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“Keep Conquering the Evil” by Controlling AngerThe Watchtower—2010 | June 15
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“Keep Conquering the Evil” by Controlling Anger
“Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, . . . but keep conquering the evil with the good.”—ROM. 12:19, 21.
1, 2. What good example did some Witness travelers provide?
A GROUP of 34 of Jehovah’s Witnesses were traveling to a branch office dedication when mechanical trouble delayed their flight along the way. What was supposed to be a one-hour fueling stop turned into a 44-hour ordeal at a remote airport without adequate food, water, or sanitary facilities. Many passengers became angry and threatened the airport staff. But the brothers and sisters remained calm.
2 Eventually, the Witnesses arrived at their destination in time for the final part of the dedication program. Although tired, they stayed afterward to enjoy association with the local brothers. Later, they learned that their example of patience and self-control had not gone unnoticed. One of the other passengers told the airline, “If it had not been for the 34 Christians on the flight, there would have been a riot at the airport.”
Living in an Angry World
3, 4. (a) How and for how long has violent anger afflicted humans? (b) Could Cain have controlled his anger? Explain.
3 The pressures of life in this present wicked system can make people feel angry. (Eccl. 7:7) Often, this anger leads to hatred and outright violence. Wars rage between and within countries, while family tensions bring conflict right into many homes. Such anger and violence have a long history. Cain, the first son of Adam and Eve, killed his younger brother Abel out of jealous anger. Cain committed this vile deed even though Jehovah had urged him to control his emotions and had promised to bless him if he did.—Read Genesis 4:6-8.
4 Despite his inherited imperfection, Cain had a choice in the matter. He could have held back his anger. That is why he bore clear responsibility for his violent act. Similarly, our imperfect state makes it harder for us to avoid anger and angry acts. And other powerful negative forces add stress in these “critical times.” (2 Tim. 3:1) For example, economic woes can put pressure on our emotions. Police and family-help organizations link crises in the financial system to an increase in angry outbursts and domestic violence.
5, 6. What worldly attitude toward anger might affect us?
5 Further, many of the people we come in contact with are “lovers of themselves,” “haughty,” and even “fierce.” It is very easy for bad characteristics like these to rub off on us and anger us. (2 Tim. 3:2-5) In fact, movies and TV programs often portray vengeance as noble and violence as a natural and justifiable solution to problems. Typical story lines lead viewers to look forward to the moment when the villain “gets what he deserves”—usually a violent end at the hands of the story’s hero.
6 Such propaganda promotes, not God’s ways, but “the spirit of the world” and of its angry ruler, Satan. (1 Cor. 2:12; Eph. 2:2; Rev. 12:12) That spirit caters to the imperfect flesh and is in total opposition to God’s holy spirit and its fruitage. Indeed, a fundamental teaching of Christianity is not to retaliate under provocation. (Read Matthew 5:39, 44, 45.) How, then, can we more fully apply Jesus’ teachings?
Good Examples and Bad
7. What resulted when Simeon and Levi did not control their anger?
7 The Bible abounds in counsel about controlling anger and also contains practical examples of what may happen when we do and when we do not. Consider what happened when Jacob’s sons Simeon and Levi took vengeance on Shechem for having violated their sister Dinah. They “became hurt in their feelings and they grew very angry.” (Gen. 34:7) Next, the other sons of Jacob attacked Shechem’s city, plundered it, and took the women and children captive. They did all of this not only because of Dinah but likely also because it was a question of pride, of losing face. They felt that Shechem had offended them and their father, Jacob. But what did Jacob think of their conduct?
8. What does the account of Simeon and Levi show about the taking of vengeance?
8 Dinah’s tragic experience must have grieved Jacob deeply; yet, he condemned his sons’ vengeful course. Simeon and Levi still tried to justify their actions, saying: “Ought anyone to treat our sister like a prostitute?” (Gen. 34:31) But that was not the end of the matter, for Jehovah was displeased. Many years later, Jacob foretold that because of the violent, angry acts of Simeon and Levi, their descendants would be scattered among the tribes of Israel. (Read Genesis 49:5-7.) Yes, their uncontrolled anger brought disfavor both from God and from their father.
