Christian Weddings That Bring Joy

 1, 2. How do most people react to the word “wedding,” and why? (Matthew 19:4-6)

THE apostle John, an eyewitness, reports: “There was a wedding at Cana in Galilee. The mother of Jesus was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited.” (Italics ours.)​—John 2:1, 2, The Jerusalem Bible.

² How do you react to those words at John 2:1, 2? It would be no surprise if you responded warmly, for the word “wedding” has a joyful connotation. People enjoy weddings. As we read at Genesis 2:18-24, the first wedding occurred in Paradise, when humans were without sin. That wedding of a perfect man and woman was arranged for and approved of by our Creator. It had an elevated tone and set a happy precedent for future weddings.

 3. What spirit do the Scriptures associate with weddings, but what difficulty has arisen? (Jeremiah 7:34)

³ Your enjoying weddings agrees with what we read in God’s Word. Describing participants in a royal wedding, Psalm 45:15 says: “They will be brought with rejoicing and joyfulness; they will enter into the palace of the king.” Joyfulness is reflected also in the Bible’s illustrative references to marriages. (Matthew 22:2-4; 25:1-10; Revelation 19:6-9) Yes, although a serious step is being undertaken​—a couple’s entering the sacred marital arrangement—​weddings should be remembered as joyful, dignified events. However, reports from around the world indicate that many a wedding misses that mark, resulting in problems and sadness for the couple and distress for those who attend. This has been true even of some weddings involving servants of Jehovah. Why?

 4. (a) Why are most weddings public affairs? (b) What did Jesus say about marrying in our time?

⁴ In most lands a couple may marry in a private ceremony that fulfills legal requirements. If a couple chose such a ceremony, others should not criticize them or think that they must be ashamed of something. It could simply be their preference and might even have very real advantages, for example, economically in getting equipped for a fuller share in Jehovah’s service. (Luke 12:29-31) Yet, most weddings are more public, with many friends and relatives present. Thus the couple’s changed status becomes widely recognized in the community. If there is a religious ceremony or Bible talk, a spiritual element is introduced. And others can share the joy of the couple. These are positive values. Still, larger weddings do pose dangers, especially today when the world is so involved in ‘marrying and being given in marriage’ that they ‘take no note’ that the wicked system of things is soon to end.​—Matthew 24:37-39.

 5. Who should be interested in God’s counsel about weddings?

⁵ If you envision a joyous Christian wedding in your own future, there are matters that deserve your consideration. But all of us who may be guests or participants at Christian weddings also can benefit from considering Bible counsel on this subject.

The Problem of Excess

 6. Large weddings can present what sort of problems?

⁶ For many worldly people, a large wedding can be a status symbol, visible proof of financial or social superiority. Sadly, even Christians can get caught up in trying to impress others with lavish dress or elaborate arrangements. (Galatians 5:26) Some Christian elders in West Africa recently decried the “strong tendency to ‘ape’ the world in customs, showy display and unbridled entertainment” at weddings. This detracts from the dignity and joy that are appropriate in the lives of those who no longer ‘conduct themselves in harmony with the flesh, doing the things willed by the flesh.’ (Ephesians 2:3) Rather than joy and fine memories, such weddings often produce ‘loose conduct, enmities, jealousy, contentions, envies, revelries’​—the works of the flesh.​—Galatians 5:19-21.

 7. What may move some people to want lavish weddings?

⁷ History tells us that when Ptolemy VI Philometor gave his daughter in marriage to Alexander Balas of Syria, they “celebrated her wedding at Ptolemais with great pomp, as kings do.” (1 Maccabees 10:58, The Oxford Annotated Bible) Today, many who have limited funds feel that they (or their children) must also marry “with great pomp, as kings do.” They may have been manipulated into this fantasy by advertising. Businessmen with a vested interest in large ornate weddings foster the vision of a bride who is “queen for a day,” as if certain types of printed invitations, photographs, flowers or rings assure you a perfect wedding. They want you to feel, ‘This once I deserve the very best’​—whether you can afford it or not. This “showy display of one’s means of life” belongs to the world that is passing away. (1 John 2:15-17) Some Christian elders commented: “A spirit of competition has been observed. [For example,] influenced by worldly customs, the bride and her party may change into four or five expensive costumes.”

