A Third Option

What if you are in a troubled marriage and have thought about divorce? This article has presented compelling reasons to reconsider. Divorce is not a cure-all for marital misery.

But do not misunderstand: The answer is not simply to tolerate a bad marriage. There is another option​—If your marriage is in trouble, why not work to make it better? Do not hastily dismiss this idea by asserting that your marital problems are incurable. Ask yourself these questions:

◼ ‘What qualities initially drew me to my spouse? Are not those qualities still there to a degree?’​—Proverbs 31:10, 29.

◼ ‘Can the feelings that I had before marriage be rekindled?’​—Song of Solomon 2:2; 4:7.

◼ ‘Despite the actions of my mate, what can I do to apply the suggestions found on pages 3 to 9 of this magazine?’​—Romans 12:18.

◼ ‘Can I explain to my mate (face-to-face or in writing) just how I would like our relationship to improve?’​—Job 10:1.

◼ ‘Can we sit down with a mature friend who can help us set realistic goals to improve our marriage?’​—Proverbs 27:17.

The Bible says: “The shrewd one considers his steps.” (Proverbs 14:15) That principle applies not just when choosing a mate but also when considering what to do about a marriage relationship that is faltering. Indeed, as brought out on page 9 of this magazine, successful families also have problems​—the difference is in how they handle them.

To illustrate: Imagine that you have embarked on a long journey by car. It is inevitable that you will encounter problems along the way, including severe weather, traffic jams, and roadblocks. On occasion, you may even get lost. What will you do? Turn around and go back or find a way to overcome the obstacle and move forward? On the day of your wedding, you embarked on a journey that was sure to bring its share of problems, for the Bible says that “those who marry will have pain and grief.” (1 Corinthians 7:28, The New English Bible) The question is not whether problems will arise but how you will face them when they do. Can you find a way to overcome the obstacle and move forward? Even if you feel that your marriage is hopelessly lost, will you try to get help?​—James 5:14.

A Divine Institution

Marriage is a divine institution that should not be taken lightly. (Genesis 2:24) When problems seem insurmountable, remember the points discussed in this article.

 1. Try to rekindle the love that you once felt.​—Song of Solomon 8:6.

 2. Decide what you can do to make your marriage better, and then do it.​—James 1:22.

 3. Clearly but respectfully tell your mate​—either face-to-face or in writing—​what improvements you feel need to be made in the marriage.​—Job 7:11.

 4. Get help. You do not have to save your marriage by yourself!

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‘THIS TIME I’LL GET IT RIGHT’

Studies reveal that second marriages have a higher failure rate than first ones, and third marriages fare even worse. In his book Emotional Infidelity, M. Gary Neuman points out one reason for this. “If you have difficulties in your first marriage,” he writes, “it’s not all about your poor choice of a spouse. It’s about you. You fell in love with this person. You worked with this person to create whatever you have or don’t have.” Neuman’s conclusion? “It’s better to get rid of the problem and keep your spouse than to get rid of your spouse and keep the problem.”