9. When did David narrowly avoid giving in to anger?
9 It was quite different with King David. He had numerous opportunities to take revenge, but he did not. (1 Sam. 24:3-7) On one occasion, however, he nearly gave in to anger. A wealthy man named Nabal screamed abuses at David’s men, though they had protected Nabal’s flocks and shepherds. Perhaps feeling offended, especially for his men, David was about to strike back violently. While David and his men were on their way to attack Nabal and his household, a young man informed Abigail, Nabal’s discreet wife, of what had happened and urged her to act. Immediately, she put together a large gift and went to meet David. She humbly apologized for Nabal’s insolence and appealed to David’s fear of Jehovah. David came to his senses and said: “Blessed be you who have restrained me this day from entering into bloodguilt.”—1 Sam. 25:2-35.
The Christian Attitude
10. Christians should display what attitude regarding vengeance?
10 What occurred with Simeon and Levi and between David and Abigail shows unmistakably that Jehovah opposes unbridled anger and violence and that he blesses efforts to make peace. “If possible, as far as it depends upon you, be peaceable with all men,” wrote the apostle Paul. “Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but yield place to the wrath; for it is written: ‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says Jehovah.’ But, ‘if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by doing this you will heap fiery coals upon his head.’ Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.”—Rom. 12:18-21.a
11. How did one sister learn to deal with anger?
11 We can apply that counsel. For example, a sister complained to an elder about her new manager at work. She described her as unfair and unkind. She was angry with the woman and wanted to quit. The elder urged her not to do anything rash. He discerned that the sister’s angry reaction to the manager’s mistreatment had only aggravated the situation. (Titus 3:1-3) The elder pointed out that even if she eventually found another job, she would still need to change the way she responded to unkindness. He advised her to treat the manager the way she herself would like to be treated, as Jesus taught us to do. (Read Luke 6:31.) The sister agreed to try. The result? After some time, the manager’s attitude softened, and she even thanked the sister for her work.
12. Why can differences between Christians be especially painful?
12 It might not surprise us when such problems develop with someone outside the Christian congregation. We know that life in Satan’s system is often unfair and that we need to fight against letting evildoers incense us. (Ps. 37:1-11; Eccl. 8:12, 13; 12:13, 14) However, when problems occur with a spiritual brother or sister, the pain can be much deeper. One Witness recalled, “My biggest hurdle when coming into the truth was accepting the fact that Jehovah’s people are not perfect.” We came out of a cold, uncaring world, hoping that all in the congregation would treat one another with Christian kindness. Thus, if a fellow Christian, especially one with privileges in the congregation, is thoughtless or acts in an unchristian way, it can hurt us or make us angry. ‘How can such things occur among Jehovah’s people?’ we might ask. Actually, such things occurred even among anointed Christians in the days of the apostles. (Gal. 2:11-14; 5:15; Jas. 3:14, 15) How should we respond when we are affected?
13. Why and how should we work to overcome differences?
13 “I learned to pray for anyone who hurt me,” said the sister just mentioned. “It always helps.” As we already read, Jesus taught us to pray for those persecuting us. (Matt. 5:44) How much more should we pray for our spiritual brothers and sisters! Just as a father wants his children to love one another, so Jehovah wants his servants on earth to get along. We look forward to living together peacefully and happily forever, and Jehovah is teaching us to do so now. He wants us to cooperate in doing his great work. Therefore, let us resolve problems or simply “pass over” transgression and move ahead together. (Read Proverbs 19:11.) Instead of drawing away from our brothers when problems arise, we ought to help one another remain among God’s people, safe in the embrace of Jehovah’s “everlasting arms.”—Deut. 33:27, American Standard Version.
Being Gentle Toward All Brings Good Results
14. How can we combat Satan’s divisive influences?
14 To hinder us from spreading the good news, Satan and the demons are actively trying to disrupt happy families and congregations. They try to sow discord, knowing that internal divisions are destructive. (Matt. 12:25) In combating their evil influence, we do well to follow Paul’s counsel: “A slave of the Lord does not need to fight, but needs to be gentle toward all.” (2 Tim. 2:24) Remember that our fight is, “not against blood and flesh, but . . . against the wicked spirit forces.” To succeed in this fight, we need to employ spiritual armor, including “the equipment of the good news of peace.”—Eph. 6:12-18.
15. How should we respond to attacks from outside the congregation?
15 From outside the congregation, Jehovah’s enemies launch vicious attacks on his peaceful people. Some of these enemies assault Jehovah’s Witnesses physically. Others slander us in the press or in the courts. Jesus told his followers to expect this. (Matt. 5:11, 12) How should we react? We must never “return evil for evil,” in word or in deed.—Rom. 12:17; read 1 Peter 3:16.
