Communication That Works

Whether you want to gain more freedom or just reduce your frustration with the limits your parents now place on you, the key is good communication. ‘But I’ve tried talking to my parents, and it just doesn’t work!’ some might say. If that’s how you feel, ask yourself, ‘Could I improve my communication skills?’ Communication is a vital tool that can (1) help others to understand you or (2) help you to understand why what you want is being refused. Really, if you want to receive grown-up privileges, it’s only reasonable that you develop mature communication skills. How can you do so?

Learn to control your emotions. Good communication requires self-control. The Bible states: “All his spirit is what a stupid one lets out, but he that is wise keeps it calm to the last.” (Proverbs 29:11) So avoid whining, sulking, and throwing childish tantrums. Admittedly, you may feel like slamming the door or stomping around the house when your parents restrict you. However, such behavior will probably lead to more rules​—not to more freedom.

Try to see your parents’ point of view. Tracy, a Christian youth in a single-parent family, says, “I ask myself, ‘What is my mother trying to accomplish with her rules?’” Tracy’s conclusion? “She’s trying to help me become a better person.” (Proverbs 3:1, 2) Showing such empathy may help you to communicate effectively with your parents.

For example, suppose your parents are reluctant to let you attend a certain gathering. Instead of arguing, you could ask, “What if a mature, trustworthy friend came along with me?” Your parents may still not grant your request. But if you understand their concerns, you have a better chance of suggesting an acceptable option.

Build your parents’ confidence in you. Imagine a man who owes money to a bank. If he makes his payments regularly, he’ll earn the bank’s trust and the bank may even extend more credit to him in the future. It’s similar at home. You owe your parents your obedience. If you prove trustworthy​—even in small things—​your parents are likely to trust you more in the future. Of course, if you continually let your parents down, don’t be surprised if they reduce or even close your “line of credit.”

When a Rule Has Been Broken

Sooner or later, you’re likely to cross the line​—fail to do your chores, talk too long on the phone, or miss a curfew. (Psalm 130:3) Then you’ll have to face your parents! How can you keep a bad situation from getting worse?

Speak the truth. Do not tell tall tales. If you do, that would only undermine any remaining trust your parents have in you. So be honest and specific about details. (Proverbs 28:13) Avoid justifying or minimizing what happened. And always remember that “an answer, when mild, turns away rage.”​—Proverbs 15:1.

Apologize. Expressing regret over the worry, disappointment, or extra work you caused is appropriate and may reduce the severity of your punishment. However, your sorrow must be sincere.

Accept the consequences. (Galatians 6:7) Your first response may be to dispute the punishment, especially if it seems unfair. However, taking responsibility for your actions is a sign of maturity. Your best option may simply be to work at regaining your parents’ confidence.

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Worksheet

Talk to Your Parents!

The preceding two chapters have discussed how you can deal with parental criticism and house rules. What if you feel that your parents are being too harsh in either or both of these areas? How could you open up a discussion with them about it?

● Pick a time when you’re relaxed and your parents aren’t too busy.

● Speak from the heart, but don’t be ruled by your emotions. Accord your parents due respect.

If you feel that your parents are overly critical, you could say: “I’m trying hard to do what’s right, but it’s difficult when I feel that I’m being criticized all the time. Can we talk about it?”

Write below how you would open up a discussion with your parents about this subject.

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✔ TIP: Use Chapter 21 to break the ice. Perhaps your parents will be willing to discuss the material in that chapter with you.

If you feel that your parents are not allowing you enough freedom, you could say: “I’d like to show myself more responsible so that in time I can be granted more freedom. What do you think I should work on?”

Write below how you could open up a discussion with your parents about this subject.

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✔ TIP: Review Chapter 3 in Volume 1. Then make a list of any questions you may have about what you read.