1. What factors are likely to influence a man’s view of headship?

WHAT does the word “headship” mean to you? Some men allow tradition, culture, or their own family background to determine the way they treat their wife and children. Note what Yanita, a sister who lives in Europe, says, “Where I live, there is a deeply ingrained view that women are inferior to men and should be viewed as servants.” And a brother named Luke, who lives in the United States, says, “Some fathers teach their sons that women should be seen and not heard, that their opinion is not important.” However, those attitudes do not reflect the way Jehovah wants men to exercise their headship. (Compare Mark 7:13.) How, then, can a man learn to be a good family head?

 2. What must a family head know, and why?

² To be a good family head, a man must first understand what Jehovah requires of him. He also needs to know why Jehovah established headship and, specifically, how he can imitate the example set by Jehovah and Jesus. Why is it important for a man to gain such knowledge? Because Jehovah has given family heads a measure of authority, and he expects them to use it well.​—Luke 12:48b.

 3. What do we learn about headship from the statement recorded at 1 Corinthians 11:3?

³ Read 1 Corinthians 11:3. This verse describes the way in which Jehovah has organized his universal family. Headship involves two key elements​—authority and accountability. Jehovah is “the head,” or the ultimate authority, and all his children, both angelic and human, are accountable to him. (Rom. 14:10; Eph. 3:14, 15) Jehovah has given Jesus authority over the congregation, but Jesus is accountable to Jehovah for the way he treats us. (1 Cor. 15:27) Jehovah has also given a husband authority over his wife and children, but a husband is accountable to both Jehovah and Jesus for the way he treats his family.​—1 Pet. 3:7.

 4. What authority do Jehovah and Jesus have?

⁴ As Head of his universal family, Jehovah has the authority to make rules about how his children should behave, and he is able to enforce those rules. (Isa. 33:22) Jesus, as head of the Christian congregation, also has the right to make and enforce rules.​—Gal. 6:2; Col. 1:18-20.

 5. What authority does the head of a Christian family have, and what are his limits?

⁵ Following the pattern set by Jehovah and Jesus, the head of a Christian family has the authority to make decisions for his family. (Rom. 7:2; Eph. 6:4) However, his authority has limits. For example, his rules should be based on principles found in God’s Word. (Prov. 3:5, 6) And a family head does not have the authority to make rules for those who are not part of his family. (Rom. 14:4) Also, when his sons and daughters grow up and leave home, they continue to respect him, but they are no longer under his headship.​—Matt. 19:5.

 6. Why did Jehovah establish headship?

⁶ Jehovah established headship out of love for his family. It is a gift from him. Headship makes it possible for Jehovah’s family to function in a peaceful, orderly way. (1 Cor. 14:33, 40) Without the clear-cut role of headship, Jehovah’s family would become disorganized and unhappy. For example, no one would know who should make final decisions and who should take the lead in carrying out those decisions.

 7. According to Ephesians 5:25, 28, did Jehovah intend that men should dominate women?

⁷ If God’s arrangement for headship is such a good thing, why do so many women today feel oppressed and dominated by their husband? This is because many men ignore Jehovah’s standards for the family and choose instead to follow local customs or traditions. They may also abuse their wives to satisfy some selfish desire. For example, a husband might dominate his wife in an attempt to boost his self-respect or to prove to others that he is a “real man.” He may reason that he cannot force his wife to love him, but he can make her fear him. And he may use that fear as a way to control her.b That type of thinking and conduct clearly deprives women of the honor and respect to which they are entitled, and it is directly opposite to what Jehovah wants.​—Read Ephesians 5:25, 28.

 8. How can a man learn to be a good family head?

⁸ A man can learn to be a good family head by imitating the way that Jehovah and Jesus exercise their headship. Consider just two of the qualities manifested by Jehovah and Jesus, and note how a family head can show those qualities when dealing with his wife and children.

 9. How does Jehovah show humility?

⁹ Humility. Jehovah is the wisest Person in existence; yet, he listens to the opinions of his servants. (Gen. 18:23, 24, 32) He has allowed those under his authority to offer suggestions. (1 Ki. 22:19-22) Jehovah is perfect, but he does not, at present, expect perfection from us. Instead, he helps imperfect humans who serve him to succeed. (Ps. 113:6, 7) In fact, the Bible even describes Jehovah as a “helper.” (Ps. 27:9; Heb. 13:6) King David acknowledged that he could accomplish the great work he was given to do only because of Jehovah’s humility.​—2 Sam. 22:36.

