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Cultivating Christian Manners in an Unmannerly WorldThe Watchtower—1989 | June 15
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Cultivating Christian Manners in an Unmannerly World
“Look! How good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!”—PSALM 133:1.
1. What has happened to good manners?
“MANNERS have taken a beating these last 25 years,” says columnist Ann Landers. “It isn’t just that men aren’t opening car doors for women or offering them seats on subways or buses. It goes deeper than that.” Indeed, everywhere we look, we can see evidence that we are living in an increasingly unmannerly world. People barge ahead in lines, smoke in crowded elevators, play loud music in public places, and so on. Daily experience tells us that in spite of improved educational opportunities and standard of living, by and large ours is an age in which Thank You and Please have become foreign words, and common courtesy and civility have largely been forgotten.
2. Why is the lack of good manners today not surprising?
2 Is all of this surprising? Not really. It merely brings to mind what the apostle Paul was inspired to say about the behavior of the people in “the last days” when ‘critical times hard to deal with would be here.’ Among other things, Paul foretold that people would become “lovers of themselves, . . . self-assuming, haughty, . . . unthankful, . . . having no natural affection, . . . without self-control.” (2 Timothy 3:1-3) Even a casual observation will reveal that such behavior is prevalent today among people of every age, class, and nationality. Why is this so? What are the causes contributing to the general lack of good manners?
Causes of Ill Manners
3. How does “the air” of this system promote bad manners?
3 The expression “lovers of themselves” well describes the “me generation,” which refers to those who have been brought up with the emphasis on assertiveness, individualism, and self-expression. This spirit, which permeates “the air” around us, is in direct opposition to the Bible’s counsel that Christians be “keeping an eye, not in personal interest upon just [their] own matters, but also in personal interest upon those of the others.” (Ephesians 2:2, 3; Philippians 2:4) The result? A generation raised with the idea of ‘do your own thing’ is surely not going to care much about how their behavior will affect others.
4. How are those viewed today who flout accepted standards, and what should be a Christian’s view of the matter?
4 One thing that formerly played a major role in maintaining a degree of civility among people was peer pressure. Concern for what others may think has long been a restraining force. Today, however, the more shocking and outrageous a course of action is, the more popular it will likely become with many people. Those who ignore the accepted standards are no longer viewed as ill-mannered or boorish but as chic or sophisticated, much to be admired. Remember, though, that “sophisticated” means “not in a natural, pure, or original state.” It comes from the same Greek root as the term rendered “artfully contrived” at 2 Peter 1:16. Surely, true Christians will do well to shun such an attitude.
5. What is another factor contributing to the demise of good manners?
5 “Because sentence against a bad work has not been executed speedily, that is why the heart of the sons of men has become fully set in them to do bad,” says Ecclesiastes 8:11. Herein lies another factor contributing to the dearth of public manners. Because people find it so easy to get away with things, they grow callous about infractions of the accepted standards of behavior. “Citizens who would be thoroughly shocked to be identified publicly as part of the criminal element have nonetheless been breezily breaking all sorts of laws in public—traffic laws, drug laws, littering laws,” says a New York Times editorial. As a result, “rowdiness, vandalism and graffiti-scrawling” have all become an inescapable part of our daily experience. Thus, civility, along with respect for other people’s rights, property, and privacy, suffers further setbacks.
6. How are people’s manners affected by their busy lives, and how was Jesus different in this respect?
6 Since good manners are generally regarded as among the finer touches in life, they are easily forgotten when people are in a hurry—and most people seem to be in a hurry much of the time nowadays. As a result, they pass one another without a word or a change in expression. They shove and push in queues, or they cut impatiently in and out of traffic lanes just to save a few minutes or seconds. Often, individuals become so preoccupied with their personal affairs, or their schedules are filled with so many things to do, that any unexpected event or visitor becomes an annoyance or intrusion. Reflect on how different this is from the way Jesus responded to the people who came to him even at inconvenient times.—Mark 7:24-30; Luke 9:10, 11; 18:15, 16; John 4:5-26.
