Marriage Can Succeed in Today’s World

“Clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union.”​—Colossians 3:14.

1, 2. (a) What fact is encouraging with regard to the Christian congregation? (b) What is a successful marriage?

WHEN we look at the Christian congregation, is it not heartwarming to see so many married couples who have been loyal to their mates for 10, 20, 30, or even more years? They have stuck with their mates through thick and thin.​—Genesis 2:24.

² Most would admit that their marriage has not been without its challenges. One observer wrote: “Happy marriages are not carefree. There are good times and bad times . . . But somehow . . . these people have stayed married despite the [turmoil] of modern life.” Successful couples have learned to deal with the inevitable storms and crises that result from the pressures of life, especially if they have raised children. Experience has taught such couples that true love “never fails.”​—1 Corinthians 13:8.

 3. What do statistics indicate about marriage and divorce, leading to what questions?

³ In contrast, millions of marriages have suffered shipwreck. A report says: “Half of all U.S. marriages today are expected to end in divorce. And half of those [divorces] will happen within the first 7.8 years of marriage . . . Among the 75 percent of people who remarry, 60 percent will divorce again.” Even countries that previously had relatively low divorce rates have seen a change. For example, in Japan the divorce rate has nearly doubled in recent years. What are some of the pressures that have led to this situation, pressures that sometimes manifest themselves even within the Christian congregation? What is needed to make a success of marriage in spite of Satan’s efforts to undermine that arrangement?

Pitfalls to Avoid

 4. What are some factors that can undermine a marriage?

⁴ God’s Word helps us to understand the factors that can undermine a marriage. Consider, for example, the words of the apostle Paul concerning conditions that would exist during these last days: “In the last days critical times hard to deal with will be here. For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, self-assuming, haughty, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement, slanderers, without self-control, fierce, without love of goodness, betrayers, headstrong, puffed up with pride, lovers of pleasures rather than lovers of God, having a form of godly devotion but proving false to its power; and from these turn away.”​—2 Timothy 3:1-5.

 5. Why is a ‘lover of self’ endangering his or her marriage, and what is the Bible’s counsel in this regard?

⁵ When we analyze Paul’s words, we see that many of the things he listed could contribute to the breakdown of marital relationships. For example, those who are “lovers of themselves” are selfish and lack consideration for others. Husbands or wives who love only themselves are determined to get their own way. They are inflexible, unbending. Would such an attitude contribute to a happy marriage? In no way. The apostle Paul wisely counseled Christians, including married couples: “[You should be] doing nothing out of contentiousness or out of egotism, but with lowliness of mind considering that the others are superior to you, keeping an eye, not in personal interest upon just your own matters, but also in personal interest upon those of the others.”​—Philippians 2:3, 4.

 6. How can love of money undermine a marital relationship?

⁶ Love of money can drive a wedge between a husband and a wife. Paul warned: “Those who are determined to be rich fall into temptation and a snare and many senseless and hurtful desires, which plunge men into destruction and ruin. For the love of money is a root of all sorts of injurious things, and by reaching out for this love some have been led astray from the faith and have stabbed themselves all over with many pains.” (1 Timothy 6:9, 10) Sadly, Paul’s warning has come true in many marriages today. In their quest for wealth, many spouses ignore the needs of their mates, including the basic need for emotional support and regular, warm companionship.

 7. In some cases, what behavior has led to marital disloyalty?

⁷ Paul also said that some in these last days would be “disloyal, having no natural affection, not open to any agreement.” The marriage vow is a solemn promise that should lead to a permanent bond, not to treachery. (Malachi 2:14-16) Some, though, have turned their amorous attentions to individuals other than their spouses. One wife in her 30’s whose husband left her explained that even before he left, he acted too familiarly, too affectionately, toward other women. He failed to recognize what was inappropriate conduct for a married man. She was deeply hurt when she saw this happening and tactfully tried to warn him of the dangerous path he was treading. Still, he fell into adultery. Even though kind warnings were given, the offending partner did not want to pay attention. He fell headlong into the trap.​—Proverbs 6:27-29.