10. How did Jesus show humility?

¹⁰ Consider Jesus’ example. Although Lord and Master of his disciples, he washed their feet. What is one reason why Jehovah had this account preserved in the Bible? No doubt to provide family heads, among others, with a clear model to follow. Jesus himself said: “I set the pattern for you, that just as I did to you, you should also do.” (John 13:12-17) Although he had great authority, Jesus did not expect to be served. Instead, he served others.​—Matt. 20:28.

11. What can a family head learn about humility from the example set by Jehovah and Jesus?

¹¹ Lessons for us. A family head can show humility in many ways. For example, he does not expect perfection from his wife and children. He listens to the opinions of family members, even when they do not agree with his. Marley, who lives in the United States, says: “My husband and I sometimes have different opinions. But I feel that he appreciates and respects me because he asks for my opinion and carefully considers it before he makes a decision.” In addition, a humble husband is willing to do household tasks, even if in his community these tasks are viewed as women’s work. That can be a challenge. Why? “Where I come from,” says a sister named Rachel, “if a husband helps his wife wash dishes or clean the home, his neighbors and relatives will question if he is a ‘real man.’ They will think that he cannot control his wife.” If that attitude is common where you live, remember that Jesus washed the feet of his disciples, even though it was viewed as a slave’s job. A good family head is concerned, not about making himself look good, but about making his wife and children feel good. In addition to humility, what other quality is essential for a good family head?

12. What does love motivate Jehovah and Jesus to do?

¹² Love. Everything Jehovah does is motivated by love. (1 John 4:7, 8) He lovingly cares for our spiritual needs by means of his written Word​—the Bible—​and his organization. He provides for our emotional needs by assuring us that we are loved. And what about our material needs? Jehovah “richly provides us with all the things we enjoy.” (1 Tim. 6:17) When we make mistakes, he corrects us, but he does not stop loving us. Out of love, Jehovah provided the ransom arrangement for us. As for Jesus, he loves us so much that he gave his life for us. (John 3:16; 15:13) Nothing can break the bond of love that Jehovah and Jesus feel for those who are loyal to them.​—John 13:1; Rom. 8:35, 38, 39.

13. Why is it important for a family head to show love for his family? (See also the box “How Can a Newly Married Man Earn the Respect of His Wife?”)

¹³ Lessons for us. Everything a family head does should be motivated by love. Why is that so important? The apostle John answers: “The one who does not love his brother [or family], whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen.” (1 John 4:11, 20) Specifically, a man who loves his family and who wants to imitate Jehovah and Jesus will provide for his family’s spiritual, emotional, and material needs. (1 Tim. 5:8) He will train and discipline his children. He will also continue to learn to make decisions that honor Jehovah and benefit his family. Let us consider each of those requirements and see how a family head can imitate Jehovah and Jesus.

14. How does a family head provide for his family’s spiritual needs?

¹⁴ Provide for his family’s spiritual needs. In imitation of his Father, Jesus was concerned about keeping those under his care spiritually well-fed. (Matt. 5:3, 6; Mark 6:34) Likewise, a family head’s first priority is to provide for his family’s spiritual needs. (Deut. 6:6-9) He does this by making sure that he and his family read and study God’s Word, attend meetings, preach the good news, and build and maintain a friendship with Jehovah.

15. What is one way that a family head can care for his family’s emotional needs?

¹⁵ Provide for his family’s emotional needs. Jehovah openly expressed his affection for Jesus. (Matt. 3:17) Jesus freely expressed affection for his followers, both by what he did and by what he said. In turn, they expressed affection for him. (John 15:9, 12, 13; 21:16) A family head can show his wife and children that he loves them by what he does, such as by studying the Bible with them. He should also tell them that he loves and appreciates them and, when appropriate, commend them in front of others.​—Prov. 31:28, 29.

16. What else must a family head do, and how can he maintain the right balance?

¹⁶ Provide for his family’s material needs. Jehovah cared for the basic needs of the Israelites even while they were being punished for disobedience. (Deut. 2:7; 29:5) He also provides for our basic needs today. (Matt. 6:31-33; 7:11) Likewise, Jesus fed those who followed him. (Matt. 14:17-20) He also cared for their physical health. (Matt. 4:24) To please Jehovah, a family head must provide materially for his family. However, he needs to maintain the right balance. He should not become so involved in secular work to support his family that he fails to care properly for his family’s spiritual and emotional needs.