16, 17. What trying situation did one congregation face?
16 Regardless of what the Devil brings upon us, by “conquering the evil with the good,” we can give a fine witness. For example, a congregation on one Pacific island rented a hall for the Memorial. Learning of this, local church officials told their parishioners to gather in that hall for a church service at the time scheduled for our event. The chief of police, however, ordered the church officials to make the hall available for the Witnesses by that time. Nevertheless, when the hour came, the hall was filled with church members and their service began.
17 While the police were preparing to clear the hall by force, the church president came to one of our elders and asked: “Do you have something special planned for this evening?” The brother told him about the Memorial, and the man replied: “Oh, I didn’t know!” At that, a policeman exclaimed: “But we told you this morning!” The churchman turned to the elder and with a sly smile said: “What are you going to do now? We have a hall full of people. Are you going to have the police chase us out?” He had cunningly maneuvered matters to make the Witnesses appear to be the persecutors! How would our brothers respond?
18. How did the brothers respond to provocation, and with what result?
18 The Witnesses offered to let the church hold a half-hour service, after which the brothers would proceed with the Memorial. The church service ran overtime, but after the church members filed out, the Memorial went ahead. The next day, the government convened an official board of inquiry. After considering the facts, the board obliged the church to announce that the cause of the problem had been, not the Witnesses, but the president of the church. The board also thanked Jehovah’s Witnesses for their patient handling of a difficult situation. The Witnesses’ efforts to “be peaceable with all men” had borne good fruit.
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Gracious Speech Promotes Good RelationsThe Watchtower—2010 | June 15
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Gracious Speech Promotes Good Relations
“Let your utterance be always with graciousness.”—COL. 4:6.
1, 2. What good resulted from a brother’s gracious speech?
“WHILE preaching from door to door, I met a man who became so angry that his lips quivered and his whole body shook,” reports one brother. “I calmly tried to reason with him from the Scriptures, but his anger only intensified. His wife and children joined in berating me, and I knew it was time to leave. I assured the family that I had come in peace and wished to go in peace. I showed them Galatians 5:22 and 23, where love, mildness, self-control, and peace are mentioned. Then I left.
2 “Later, while calling on homes across the street, I saw the family sitting on their front steps. They called me over. ‘What now?’ I thought. The man had a jug of cool water and offered me a drink. He apologized for his rudeness and commended me for my strong faith. We parted on good terms.”
3. Why must we resist letting others make us angry?
3 In today’s pressure-filled world, encountering angry people, including in the ministry, is often unavoidable. When we do, it is essential that we display “a mild temper and deep respect.” (1 Pet. 3:15) Had the brother mentioned above allowed the householder’s wrath and unkindness to cause him to become angry, the man’s attitude would not likely have softened as it did; he might have become even angrier. Because the brother controlled himself and spoke graciously, the outcome was good.
What Makes Speech Gracious?
4. Why is it important to use gracious speech?
4 Whether we are dealing with those outside or those inside the congregation, even with family members, it is vital to follow the apostle Paul’s counsel: “Let your utterance be always with graciousness, seasoned with salt.” (Col. 4:6) Such tasteful, appropriate speech is essential to good communication and peace.
5. What does good communication not mean? Illustrate.
5 Good communication does not mean saying everything you are thinking and feeling at any given moment, especially if you are upset. The Scriptures show that uncontrolled expression of anger is a mark of weakness, not of strength. (Read Proverbs 25:28; 29:11.) Moses—“by far the meekest” of all men then alive—once let the rebelliousness of the nation of Israel cause him to lose his temper and fail to give glory to God. Moses very clearly communicated how he felt, but Jehovah was not pleased. After 40 years of leading the Israelites, Moses did not have the privilege of taking them into the Promised Land.—Num. 12:3; 20:10, 12; Ps. 106:32.
6. Being discreet in our speech means what?
6 The Scriptures commend the exercising of restraint and discretion, or good judgment, when we speak. “In the abundance of words there does not fail to be transgression, but the one keeping his lips in check is acting discreetly.” (Prov. 10:19; 17:27) Yet, discretion does not mean never expressing oneself. It means speaking “with graciousness,” using the tongue to heal rather than to hurt.—Read Proverbs 12:18; 18:21.
