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Keeping Courtship HonorableThe Watchtower—1974 | January 1
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Holding hands can be a clean expression of affection between persons contemplating marriage. True, it does have a stimulating effect, but this is natural and not necessarily bad. Why, just the sight of the person one is considering marrying may also stimulate, ‘make the heart beat faster.’ (Song of Sol. 4:9) Nevertheless, we need to remember that, human nature being what it is, physical contact does increase the “pull” of sexual attraction. It is also a fact that as simple forms of contact are repeated the pleasurable sensation they first brought generally decreases. This can lead you to seek something more intensely stimulating. But how far can you go without endangering a clean relationship? Because of realizing the possible danger, some persons may prefer to limit themselves very strictly as to all physical contact during courtship, and no one should disparage or make light of their conscientious position.—Compare Romans 14:5, 10, 22, 23.
Kissing may also be a clean expression of affection between persons contemplating marriage—or it may not be. Really the question is, To what extent does passion enter the picture? Some types of dancing are clean and free from passion; others are not. So, too, with kissing, or even embracing. But even if clean, each of these expressions represents a new line crossed. If they are crossed early in courtship—perhaps even before engagement—they may well cause the couple’s relationship to degenerate into mere satisfying of passion, leading them to engage in unclean conduct, if not fornication.—Col. 3:5, 6.
We ought to be honest with ourselves. If we know we do not have strong self-control in these things, then we should not jeopardize our future or that of the other person by taking chances. Would you drive a car down a steep winding road if you knew its brakes were in poor shape? The time to make up your mind and settle your heart on these matters is before you begin, not after. Once the physical desires begin to stir, it is generally very difficult to stop their buildup. (Jas. 1:14, 15) Those who let passion build up in them to the point of desiring sexual relations—when they are not entitled to these through marriage—subject themselves to tension, frustration and actual pain. It is like reading an exciting book—only to find that the last chapter has been torn out.
Those who keep their relationship in courtship on a high level will get off to a far better start in marriage than those allowing their relationship to work down to a low level through intimacy that steadily increases in frequency and intensity. How much respect can a girl feel for someone that she has to ‘keep fighting off’? But a young man who shows strength of willpower and respectful restraint earns respect. The same is true of a girl. And she particularly needs to realize that, whereas her feelings may require time to be stirred, this is seldom true of a male.—Prov. 25:28.
Giving in to frequent and increasingly passionate expressions can lead to a premature marriage. The book Adolescence and Youth (page 288) says: “The early stages of courtship are often impossibly romantic. Marriage at that time might lead a person to expect more of the marriage than any marriage could realize. Lengthened courtship usually brings about a more reasonable understanding of the other person so that an understanding marriage may result.” For such longer courtship, restraint must be exercised—otherwise the power of sexual drive may build up so early as to become a real danger.—Compare 1 Corinthians 9:27.
Serious doubts and suspicions may also crop up after marriage if passion was allowed to color the picture strongly during the courtship or engagement period. The couple may begin to wonder, Did we really marry for love? Or were we just caught up in passion? Was it a wise choice? The girl may also incline to doubt the genuineness of her husband’s love, wondering if he did not just marry her for her body and not for what she was and is as a person.
To protect yourself and your future happiness, avoid situations that lend themselves to passion. (Ps. 119:101, 104) Lonely places and darkness are not going to help you to keep courtship honorable. Nor will situations where time hangs heavy and there seems to be nothing else to do except engage in such expressions of affection. But much clean enjoyment can be had in such activities as ice-skating, playing tennis or similar sport, having a meal together at a restaurant or visiting some museum or local point of interest and beauty. While enjoying some feeling of privacy because of not being around personal acquaintances, you still have the safeguard of not being completely isolated from other people.
Too, instead of thinking just about what you are “missing” by showing restraint, think about what you are preparing for in the future. Then, in all the years to come, you will be able to look back on your courtship, not with distaste or regret, but with pleasure.—Rom. 13:13, 14.
Yes, courtship can really test you as to what kind of person you are, what you have in your heart, how conscientious you are. God’s Word does not draw precise lines for every aspect of this matter. Yet the sound principles, wise counsel and helpful guidelines found in God’s Word are ample to aid us to keep a balance, to stay well within the bounds of what is clean and morally healthful. Thus our expressions of affection for a prospective mate will never work to the harm of that one, emotionally or spiritually. So, if you should enter into courtship, by all means keep it honorable. You will always be happy you did.
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Keeping Courtship HonorableThe Watchtower—1974 | January 1
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[Picture on page 12]
If one’s courtship becomes a series of passionate expressions with less and less restraint, how will this affect prospects for a successful marriage?
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