-
Look to God for a Happy MarriageYour Family Can Be Happy
-
-
SECTION 1
Look to God for a Happy Marriage
“The one who created them from the beginning made them male and female.”—Matthew 19:4
Jehovaha God performed the first marriage. The Bible tells us that he made the first woman and “brought her to the man.” Adam was so happy that he said: “This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh.” (Genesis 2:22, 23) Jehovah still wants married people to be happy.
When you get married, you may think that everything will be perfect. Realistically, though, even a husband and a wife who truly love each other will have some problems. (1 Corinthians 7:28) In this brochure, you will find Bible principles that, if applied, can make your marriage and family happy.—Psalm 19:8-11.
1 ACCEPT THE ROLE JEHOVAH GAVE YOU
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: The husband is the head of the family.—Ephesians 5:23.
If you are a husband, Jehovah expects you to care for your wife tenderly. (1 Peter 3:7) He made her as a complement of you, and he wants you to treat her with dignity and love. (Genesis 2:18) You must love your wife so much that you are willing to put her interests ahead of your own.—Ephesians 5:25-29.
If you are a wife, Jehovah expects you to respect your husband deeply and to help him fulfill his role. (1 Corinthians 11:3; Ephesians 5:33) Support his decisions and wholeheartedly cooperate with him. (Colossians 3:18) When you do, you will be beautiful in the eyes of your husband and of Jehovah.—1 Peter 3:1-6.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Ask your mate how you can be a better husband or wife. Listen carefully, and do what you can to improve
Be patient. It will take time for both of you to learn how to make each other happy
2 REALLY CARE ABOUT YOUR MATE’S FEELINGS
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: You need to look out for the interests of your marriage mate. (Philippians 2:3, 4) Treat your mate as precious, remembering that Jehovah requires his servants to be “gentle toward all.” (2 Timothy 2:24) “Thoughtless speech is like the stabs of a sword, but the tongue of the wise is a healing.” So choose your words carefully. (Proverbs 12:18) Jehovah’s spirit will help you to speak with kindness and love.—Galatians 5:22, 23; Colossians 4:6.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Pray for help to remain calm and to keep an open mind before discussing serious matters with your mate
Think carefully about what you will say and how you will say it
3 THINK AS A TEAM
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: When you get married, you become “one flesh” with your mate. (Matthew 19:5) But you are still two individuals and may have different opinions. So you need to learn to be united in your thoughts and feelings. (Philippians 2:2) Unity is essential when making decisions. The Bible says: “By consultation, plans will succeed.” (Proverbs 20:18) Let Bible principles guide you as you make important decisions together.—Proverbs 8:32, 33.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Share your feelings with your mate, not just information or opinions
Consult with your mate before making commitments
-
-
Be Loyal to Each OtherYour Family Can Be Happy
-
-
SECTION 2
Be Loyal to Each Other
“What God has yoked together, let no man put apart.”—Mark 10:9
Jehovah requires us to “cherish loyalty.” (Micah 6:8) This is especially important in your marriage because without loyalty, there is no trust. And trust is essential for love to flourish.
Today, loyalty in marriage is under attack. To protect your marriage, you must be determined to do two things.
1 MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE A PRIORITY
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: “Make sure of the more important things.” (Philippians 1:10) Your marriage is one of the most important things in your life. It deserves priority.
Jehovah wants you to focus on your mate and “enjoy life” together. (Ecclesiastes 9:9) He makes it clear that you should never neglect your mate but, rather, you both should look for ways to make each other happy. (1 Corinthians 10:24) Make your mate feel needed and appreciated.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Make sure that you regularly spend time together, giving your mate your undivided attention
Think of “we” instead of “me”
2 SAFEGUARD YOUR HEART
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: “Everyone who keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28) If someone keeps thinking about immoral things, in a sense, he is being unfaithful to his mate.
Jehovah says that you need to “safeguard your heart.” (Proverbs 4:23; Jeremiah 17:9) To do this, you must guard your eyes. (Matthew 5:29, 30) Follow the example of the patriarch Job, who made a covenant with his eyes never to look with desire at another woman. (Job 31:1) Be determined never to view pornography. And be resolved to avoid any romantic attachment to a person other than your mate.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Make it obvious to others that you are completely committed to your mate
Consider your mate’s feelings, and immediately end any relationship that would make your mate uncomfortable
-
-
How to Solve ProblemsYour Family Can Be Happy
-
-
SECTION 3
How to Solve Problems
“Have intense love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”—1 Peter 4:8
As you and your mate start your life together, various problems will arise. They may result from differences in how each of you thinks, feels, and approaches life. Or problems may come from outside sources and unexpected events.
It can be tempting to avoid reality, but we are advised in the Bible to face our problems. (Matthew 5:23, 24) You will find the best solutions to your problems by applying Bible principles.