 8. What can lead to adultery?

⁸ How clearly the Bible warns against adultery! “Anyone committing adultery with a woman is in want of heart; he that does it is bringing his own soul to ruin.” (Proverbs 6:32) Usually, adultery is not a spontaneous, impulsive act. As the Bible writer James pointed out, a sin such as adultery usually takes place only after the thought has been conceived and entertained. (James 1:14, 15) The offending spouse gradually ceases to be loyal to the mate to whom he or she vowed lifelong fidelity. Jesus said: “You heard that it was said, ‘You must not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone that keeps on looking at a woman so as to have a passion for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”​—Matthew 5:27, 28.

 9. What wise counsel is found at Proverbs 5:18-20?

⁹ Therefore, the wise and loyal course is the one encouraged in the book of Proverbs: “Let your water source prove to be blessed, and rejoice with the wife of your youth, a lovable hind and a charming mountain goat. Let her own breasts intoxicate you at all times. With her love may you be in an ecstasy constantly. So why should you, my son, be in an ecstasy with a strange woman or embrace the bosom of a foreign woman?”​—Proverbs 5:18-20.

Do Not Rush Into Marriage

10. Why is it wise to take time to get to know a prospective mate?

¹⁰ Problems in marriage may arise when a couple enter into that relationship prematurely. They may be too young and inexperienced. Or perhaps they do not take the time to get to know each other​—their likes and dislikes, their goals in life, their family background. It is wise to exercise patience, taking the time to get to know the prospective mate. Think of Jacob, the son of Isaac. He had to work for his prospective father-in-law for seven years before he was allowed to marry Rachel. He was willing to do that because his feelings were based on real love, not merely physical attraction.​—Genesis 29:20-30.

11. (a) What does the marital union bring together? (b) Why is a wise use of speech vital in marriage?

¹¹ Marriage is more than just a romantic relationship. The marital union yokes together two persons from different family backgrounds and with distinct personalities, emotional makeup, and often disparate educational backgrounds. Sometimes it is a joining of two cultures, even two languages. At the very least, it brings together two voices with the ability to express differing opinions on all kinds of matters. Those two voices are a very real component of a marriage union. They can be constantly critical and complaining, or they can be warmly encouraging and edifying. Yes, with our words we can either hurt or heal our mate. Uncontrolled speech can put a real strain on a marriage.​—Proverbs 12:18; 15:1, 2; 16:24; 21:9; 31:26.

12, 13. What realistic view of marriage is encouraged?

¹² Therefore, it is wise to take the time really to get to know a prospective mate. An experienced Christian sister once said: “When you view a prospective marriage partner, think of perhaps ten basic requirements you would like to see in that person. If you can find only seven, ask yourself, ‘Am I willing to overlook the three that are missing? Could I on a daily basis tolerate those deficiencies?’ If you have doubts, step back and think again.” Of course, you need to be realistic. If you want to get married, know that you will never find a perfect mate. But, then, the person you eventually marry will not have found a perfect mate either!​—Luke 6:41.

¹³ Marriage involves sacrifices. Paul highlighted this when he said: “I want you to be free from anxiety. The unmarried man is anxious for the things of the Lord, how he may gain the Lord’s approval. But the married man is anxious for the things of the world, how he may gain the approval of his wife, and he is divided. Further, the unmarried woman, and the virgin, is anxious for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in her body and in her spirit. However, the married woman is anxious for the things of the world, how she may gain the approval of her husband.”​—1 Corinthians 7:32-34.

Why Some Marriages Fail

14, 15. What can contribute to the weakening of the marriage bond?

¹⁴ A Christian woman recently experienced the trauma of divorce when her husband left her after 12 years of marriage and began a relationship with another woman. Did she notice any warning signs before the breakup? She explains: “He reached a point where he no longer prayed. He used flimsy excuses for missing Christian meetings and the preaching activity. He claimed to be either too busy or too tired to spend time with me. He would not talk to me. There was a spiritual alienation. It was such a shame. He was no longer the man I had married.”

