Because when the Creator of mankind gave the first woman in marriage to the first man, He appointed the man to be the head of his wife and their future children. This was only reasonable. In any organized group of people, someone needs to take the lead and make final decisions. In the case of marriage, the Creator decreed that “a husband is head of his wife.”​—Ephesians 5:23.

Not a Tyrant

How should a husband exercise his authority? By following the fine example of God’s Son. The Bible says: “A husband is head of his wife as the Christ also is head of the congregation, he being a savior of this body. Husbands, continue loving your wives, just as the Christ also loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it.” (Ephesians 5:23, 25) Jesus Christ’s exercise of headship was a blessing to the congregation. He was not a tyrant. He did not make his disciples feel restricted or oppressed. Instead, he gained the respect of all by his loving and compassionate treatment of them. What a fine example for husbands to follow in their treatment of their wives!

There are husbands, though, who do not follow this fine example. They use their God-given headship selfishly, rather than for the good of their wives. They dominate their wives in a tyrannical manner, demanding total subjection and often not permitting them to make any decisions for themselves. Understandably, the wives of such husbands often live an unhappy life. And such a husband also suffers in that he fails to gain the loving respect of his wife.

True, God requires a wife to respect the position that her husband holds as head of the family. But if the husband desires to enjoy her heartfelt respect for him as a person, he has to earn it, and the best way to do that is by acting responsibly and cultivating fine, godly qualities as head of the household.

Subjection Is Relative

A husband’s authority over his wife is not total. In some ways wifely subjection can be compared to a Christian’s subjection to a worldly ruler. God decrees that a Christian must “be in subjection to the superior authorities.” (Romans 13:1) Yet this subjection must always be balanced by what we owe to God. Jesus said: “Pay back Caesar’s things to Caesar, but God’s things to God.” (Mark 12:17) If Caesar (the secular government) demands that we give him what belongs to God, we remember what the apostle Peter said: “We must obey God as ruler rather than men.”​—Acts 5:29.

A husband will keep the love and respect of his wife when he reflects the godly qualities of his head, Jesus Christ, who commanded his followers to love one another. (John 13:34) Even though a husband is fallible and imperfect, if he manages his authority in harmony with the superior headship of the Christ, he makes it easier for his wife to be happy to have him as her head. (1 Corinthians 11:3) If a wife cultivates the Christian qualities of modesty and loving-kindness, it is not difficult for her to subject herself to her husband.

Such attitudes should be cultivated in the congregation. And they especially should be cultivated between husband and wife in the Christian home. A husband can show his tender affection and mildness by listening to suggestions from his wife. He should consider his wife’s point of view before making a decision affecting the family. Christian wives are not empty-headed. They can often give their husbands valuable suggestions, as Sarah did to her husband, Abraham. (Genesis 21:12) On the other hand, a Christian wife will not be unreasonably demanding of her husband. She will show her kindness and lowliness of mind by following his lead and supporting his decisions, even though they may sometimes differ from her own preferences.

A reasonable husband, like a reasonable elder, is approachable and kind. A loving wife responds by being compassionate and long-suffering, recognizing the efforts he makes to fulfill his responsibilities in spite of imperfection and the pressures of life. When such attitudes are cultivated by both husband and wife, subjection in a marriage is not going to be a problem. Rather, it is a source of joy, security, and lasting contentment.