lost confidence in each other. Meantime everybody suffers. Products and services deteriorate, the cost of living soars, the burden of taxation increases. Everyone seems discontented.

6. Are conditions any better among civil employees?

⁶ Not only is rebellion rampant among industrial workers, but many civil servants rebel against constituted authority. Strikes among municipal, state and federal employees were practically unheard of a few years ago. But nowadays police, fire fighters, sanitation men, postal workers and others have gone on strike, not alone for higher wages, but in protest over other matters. There is also an ever-widening rebellion of teachers against school boards.

7. What rebellious attitudes are of an even more serious nature?

⁷ Besides the disputes over economic issues, there are those developments of a more serious nature that involve protests and rebellions against the present system of things, against what is called ‘the establishment.’ There are many “anti” movements afoot​—antiwar, antipeace, antirich and antipoor. Sometimes these small fires of discontent cannot be contained until a number of lives have been lost.

8. How were present world conditions foretold in Bible prophecy?

⁸ Of a truth, world affairs are exactly as foretold by the apostle Paul, “critical times hard to deal with”! The details Paul described in this way: “Men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power.” Certainly, these conditions constitute a mountain of evidence that we are living in “the last days” of this system of things.​—2 Tim. 3:1-5.

9. How are youngsters bound to be affected by present world conditions?

⁹ It is not surprising, then, that children living amid these desperate, critical times are adversely affected. In many instances the parents have lost confidence in their social and political leaders, in their industrial superiors, and in their religious teachers. What, then, can be expected of the children when they start thinking for themselves? They too lose confidence in the system around them, and in their parents and grandparents, whom they hold responsible for the present rotting system.

LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD’S COMPLAINTS

10. What is one complaint often heard against parents?

¹⁰ One of the complaints youngsters have is their parents’ failure to understand them. For example, when youngsters do confide and disclose a problem they are having, so often parents become angry instead of giving the needed help. Thus to avoid family friction, children feel it is better not to mention their problems to their unsympathetic parents.

11. (a) When giving instructions to children, what do some parents fail to do? (b) Can the promises and opinions of parents always be depended upon?

¹¹ There are other complaints too. Parents often tell children what not to do, but seldom do they say what to do or how to do it. In other words, the emphasis is negative rather than on upbuilding instruction. Too often promises are not kept by parents. They will promise their children something very desirable, but then fail to fulfill the promise on the flimsy pretext of being too busy or too tired. So how can a child trust such parents when they make promises? The same is true in regard to parental threats. Sometimes they are carried out; most of the time they are not. It thus becomes a game of chance, a gamble, and the child soon learns that the odds of the game are that the word of the parent is not dependable. Similarly, children are often severely scolded about certain things, but on other occasions these same things are passed over without comment as if unimportant. All too often these changing whims, fancies and erratic notions of the parents are enough to destroy the child’s confidence and alienate his trust and affections.

12. What is lacking when parents fail to tell their children the “facts of life”?

¹² One of the more serious charges of many teen-agers is that their parents neglect to instruct them in the very fundamentals of life and its reproduction, that is, in matters having to do with proper sex relations. Is there not a lack of genuine love when parents fail to instruct their children concerning the sanctity of marriage, or to warn them about promiscuity, and the consequences of loose moral conduct that results in shameful pregnancy out of wedlock and infectious venereal diseases that produce blindness, sterility and insanity? Where is parental love when a daughter is not told that a girl of easy virtue in the end becomes despicable in the eyes of her so-called “lovers”? Where is there love on the part of parents who let their children learn the “facts of life” from the depraved and degenerate elements of society?

13. Who are responsible to a large extent for the corruption of youth by pornography?

¹³ The charge of the teen-agers is true: It is adults, many of whom are fathers and mothers, who make and supply pornographic books and pictures for the moral corruption of youth. Some parents, it seems, are no more concerned over their children’s reading filthy literature than they are over what companions their offspring have.

14. What other harsh criticism is lodged against many parents today, and is it justified?

¹⁴ Children also have some harsh but honest criticism to offer when it comes to the personal lives parents sometimes live and the example they are thus setting for youth. Everywhere one finds parents who are liars and thieves, who boast of sharp business practices, who pilfer materials from their employers and cheat on hours, who break the speed laws and fraudulently withhold payment of income taxes. Some parents are alcoholics, some are hooked on drugs, some are adulterers and sex perverts. It is a rather common thing for husbands and wives to scream and curse at each other in the presence of their children. And yet for all of this, these same parents often make a pretense of religious devotion of a sort. What a sham! Pious hypocrisy! And their children well know it.