¹⁵ Others report noticing similar signs, including neglect of personal Bible study, prayer, or attendance at Christian meetings. In other words, many individuals who eventually left their mates allowed their relationship with Jehovah to weaken. As a result, their spiritual vision dimmed. Jehovah was no longer a living God to them. The promised new world of righteousness ceased to be a reality. In some cases, this spiritual weakening happened even before the unfaithful spouse formed an attachment outside the marriage.​—Hebrews 10:38, 39; 11:6; 2 Peter 3:13, 14.

16. What strengthens a marriage?

¹⁶ In contrast, one very happy couple attribute the success of their marriage to their strong spiritual bonds. They pray together and study together. The husband says: “We read the Bible together. We go out in the ministry together. We enjoy doing things together.” The lesson is clear: Maintaining a good relationship with Jehovah will greatly contribute to the solidity of a marriage.

Be Realistic and Communicate

17. (a) What two things contribute to a successful marriage? (b) How does Paul describe Christian love?

¹⁷ Two other things contribute to a successful marriage: Christian love and communication. When two people are enamored with each other, there is a tendency to ignore each other’s faults. The couple may enter marriage with exaggerated expectations, perhaps based on what they have read in romance novels or seen in movies. Eventually, however, the couple have to face reality. Then, minor faults or mildly irritating habits may become major problems. If that happens, Christians need to display the fruitage of the spirit, an aspect of which is love. (Galatians 5:22, 23) Love, indeed, is very powerful​—not romantic love but Christian love. Paul described such Christian love, saying: “Love is long-suffering and kind. . . . [It] does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. . . . It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-7) Clearly, genuine love makes allowances for human frailties. Realistically, it does not expect perfection.​—Proverbs 10:12.

18. How can communication strengthen a relationship?

¹⁸ Communication is also vital. Regardless of the years that have passed, spouses should talk with each other and truly listen to each other. Says one husband: “We openly express our feelings but in a friendly way.” With experience, a husband or a wife learns to listen not only to what is said but also to what is not said. In other words, as the years go by, a happily married couple learn to discern unspoken thoughts or unexpressed feelings. Some wives have said that their husbands do not really listen to them. Some husbands have complained that their wives seem to want to communicate at the most inconvenient times. Communication involves compassion and understanding. Effective communication is beneficial for both husband and wife.​—James 1:19.

19. (a) Why can apologizing be difficult? (b) What will motivate us to apologize?

¹⁹ Communication sometimes includes apologizing. That is not always easy. It takes humility to admit one’s mistakes. Yet, what a difference it makes in a marriage! A sincere apology can remove a possible future cause for conflict and pave the way for real forgiveness and a solution to the problem. Paul stated: “Continue putting up with one another and forgiving one another freely if anyone has a cause for complaint against another. Even as Jehovah freely forgave you, so do you also. But, besides all these things, clothe yourselves with love, for it is a perfect bond of union.”​—Colossians 3:13, 14.

20. How should a Christian treat his marriage partner in private and in the presence of others?

²⁰ Also vital in a marriage is mutual support. A Christian husband and wife should be able to trust each other, to rely on each other. Neither should undermine the other or in other ways diminish his or her self-confidence. We lovingly commend our marriage partners; we do not harshly criticize them. (Proverbs 31:28b) Certainly, we do not demean them by making them the object of foolish and thoughtless jokes. (Colossians 4:6) Such mutual support is strengthened by regular expressions of affection. A touch or a quiet affectionate word can say: “I still love you. I’m glad you are with me.” These are some factors that can influence a relationship and help marriage to succeed in today’s world. There are others, and the following article will offer additional Scriptural guidelines on how to make a success of marriage.a

[Footnote]

Wise Guidance for Married Couples

“Let wives be in subjection to their husbands as to the Lord. Husbands, continue loving your wives.”​—Ephesians 5:22, 25.