 8. (a) What can we learn from Bible verses regarding wedding apparel? (b) Why have some Christians chosen the wedding garb that they have?

⁸ The Bible does not suggest that weddings need be Spartan, austere affairs. For instance, we read of “the bridegroom who, in a priestly way, puts on a headdress, and . . . the bride who decks herself with her ornamental things.” (Isaiah 61:10; Psalm 45:13, 14; Isaiah 49:18; Jeremiah 2:32; Ezekiel 16:9-13; Revelation 21:2) The figurative bride of Christ is described as “arrayed in bright, clean, fine linen.” Thus, it is fitting for bride and groom (and those in their party) to wear clean, attractive clothing, but they do not need garb that creates a financial hardship. Some couples have deliberately chosen apparel much less costly than they could afford. Why? To avoid clothing that might be awe inspiring, but that could make guests uneasy or that could detract from the simple dignity, joy and spirituality of the wedding.​—Revelation 19:8; Proverbs 11:2; 1 Timothy 2:9.

 9. How should we feel about wedding customs or traditions?

⁹ Another cause of excess at weddings is undue emphasis on protocol​—the numerous rituals that “experts” in etiquette say must be followed. This does not mean that God’s servants deliberately reject everything that is local custom regarding weddings.a The Bible relates that in connection with getting married, ‘Samson proceeded to hold a banquet; for that was the way the young fellows used to do.’ (Judges 14:10) However, slavish conformity to social formalities can clutter a wedding, eclipsing the real meaning of the celebration and robbing everyone of the joyfulness that should be felt.

Legally Married​—Bible Times and Today

10. What were weddings like in Bible times?

¹⁰ We can benefit from what the Bible says about weddings, even if practices differ in our time and locality. In the Biblical period no special legal or religious ceremony was needed. The groom would go to the home of his betrothed and publicly escort her to his home. This was done with rejoicing on the part of the couple, their close relatives and onlookers who showed excited interest in the happy event. Usually the bride and groom were attired in fine garments, and at his home they would have a wedding feast with invited guests.​—Genesis 24:65-67; Matthew 1:24; 25:1-10; compare 1 Maccabees 9:37, 39.

11. What was the situation as to marriage documents needed in ancient times?

¹¹ Nations around the Hebrews had laws demanding written marriage contracts. While the Bible does not mention such documents, it does speak of marriage in terms of a “covenant.” (Malachi 2:14) The Bible’s detailed genealogies suggest that marriages were recorded in some way, and, interestingly, Joseph and Mary complied with a type of legal registration. (Luke 2:1-5; 3:23-38) Papyruses of the fifth century B.C.E. from a Jewish colony at Elephantine (Egypt) contain marriage contracts, one reading:

‘ . . . I have come to your house that you might give me your daughter Miphtahiah in marriage. She is my wife and I am her husband from this day for ever. I have given you as the bride-price of your daughter Miphtahiah (a sum of) 5 shekels. . . .’

12. (a) How do Jehovah’s Witnesses feel about civil marriages? (b) What is advisable if there is a civil and a religious ceremony?

