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The Weakening Bond of MarriageThe Watchtower—1993 | August 15
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The Weakening Bond of Marriage
A YOUNG mother cuddled her two-month-old baby. Then, in a sudden frenzy, she dropped him on the floor. The boy died a few hours later. “I dropped him on purpose,” said the mother, “because my husband doesn’t care about his family.” Instead of talking the matter over with her husband, she vented her anger on the innocent baby.
Few mothers resort to such an extreme measure, but many share her feelings. It is becoming more and more difficult for married couples to make a success of their marriage. “When the probability of marital success is as low as it is in the United States today,” says the Journal of Marriage and the Family, “to make a strong, unqualified commitment to a marriage . . . is so hazardous that no totally rational person would do it.”
In these turbulent times, immorality, incompatibility, debts, frictions with in-laws, and selfishness all fuel domestic strife, which time and again escalates into divorce. So serious is the situation in Japan that even the Catholic Church, famous for its strong stand against divorce, has had to set up a special committee to ease matters for divorced and remarried members. An increasing number of churchgoers are being affected by divorce-related problems.
However, the number of divorces reveals only the tip of the iceberg. Research in the United States shows that it is the deteriorating quality of married life itself that is behind the increase in divorce, rather than just social trends that make divorce easier. With less effort and less commitment, married life loses its shine. Many maintain the front of being a married couple, but they do not share the bedroom, and they hardly ever talk to each other. Some feel as did the Oriental woman who bought her own separate grave, saying, ‘I refuse to be with my husband in the grave.’ Unable to divorce her husband now, she aims to have a posthumous divorce. Sadly, although such people are not divorced, married life is not a source of happiness for them.
That was the case with Isao. He had married his wife on a whim, so he felt no motivation to change his egotistical way of life. Although he had a good income as a trucker, he wasted all his earnings on eating and drinking, not taking care of his family. As a result, quarrels with his wife were never-ending. “Whenever things turned out badly for me,” recalls Isao, “I would go home and vent my anger on my family.” Like a volcano that would not quiet down, the subject of divorce erupted daily.
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How to Strengthen Marriage BondsThe Watchtower—1993 | August 15
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Only Legitimate Basis for Divorce
Jesus did, though, mention one legitimate basis for divorce: fornication. (Matthew 5:31, 32; 19:8, 9) The word here translated “fornication” includes all sorts of illicit sexual intercourse outside Scriptural marriage, be it with someone of the same sex or the opposite sex or with an animal.
Even so, Jesus was not recommending divorce from unfaithful partners. It is up to the innocent mate to weigh the consequences involved and decide whether he or she wants a divorce. Wives contemplating a divorce on this Scriptural basis may also want to consider God’s statement when he passed judgment on the first woman for her sin. In addition to the death sentence, God specifically told Eve: “Your craving will be for your husband, and he will dominate you.” (Genesis 3:16) The Commentary on the Old Testament, by C. F. Keil and F. Delitzsch, describes this “craving” as “a desire bordering upon disease.” Admittedly, this craving is not that strong in every wife, but when an innocent wife is considering a divorce, she would be wise to take into consideration the emotional needs that women have inherited from Eve. However, as extramarital sex on the part of a guilty mate could lead to an innocent mate’s being infected by sexually transmitted diseases, including AIDS, some have decided to resort to divorce as explained by Jesus.
Seeds of Family Trouble Sown
People’s hardheartedness finds its origin in the sin that the first human couple committed against God. (Romans 5:12) The seeds of family strife were sown when the first human pair sinned against their heavenly Father. How so? When the first woman, Eve, was tempted by a serpent to eat from the forbidden tree, she went right ahead and ate the fruit. It was only after she had made that significant decision that she talked to her husband about what the serpent had told her. (Genesis 3:6) Yes, she had acted without consulting her husband. Here is the prototype of problems faced by many families today—lack of heart-to-heart communication.
Later, when faced with the consequences of their sin, both Adam and Eve resorted to the same tactics that many couples employ today when in trouble, namely, blaming others. The first man, Adam, blamed what he had done both on his wife and on Jehovah, saying: “The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree and so I ate.” The woman in turn said: “The serpent—it deceived me and so I ate.”—Genesis 3:12, 13.
Jehovah’s pronouncement of judgment on Adam and Eve forecast yet another factor in the troubles that would develop. Concerning her relationship with her husband, Jehovah told Eve: “He will dominate you.” Many husbands today, like Isao mentioned in our first article, dominate their wives in a ruthless way without regard for their wives’ feelings. Still, many wives continue to have a craving for their husbands’ attention. When that craving is not satisfied, the wives may demand that attention and act selfishly. With many a husband dominating and many a wife craving, selfishness prevails, and peace flies out the window. In a paper entitled “How to Analyze Today’s Divorces,” Shunsuke Serizawa said: “If we overlook the tendency at the heart of the issue of ‘having one’s own way,’ namely, giving priority to one’s own interests, it would suddenly become impossible to analyze divorces today.”
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