 1. What is the correct view of marriage?

JESUS said that marriage is the yoking together by God of a man and a woman to be “one flesh.” (Matthew 19:5, 6) It involves two people with differing personalities learning to develop common interests and working together toward common goals. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, not a casual agreement that can be lightly abandoned. In many countries, divorce is not difficult to obtain, but in the eyes of a Christian, the marriage relationship is sacred. It is ended only for a very serious reason.​—Matthew 19:9.

 2. (a) What help is available to married couples? (b) Why is it important to strive to make a success of marriage?

² One marriage counselor said: “A good marriage is a process of continual change as it reflects new issues, deals with problems that arise, and uses the resources available at each stage of life.” For Christian spouses, those resources include wise counsel from the Bible, support from fellow Christians, and a close, prayerful relationship with Jehovah. A successful marriage endures, and over the years, it brings happiness and contentment to husband and wife. More important, it brings honor to Jehovah God, the Originator of marriage.​—Genesis 2:18, 21-24; 1 Corinthians 10:31; Ephesians 3:15; 1 Thessalonians 5:17.

Imitate Jesus and His Congregation

 3. (a) Summarize Paul’s counsel to married couples. (b) What fine example did Jesus set?

³ Two thousand years ago, the apostle Paul gave wise counsel to Christian couples when he wrote: “As the congregation is in subjection to the Christ, so let wives also be to their husbands in everything. Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:24, 25) What fine comparisons are expressed here! Christian wives who keep in humble submission to their husbands imitate the congregation in recognizing and observing the headship principle. Believing husbands who continue to love their wives, whether in favorable or in trying times, demonstrate that they closely follow Christ’s example of loving the congregation and caring for it.

 4. How can husbands follow Jesus’ example?

⁴ Christian husbands are the heads of their families, but they too have a head, Jesus. (1 Corinthians 11:3) Hence, as Jesus cared for his congregation, so husbands lovingly care for their families in a spiritual and physical way, even if that takes personal sacrifice. They put the welfare of their families ahead of their own desires and preferences. Jesus said: “All things, therefore, that you want men to do to you, you also must likewise do to them.” (Matthew 7:12) That principle applies with special force in marriage. Paul showed this when he said: “Husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies. . . . No man ever hated his own flesh; but he feeds and cherishes it.” (Ephesians 5:28, 29) A man should feed and cherish his wife with the same diligence that he feeds and cherishes himself.

 5. How can wives imitate the Christian congregation?

⁵ Godly wives look to the Christian congregation as a model. When Jesus was on earth, his followers gladly abandoned their previous pursuits and followed him. After his death, they continued subject to him, and over the past nearly 2,000 years, the true Christian congregation has remained subject to Jesus and followed his leadership in all things. Christian wives similarly do not disdain their husbands or seek to downplay the Scriptural arrangement of headship in marriage. Instead, they support and are submissive to their husbands, cooperate with them, and thus encourage them. When both husband and wife act in such a loving way, their marriage will succeed and both will find joy in the relationship.

Continue Dwelling With Them

 6. What counsel did Peter give to husbands, and why is it important?

⁶ The apostle Peter also had counsel for married couples, and his words to husbands were especially pointed. He said: “Continue dwelling in like manner with [your wives] according to knowledge, assigning them honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one, since you are also heirs with them of the undeserved favor of life, in order for your prayers not to be hindered.” (1 Peter 3:7) The seriousness of Peter’s counsel is seen in the final words of that verse. If a husband fails to honor his wife, his relationship with Jehovah will be affected. His prayers will be hindered.

 7. How should a husband honor his wife?

⁷ How, then, can husbands assign honor to their wives? To honor one’s wife means to treat her lovingly, with respect and dignity. Such kindly treatment of a wife would have seemed novel to many. A Greek scholar writes: “Under Roman law a woman had no rights. In law she remained for ever a child. . . . She was entirely subject to her husband, and completely at his mercy.” What a contrast to Christian teachings! The Christian husband honored his wife. His dealings with her were governed by Christian principles, not by personal whim. Moreover, he was considerate of her “according to knowledge,” taking into account that she was a weaker vessel.