¹² Jehovah’s Witnesses appreciate that a wedding should conform to local law, thus ‘rendering to Caesar what belongs to Caesar.’ (Mark 12:17; Romans 13:1, 7) The law may require that a couple have a blood test, obtain a license and take vows before an authorized marrying agent. In some lands, only civil officials, such as a mayor or a judge, may perform marriages. Yet, members of Christendom’s churches often feel that they really are not married until they have a church wedding. True Christians recognize that a civil marriage is valid, but some still prefer (or local sentiment may recommend) that the civil service be followed by a Scriptural talk. When that is to be done, it is best that this feature come soon after the civil marriage.b

13. If a Christian elder is to officiate, what likely will occur before the wedding?

¹³ Some lands authorize ministers of Jehovah’s Witnesses to solemnize marriages. Usually these are performed by congregation elders, men with experience, insight, maturity and knowledge of God’s Word. An elder who is asked to officiate will probably meet beforehand with the prospective bride and groom. They will, naturally, want to assure him that there are no moral or legal impediments to their marrying. He may offer sound Scriptural counsel and fatherly advice. He also will likely discuss with them arrangements for the ceremony and any social gathering to follow, since he will want to have a clear conscience about this event in which he is being asked to play a major role.​—Proverbs 1:1-4; 2:1; 3:1; 5:15-21; Hebrews 13:17, 18.

14. What sort of wedding talks are appropriate?

¹⁴ Whether preceded by a civil ceremony or not, a wedding talk by a minister of Jehovah’s Witnesses can help to emphasize that from its start a marriage should have a spiritual aspect. Such talks are not of great length, as if containing all that the Bible says on marriage, nor should they be heavily weighted with humor or excessive praise of the couple. The balanced, happy and Scriptural content of these talks can benefit those getting married, as well as all others present.c​—2 Timothy 3:16.

15. How do the vows used by Jehovah’s Witnesses differ from other vows used today?

¹⁵ Vows are part of most weddings. Those used at some “modern” worldly weddings are concocted from odd poetry, or they voice idiosyncratic views of life. A Time magazine essay on “The Hazards of Homemade Vows” told of a clergyman who asked: “Gina, do you agree to love Peter more than you love chocolate?” Then to Peter: “Do you agree to love Gina more than the morning newspaper?” The article stressed, though, that “a wedding is public business” and should dignify the important social step being taken. At weddings of Jehovah’s Witnesses the vows will conform to the requirements of local law. Where permitted, these vows that honor God, the Source of marriage, are used:

“I ​——​ take you ​——​ to be my wedded wife, to love and to cherish in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian husbands, for as long as we both shall live together on earth according to God’s marital arrangement.”

“I ​——​ take you ​——​ to be my wedded husband, to love and to cherish and deeply respect, in accordance with the divine law as set forth in the Holy Scriptures for Christian wives, for as long as we both shall live together on earth according to God’s marital arrangement.”

These vows should not be altered or replaced to suit some whim of the couple.d

Weddings at the Kingdom Hall

16, 17. (a) How is the body of elders involved in weddings at the Kingdom Hall? (James 3:17) (b) Why is such involvement advisable?

¹⁶ Christians are told to marry “only in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:39) When two Christians in good standing in the congregation desire to have their wedding (or, wedding talk) at the Kingdom Hall, they should seek permission from the body of elders.e These men will not impose their personal tastes as to wedding arrangements, but they will inquire about the couple’s plans so that nothing will be done at the Hall that is likely to disturb the congregation.​—Compare 1 Corinthians 14:26-33.

¹⁷ For example, disturbing things have been reported about weddings that were not at the Kingdom Hall. Prior to one, loud music was played, and the bride, groom and their party came dancing into the hired hall. The guests joined in the dancing until a chairman interrupted so that, after prayer, the wedding talk could commence. Clearly, that was not the proper atmosphere for a Christian wedding. It does illustrate, however, why the elders exercise care as to Kingdom Hall weddings. At the Hall, only uplifting music, such as found in the songbook of Jehovah’s Witnesses, is used. Any flowers or similar decorations should be modest and reasonable, as should be the way the wedding party enters the Hall and the way photographs are taken.​—Philippians 4:5.