7. What must true Christians be on guard against with respect to manners?
7 Even though we live in a fast-paced world, and demands on our time and energy are ever mounting, allowing such pressures to cause us to act rudely certainly will not make things any better. On the contrary, such a course leads to so much of the senseless violence we hear about—arguments, fights, feuds, even murders—resulting from people’s returning rudeness for rudeness. All of this is part of the spirit of the world of which true Christians must be no part.—John 17:14; James 3:14-16.
Superior Models of Good Manners
8. Though surrounded by unmannerly people, what are Christians encouraged to do?
8 Surrounded as we are by people who show little regard for others, it is easy to give in to the pressures and let good manners escape us. However, remembering the Bible’s admonition to “quit being fashioned after this system of things,” we can look to the many outstanding examples in the Bible and endeavor to uphold the high standards of Christian manners in today’s unmannerly world. (Romans 12:2, 21; Matthew 5:16) Our actions should show that we wholeheartedly agree with the psalmist who declared: “Look! How good and how pleasant it is for brothers to dwell together in unity!”—Psalm 133:1.
9. What do the Scriptures reveal about Jehovah’s way of dealing with people?
9 The foremost example in showing fine manners is the Creator and Father of all, Jehovah God himself. It is common for those who are in high positions or who wield power over others to ‘throw their weight around’ and demand that their wishes be honored. Yet, the highest Personage in the universe, Jehovah God, is always mannerly when dealing with those below him. When granting his friend Abraham a blessing, he said: “Raise your eyes, please, and look from the place where you are.” And again: “Look up, please, to the heavens and count the stars.” (Genesis 13:14; 15:5) When giving Moses a sign of His power, God said: “Stick your hand, please, into the upper fold of your garment.” (Exodus 4:6) Many years later, Jehovah, through his prophet Micah, said even to his wayward people: “Hear, please, you heads of Jacob and you commanders of the house of Israel. . . . Hear, please, this, you head ones.” (Micah 3:1, 9) In this respect, have we “become imitators of God” in saying “Please” when dealing with others?—Ephesians 5:1.
10, 11. (a) What can be said about Jesus’ ways and manners? (b) How can we imitate Jesus in being well-mannered toward all people?
10 Jesus Christ, the one “who is in the bosom position with the Father,” is another outstanding example worthy of imitation. (John 1:18) In dealing with people, he was tender and compassionate on the one hand, forceful and firm on the other; yet he was never rude or unkind to anyone. Commenting on “his extraordinary gift of being at ease with all sorts of persons,” the book The Man From Nazareth says: “Alike in public and in private he associated with men and women on equal terms. He was at home with little children in their innocence and strangely enough at home too with conscience-stricken grafters like Zacchaeus. Respectable home-keeping women, such as Mary and Martha, could talk with him with natural frankness, but courtesans also sought him out as though assured that he would understand and befriend them . . . His strange unawareness of boundaries that hemmed ordinary people in is one of his most characteristic qualities.”
11 Treating everyone with due respect and consideration is the sign of a truly well-mannered person, and we would do well to imitate Jesus Christ in this. Yes, most people manage to be respectful to certain ones, particularly those in higher positions than they are. But to those whom they consider below or even on the same level with them, they often are aloof, distant, and rude. Somehow that seems to give them a feeling of superiority and power. But well has it been said that “rudeness is a weak man’s imitation of strength.” Thus, the Bible urges: “In showing honor to one another take the lead.” (Romans 12:10) If we do our best to follow that advice, we will not be far from being well-mannered toward all people, as Jesus was.
12. What is the essence of Jesus’ teaching on human relations?
12 This positive, outward-reaching quality is exemplified also in Jesus’ teachings, particularly in what is called the Golden Rule: “All things, therefore, that you want men to do to you, you also must likewise do to them.” (Matthew 7:12) Interestingly, in the Analects, one of the Four Books of Confucius—long considered the acme of moral behavior in the Orient—the master was asked by one of his disciples if there was one single word that could serve as a principle of conduct for life. “Perhaps the word ‘reciprocity’ (shu) will do,” replied the teacher, and then he added: “Do not do unto others what you do not want others to do unto you.” In contrast, we can easily see the superiority of Jesus’ teaching. For warm, pleasant, and amicable relations can result only when one takes the initiative to ‘do unto others’ what is good.
