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Will I Be Normal With Just One Parent?Awake!—1990 | July 8
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Equally important is not allowing comments—or a lack of such—by well-meaning people to arouse bad feelings. Some, for example, may hesitate to use such words as “father,” “marriage,” “divorce,” or perhaps “death” around you, fearing that these words will offend or embarrass you. Refuse to follow suit. Fourteen-year-old Tony, who never knew his real father, says: “When I am around others who seem to bite their tongues when it comes to certain words, I’ll go right ahead and use them.” He adds: “I want them to know I’m not ashamed of my situation.”
Seeing the Advantages
It is also important to avoid dwelling on what could have been or what used to be. (Ecclesiastes 7:10) Focus instead on the positive aspects of your life. For example, likely your mother has to go to work.a As a result, you have probably assumed a lot of responsibility around the home. “Taking on responsibilities in the home,” claims 17-year-old Melanie, “contributes to your maturing faster than kids your age in two-parent families, who may have less responsibility.” Experts agree. Harvard University sociologist Robert S. Weiss says that youths from one-parent homes “tend to be more mature, independent,” and “self-disciplined.” These are important qualities, and your family situation may help you gain them.
You may also enjoy having a greater voice in family decisions, as single parents often view their children as trusted confidants. At times, though, you may have to remind your parent that you are still young and that weightier matters would better be discussed with someone more experienced, such as a Christian elder. Still, there are many matters you can appropriately discuss together, including personal troubles you may face. Doing so helps you draw close to your parent and may dispel negative feelings. Melanie, mentioned earlier, says: “Since my parents’ divorce, my mother and I are really able to talk; we have become very close friends.”
This is not to say that you won’t face problems. But you can profit by facing adversity. The Bible says: “Good it is for an able-bodied man [or woman] that he [or she] should carry the yoke during his [or her] youth.” (Lamentations 3:27) Carrying your yoke, or burden of problems, may involve dealing with the adversities you face in a single-parent home. Remember, though, that you are not alone while bearing this yoke. Faithful King David said: “In case my own father and my own mother did leave me, even Jehovah himself would take me up.”—Psalm 27:10.
Interestingly, though, such divine help may well be rendered through your remaining parent. By responding to such efforts, you can grow up normally and lead a rewarding Christian life. Wayne, who is now a Christian elder, recalls: “I was eight when my father died, and Mom had to go to work. Often she came home tired and worn out. But she always made sure we had regular family Bible studies and attended Christian meetings together. Looking back, I can only thank Jehovah for such a self-sacrificing mother.”b
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Will I Be Normal With Just One Parent?Awake!—1990 | July 8
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For one thing, even the “ideal” family is hardly devoid of problems. And rather than seeing your family as abnormal, you can see it simply as a variation, as something not necessarily bad but just different. Equally important is not allowing comments—or a lack of such—by well-meaning people to arouse bad feelings. Some, for example, may hesitate to use such words as “father,” “marriage,” “divorce,” or perhaps “death” around you, fearing that these words will offend or embarrass you. Refuse to follow suit. Fourteen-year-old Tony, who never knew his real father, says: “When I am around others who seem to bite their tongues when it comes to certain words, I’ll go right ahead and use them.” He adds: “I want them to know I’m not ashamed of my situation.”
Seeing the Advantages
It is also important to avoid dwelling on what could have been or what used to be. (Ecclesiastes 7:10) Focus instead on the positive aspects of your life. For example, likely your mother has to go to work.a As a result, you have probably assumed a lot of responsibility around the home. “Taking on responsibilities in the home,” claims 17-year-old Melanie, “contributes to your maturing faster than kids your age in two-parent families, who may have less responsibility.” Experts agree. Harvard University sociologist Robert S. Weiss says that youths from one-parent homes “tend to be more mature, independent,” and “self-disciplined.” These are important qualities, and your family situation may help you gain them.
You may also enjoy having a greater voice in family decisions, as single parents often view their children as trusted confidants. At times, though, you may have to remind your parent that you are still young and that weightier matters would better be discussed with someone more experienced, such as a Christian elder. Still, there are many matters you can appropriately discuss together, including personal troubles you may face. Doing so helps you draw close to your parent and may dispel negative feelings. Melanie, mentioned earlier, says: “Since my parents’ divorce, my mother and I are really able to talk; we have become very close friends.”
This is not to say that you won’t face problems. But you can profit by facing adversity. The Bible says: “Good it is for an able-bodied man [or woman] that he [or she] should carry the yoke during his [or her] youth.” (Lamentations 3:27) Carrying your yoke, or burden of problems, may involve dealing with the adversities you face in a single-parent home. Remember, though, that you are not alone while bearing this yoke. Faithful King David said: “In case my own father and my own mother did leave me, even Jehovah himself would take me up.”—Psalm 27:10.
Interestingly, though, such divine help may well be rendered through your remaining parent. By responding to such efforts, you can grow up normally and lead a rewarding Christian life. Wayne, who is now a Christian elder, recalls: “I was eight when my father died, and Mom had to go to work. Often she came home tired and worn out. But she always made sure we had regular family Bible studies and attended Christian meetings together. Looking back, I can only thank Jehovah for such a self-sacrificing mother.”b
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