17. What example do Jehovah and Jesus set in the way that they train and discipline us?

¹⁷ Provide training. Jehovah trains and disciplines us with our best interests in mind. (Heb. 12:7-9) Like his Father, Jesus trains those under his authority in a loving manner. (John 15:14, 15) He is firm but kind. (Matt. 20:24-28) He understands that we are imperfect and prone to make mistakes.​—Matt. 26:41.

18. For what does a good family head make allowances?

¹⁸ A family head who imitates Jehovah and Jesus makes allowances for the imperfections of family members. He does not become “bitterly angry” with his wife or children. (Col. 3:19) Instead, he applies the principle recorded at Galatians 6:1 and tries to readjust them “in a spirit of mildness,” remembering that he too is imperfect. Like Jesus, he realizes that the best way to teach is by example.​—1 Pet. 2:21.

19-20. When it comes to making decisions, how can a family head imitate Jehovah and Jesus?

¹⁹ Make unselfish decisions. Jehovah makes decisions that are in the best interests of others. For example, he decided to create life, not to benefit himself, but to share with us the joy of living. No one could have forced him to give his Son to cover our sins. He willingly decided to make that sacrifice for our benefit. Jesus too made decisions that primarily benefited others. (Rom. 15:3) For example, he decided to forgo his own need for rest in order to teach a crowd of people.​—Mark 6:31-34.

²⁰ A good family head knows that one of the most difficult things he must do is make wise decisions for his family, and he takes that responsibility seriously. He tries to avoid making decisions that are arbitrary or that are based purely on emotion. Instead, he allows Jehovah to train him.c (Prov. 2:6, 7) That way, he will think of benefiting others, not himself.​—Phil. 2:4.

21. What will be discussed in the next article?

²¹ Jehovah has given family heads a challenging assignment, and he holds them accountable for the way they accomplish it. But if a husband strives to follow the example set by Jehovah and Jesus, he will be a good family head. And if his wife fulfills her role, the marriage will be a happy one. How should a wife view headship, and what challenges does she face? The next article will answer those questions.

 1. When considering a marriage mate, what are some questions a single sister should ask?

ALL Christians come under the perfect headship of Jesus Christ. However, when a Christian woman gets married, she comes under the headship of an imperfect man. That can present a challenge. So when considering a potential marriage mate, she would do well to ask herself: ‘What indication do I have that this brother will be a good family head? Do spiritual activities play an important role in his life? If not, what makes me think that he will be a good spiritual head after we get married?’ Of course, a sister also does well to ask herself: ‘What qualities will I bring to the marriage? Am I patient and generous? Do I have a strong relationship with Jehovah?’ (Eccl. 4:9, 12) The level of happiness a wife will experience in her marriage will depend to some extent on the decisions she makes before getting married.

 2. What will we consider in this article?

² Millions of our Christian sisters set an excellent example in being submissive to their husband. They are to be commended! We are delighted to serve Jehovah alongside these loyal women! In this article, we will consider the answers to three questions: (1) What are some of the challenges that wives have to deal with? (2) Why does a wife choose to be subject to her husband? (3) What can Christian husbands and wives learn about subjection from the examples of Jesus, Abigail, and Mary, the wife of Joseph and the mother of Jesus?

 3. Why is there no such thing as a perfect marriage?

³ Marriage is a perfect gift from God, but people are imperfect. (1 John 1:8) That is why God’s Word warns married couples that they will face challenges that are described as “tribulation in their flesh.” (1 Cor. 7:28) Note just some of the challenges that a wife might face.

 4. Why might a wife feel that it is demeaning to be in subjection to her husband?

⁴ Perhaps because of her background, a wife might feel that being in subjection to her husband is demeaning. “Where I grew up,” says Marisol, who lives in the United States, “women were constantly told that they must be equal to men in everything. I know that Jehovah has made the headship arrangement and that he has given women a humble yet respectable role to play. But it is a challenge to keep a balanced view of headship.”