Christian Manners Based on Christian Love
13, 14. (a) What has recently been observed about public manners? (b) What motivates the current interest in manners and etiquette?
13 Because of the prevalence of bad manners, there is some talk today about returning to proper behavior. “We had a revolt against manners in the ’60s,” says Marjabelle Stewart, a popular writer and teacher on the subject, “but a new revolution is reinstating them. People are acknowledging their importance and want to know what the social standards are.” This renewed interest in manners is reflected in the proliferation of books, manuals, advice columns, and TV talk shows on everything from which fork to use at a formal dinner to how to address someone in today’s complex and rapidly changing social and family relationships.
14 Why, though, are some people becoming more conscious of manners? “In today’s competitive society,” explains Stewart, “manners are a matter of survival.” In other words, good manners are being viewed as a means to help one to get along and to get ahead. So people read books and attend classes on etiquette to learn how to dress for success, how to make a good impression, how to be accepted in the board room, and so on.a A problem with all of this is that manners have become a matter of expedience, like a mask one puts on during a performance and takes off when it is over. It is not surprising, therefore, that time and again we hear about the most shocking white-collar crimes committed by people of the finest ‘breeding’ and ‘class.’
15, 16. (a) What does one authority on manners say about “the finest rules for behavior”? (b) How does 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 relate to true Christian manners?
15 That is a far cry from what good manners should be. Amy Vanderbilt, a respected authority on the subject, writes in her New Complete Book of Etiquette: “The finest rules for behavior are to be found in Chapter 13 of First Corinthians, the beautiful dissertation on charity by St. Paul. These rules have nothing to do with the fine points of dress nor with those of superficial manners. They have to do with feelings and attitudes, kindliness, and consideration of others.”
16 What Amy Vanderbilt referred to, of course, is the passage at 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 where Paul describes in detail the various aspects of Christian love. Consider the results of a few points that he made. For example, one who is “long-suffering and kind” will surely be patient and respectful in dealing with others. “Does not behave indecently” is another way of saying ‘behaves decently,’ and “decency” is defined as “conformity to standards of taste, propriety, or quality.” Thus, as J. B. Phillips’ New Testament in Modern English renders this phrase, “Love has good manners.” It is hard to imagine anyone manifesting such love being considered ill-mannered.
17. Of what are our manners an indication?
17 Clearly, then, Christian manners are directly related to Christian love. They are not just a means to an end or something to be put on when it is to one’s advantage to do so. Rather, our manners—the way we deal with others, our bearing, deportment, and habitual conduct—are an indication of how much we care about other people and of the depth of our love for them. Young or old, we should endeavor to heed the Bible’s counsel: “Let each one keep seeking, not his own advantage, but that of the other person.” (1 Corinthians 10:24) Thus, as an aspect of Christian love, Christian manners are an identifying mark of Jesus Christ’s true disciples.—John 13:35.
Well-Mannered at All Times
18. What should we be determined to do in spite of what we see around us?
18 Regarding our generation, Jesus foretold that “because of the increasing of lawlessness the love of the greater number will cool off.” (Matthew 24:12) This cooling off of love is clearly reflected in the uncaring and self-centered attitude on the part of so many people today. Rather than being induced to react in the same uncaring manner, however, we need to keep in mind Paul’s counsel: “Return evil for evil to no one. Provide fine things in the sight of all men. If possible, as far as it depends upon you, be peaceable with all men.” (Romans 12:17, 18) It should be our resolve to be well-mannered at all times, whether our efforts are appreciated or not.—Matthew 5:43-47.
19. How do our manners affect all aspects of life?
19 Yes, Christian manners are the natural outward expression of the love and concern for others that we have in our heart. Just as our speech reveals what we are inside, so our manners show how much we care for others or if we are uncaring. (Matthew 12:34, 35) As such, manners should play an important role in all aspects of our life. They should be a way of life. How should they be applied more fully? How can wholesome Christian manners be more fully developed? We will consider this in the next article.
[Footnotes]
a The word “etiquette” comes from a French root meaning ticket or label. The book Word Origins and Their Romantic Stories, by Wilfred Funk, explains: “The first rules of etiquette were tacked up in conspicuous places in the army posts. The list gave the rules of the day . . . Perhaps we could say that etiquette is a ‘ticket’ to polite society.”