18. Who may be with the bride and groom at the wedding? (1 Corinthians 5:13; James 2:1-4)

¹⁸ In Bible times, there usually was a “friend of the bridegroom” and female companions of the bride. (John 3:29; Psalm 45:14) This is also often the case at Kingdom Hall weddings. Reasonableness, though, is needed as to how many such participants there are, as well as how they dress and act. It would be unfitting to have in the wedding party people who are disfellowshipped or whose scandalous life-style grossly conflicts with Bible principles. (2 Corinthians 6:14-16) Rather than selecting people who are prominent or who might give a costly present, many Christian couples (and speakers) prefer to have in the wedding party ones who are close to them in serving Jehovah.

19. Attention to what other aspects will help a Kingdom Hall wedding to be joyful?

¹⁹ If the Kingdom Hall is to be used, a brief announcement may be made concerning the time of the wedding. In that way the congregation will know that the Hall will be in use and they can attend if they choose. Since the Kingdom Hall is principally for Christian meetings, the wedding will be at an hour that will not conflict with these. Whatever time is scheduled, it reflects love and consideration for all to be punctual. In a parable Jesus gave involving a wedding, “the bridegroom was delaying,” which resulted in major problems for some.​—Matthew 25:1-12.

20. What additional feature of weddings deserves our attention?

²⁰ The prophet Isaiah wrote of “the exultation of a bridegroom over a bride.” (Isaiah 62:5) The bride also rejoices on her wedding day. Many well-wishers, too, ‘have a great deal of joy’ over Christian weddings. (John 3:29) Often that joy is expressed and added to by a social gathering following the wedding, a reception, or wedding feast. What advice does Jehovah provide in his Word that will contribute to happiness rather than problems at such gatherings? Let us see.

[Footnotes]

Find Balanced Enjoyment at Wedding Feasts

 1, 2. (a) Why should we give attention to wedding receptions today? (b) How necessary are receptions?

YOU probably have seen ample proof of the prophecy being true that in “the last days” people are “lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God.” (2 Timothy 3:1-4) Evidence of this can easily be seen in the way many view wedding feasts or receptions and the way they act at them.a What should our view of these be? Should Christians avoid holding or attending wedding feasts? Or is the point that to be “lovers of God” we need to avoid certain pitfalls?

² No matter how common it is locally to hold a social event right after a couple’s wedding, Christians certainly are not under any Scriptural obligation to do so. Some couples prefer instead to gather with just their immediate family or a few very close friends, perhaps enjoying a private meal with them. But having or attending a wedding feast cannot of itself be equated with being “lovers of pleasures,” for Jesus and his disciples attended such a celebration in Cana.

 3. How common were wedding feasts in Biblical times?

³ A wedding is a time of rejoicing for the newlyweds, and their relatives and friends. Joyous wedding feasts have long been common. (Genesis 29:21, 22; Judges 14:3, 10, 17) Because the Jews were familiar with wedding feasts, Jesus could use them in three illustrations. (Matthew 22:2-14; 25:1-13; Luke 14:7-11) Even the final book of the Bible says: “Happy are those invited to the evening meal of the Lamb’s marriage.”​—Revelation 19:9.

 4. What have many wedding feasts been like?

⁴ God’s servants in the past​—including Jesus and his disciples—​found balanced pleasure in wedding feasts. Thousands of Christians in our time have also done that. An unbelieving relative who attended one in South Africa said: “I didn’t know that the Witnesses have such nice weddings. We are tired of all this drinking and loud music that goes on at weddings nowadays.” Many, many Christian receptions would qualify for similar commendation.

 5. Problems of what sort have arisen?

⁵ However, pressure from the world to become “lovers of pleasures” is strong. Thus some Christian elders report:

“A number take advantage of [a wedding feast] to unwind. They reason that there are not many such opportunities, so they want to make the most of it to let off steam, to give free rein to desires that are held in the rest of the time. It is not surprising that the atmosphere is turbulent.”​—Europe.

“It appears that a marriage celebration consists of a talk, eat a bite and then dance until the wee hours of the morning. Some feel that at receptions they can drink more than usually, and often they drink too much.”​—Latin America.

