Uko wabana neza na sobukwe cyangwa nyokobukwe

ABANTU bakunda gutera urwenya ku bihereranye n’amakimbirane abashatse bagirana na ba nyirabukwe cyangwa ba sebukwe, ariko iyo urebye usanga ibyo atari ibyo gusekwa. Umugore uba mu Buhinde witwa Reena yaravuze ati “mabukwe yamaze imyaka myinshi yivanga mu bibazo by’umuryango wacu. Akenshi umujinya nabaga mfite nawuturaga umugabo wanjye, kubera ko nyina nta cyo nashoboraga kumukoraho. Byasaga n’aho buri gihe yagombaga guhitamo hagati yo kuba umugabo mwiza anyumvira, cyangwa akaba umwana mwiza yumvira nyina.”

Kuki ababyeyi bamwe na bamwe bakunda kwivanga mu buzima bw’abana babo bashatse? Jenny wavuzwe mu ntangiriro y’iyi nkuru, yagaragaje imwe mu mpamvu zishobora kubitera, agira ati “hari igihe ababyeyi baba batiyumvisha ukuntu umuntu ukiri muto kandi utaraba inararibonye, yashobora kwita ku mwana wabo.” Umugabo wa Reena witwa Dilip, yavuze indi mpamvu agira ati “kubera ko ababyeyi baba baritangiye abana babo kandi bakabitaho, bashobora kumva ko abana babo bagiye kubibagirwa. Nanone bashobora kuba bahangayikishijwe n’uko umwana wabo, atari yaba inararibonye ku buryo yakubaka urugo.”

Icyakora, nta wabura kuvuga ko hari n’igihe abashakanye na bo batuma ababyeyi babo bivanga mu bibazo by’ingo zabo. Reka dufate urugero rw’ibyabaye kuri Michael na Leanne bo muri Ositaraliya. Michael yaravuze ati “Leanne yarerewe mu muryango wunze ubumwe, ku buryo iwabo baganiraga ku bintu byose nta wugize icyo akinga undi. Ku bw’ibyo, ubwo twari tumaze gushakana, yafataga umwanzuro ari uko abanje kugisha inama se, kandi mu by’ukuri uwo mwanzuro ari twe ureba. Yego se yari inararibonye, ariko kubona ajya kumugisha inama aho kuba ari jye ayigisha byarambabazaga cyane!”

Nk’uko bigaragara, hari igihe ababyeyi bashobora gutuma abana babo bashatse bagirana ibibazo. Ese nawe ni uko bimeze? Ubanye ute na sobukwe cyangwa nyokobukwe? Uwo mwashakanye we se abanye ate n’ababyeyi bawe? Reka dusuzume ibibazo bibiri by’ingorabahizi bishobora kuvuka, maze turebe n’icyo mwakora kugira ngo mubikemure.

reka tuvuge ko uwo mwashakanye asa n’aho akabya gukunda ababyeyi be. Umugabo witwa Luis wo muri Esipanye, yaravuze ati “umugore wanjye yumvaga ko yari kuba ahemukiye ababyeyi be iyo atura kure yabo.” Uwo mugabo yunzemo ati “ku rundi ruhande, umwana wacu amaze kuvuka, ababyeyi banjye bazaga kudusura hafi buri munsi, ku buryo byarakazaga umugore wanjye. Ibyo byateje ubwumvikane buke hagati yacu.”

Aho ikibazo kiri:

iyo Bibiliya ivuga iby’ishyingiranwa, igaragaza ko hari igihe ‘umuntu yari gusiga se na nyina, akabana n’umugore we akaramata, bombi bakaba umubiri umwe’ (Itangiriro 2:24). Kuba “umubiri umwe” bikubiyemo ibirenze ibi byo kubana gusa. Mu by’ukuri, ibyo bisobanura ko umugabo n’umugore bashinga umuryango mushya, kandi bakita kuri uwo muryango kuruta uko bita ku miryango bavutsemo (1 Abakorinto 11:3). Birumvikana ko umugabo n’umugore bagomba kubaha ababyeyi babo, kandi akenshi ibyo bijyanirana no kubitaho (Abefeso 6:2). Ariko se byagenda bite niba uwo mwashakanye yubaha ababyeyi be ku buryo bituma wumva utitaweho?

Icyo wakora:

suzuma icyo kibazo utagize aho ubogamira. Ese koko uwo mwashakanye akabya gukunda ababyeyi be, cyangwa biterwa n’uko wowe udafitanye imishyikirano nk’iyo n’ababyeyi bawe? Niba ari uko bimeze se, ni gute umuryango wakuriyemo waba waragize ingaruka ku buryo ufata icyo kibazo? Ahari se ntiwaba ubiterwa n’ishyari?—Imigani 14:30; 1 Abakorinto 13:4; Abagalatiya 5:26.

Kugira ngo usubize ibyo bibazo, bisaba ko wisuzuma utibereye. Icyakora ni iby’ingenzi ko ubigenza utyo. N’ubundi kandi, niba nyokobukwe cyangwa sobukwe batuma uhora utongana n’uwo mwashakanye, ikibazo si bo kiriho, ahubwo kiri kuri mwe.

