Real Help for the Family
“It’s fair to say that there’s a crisis of family in America. It’s impossible to draw any other conclusion from the divorce rates, out-of-wedlock birth statistics, [and] juvenile and spousal abuse cases.”
THESE words by United States television commentator Tom Brokaw could apply to most countries. What does this crisis mean?
In many ways the family is the basic building block of society. If the family is in trouble, society is also in trouble. Further, the family is the source of emotional and financial support for children. It is where they learn the first and most important lessons of life. If the family is in trouble, what are the children learning? Where is their security? What kind of adults will they grow up to be?
Is there any help for the family in this time of crisis? Yes. The family is an institution that God himself established. (Genesis 1:27, 28) And he has given indispensable family guidance in his Word, the Bible. (Colossians 3:18-21) True, we cannot change society as a whole, but we can apply the Bible’s counsel to our own family. We would like to tell you of some people who did this and of the good results they obtained.
Heading Off Divorce
In a number of countries some 50 percent of all marriages end in divorce. That is a large-scale failure in human relations! True, many who for this reason end up as single parents do a heroic job in rearing their children. But most would surely agree that it is better when a couple can solve their problems and stay together.
The marriage of a couple in the Solomon Islands was headed for disaster. The husband, the son of a chief, was violent and had many bad habits. Life was so difficult for his wife that she even attempted suicide. Then, the husband agreed to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses. He learned that anyone who wants to please God must not only know what is wrong but also “hate what is bad.” (Psalm 97:10) That includes hating such things as lying, stealing, violence, and drunkenness. He took this to heart and soon conquered his bad habits and his violent temper. His wife was amazed at the change, and their marriage greatly improved, thanks to the influence of God’s Word.
In South Africa a woman who is one of Jehovah’s Witnesses heard that her employer and her employer’s husband were thinking of getting a divorce. The Witness spoke to her boss about God’s view of marriage and showed her a book entitled The Secret of Family Happiness. This book, published by Jehovah’s Witnesses, highlights the Bible principles that apply to marriage, laying particular stress on how the Bible helps couples to solve problems. The employer and her husband both read the book and tried sincerely to apply the Bible counsel it presented. As a result, they decided not to get a divorce—another marriage saved by the application of Bible principles.
Different Religions
What of a marriage where the spouses have different religions? The Bible realistically counsels Christians to marry “only in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:39) Sometimes, though, a marriage partner changes religion. Need that be the end of the marriage? Not at all.
In Botswana a woman who had recently become one of Jehovah’s Witnesses was asked how her new faith had changed her. She asked her husband to answer for her, and this is what he said: “Since my wife has become one of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I have seen many positive changes in her. She now has a quiet, wise strength that she did not have before. She had the strength and conviction to stop smoking, a fault that I still cannot overcome. My wife has become more loving and affectionate to my children and me, as well as to others. She is more tolerant, especially toward the children. I see her spending time in her ministry, trying to help others to improve their lives. I have also seen positive changes in myself. I believe this is entirely because of her example.” What a fine effect Bible principles have had on this marriage! Many non-Witnesses have made similar comments about their Witness spouses.
When Father Neglects His Responsibilities
The relationship between a father and his children is a key to building strong families. The apostle Paul counseled: “You, fathers, do not be irritating your children, but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah.” (Ephesians 6:4) Small wonder, then, that an article in The Wilson Quarterly blamed many social problems on fathers who do not fulfill their role. The article said: “Between 1960 and 1990, the percentage of children living apart from their biological fathers more than doubled . . . The decline of fatherhood is a major force behind many of the most disturbing problems that plague American society.”
Does this mean that children whose fathers do not guide them are destined to failure? No. The psalmist of old said: “In case my own father and my own mother did leave me, even Jehovah himself would take me up.” (Psalm 27:10) A nine-year-old boy in Thailand found this to be true. He lost his mother when he was a baby, and his father, not wanting him, left him with his grandmother. Feeling unwanted and unloved, the boy was rebellious and earned a reputation as a bully. He even threatened his grandmother. Two full-time evangelizers of Jehovah’s Witnesses, noticing that he often stood outside the local Kingdom Hall, one day invited him into their home.
They told him about God—that He, like a father, loves his children. They also spoke about the earthly Paradise that God has promised faithful humans. (Revelation 21:3, 4) All of this appealed to the boy, and he came back every day to learn more. The Witnesses told him that he would have to stop being a bully if he really wanted God to be his Father. This was in harmony with Paul’s words to the Romans: “As far as it depends upon you, be peaceable with all men.” (Romans 12:18) He would also need to deal kindly with his grandmother. (1 Timothy 5:1, 2) Soon, he was putting Bible principles into practice—no doubt greatly improving his family life with his grandmother. (Galatians 5:22, 23) The neighbors were so impressed with the changes they observed in him that they wanted their own children to study the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses!
A Peaceable Spirit
The apostle Paul wrote to the Colossians: “Clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union. Also, let the peace of the Christ control in your hearts.” (Colossians 3:14, 15) A peaceful spirit and heartfelt love cannot fail to bind a family together. And they can mend long-standing family divisions. Rukia, who lives in Albania, did not speak to her brother for over 17 years because of a family disagreement. When she studied the Bible with Jehovah’s Witnesses, she learned that every servant of God is urged to cultivate peace with others. “Let him seek peace and pursue it.”—1 Peter 3:11.
Rukia realized that she had to seek peace with her brother. She prayed all night, and the next morning, her heart pounding, she walked to her brother’s house. Rukia’s niece opened the door and asked in surprise: “What are you doing here?” Rukia calmly asked to see her brother, explaining that she wanted to make peace with him. Why? Because she now realized that this was God’s will. Her brother responded, and their reunion was marked with hugs and tears of joy—a family reunited because Bible principles were followed.
Bad Associations
“Today, the average child watches seven hours of television per day. By the end of grade school he’s seen over eight thousand murders and one hundred thousand acts of violence.” So says the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. What effect does such exposure have on a child? “Experts” do not agree among themselves about that, but the Bible strongly warns against bad associations. It says, for example: “He that is having dealings with the stupid ones will fare badly.” (Proverbs 13:20) It also says: “Bad associations spoil useful habits.” (1 Corinthians 15:33) Family life can improve if we prudently view this principle as holding true whether the bad associations are in the flesh or on a television program.
A mother in Luxembourg was studying the Bible with one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. One day she told the Witness that in the evenings her two daughters of seven and eight years of age were very quarrelsome and aggressive. The Witness asked what the girls did during the evenings. The mother said that they watched television while she cleaned up the kitchen. What programs? “Oh, some cartoons,” replied the mother. When her visitor mentioned that such programs are often violent, the girls’ mother promised to monitor them.
The very next day, the mother reported that she was shocked at the cartoons that her daughters were watching. They featured imaginary monsters from outer space that viciously destroyed everything in their path. She explained to her daughters that Jehovah hates violence and is not happy when we watch such cruelty. (Psalm 11:5) The girls, wanting to please Jehovah, agreed to do some drawing and painting instead of watching television. Immediately, their aggressive conduct changed, and the family atmosphere improved.
These are just a few examples to show that applying Bible principles improves family life. The Bible’s counsel covers all kinds of situations. It is authentic and has a powerful effect for the good. (Hebrews 4:12) When people study the Bible and sincerely try to apply what it says, families are strengthened, personalities are improved, and mistakes are avoided. Even if only one member of a family follows God’s counsel, things get better. Truly, in all areas of life, we should view God’s Word as did the psalmist who wrote: “Your word is a lamp to my foot, and a light to my roadway.”—Psalm 119:105.
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Family problems have been solved by applying Bible principles