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“Behave in a Manner Worthy of the Good News”The Watchtower—1989 | June 15
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“Behave in a Manner Worthy of the Good News”
“Only behave in a manner worthy of the good news about the Christ.”—PHILIPPIANS 1:27.
1. A recent event in New York City elicited what favorable comments from the mayor? (Romans 13:3)
“MORE than 1,000 Witnesses” came to City Hall in lower Manhattan on September 29, 1988, reported The New York Times. They came in support of a building proposal that was up for a hearing before the city Board of Estimate. Although the proposal to permit a new residence building at the world headquarters of Jehovah’s Witnesses was turned down, the mayor “praised the Witnesses as ‘extremely cleancut’ and said they were ‘really to be admired.’”
2. In what way are the manners of the Witnesses different, and why?
2 Normally, when over a thousand people come together to show support for an unpopular cause, what can be expected? Pushing, shouting, even displays of outright force and violence are not uncommon. Why are the Witnesses different? It is because they realize that at all times their behavior reflects on their belief. They remember well the Scriptural counsel: “Maintain your conduct fine among the nations, that, in the thing in which they are speaking against you as evildoers, they may as a result of your fine works of which they are eyewitnesses glorify God in the day for his inspection.”—1 Peter 2:12.
Fine Manners Glorify Jehovah
3. What role do our manners play in honoring Jehovah?
3 To glorify Jehovah God with fine conduct is clearly part of our Christian responsibility. (Matthew 5:16) Fine conduct, of course, includes many things—for example, honesty, diligence, and good morals. However, these qualities are usually appreciated only by those who know us well or those with whom we have regular dealings, such as our friends, relatives, employers, workmates, and teachers. What about the vast majority of people with whom we have only perfunctory contact? This is where our manners especially come in. For like an attractive wrapping that enhances the appeal of a valuable gift, good manners make what we have to offer more appealing. Whatever other fine Christian qualities we may possess or however admirable our intentions may be, they will do little good if our manners are bad. So how can our manners bring glory to Jehovah?
4. In what areas of life should we give attention to our manners?
4 “Only behave in a manner worthy of the good news,” says Paul. (Philippians 1:27) This, of course, involves our public ministry. But our behavior and manners at our place of worship, in our neighborhood, at work, in school, yes, in every aspect of our lives, also have a direct bearing on the effectiveness of our ministry. “In no way are we giving any cause for stumbling, that our ministry might not be found fault with,” writes Paul. (2 Corinthians 6:3) How can we be sure that we are applying that counsel? What can we do to help one another, especially the young ones among us, to exhibit Christian manners at all times?
At the Kingdom Hall
5. What should we recognize when we are at the Kingdom Hall?
5 The Kingdom Hall is our place of worship. We are there at the invitation of Jehovah and his Son, Jesus Christ. In that sense, we are guests at Jehovah’s house. (Psalm 15:1; Matthew 18:20) Are you a good guest when you come to the Kingdom Hall? To be such, we must show due consideration and respect not only for the host but also for the other guests. What does that involve?
6. (a) Being consistently late at meetings shows a lack of what? (b) What can be done to overcome the problem?
6 To begin with, there is the matter of being on time. It is admittedly not always easy to do so. Some live far away; others have family and children to get ready. The effort they put forth to come to Christian meetings regularly is truly commendable. It has been noted, however, that some have fallen into the habit of arriving late for meetings. What can they do to rectify this? One must first recognize that being habitually late at Christian meetings does not always reflect a lack of appreciation for the value of meetings. Some who are frequently late seem to enjoy the meetings as much as anyone else—once they get there. Rather, the problem may result from poor planning and lack of consideration for fellow Christians. One of the reasons we are admonished ‘not to forsake the gathering of ourselves together’ is so that we may “consider one another to incite to love and fine works.” (Hebrews 10:24, 25) We can hardly do so if, time after time, we arrive late and thus create distraction or disturbance. In order not to be late, experts suggest, we should aim to arrive well ahead of time rather than being there just on time. Do you need to put this into practice?