Akenshi ibibazo bivuka bitewe n’uko abashakanye baba batabona ibintu kimwe. Ese ushobora kugerageza gusuzuma ikibazo ukurikije uko uwo mwashakanye akibona (Abafilipi 2:4; 4:5)? Ibyo ni byo umugabo wo muri Megizike witwa Adrián yakoze. Yaravuze ati “umugore wanjye yarerewe mu muryango mubi. Ku bw’ibyo, nirindaga kugirana imishyikirano ya bugufi na databukwe ndetse na mabukwe, ku buryo hashize imyaka myinshi naracanye umubano na bo. Ibyo byatumye tutumvikana n’umugore wanjye kubera ko we yashakaga gukomeza gushyikirana na bene wabo, cyane cyane nyina.”

Adrián yaje gushyira mu gaciro. Yaravuze ati “nubwo nari nzi ko iyo umugore wanjye akomeza gushyikirana cyane n’ababyeyi be byari kumugiraho ingaruka, nanone gucana umubano na bo byari gukurura ibindi bibazo. Nakoze uko nshoboye maze nongera gushyikirana na bo.”b

GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: wowe n’uwo mwashakanye, mwandike ikibazo cy’ibanze mukeka ko ababyeyi banyu babateza. Niba bishoboka tangira wandika uti “jye numva . . . ” hanyuma buri wese ahe mugenzi we ibyo yanditse. Noneho, mwembi mwicare maze muvuge ibintu bitandukanye buri wese yakora, kugira ngo akemure ikibazo gihangayikishije mugenzi we.

reka tuvuge ko sobukwe cyangwa nyokobukwe yivanga mu bibazo byanyu abaha inama mutamusabye. Hari umugore wo muri Kazakisitani witwa Nelya wavuze ati “imyaka irindwi ya mbere namaranye n’umugabo wanjye, twayimaze tubana na bene wabo. Twakundaga gutongana dupfa uburere bw’abana. Uretse n’ibyo, twapfaga ibirebana no guteka no gukora isuku. Ibyo nabibwiye umugabo wanjye mbibwira na mabukwe, ariko nta cyo byamaze usibye gutuma ibintu birushaho kuzamba!”

Aho ikibazo kiri:

ubundi iyo umuntu ashatse, ntaba agitegekwa n’ababyeyi be. Ahubwo Bibiliya ivuga ko “umutware w’umugabo wese ari Kristo, kandi ko umutware w’umugore ari umugabo” we (1 Abakorinto 11:3). Icyakora nk’uko twigeze kubivuga, umugabo n’umugore bagombye kubaha ababyeyi babo. Mu Migani 23:22, haravuga hati “umvira so wakubyaye, kandi ntugahinyure nyoko ageze mu za bukuru.” Byagenda bite se niba ababyeyi bawe cyangwa ab’uwo mwashakanye, barengera bagashaka ko ukora ibyo bashaka?

Icyo wakora:

gerageza kwishyira mu mwanya wabo, maze urebe ikibatera kwivanga mu bibazo byanyu. Ryan wavuzwe mu ntangiriro y’iyi nkuru, yaravuze ati “hari igihe ababyeyi baba bakeneye gusa kumenya ko abana babo bakibubaha.” Bashobora kuba batagambiriye kwivanga mu bibazo byanyu, bityo icyo kibazo mufite kikaba cyakemuka ari uko mushyize mu bikorwa umuburo Bibiliya itanga wo ‘gukomeza kwihanganirana no kubabarirana rwose igihe umuntu agize icyo apfa n’undi’ (Abakolosayi 3:13). Ariko se byagenda bite, niba sobukwe cyangwa nyokobukwe bivanga cyane mu bibazo byanyu, ku buryo uhora ubipfa n’uwo mwashakanye?

Bamwe mu bashakanye bitoje gushyira imipaka ku mishyikirano bagirana n’ababyeyi babo. Gusa ibyo ntibisobanura ko ugomba kubashyiriraho amategeko.c Ubundi akenshi ikiba gikenewe ni ukwereka ababyeyi bawe ko uwo mwashakanye ari we uza mu mwanya wa mbere mu mibereho yawe. Urugero, hari umugabo wo mu Buyapani witwa Masayuki wagize ati “nubwo ababyeyi bawe bakugira inama, ntugahite uyemera ako kanya. Ujye wibuka ko washinze umuryango. Ku bw’ibyo, ujye ubanza kumenya icyo uwo mwashakanye atekereza mbere yo kwemera iyo nama.”

Ubwo rero kugira ngo mwirinde ibibazo biterwa n’ababyeyi, mujye mutahura ikibibatera kandi mwirinde ko ibyo bibazo bituma mutongana. Ku bihereranye n’ibyo, Jenny yaravuze ati  “hari igihe ibiganiro jye n’umugabo wanjye twagiranaga ku birebana n’ababyeyi bacu byatumaga turakaranya, ku buryo byagaragaraga ko gukomeza kunenga ababyeyi bacu, byashoboraga guteza ibibazo byinshi. Ariko kandi, twitoje kutitwaza intege nke z’ababyeyi bacu tugamije gukomeretsanya, ahubwo tugakemura ikibazo dufite. Ibyo byatumye jye n’umugabo wanjye turushaho kunga ubumwe.”