“A Time to Keep Quiet and a Time to Speak”
7. What sort of things should not be expressed, and why?
7 Just as we need to show graciousness and restraint when speaking with workmates or with strangers in the ministry, we also need to do so in the congregation and at home. Venting anger without concern for the consequences can cause serious damage to our own and others’ spiritual, emotional, and physical health. (Prov. 18:6, 7) Bad feelings—manifestations of our imperfect nature—must be controlled. Abusive speech, ridicule, contempt, and hateful wrath are wrong. (Col. 3:8; Jas. 1:20) They can destroy precious relationships with other people and with Jehovah. Jesus taught: “Everyone who continues wrathful with his brother will be accountable to the court of justice; but whoever addresses his brother with an unspeakable word of contempt will be accountable to the Supreme Court; whereas whoever says, ‘You despicable fool!’ will be liable to the fiery Gehenna.”—Matt. 5:22.
8. When must we express our feelings, but in what way?
8 There are some matters, though, on which we may conclude that it is best to communicate. If something a brother has said or done disturbs you so much that you cannot simply pass it over, do not let hateful feelings fester in your heart. (Prov. 19:11) If someone angers you, get your own emotions under control and then take the steps needed to resolve the matter. Paul wrote: “Let the sun not set with you in a provoked state.” Because the problem continues to trouble you, address it kindly at an opportune time. (Read Ephesians 4:26, 27, 31, 32.) Speak with your brother about the matter, frankly but graciously, in a spirit of reconciliation.—Lev. 19:17; Matt. 18:15.
9. Why should we get our own emotions under control before approaching others?
9 Of course, you should take care to select the proper time. There is “a time to keep quiet and a time to speak.” (Eccl. 3:1, 7) Moreover, “the heart of the righteous one meditates so as to answer.” (Prov. 15:28) This may well involve waiting to talk problems out. Doing so when one is still very upset could make matters worse; but neither is it wise to wait a long time.
Gracious Acts Promote Good Relationships
10. How can performing gracious acts improve relationships?
10 Gracious speech and good communication help to establish and sustain peaceful relationships. In fact, doing what we can to improve our relationships with others can improve our communication with them. Reaching out to others with sincere, kind acts—finding opportunities to help, giving a gift from the heart, extending hospitality—can contribute to open communication. It can even “heap fiery coals” on a person and may bring out good qualities, making it easier to talk things out.—Rom. 12:20, 21.
11. How did Jacob reach out to Esau, and with what result?
11 The patriarch Jacob understood this. His twin brother, Esau, was so angry with him that Jacob fled for fear Esau would kill him. After many years, Jacob returned. Esau came out to meet him, along with 400 men. Jacob prayed for Jehovah’s help. Then he sent ahead to Esau a large gift of livestock. The gift achieved its purpose. When they met, Esau’s heart had softened, and he ran and embraced Jacob.—Gen. 27:41-44; 32:6, 11, 13-15; 33:4, 10.
Encourage Others With Gracious Speech
12. Why should we use gracious words with our brothers?
12 Christians serve God, not other humans. Still, we naturally desire others’ approval. Our gracious words can lighten the load of our brothers and sisters. Harsh criticism, however, can make those loads feel heavier and even cause some to wonder if they have lost Jehovah’s approval. Therefore, let us sincerely communicate encouraging things to others, “whatever saying is good for building up as the need may be, that it may impart what is favorable to the hearers.”—Eph. 4:29.
13. Elders ought to keep what in mind (a) when giving counsel? (b) when preparing correspondence?
13 Elders, in particular, should be “gentle” and treat the flock with tenderness. (1 Thess. 2:7, 8) When elders are called upon to give counsel, their goal is to do so “with mildness,” even when speaking with those “not favorably disposed.” (2 Tim. 2:24, 25) Elders should also be gracious in expressing themselves in written correspondence when it is necessary to correspond with another body of elders or with the branch office. They should be kind and tactful, in line with what we read at Matthew 7:12.
Using Gracious Speech Within the Family
14. What counsel does Paul give husbands, and why?
14 It is easy to underestimate the impact that our words, facial expressions, and body language have on others. Some men, for example, may not be fully aware of how deeply their words affect women. One sister said, “It frightens me when my husband angrily raises his voice at me.” Strong words may exert greater force on a woman than on a man and may stay with her for a long time. (Luke 2:19) This is especially true of words spoken by someone a woman loves and wants to respect. Paul counseled husbands: “Keep on loving your wives and do not be bitterly angry with them.”—Col. 3:19.