15, 16. (a) What companions do rebellious youths often seek out, and why? (b) Does association with gangs solve youths’ problems?

¹⁵ Is it reasonable to expect that the offspring of such people would put confidence and trust in their parents? Hardly! They are more likely to seek out companions they enjoy being around, and according to the natural law that ‘birds of a feather flock together,’ those companions will probably be a gang of youths with similar problems. These, then, will confide in one another and will frankly discuss their mutual complaints. Whether the conclusions they come up with will solve the problems makes little difference. At least they have someone they can talk to, someone who will listen, someone who will sympathize with them.

¹⁶ Little by little, these youths are weaned away from the guardianship of their parents. When they get into trouble now they confide in the gang. As their feeling of security in the gang grows, their feeling of bitterness toward their parents deepens. It is now only a short step to joining “protest” groups in an effort to vent their contempt for the society with which their parents are identified.

HOW TO GAIN THE CONFIDENCE OF YOUR CHILDREN

17. As parents, whether you have the confidence of your children or not, what should you do?

¹⁷ It is much easier to hold on to and keep the confidence of a child than to gain it back once it is lost. So if your children confide in you do not take it for granted, but work hard to retain this good relationship that is mutually so beneficial. If, though, you are one of the many thousands of despondent parents who have lost the confidence of their offspring, it will prove to be worth all the time and effort necessary to gain it back. Here are a few suggestions how this may be accomplished.

18. How important is it for parents to put their full confidence in Jehovah?

¹⁸ Begin by laying a solid foundation. That durable foundation is your own confidence and faith in your heavenly Father, Jehovah, and in his Word the Bible. “Trust in Jehovah with all your heart,” the proverb says, “and do not lean upon your own understanding. In all your ways take notice of him, and he himself will make your paths straight.” If you put such implicit confidence in Jehovah, do you not think your children in turn will be inclined to trust you? Usually they will.​—Prov. 3:5, 6.

19. (a) Why is love for Jehovah so important? (b) Are children more apt to confide in parents who hate what is bad?

¹⁹ Now upon this solid foundation of trust, lay that important cornerstone called love, love for your Father Jehovah. Loving him with all your heart, soul, mind and strength is “the greatest and first commandment.” (Matt. 22:37, 38; Mark 12:30) If you love Jehovah, you will love what he loves and you will hate what he hates. Jehovah hates everyone that practices badness​—fornicators, idolaters, adulterers, homosexuals, thieves, greedy persons, drunkards, revilers, extortioners, liars. Such ones, God says, will not live under his righteous Kingdom rule unless they radically change their course. (1 Cor. 6:9, 10; Gal. 5:19-21; Eph. 5:3-5; Rev. 21:8; 22:15) So “you lovers of Jehovah, hate what is bad” by refraining from all such practices. (Ps. 97:10; 1 John 5:3) Because of doing so, do you not think your children will build confidence in you? Of course they will.​—Col. 3:5-9.

20. Describe the “new personality” that parents are urged to put on.

²⁰ When persons get rid of these bad practices it is as if they stripped off an “old personality.” In its place they are admonished to put on a “new personality,” consisting of tender affections of compassion, kindness, humility, mildness, long-suffering, love, a putting up with others, and a forgiving of all who may cause one injury. (Col. 3:10-14; Eph. 4:22-24) Now what do you think? Will your children confide in you if you display such a delightful personality, a personality reflecting the ‘fruitage of God’s spirit’? Indeed they will!​—Gal. 5:22, 23.

21. What must parents do if they wish their children to confide in them?

²¹ The Scripture says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous so as to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) Only when you parents thus confide in Jehovah, asking him in prayer to ‘forgive you your debts, as you also have forgiven your debtors,’ asking him to point out the right way to go in this wicked world, saying, “Instruct me, O Jehovah, in your way, and lead me in the path of uprightness on account of my foes,” only then can you expect your children to feel free to bring you their problems and to ask advice and counsel on what they should do.​—Matt. 6:12; Ps. 27:11.

22. What example of extending mercy do parents do well to copy?

²² And when your children come to confide in you, how will they be treated? Will you extend them mercy in the same way that you expect your Father in the heavens to extend mercy to you? Remember, “the one that does not practice mercy will have his judgment without mercy.” (Jas. 2:13; Mark 11:25; Luke 6:36) You are happy that your heavenly Father is long-suffering and patient with you, that he “tolerated with much long-suffering vessels of wrath made fit for destruction,” and that “he is patient with you because he does not desire any to be destroyed.” (Rom. 9:22; 2 Pet. 3:9) You, therefore, in turn make sure you are long-suffering and patient with your children and their problems. As the proverb says: “Anyone stopping up his ear from the complaining cry of the lowly one, he himself also will call and not be answered.”​—Prov. 21:13.