7. Explain what paying attention at meetings has to do with good manners.
7 Good manners require that we give our attention to people when they speak to us. (Proverbs 4:1, 20) This also applies to Christian meetings, where ministers of God speak in order to impart some spiritual gift to upbuild us. It would really be a show of very poor manners on our part if we were to doze off, repeatedly whisper to the one sitting next to us, chew on gum or candies, read other material, or attend to other matters during the meeting. Young Elihu not only sat patiently through the long speeches by Job and the three companions but also “kept giving ear” to what they said and “kept [his] attention turned” to them. (Job 32:11, 12) Good Christian manners will move us to show proper respect for the speaker and his Bible-based message by giving him our undivided attention and support.
8. How do we show that we are fellow disciples of Jesus Christ?
8 Before and after meetings, Christian manners include our taking an active interest in others who are present at the Kingdom Hall. Paul observed that anointed members of the Christian congregation “are no longer strangers and alien residents, but . . . are members of the household of God.” (Ephesians 2:19) Do you treat your fellow Witnesses as strangers and aliens or as members of the same household? A friendly greeting, a warm handshake, a kind smile—all small things, perhaps, but they are part of the evidence that we are fellow disciples of Jesus Christ. If we make such gestures when we meet strangers, should we not do so “especially toward those related to us in the faith”?—Galatians 6:10.
9. How can children be taught to show interest in people other than those of their own age?
9 Can children be taught to show this kind of interest in people other than those of their own age? Some adults may feel that children need to go and play with their little friends after sitting for an hour or two listening at meetings. But the Kingdom Hall is not the place for play. (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 17) When a four-and-a-half-year-old boy was asked by his teacher how many brothers and sisters he had, he replied: “There are so many I can’t count them all.” Later, when his parents questioned him about this, the boy explained: “I don’t know how many brothers and sisters I have. When I go to the Kingdom Hall, there are so many.” To him, all who attend are his brothers and sisters.
In Our Public Ministry
10. What instruction from Jesus can help us to “behave in a manner worthy of the good news” while in our ministry?
10 To “behave in a manner worthy of the good news” naturally involves our public ministry. We must bear in mind that what we have is a peaceful message, and our manners should reflect it. (Ephesians 6:15) The instruction from Jesus is: “When you are entering into the house, greet the household; and if the house is deserving, let the peace you wish it come upon it.” By being warm, friendly, and respectful, we let the householder know that we have his genuine interest at heart. At times, though, the person we meet at the door may be unfriendly, even belligerent. Shall we be disturbed and begin to behave in like manner? Note what Jesus went on to say: “But if [the household] is not deserving, let the peace from you return upon you.” (Matthew 10:12, 13) Our manners on the doorstep should always befit “the ministry of the reconciliation.”—2 Corinthians 5:18.
11. How do our manner of dress and personal appearance affect our role as ministers of God?
11 Our manners speak about us in other ways as well. For example, does our personal appearance befit our role as a minister of God’s Word? What about the equipment we use—book bag, Bible, and Bible literature? A newspaper columnist gives businessmen this advice: “Dress for business, not for a party, casual get-together or sports event.” Why? Because your dress and personal appearance “are a social shorthand that gives the surrounding population information about who and what you are and where you fit in the order of things.” So when we go about our ministerial “business,” our dress and appearance should be neither slovenly nor unkempt, neither flashy nor extravagant, but always “worthy of the good news.”—Compare 1 Timothy 2:9, 10.
12. How can good manners be shown with respect to the rights and property of the householder?
12 Though we should be “always ready to make a defense” of the good news, good Christian manners require that we do so “with a mild temper and deep respect.” (1 Peter 3:15) That includes respect for the householder’s rights and property. Do we plan our activity so that we call at a reasonable hour? Are we alert to note whether we are interrupting some necessary business or chore? Are we generous in using expressions such as “May I?” “Please,” and “Thank you”? Do we endeavor to engage the householder in conversation, or do we dominate it for fear that we may not get through with what we have prepared to say?