“A Weaker Vessel” in What Way?

8, 9. In what ways are women equal to men?

⁸ In saying that the woman is “a weaker vessel,” Peter did not mean that women are weaker than men intellectually or spiritually. True, many Christian men have privileges in the congregation that women do not expect to have, and in the family women are subject to their husbands. (1 Corinthians 14:35; 1 Timothy 2:12) Nevertheless, the same faith, endurance, and high moral standards are required of all, men and women. And as Peter said, both husband and wife are “heirs . . . of the undeserved favor of life.” As far as salvation is concerned, they have equal standing before Jehovah God. (Galatians 3:28) Peter was writing to anointed Christians of the first century. Hence, his words reminded Christian husbands that as “joint heirs with Christ,” they and their wives had the same heavenly hope. (Romans 8:17) One day, both would serve as priests and kings in God’s heavenly Kingdom!​—Revelation 5:10.

⁹ Anointed Christian wives were in no way inferior to their anointed Christian husbands. And in principle, the same is true of those with an earthly hope. Both men and women of the “great crowd” wash their robes and make them white in the blood of the Lamb. Both men and women share “day and night” in the worldwide shout of praise to Jehovah. (Revelation 7:9, 10, 14, 15) Both men and women look forward to enjoying “the glorious freedom of the children of God,” when they will delight in “the real life.” (Romans 8:21; 1 Timothy 6:19) Whether of the anointed or of the other sheep, all Christians serve Jehovah together as “one flock” under “one shepherd.” (John 10:16) What a compelling reason for a Christian husband and wife to show due honor to each other!

10. In what sense are women ‘weaker vessels’?

¹⁰ In what way, then, are women ‘weaker vessels’? Perhaps Peter was referring to the fact that, on average, women are smaller and have less physical strength than men. In addition, in our imperfect state, the wonderful privilege of bearing children exacts a physical toll. Women of childbearing age may be subject to physical discomforts on a regular basis. They certainly need special care and consideration when experiencing such discomforts or enduring the exhausting trials of being pregnant and giving birth. A husband who assigns honor to his wife, recognizing the support that she needs, will contribute greatly to the success of the marriage.

In a Religiously Divided Household

11. In what sense can a marriage succeed even if husband and wife are of different religions?

¹¹ What, though, if marriage mates have different religious views because one of them accepted Christian truth some time after they got married and the other did not? Can such a marriage succeed? The experience of many says yes. A husband and wife with different religious views can still have a successful marriage in the sense that it can be enduring and bring happiness to both. Besides, the marriage is still valid in Jehovah’s eyes; they are still “one flesh.” Therefore, Christian spouses are counseled to stay with the unbelieving partner if that partner is agreeable. If there are children, they benefit from the faithfulness of the Christian parent.​—1 Corinthians 7:12-14.

12, 13. Following Peter’s counsel, how can Christian wives help unbelieving husbands?

¹² Peter addresses kindly words of counsel to Christian women living in religiously divided households. His words can also be applied in principle by Christian husbands in the same situation. Peter writes: “You wives, be in subjection to your own husbands, in order that, if any are not obedient to the word, they may be won without a word through the conduct of their wives, because of having been eyewitnesses of your chaste conduct together with deep respect.”​—1 Peter 3:1, 2.

¹³ If a wife can tactfully explain her faith to her husband, that is fine. What, though, if he does not want to listen? That is his choice. Still, all is not lost, since Christian conduct also gives a powerful witness. Many husbands who at first were not interested in or who were even opposed to the faith of their wives became “rightly disposed for everlasting life” after seeing the fine conduct of their wives. (Acts 13:48) Even if a husband does not accept Christian truth, he may still be favorably impressed by the conduct of his wife, with good results for the marriage. One husband whose wife is one of Jehovah’s Witnesses admitted that he could never live up to their high standards. Still, he called himself “the happy husband of a charming wife” and warmly praised his wife and her fellow Witnesses in a letter to a newspaper.