1 DISCUSS THE PROBLEM
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: “There is . . . a time to speak.” (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 7) Make sure that you spend time talking about the problem. Honestly let your mate know how you feel and what you think on the subject. Always “speak truth” with your mate. (Ephesians 4:25) Even when strong emotions are involved, resist the urge to fight. A calm answer can keep what should be a simple discussion from escalating into a battle.—Proverbs 15:4; 26:20.
Even if you disagree, remain gracious, never forgetting to show love and respect to your mate. (Colossians 4:6) Try to resolve the issue as soon as possible, and do not stop communicating.—Ephesians 4:26.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Set an appropriate time to discuss the problem
When it is your turn to listen, resist the urge to interrupt. You will get your turn to speak
2 LISTEN AND UNDERSTAND
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: “Have tender affection for one another. In showing honor to one another, take the lead.” (Romans 12:10) How you listen is very important. Try to understand your mate’s point of view with “fellow feeling . . . and humility.” (1 Peter 3:8; James 1:19) Do not just pretend to listen. When possible, put aside what you are doing and give your mate your full attention, or ask if you can discuss this later. If you think of your marriage mate as your teammate rather than your opponent, you will “not be quick to take offense.”—Ecclesiastes 7:9.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Keep listening with an open mind, even if what you are hearing displeases you
Listen for the message behind the words. Notice your mate’s body language and tone of voice
3 FOLLOW THROUGH
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: “There is benefit in every kind of hard work, but mere talk leads to want.” (Proverbs 14:23) Agreeing on a good solution is not enough. You need to follow through on what you both decide. This may involve hard work and much effort, but it will be worth it. (Proverbs 10:4) If you work together as a team, you will “have a good reward” for your hard work.—Ecclesiastes 4:9.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Decide what practical steps you will each take to solve your problem
From time to time, evaluate your progress
-
-
How to Manage MoneyYour Family Can Be Happy
-
-
SECTION 4
How to Manage Money
“By consultation, plans will succeed.”—Proverbs 20:18
We all need money to provide our families with the things they need. (Proverbs 30:8) After all, “money is a protection.” (Ecclesiastes 7:12) As a couple, it may be difficult to talk about money, but do not let money cause problems in your marriage. (Ephesians 4:32) A couple should trust each other and work together when deciding how money will be spent.
1 PLAN CAREFULLY
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: “Who of you wanting to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the expense to see if he has enough to complete it?” (Luke 14:28) It is essential that you plan together how you will use your money. (Amos 3:3) Decide what you need to buy and how much you can afford to spend. (Proverbs 31:16) Just because you have the money to buy something does not necessarily mean that you should. Try to avoid debt. Spend only the money you have.—Proverbs 21:5; 22:7.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
If you have extra money at the end of the month, decide together what you are going to do with it
If you have a deficit, make specific plans to reduce your expenses. For example, you could prepare your own meals instead of eating out
2 BE OPEN AND REALISTIC
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: “Care for everything honestly, not only in the sight of Jehovah but also in the sight of men.” (2 Corinthians 8:21) Be honest with your mate about how much you earn and spend.
Always consult your mate when making major decisions about your finances. (Proverbs 13:10) Communicating about money will help to maintain peace in your marriage. View your income, not as your personal money, but as family money.—1 Timothy 5:8.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Agree on an amount that each of you can spend without having to consult the other
Do not wait until a problem arises before you talk about money
-
-
How to Keep Peace With Your RelativesYour Family Can Be Happy
-
-
SECTION 5
How to Keep Peace With Your Relatives
“Clothe yourselves with . . . kindness, humility, mildness, and patience.”—Colossians 3:12
Marriage creates a new family. Though you will always love and respect your parents, your mate is now the most important person on earth for you. This may be difficult for some of your relatives to accept. But Bible principles can help you to find a balance, so that you can keep peace with your relatives as you work hard to build your new family relationship.
1 MAINTAIN A PROPER VIEW OF YOUR RELATIVES
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: “Honor your father and your mother.” (Ephesians 6:2) Regardless of how old you are, you always need to honor and respect your parents. Recognize that your mate too, as a son or a daughter, needs to give attention to his or her parents. “Love is not jealous,” so never feel threatened by the relationship your mate has with them.—1 Corinthians 13:4; Galatians 5:26.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
Avoid making broad statements, such as “Your family always puts me down” or “Your mother never likes what I do”
Try to see things from your mate’s perspective
2 BE FIRM WHEN NECESSARY
WHAT THE BIBLE SAYS: “A man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) When you marry, your parents may feel that they are still responsible for you, and they may want to be more involved in your marriage than they should be.
It is up to you and your mate to agree on what boundaries you will set for them and then lovingly let them know. You can be open and direct without being rude. (Proverbs 15:1) Humility, mildness, and patience will help you build a warm relationship with your relatives and continue “putting up with one another in love.”—Ephesians 4:2.
WHAT YOU CAN DO:
If you are concerned about how much the relatives are involved in your life, discuss it with your mate when things are calm
Come to a mutual agreement on how you will take care of these matters
-