13. Illustrate how fine manners in the ministry often bring good results.
13 Good manners, coupled with sincere personal concern, often open the way for a fine witness. This is why well-mannered children frequently gain the attention and interest of householders where adults may fail to do so. A 13-year-old Witness in Mexico met a young girl who wanted to study. However, the girl said she would have to do so without her father knowing about it. But the young publisher felt that, in this case, out of respect for the father, she herself should obtain his permission. So she offered to speak with the father and told him that what they were going to study was very important. Seeing how serious the young sister was and appreciating that she had come directly to him, he said: “If what you are going to study is so important, then all of my family should study.” The result was that this 13-year-old started a Bible study with the whole family, including a married son and his wife and other grown children.
Good Manners Begin at Home
14. Where do good manners begin, and what factor plays an important role?
14 The good manners of young Witnesses are often a fine testimony to the training they evidently receive at home. Indeed, our manners are a reflection of our way of life. For this reason, contrary to what some may think, good manners should hold an important place at home. In this, as in other aspects of family life, parental example is of prime importance. (2 Timothy 1:5) Telling children, “Do as I say, not as I do” is certainly no way to teach them manners. The countless details of good manners are learned, not simply by verbal instructions, but by observation and imitation. “Parents are not only the ultimate teachers; they are also the models, for our children learn by imitating our ways,” observes Beverley Feldman, author of Kids Who Succeed. What kind of manners do your children see in you?
15. How can parents help their children to develop lifelong habits of good manners?
15 “Fathers, do not be irritating your children” is the Bible’s counsel. (Ephesians 6:4) It is irritating and frustrating for children to be told that they should be kind and considerate, and yet they see their parents argue, gossip, act rudely, or get easily upset. Can they be blamed if they act in the same manner? On the other hand, the scripture goes on to say: “But go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” And that includes the fundamentals of good manners, such as saying, “Hello,” “Please,” “Thank you,” and “I’m sorry,” showing respect for older ones, and sharing things with others. (Leviticus 19:32; Romans 16:3-7) These qualities learned at home during childhood will be of lifelong value.—Proverbs 22:6.
16. What efforts are needed, with what results?
16 So parents and children alike should practice good manners as part of their daily routine rather than wait until some special occasion. In doing so, parents should be patient and tolerant of the mistakes children are bound to make. Let them know how much their fine behavior means to you, and be quick to commend the progress they make. Of course, this takes much effort on your part. But did the Scriptures not say that inculcating godly principles in children should be done “when you sit in your house and when you walk on the road and when you lie down and when you get up”? (Deuteronomy 6:7) Doing so creates a genial and wholesome atmosphere at home, which goes a long way in nurturing your children as they grow up to be helpful, caring, and mannerly adults. Then they will become a source of praise and honor to you and to their Creator, Jehovah God.
A Well-Mannered People
17. What is observed at the Kingdom Halls of Jehovah’s Witnesses?
17 The “more than 1,000 Witnesses” gathered outside City Hall in New York City that September afternoon merely displayed on a small scale the way Jehovah’s Witnesses behave on a regular basis. Elsewhere, a man came to a Kingdom Hall for the first time and said afterward: “I met more genuinely loving people, total strangers, in one day than I had ever met in the church in which I was raised.” The result? “It was apparent that I had found the truth,” he said. This man changed his life course, and seven months later he dedicated his life to Jehovah and was baptized.—Compare 1 Corinthians 14:25.
18. How has the standard of good manners of Jehovah’s Witnesses affected outsiders?
18 The Witnesses’ standard of manners and decorum at their national and international conventions has been a subject of much favorable comment. On one such occasion recently in Japan, a guide on a tour bus observed: “As you people got off the bus, each one of you, including the young ones, without fail said to me, ‘Thank you very much.’ That made me very happy!” At another convention, the attendant at a nearby railroad station told a Witness: “It was a chaotic disaster when a previous gathering of 12,000 people was held at the Osaka Castle Hall.” But he went on to say: “You people are really orderly, and we are relieved. Please give our regards to whoever is in charge.”
19. What should each one of us be resolved to do about manners?
19 What do such comments show? That Jehovah’s Witnesses as a whole do “behave in a manner worthy of the good news.” What about us individually? As children looking to a loving father, may all of us, young and old, look to our heavenly Father, Jehovah, so that we may be taught to be a well-mannered people, even in an unmannerly world.—Deuteronomy 8:5; Proverbs 3:11, 12.
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