14. How can husbands help unbelieving wives?

¹⁴ Christian husbands who have applied the principles of Peter’s words have likewise won their wives over by their conduct. Unbelieving wives have seen their husbands gain a sense of responsibility, ceasing to waste money on smoking, drinking, and gambling and no longer using abusive language. Some of those mates have met other members of the Christian congregation. They were impressed with the loving Christian brotherhood, and what they observed among the brothers drew them to Jehovah.​—John 13:34, 35.

“The Secret Person of the Heart”

15, 16. What kind of conduct by a Christian wife might win over an unbelieving husband?

¹⁵ What kind of conduct might win over a husband? Really, it is conduct that is naturally cultivated by Christian women. Peter says: “Do not let your adornment be that of the external braiding of the hair and of the putting on of gold ornaments or the wearing of outer garments, but let it be the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quiet and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God. For so, too, formerly the holy women who were hoping in God used to adorn themselves, subjecting themselves to their own husbands, as Sarah used to obey Abraham, calling him ‘lord.’ And you have become her children, provided you keep on doing good and not fearing any cause for terror.”​—1 Peter 3:3-6.

¹⁶ Peter counsels a Christian woman not to rely on external appearances. Instead, let her husband discern the effect of Bible teachings on her inner person. Let him witness the new personality in operation. Perhaps he will contrast it with the old personality that his wife used to have. (Ephesians 4:22-24) He will surely find her “quiet and mild spirit” refreshing and attractive. Not only is such a spirit pleasing to a husband but it is “of great value in the eyes of God.”​—Colossians 3:12.

17. How is Sarah a fine example for Christian wives?

¹⁷ Sarah is pointed to as a model, and she is a worthy example for Christian wives whether their husbands are believers or not. Sarah unquestionably viewed Abraham as her head. Even in her heart, she called him her “lord.” (Genesis 18:12) Yet, that did not diminish her. She was clearly a spiritually strong woman with her own firm faith in Jehovah. Indeed, she is part of the “great cloud of witnesses” whose example of faith should move us to “run with endurance the race that is set before us.” (Hebrews 11:11; 12:1) It is not demeaning for a Christian wife to be like Sarah.

18. What principles should be borne in mind in a divided household?

¹⁸ In a religiously divided household, the husband is still the head. If he is the believer, he will be considerate of his wife’s beliefs while not compromising his own faith. If the wife is the believer, she too will not compromise her faith. (Acts 5:29) Still, she will not challenge her husband’s headship. She will honor his position and remain under “the law of her husband.”​—Romans 7:2.

The Bible’s Wise Guidance

19. What are some pressures that strain marriage bonds, but how can such pressures be resisted?

¹⁹ Today, many things can strain the marriage bond. Some men fail to assume their responsibilities. Some women refuse to accept the headship of their husbands. In some marriages, one spouse is abused by the other. For Christians, economic stresses, human imperfection, and the spirit of the world with its immorality and distorted sense of values can test loyalties. Still, Christian men and women who follow Bible principles, whatever their situation, receive Jehovah’s blessing. Even if only one partner in a marriage applies Bible principles, things are better than if neither did. Moreover, Jehovah loves and supports his servants who remain faithful to their marriage vows even in difficult situations. He does not forget their loyalty.​—Psalm 18:25; Hebrews 6:10; 1 Peter 3:12.

20. What counsel does Peter have for all Christians?

²⁰ After counseling married men and women, the apostle Peter concluded with warm words of encouragement. He said: “Finally, all of you be like-minded, showing fellow feeling, having brotherly affection, tenderly compassionate, humble in mind, not paying back injury for injury or reviling for reviling, but, to the contrary, bestowing a blessing, because you were called to this course, so that you might inherit a blessing.” (1 Peter 3:8, 9) Wise counsel indeed for all, especially for married couples!