23. Why should the problems of your offspring never be viewed as too small to bother with?

²³ Another point: Never think that the problems of your children are too petty and small for you to bother about, and never excuse yourself that you are too busy to consider them. Just think how small and petty your problems must seem in the eyes of God Almighty! And who could be busier than he is? Yet you are most grateful that his ears are open day and night to your cry and that he never tires of listening to and answering your prayers, as trivial as they may be.​—Ps. 34:15; Luke 18:7, 8.

HOW CONFIDENCE OF CHILDREN IS RETAINED

24. In communicating with your children, what points should be kept in mind?

²⁴ You parents who have put complete confidence in Jehovah, make sure you apply his wise counsel and instruction in dealing with your children, if you want them to confide in you. Communicate with them, and on their age level too. When they are youngsters, do not treat them as babes; when they are teen-agers, speak to them as such. (1 Cor. 13:11) In communicating, impart knowledge to your offspring, especially about God’s purposes as set forth in the Bible. Reason with them, letting them ask questions and express their own opinions. If they are wrong, kindly point out their error in a loving way, not in a belittling manner.

25. Along with instruction what else should parents give their children, but what does Hebrews 12:11 say about this?

²⁵ If instruction is to accomplish its intended purpose, it must be accompanied with corrective discipline. Begin disciplining children when they are infants; then when they are growing up they will not have the problems other youngsters have. As it is written: “Train up a boy according to the way for him; even when he grows old he will not turn aside from it.” “True, no discipline seems for the present to be joyous, but grievous; yet afterward to those who have been trained by it it yields peaceable fruit, namely, righteousness.”​—Prov. 22:6; Heb. 12:11.

26. Why should parents not hesitate to use the rod, if necessary, to discipline children?

²⁶ Do not hesitate to use the rod in administering discipline. “Foolishness is tied up with the heart of a boy; the rod of discipline is what will remove it far from him.” “In case you beat him with the rod, he will not die. With the rod you yourself should beat him, that you may deliver his very soul from Sheol itself.”​—Prov. 22:15; 23:13, 14.

27. (a) But what precautions are needed in administering punishment? (b) Why is it important that the rules of the home be based on the Bible and its principles?

²⁷ However, such punishment should never be administered in a fit of anger nor should it be a burst of emotion due to a lack of self-control. It would hardly be just to punish a child for doing something that he had never been told was wrong. First there must be careful, patient instruction given, a “mental-regulating of Jehovah,” in which the child knows not only what is reasonably expected, but also why. (Eph. 6:4) So when making rules and regulations be sure they are in harmony with Bible principles and in this way you can always say, ‘Thus says the Word of God.’ This will help the child that fears God and loves his laws to be happy to obey the rules of the home. Then, following this, if punishment is necessary, the child will know that it is because there has been a willful and deliberate violation of the Bible-based instructions.

28. In imitation of Jehovah, how should parents discipline their children?

²⁸ But even then, let the punishment be administered in justice tempered with mercy. Let the parent, in imitation of the heavenly Father, demonstrate understanding and sympathy, together with patience and self-control. Punishment by ridicule before friends makes the child downhearted, even hostile. Hence the counsel: “You fathers, do not be exasperating your children, so that they do not become downhearted.” “Do not be irritating your children.”​—Col. 3:21; Eph. 6:4.

29. What other virtues should parents cultivate?

²⁹ In all of this, parents should never be indecisive or double-minded, saying one thing one time and something else at other times. “Let your Yes mean Yes, and your No No.” (Jas. 5:12; 4:8) Humility, too, is a great virtue and one pleasing to God. So avoid being high-minded, arrogant or boastful. Jehovah hates the proud-hearted ones. Your children too will love you if you are humble-minded, and if they love you, they will also confide in you.​—Prov. 16:5; 1 Pet. 5:5, 6.

30. How only can parents gain and retain the confidence of their children?

³⁰ It is all so plain. If children are freely to confide in their parents, then the parents themselves must show faith in Jehovah, devotion to him and obedience to his Word. They must also demonstrate in their daily lives such godly qualities as mercy, sympathy, kindness, patience and self-control, along with integrity to the truth and a love for righteousness. Only in this way can parents hope to gain and retain the confidence of their children.