15. Illustrate why a husband should treat his wife gently.
15 In this respect, an experienced married brother illustrated why a husband should treat his wife gently, as “a weaker vessel.” “When you hold a precious and delicate vase, you must not grasp it too firmly, or it may crack. Even if repaired, the crack may remain visible,” he said. “If a husband uses words that are too strong with his wife, he may hurt her. This might cause a lasting crack in their relationship.”—Read 1 Peter 3:7.
16. How can a wife build up her family?
16 Men too can be encouraged or discouraged by another’s words, including those of their wives. “A discreet wife,” one in whom her husband can really “put trust,” is considerate of his feelings, just as she wants him to be of hers. (Prov. 19:14; 31:11) Indeed, a wife can have considerable influence within the family, for good or for bad. “The truly wise woman has built up her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.”—Prov. 14:1.
17. (a) How should younger ones address their parents? (b) How should older ones address younger ones, and why?
17 Parents and children likewise should speak to one another with graciousness. (Matt. 15:4) When talking to younger ones, thoughtfulness will help us to avoid “exasperating” them or ‘provoking them to wrath.’ (Col. 3:21; Eph. 6:4, ftn.) Even if the children must be disciplined, parents and elders should speak to them respectfully. In this way, older ones make it easier for the youths to correct their course and maintain their relationship with God. That is so much better than conveying the impression that we have given up on them, whereupon they may give up on themselves. Younger ones might not remember all the counsel they received, but they will remember how others spoke to them.
Speaking Good Things From the Heart
18. How can we get rid of hurtful thoughts and feelings?
18 Handling anger calmly is not simply a matter of putting on a serene face. Our goal should be more than merely repressing our strong feelings. Trying to remain calm on the outside while boiling with anger on the inside puts us under strain. It is like stepping on a car’s brake pedal and gas pedal both at the same time. That puts the car under extra stress and can cause damage. So do not bottle up anger and let it explode later. Pray for Jehovah’s help to rid your heart of hurtful feelings. Let Jehovah’s spirit transform your mind and heart to conform to his will.—Read Romans 12:2; Ephesians 4:23, 24.
19. What steps can help us to avoid angry confrontations?
19 Take practical steps. If you find yourself in a tense situation and you sense anger building inside you, it may help to leave the scene, thus giving your emotions time to settle. (Prov. 17:14) If the one with whom you are speaking starts to get angry, make an extra effort to speak graciously. Remember: “An answer, when mild, turns away rage, but a word causing pain makes anger to come up.” (Prov. 15:1) A cutting or aggressive remark would add fuel to the fire even if it is delivered in a gentle voice. (Prov. 26:21) So when a situation tries your self-control, be “slow about speaking, slow about wrath.” Pray for Jehovah’s spirit to help you to say good things, not bad.—Jas. 1:19.
Forgiving From the Heart
20, 21. What can help us to forgive others, and why must we do so?
20 Sadly, none of us have perfect control of the tongue. (Jas. 3:2) Despite their best efforts, even family members and our dear spiritual brothers and sisters may at times blurt out things that hurt our feelings. Instead of quickly taking offense, patiently analyze why they may have said what they did. (Read Ecclesiastes 7:8, 9.) Were they under pressure, fearful, not feeling well, or struggling with some external or internal problem?
21 Such factors do not excuse outbursts. But our recognizing the factors may help us to understand why people sometimes say and do things they should not and may move us to be forgiving. All of us have said and done things that hurt others, and we hope that they will graciously forgive us. (Eccl. 7:21, 22) Jesus said that in order for us to receive God’s forgiveness, we must forgive others. (Matt. 6:14, 15; 18:21, 22, 35) Therefore, we should be quick to apologize and quick to forgive, thus maintaining love—the “perfect bond of union”—within our family and within the congregation.—Col. 3:14.
22. Why is it well worth our effort to use gracious speech?
22 Challenges to our joy and unity are likely to increase as this present angry system draws to its end. Applying the practical principles in God’s Word will help us to use our tongue to do good, not bad. We will enjoy more peaceful relations within the congregation and within the family, and our example will provide an excellent witness to others about our “happy God,” Jehovah.—1 Tim. 1:11.
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