 5. What unscriptural attitudes do some have about the role of women?

⁵ On the other hand, a woman might be married to a man who thinks that women are second-class citizens. “In our area,” says a sister named Ivon, who lives in South America, “men eat first and women second. Little girls are expected to cook and clean, but little boys are served by their mother and sisters, and they are told that they are ‘king of the house.’” A sister named Yingling, who lives in Asia, says: “In my language there is a saying that implies that women do not need to be intelligent or to have abilities. Their role is to do all the housework, but they are not allowed to express any opinions to their husband.” A husband who is influenced by such unloving and unscriptural attitudes makes life difficult for his wife, fails to imitate Jesus, and displeases Jehovah.​—Eph. 5:28, 29; 1 Pet. 3:7.

 6. What do wives need to do in order to strengthen their personal relationship with Jehovah?

⁶ As mentioned in the preceding article, Jehovah expects Christian husbands to care for the spiritual, emotional, and material needs of their family. (1 Tim. 5:8) However, married sisters have to take time from their busy schedule each day to read God’s Word and meditate on it and to turn to Jehovah in earnest prayer. This can be a challenge. Wives are busy, so they may feel that they do not have the time or the energy to do those things, but it is vital that they take the time. Why? Because Jehovah wants each one of us to develop and maintain a personal relationship with him.​—Acts 17:27.

 7. What will make it easier for a wife to fulfill her assignment?

⁷ Understandably, a wife may have to work hard to be submissive to her imperfect husband. However, she will find it easier to fulfill the assignment Jehovah has given her if she understands and accepts the Scriptural reasons why she should be submissive.

 8. As indicated at Ephesians 5:22-24, why does a Christian wife choose to be in subjection to her husband?

⁸ A Christian wife chooses to be in subjection to her husband because that is what Jehovah asks of her. (Read Ephesians 5:22-24.) She trusts her heavenly Father, knowing that he is always motivated by love and only asks her to do something if it is in her best interests.​—Deut. 6:24; 1 John 5:3.

 9. What happens when a Christian sister respects her husband’s authority?

⁹ The world encourages women to ignore Jehovah’s standards and to view subjection as demeaning. Of course, those who promote such ideas do not know our loving God. Jehovah would never give his precious daughters a command that would demean them. A sister who works hard at fulfilling the role Jehovah has assigned her promotes peace in her household. (Ps. 119:165) Her husband benefits, she benefits, and the children benefit.

10. What lessons can we learn from the comments made by Carol?

¹⁰ A wife who is submissive to her imperfect husband proves that she loves and respects Jehovah, the one who established headship. “I know that my husband will make mistakes,” says Carol, who lives in South America. “I also know that the way that I respond to those mistakes reveals how much I value my friendship with Jehovah. So I try to remain submissive because I want to please my heavenly Father.”

11. What helps a sister named Aneese to be forgiving, and what can we learn from her comments?

¹¹ It can be a challenge for a wife to be respectful and submissive if she feels that her husband does not take her feelings and concerns into account. But note how a married sister named Aneese responds when that happens. She says: “I try not to become resentful. I remember that all of us make mistakes. My goal is to forgive freely, as Jehovah does. When I do forgive, I regain my peace of mind.” (Ps. 86:5) A wife who is forgiving is likely to find it easier to be submissive.

12. What examples does the Bible contain?

¹² Some may feel that a submissive person is weak. But that view is far from the truth. The Bible contains many examples of submissive individuals who had great strength of character. Consider what we can learn from Jesus, Abigail, and Mary.

13. Why is Jesus in subjection to Jehovah? Explain.

¹³ Jesus is subject to Jehovah, but certainly not because he lacks intelligence or skill. Only a highly intelligent person could teach as simply and clearly as Jesus did. (John 7:45, 46) Jehovah respected Jesus’ ability so much that He allowed Jesus to work beside Him when Jehovah created the universe. (Prov. 8:30; Heb. 1:2-4) And since Jesus’ resurrection, Jehovah has entrusted him with ‘all authority in heaven and on earth.’ (Matt. 28:18) Even though Jesus is talented, he still looks to Jehovah for guidance. Why? Because he loves his Father.​—John 14:31.

14. What can husbands learn from (a) the way Jehovah views women? (b) the thoughts recorded in Proverbs 31?

¹⁴ What husbands can learn. Jehovah did not make a wife subject to her husband because He views women as inferior to men. Jehovah himself has made that evident by choosing women as well as men to be corulers with Jesus. (Gal. 3:26-29) Jehovah has shown confidence in his Son by entrusting him with authority. Similarly, a wise husband will entrust his wife with a measure of authority. Describing the role of a capable wife, God’s Word says that she can oversee a household, buy and manage property, and negotiate financial transactions. (Read Proverbs 31:15, 16, 18.) She is not a slave who has no right to voice her opinion. Rather, her husband trusts her and listens to her ideas. (Read Proverbs 31:11, 26, 27.) When a man treats his wife with that kind of respect, she will find pleasure in being subject to him.