“A wedding feast may include ‘dancing till daybreak.’ Some of these affairs are truly worldly​—boisterous, with much drinking and worldly dancing. Many endeavour to make a showy display with expensive dress and numerous cartons of beer.”​—Africa.

Moderation Needed

 6. We can learn what about Jewish feasts from a remark made in Cana?

⁶ Most people know that at the wedding feast in Cana, Jesus turned water into wine. Recall, though, this point: “When, now, the director of the feast tasted the water that had been turned into wine . . . , [he] called the bridegroom and said to him: ‘Every other man puts out the fine wine first, and when people are intoxicated, the inferior.’” (John 2:9, 10) He did not say that at this particular feast the guests got “intoxicated.”b In fact, it is unthinkable that Jesus would countenance drunkenness and add to it by making more wine. Still, this man knew that overdrinking was common at Jewish wedding feasts.

 7. What should the Christian consider about serving alcohol?

⁷ At some receptions the hosts have not served any alcohol because overindulgence was so common in the area, and so as to avoid tempting any guest who had had a drinking problem. Certain African brothers even stated that serving no alcohol made for a “pure Christian wedding.” And it is true that not having alcoholic beverages may be advisable where community sentiment is strong against Christians’ consuming liquor. (Romans 14:20, 21) Still, balanced evaluation is needed. Ask yourself, Was the feast that Jesus attended ‘impure’ because wine was served? The Bible condemns drunkenness, not moderate consumption of alcoholic beverages.​—Proverbs 23:20, 21; 1 Peter 4:3.

 8, 9. (a) If alcoholic beverages are served, how can moderation be maintained? (b) What did one elder say about the problem?

⁸ If a couple wishes to have alcoholic beverages at their reception, it is wise and considerate of them to give due attention to moderation. (1 Timothy 3:2; Matthew 23:25) For example, at the feast in Cana, how were the guests served? Evidently by “those ministering.” (John 2:5, 9) Thus a couple may designate people to serve (and perhaps limit quantities of) drinks. Of course, at any Christian reception, there should be nonalcoholic beverages for those who should have, or may prefer, such.

⁹ An elder in Central America commented: “A problem has been that the receptions are too big, so there is no way to control all who attend. Sometimes worldly people have crashed the parties, bringing with them bottles of liquor and causing a scandal.” So who will provide control or direction? How many will attend? What will take place at such feasts?

Direction From Whom?

10. Following what Biblical indication may contribute to better control at receptions?

¹⁰ At the feast in Cana, there was a “director of the feast.” (John 2:9) Similarly, at receptions today a capable, responsible brother may be authorized to oversee details. Being familiar with the newlyweds’ wishes, he can provide direction for the musicians, waiters and others, or can consult with the couple and then follow through. That may include overseeing the attendants. Together they would be able to assist the guests and deal with any ‘party crashers.’ Bearing on the matter of control, note in Jesus’ illustration what occurred with a guest who showed blatant disrespect at a wedding feast.​—Matthew 22:11-13.

11. What should be considered in selecting someone to assist the couple in directing matters?

¹¹ At many worldly receptions the manager of a hall or the band leader acts as master of ceremonies. He may know the normal routine and likely he has some practiced speech or suggestive jokes. But if you want a reception that harmonizes with Christian principles, would you have some worldly man​—who was neither your spiritual brother nor a member of your family—​address your guests or be the focus of attention? Would that fit the counsel to “work what is good toward all, but especially toward those related to [you] in the faith”?​—Galatians 6:10.

12. What indication does the Bible give as to who mainly is responsible for what goes on at a reception?

¹² Sometimes the parents of the bride or groom help the couple by paying for the wedding reception. The parents thus may feel that they should have a major voice as to who will be invited, the type of food and drink that will be served or what the program will be. The Bible does not say who paid for the feast in Cana, but it does tell us that when an important matter developed “the director of the feast called the bridegroom.” (John 2:9) At a wedding reception the groom is the Scriptural head of the newly formed family. (Ephesians 5:22, 23) Hence, while he lovingly ought to consider the wishes of his bride on this special day, and their families’ wishes, he primarily needs to accept responsibility for what will go on and for what will not.

