Young People Ask . . .

Why Do I Have to Be Home So Early?

“DO ANY of you have a curfew?” Awake! asked a group of youths. The response was a virtually unanimous yes! The next question, however, evoked a variety of responses. We asked: “How late do you think you should be allowed to stay out?”

“I think you should do whatever your parents say,” said teenage Monica.a Young Bill disagreed. “I don’t think they should tell you when to come home,” he argued. “After all, they probably got to stay out late when they were kids.” A teenager named Sally tried to find a middle ground: “I think you should come in whenever your parents want​—as long as it’s not earlier than 8:00 p.m.” Finally, there was Jerry, who seemed to have the strongest feelings of them all. He said: “Instead of telling us to be in at a certain time, why can’t we just call them and tell them where we are? They should be more understanding.”

Whatever your personal opinion, more than likely your parents have you under some sort of curfew. It may be an inflexible rule: ‘Be home by 10:00 p.m. or else!’ Or perhaps your parents set curfews on a case-​by-​case basis. “After they’ve considered who I’m going with and where we’re going,” says a 16-​year-​old girl quoted in ’Teen magazine, “they’ll set a time when I have to be in. It all depends on the people and the place.” Even the rare youth who enjoys seemingly unlimited freedom usually has to give his parents some idea of where he’ll be and when he’ll return.

Most youths do not seem overly perturbed by having such restrictions. But some see a curfew as more than a minor inconvenience or an irritating impediment to personal plans. The book Teens Speak Out, by Jane Rinzler, quotes one 16-​year-​old girl as complaining: “I feel as though I’m a baby and that I don’t have a life.” Others deeply resent curfews for the hassles they create in their lives. Says one youth: “Before I leave the house I have to tell my mother where I’m going, who I’m going with, how I’m getting there, how I’m getting back.”

Curfews​—A Parent’s Point of View

Why can’t your parents simply let you come and go as you please? Well, consider a limit that God once placed on the nation of Israel. On the night of the first Passover celebration in 1513 B.C.E., God instructed the Israelites: “None of you should go out of the entrance of his house until morning.” (Exodus 12:12, 22) Was God being unreasonable? No. This was a protection against being slain by Jehovah’s angel!

Although the situation today may not be nearly as urgent, most parents have good reasons for trying to protect their teenagers. After all, it’s only natural for parents to worry about their children. The parents of Jesus Christ were “in mental distress” when they could not determine his whereabouts​—and he was a perfect child! (Luke 2:41-48) Your parents know that you are far from perfect. So they are bound to worry about you from time to time, even if you are not the type to seek out trouble. Why is this?

Because your parents know just how powerful “the desires incidental to youth” can be. (2 Timothy 2:22) They may also know from firsthand experience that “a boy [or a girl] let on the loose will be causing his mother shame.” (Proverbs 29:15) Admitted one parent: “I was a very wild teenager. I know what you can hide from your parents.” So when your parents hear about teenage promiscuity, alcohol and drug abuse, or wild neighborhood parties, they may rightly conclude that some restrictions are in order.

Your parents may also have legitimate concerns for your safety. The Bible tells us that when the patriarch Jacob’s sons delayed in returning from the vicinity of Shechem, Jacob told his son Joseph: “Go, please. See whether your brothers are safe and sound . . . , and bring me back word.” (Genesis 37:13, 14) This was not mere paranoia. Because of events that had taken place some years earlier, Shechem was a dangerous place for Jacob’s sons to be!​—Genesis, chapter 34.

The world today is a lot more dangerous than it was in Bible times​—or even when your parents were younger. We are deeper than ever into “the last days,” a period which the Bible prophesied would be marked by “critical times hard to deal with.” The Greek word rendered “hard to deal with” can also be rendered “perilous,” “dangerous,” “grievous,” and “hard.” (King James Version, Douay, English Revised Version, Moffatt) Many people today are “without self-​control,” or “violent.” (2 Timothy 3:1-5; Today’s English Version) Violent crimes, including rape and murder, are thus the ugly realities of life today.

Your parents also know that the likelihood of your running into problems increases as the evening hours advance. “Bad things can happen late at night,” one young girl admitted to Awake!, “and your parents are trying to protect you.” Explained another youth: “After midnight, there are a lot of drunk drivers on the road, and it’s best not to be on the road with them.”

But there are also moral dangers. As the evening progresses, inhibitions tend to be lowered, and rowdy behavior escalates. With good reason, then, the Bible associates debauched behavior with the evening hours. At Isaiah 5:11, God pronounced “woe” to those who were “lingering till late in the evening darkness so that wine itself inflames them.” (Compare 1 Thessalonians 5:7.) Your parents may therefore fear that the later you stay out, the greater the danger of your getting involved in wild parties, alcohol abuse, or sexual immorality. So if you are not home when your parents feel you should be, they are likely to worry. And they are entitled to an explanation.

Recalls one young girl: “Once I stayed late at a girlfriend’s house. Mom didn’t know where I was, so she came looking for me. She started walking through the neighborhood calling out my name!” Embarrassing? No doubt. But as one mother explained, “I find myself thinking about the worst possibilities every time [my daughters] come home after dark.”

It Means They Care

But what if debauched behavior is the farthest thing from your mind? What if you simply want to spend some time with your friends? Admittedly, it can be frustrating to have to stay home when others your age are allowed to go out. It can also be embarrassing to have to explain to friends that you can’t go out with them because you have to be home early. But when you really think about it, there is more than a grain of truth in the statement of a youth named Leslie. She says: “What are you going to do at twelve [o’clock] that you can’t do at eight?” In other words, cannot most wholesome forms of recreation be enjoyed during the normal waking hours? So why run the risks that come with staying out too late?

Another point to ponder: Is staying up late at night a good use of your time? The Bible encourages Christians: “So keep strict watch that how you walk is not as unwise but as wise persons, buying out the opportune time for yourselves, because the days are wicked.” (Ephesians 5:15, 16) Besides, will staying up late enhance your schoolwork or help you complete household chores? Will it hinder your ability to concentrate at Christian meetings?

Finally, you can try to view your restriction as an expression of parental love. In his book How to Raise Parents, writer Clayton Barbeau asks: “What would you think if I, as your parent, said to you, ‘I don’t care if you use dope or drink or smoke. I don’t care if you drive fast. I don’t care how late you stay out. . . .’ What would I be telling you? Of course: I would be saying, ‘I don’t love you. I don’t care for you. You are unimportant to me.’” True, you may at times feel a twinge of envy toward youths who enjoy more freedom. But remember: “The one holding back his rod is hating his son, but the one loving him is he that does look for him with discipline.”​—Proverbs 13:24.

All your life you will have to live by rules and restrictions. So why balk at a simple curfew? True, at times curfews may be unreasonable, and a future article will help you deal with that situation. Usually, though, you are wise to cooperate with your parents and to try to understand their feelings. Proverbs 28:7 says: “An understanding son is observing the law.” Perhaps in time you will view matters as does one young woman who says: “I could not understand why my mom and dad were so protective of me and would get upset with me when I came in late. Now that I’m a parent myself, I know why my mother would be sitting up waiting for me. Because she cared about me!”

[Footnotes]

[Picture on page 21]

Youths often resent having to be home early