15. What can wives learn from Jesus’ example?

¹⁵ What wives can learn. Despite his accomplishments, Jesus does not feel that it is demeaning to subject himself to Jehovah’s headship. (1 Cor. 15:28; Phil. 2:5, 6) Likewise, a capable woman who follows Jesus’ example will not feel diminished by submitting to her husband. She will support her husband not only because she loves him but primarily because she loves and respects Jehovah.

16. According to 1 Samuel 25:3, 23-28, what challenges did Abigail face? (See cover picture.)

¹⁶ Abigail had a husband named Nabal. He was a selfish, proud, and ungrateful man. Even so, Abigail did not take the easy way out of her marriage. She could have kept quiet and allowed David and his men to kill her husband. Instead, she took practical steps to protect Nabal along with their large household. Imagine the courage it took for Abigail to approach 400 armed men and respectfully reason with David. She was even willing to take the blame for her husband’s actions. (Read 1 Samuel 25:3, 23-28.) David readily acknowledged that Jehovah had used this strong woman to give him needed advice that prevented him from committing a serious mistake.

17. What can husbands learn from the account of David and Abigail?

¹⁷ What husbands can learn. Abigail was a sensible woman. Wisely, David listened to her advice. As a result, he avoided a course that would have made him bloodguilty. Similarly, a wise husband will carefully consider his wife’s views when important decisions are to be made. Perhaps her viewpoint will help him avoid making an unwise decision.

18. What can wives learn from Abigail’s example?

¹⁸ What wives can learn. A wife who loves and respects Jehovah can have a good impact on her family, even if her husband does not serve Jehovah or live by His standards. She will not look for an unscriptural way out of her marriage. Instead, by being respectful and submissive, she will try to motivate her husband to learn about Jehovah. (1 Pet. 3:1, 2) But even if he does not respond to her good example, Jehovah appreciates the loyalty that a submissive wife shows to Him.

19. In what circumstances will a wife not obey her husband?

¹⁹ A submissive Christian wife, however, will not support her husband if he asks her to violate Bible laws or principles. Suppose, for example, that a sister’s unbelieving mate tells her to lie, to steal, or to engage in some other unscriptural conduct. All Christians, including married sisters, owe their first allegiance to Jehovah God. If a sister is asked to violate Bible principles, she should refuse, explaining in a kind but firm way why she cannot do what he is asking.​—Acts 5:29.

20. How do we know that Mary had a close, personal relationship with Jehovah?

²⁰ Mary had a close, personal relationship with Jehovah. She obviously knew the Scriptures well. In a conversation with Elizabeth, the mother of John the Baptist, Mary made more than 20 references to the Hebrew Scriptures. (Luke 1:46-55) And consider this fact: Even though Mary was engaged to Joseph, Jehovah’s angel did not initially appear to him. The angel first spoke directly to Mary and announced that she would give birth to the Son of God. (Luke 1:26-33) Jehovah knew Mary well and was confident that she would love and care for his Son. And Mary undoubtedly continued to have a good relationship with Jehovah even after Jesus died and was raised to heaven.​—Acts 1:14.

21. What can husbands learn from what the Bible records about Mary?

²¹ What husbands can learn. A wise husband is happy when his wife knows the Scriptures well. He does not feel intimidated or threatened by his wife. He realizes that a sister with a sound knowledge of the Bible and Bible principles can be a real asset to her family. Of course, even if the wife is better educated than her husband, it is his responsibility to take the lead in family worship and in other theocratic activities.​—Eph. 6:4.

22. What can wives learn from Mary?

²² What wives can learn. A woman must be submissive to her husband, but she is still responsible for her own spiritual health. (Gal. 6:5) To that end, she must allocate some time for her own personal study and meditation. That will help her to maintain her love and respect for Jehovah and to find joy in being submissive to her husband.

23. How do submissive wives benefit themselves, their family, and the congregation?

²³ Wives who remain subject to their husband out of love for Jehovah will find more joy and contentment than those who reject Jehovah’s headship arrangement. They set a good example for both young men and young women. And they help to create a warm atmosphere not only in the family but also in the congregation. (Titus 2:3-5)