Who Will Be There?

13. How large were wedding feasts in Biblical times?

¹³ We do not know how large wedding feasts were in Bible times. Samson’s included his parents, 30 acquaintances of his bride and likely other friends or relatives. (Judges 14:5, 10, 11, 18) Guests at Jewish weddings were fellow worshipers from the town as well as visitors. Jesus and his disciples, from elsewhere in Galilee, went to the feast in Cana. The amount of wine that was produced suggests a sizable group.​—John 2:1, 2, 6.

14, 15. How have some arranged for “open house” receptions, but what problems can develop?

¹⁴ Today, customs and preferences differ as to the type and size of receptions. In some areas it is customary to have open house; all fellow Christians who are friends of the newlyweds are welcome. They may be served light refreshments, the object being not to satisfy everyone’s appetite but to let them extend good wishes and enjoy warm association. Elsewhere at gatherings open to all friends, many people bring some food​—a cooked dish, a beverage or a dessert. All who thus volunteer have the joy of contributing, and everyone can enjoy a varied meal without a burden falling on the couple or anyone else.​—Acts 20:35.

¹⁵ From what we read in Jesus’ illustrations, it seems that often at Jewish weddings a large meal was provided. (Matthew 22:2; Luke 14:8) Of course, having a regular meal for all guests at a reception today requires much planning. A mother in North America related this sad experience:

‘When it became known that there was a wedding, young people from a wide area showed up for free food and dancing. While those who were invited were at the Kingdom Hall, others went to the reception hall and took all the available tables. When I arrived I could have cried, for there was no room. I was terribly hurt at the lack of love shown by crashing a wedding and eating up food put out by the host for close friends and relatives.’

16. We can learn what from the Bible as to wedding guests?

¹⁶ Mary, Jesus and his disciples did not crash the feast in Cana; they ‘were invited.’ (John 2:1, 2) Jesus said, “When you are invited by someone to a marriage feast . . . “ (Luke 14:8, 9, 16, 17) In the illustration of the marriage of the king’s son, Jesus also spoke of “those invited.” (Matthew 22:3, 9, 10) Moreover, when an invited man showed disrespect, attendants were directed to put him out. In another parable, five virgins who wanted to share in a marriage feast were actually prevented from entering the door. (Matthew 22:11-13; 25:10-12) So it should not seem strange if a reception is restricted to invited guests and that these be properly attired. And it is understandable that a host’s generosity need not cover people whose primary concerns are food and pleasure.​—Philippians 3:18, 19; Ecclesiastes 5:11.

17. What difficulty has arisen about the size of wedding feasts?

¹⁷ If a couple or their relatives wish to provide a full meal for many guests, that can involve quite an expense. (Compare Mark 6:35-37.) From the Pacific comes this report:

“There is a tendency to overdo receptions. Some go into debt to put on a big feast, thus starting off married life in debt. Often there seems to be a desire to avoid losing face, so they put on a reception that is beyond what they can afford.”

How sad when a young couple begins married life burdened with debts that can strain their relationship. Or how would they feel knowing that their parents faced a problem in paying off the major expenses of a large reception? Of course, worldly people might assume a staggering wedding debt out of a prideful desire to impress others or to save face in the community. (Proverbs 15:25; Galatians 6:3) But should that be true of Christians, in view of what we read at Luke 12:29-31?

