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Is It Normal to Feel This Way?When Someone You Love Dies
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When You Lose a Spouse
The loss of a marriage partner is another kind of trauma, especially if both led a very active life together. It can mean the end of a whole life-style that they shared, of travel, work, entertainment, and interdependence.
Eunice explains what happened when her husband suddenly died of a heart attack. “For the first week, I was in a state of emotional numbness, as if I had stopped functioning. I could not even taste or smell. Yet, my sense of logic continued in a detached way. Because I had been with my husband while they were trying to stabilize him using CPR and medication, I did not suffer the usual denial symptoms. Nevertheless, there was an intense feeling of frustration, as if I was watching a car go over a cliff and there was nothing I could do about it.”
Did she weep? “Of course I did, especially when I read the hundreds of sympathy cards I had received. I cried with each one. It helped me to face up to the rest of the day. But nothing could help when I was asked repeatedly how I felt. Obviously, I was miserable.”
What helped Eunice to live through her grief? “Without realizing it, I unconsciously made the decision to go on with my life,” she says. “However, what still hurts me is when I remember that my husband, who loved life so much, is not here to enjoy it.”
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How Can I Live With My Grief?When Someone You Love Dies
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MaryAnne also felt pressure to hold in her feelings when her husband died. “I was so worried about being a good example to others,” she recalls, “that I did not permit myself the normal feelings. But I eventually learned that trying to be a pillar of strength for others wasn’t helping me. I began analyzing my situation and saying, ‘Cry if you have to cry. Don’t try to be too strong. Get it out of your system.’”
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