18, 19. (a) Why may some have decided to have large receptions? (b) How should we react if we are not invited to a friend’s reception? (Luke 14:12)

¹⁸ The motivation behind some very large feasts has been a desire to match or outdo others. Elders in West Africa commented:

“Some go into heavy expenses over refreshments. The one spreading the most costly wedding feast is the pacesetter. This has caused problems for those not courageous enough to be different. The showy display of one’s means may stumble others and trying ‘to keep up with the Joneses’ is not necessary.”​—See 1 John 2:15-17.

¹⁹ Others have felt pressured into a mammoth reception for fear of causing offense. They imagine that if certain acquaintances are not invited, these will be hurt. Hence, more are invited than is wise. Honestly, though, who of us would want our friends to be so afraid of slighting us that they would get saddled with debt and perhaps miss out on the full-time ministry? If we are not invited, how much better to trust that they maturely weighed all factors, including finances. Their not inviting us may even reflect their confidence that we are mature and will not be quick to take offense. (Ecclesiastes 7:9; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7) We still can share their happiness by attending the Bible-based wedding talk, which is the more important part. If we held that in lower esteem than the reception, might we be turning into “lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God”?​—2 Timothy 3:4.

20. Limiting the size of one’s reception may avoid what sort of practices?

²⁰ Being reasonable about the size and cost of receptions also helps to avoid undesirable practices. For example, desire for money has moved a few to buy special cloth for wedding garments, then to ask the wedding party to purchase it from them at a higher price. Guests at some receptions had to “buy” pieces of the cake or “purchase” a dance with the new bride, pinning money on her dress. Such emphasis on money may also underlie guests’ flaunting their money by “spraying” (throwing) money on the musicians or making large gifts so as to get special seating near the newlyweds.​—Luke 14:8-11.

Help All to Find Enjoyment

21. What role does music play in wedding feasts?

²¹ During the Maccabean wars a Jewish wedding procession was met by a group “with tambourines and musicians.” (1 Maccabees 9:39, The Oxford Annotated Bible; compare Psalm 45:8.) Today, too, music often is included at wedding receptions. It can add to the Christian enjoyment of the occasion​—or it can take away from it. Why may the latter be so? In a number of cases the music has been very loud and unrestrained. Some musicians like disco-type music, or they may revel in wildly showing off their abilities. But a Christian reception is not the place for either of these. Can guests, young or old, enjoy Christian fellowship if the music is so loud that conversation across a table is impossible?

22. How can problems about music be reduced?

²² Clearly, the music at wedding feasts needs careful planning and oversight, especially live music. It is preferable not to engage worldly musicians. If there are paid musicians, the bridegroom or the brother chosen should firmly explain to the musicians what music may be played, and what may not. (Exodus 32:6, 17, 18) It should be stipulated that no special requests from guests may be played without approval from the bridegroom or from the “director” of the reception. Because of common problems over the nature and loudness of live music, many couples have chosen to use phonograph records or tapes with the exact selections they want. They have had these played by an adult who will not be easily swayed by what is popular among immature youths.​—1 Corinthians 13:11; Hebrews 5:14.

23-25. What other practical steps can newlyweds take to assure a pleasant Christian gathering?

²³ Christian newlyweds want their guests to be able to look back on the reception with happiness. So if there is music and/​or dancing, it should harmonize with Christian principles. If some people are asked to say a few words, those selected and what they say should fit a dignified Christian gathering.

²⁴ In the parable of the ten virgins the feast began “in the middle of the night” because the wedding party had been delayed. (Matthew 25:5, 6) In another case, what Jesus said about the king’s having a feast ready and servants inviting people on the road indicates that the feast was in the daytime. (Matthew 22:4, 9) In modern times some receptions have gone late into the night, becoming more uncontrolled as mature Christians leave to get a reasonable night’s sleep. To prevent this, many balanced couples have scheduled a time for their reception to begin and a time to end. That way all can make their plans, including plans for appropriate Christian activity the day following an enjoyable reception.

²⁵ A wedding reception can be a splendid occasion for proper and balanced Christian enjoyment. But what is its role in relation to what follows​—married life as true Christians?

[Footnotes]