Bagabo nimugire urukundo no kubaha

“Nuko namw’umuntu wes’akunde umugore we nk’uko yikunda.”​—ABEFESO 5:33.

 1, 2. (a) Kuri ubu ugutandukana kw’imiryango kurimo gukwira ku isi kungana iki? (b) Ibyo ari byo byose abashakanye benshi bashobora gukora iki?

HASHIZE igihe ikinyamakuru (Psychology Today) kivuze ngo: “Buri mwaka ubutane burangiza inzozi z’ibyishimo amamiliyoni y’abashakanye b’abanyamerika; muri Etazuni abashakanye babana kugeza ku myaka 9.4 muri rusange. Hari igihe umuntu yakeka ko nta bubaka urugo rurimo umunezero muri icyo gihugu.” (Kamena 1985) Iyo umuntu abaze abantu bakuru cyangwa abana buri mwaka bahura n’ikibazo giturutse ku butane bw’umuryango asanga batari hasi ya miliyoni 3 muri icyo gihugu. Ubwo rero umubare w’abatanye urushaho kugenda wiyongera mu isi yose. Umuntu yafata umwanzuro ko urukundo no kubahana bitarangwa mu ngo amamiliyoni.

² Ibyo ari byo byose hariho “akandi gatsiko gashobora kuba karibagiranye: kagizwe n’abashakanye bakora ku buryo umubano wabo uramba kandi ntihagire icyabatandukanya uretse urupfu.” (Psychology Today) Ni koko hariho abantu amamiliyoni bakora ku buryo bakomeza kubana.

 3. Ni ibihe bibazo dushobora kwibaza?

³ Mbese mu rugo rwawe ho bimeze gute? Mbese hagati yawe n’uwo mwashyingiranywe harangwa urukundo no kubahana byuzuye igishyuhirane?. Mbese urukundo rubabumbiye hamwe n’abana banyu? Cyangwa se ugusharirana no kutizerana biza kwanduza imishyikirano yanyu? Kubera ko nta n’umwe muri twe utunganye, ingorane zishobora kuvuka mu rugo n’aho abarurimo bose baba bihata kugirir’ubgiza bg’Imana.”​—Abaroma 3:23.

 4. Nkuko Paulo na Petero babyerekanye, mbere na mbere ni nde ugomba gukomeza umunezero wo mu muryango?

⁴ Kubera ko nta muryango n’umwe uri hanze y’ingorane, mbese ni nde ufite inshingano zo gukomeza amahoro mu muryango? Inama zitaziguye intumwa Petero na Paulo batanze mu mabaruwa yabo zisubiza icyo kibazo neza. Paulo arandika ngo: “Ariko ndashaka yuko mumenya k’umutwe w’umugabo wes’ari Kristo, kandi k’umutwe w’umugor’ar’umugabo we, kandi k’umutwe wa Kristo ar’Imana.” Arongera ngo: “Kandi mugandukirane kubgo kubaha Kristo. Bagore, mugandukir’abagabo banyu, nk’uko mugandukir’Umwami wacu; kuk’umugab’ari we mutwe w’umugore we, nk’uko Kristo ar’umutwe w’Itorero.” (1 Abakorinto 11:3; Abefeso 5:21-23) Petero nawe yavuze nka byo agira ati: “Namwe [mu gukurikiza urugero rwa Kristo] bagore nuko, mugandukir’abagabo banyu.”—1 Petero 2:21 kugeza 3:1.

Kristo—Urugero ruruhura umutima

 5, 6. Ni uruhe rugero Yesu Kristo yatanze rwerekeranye no gutegeka?

⁵ Nkuko bigaragara muri izo nama zimaze kuvugwa, dukurikije Ibyanditswe umugabo ni we mutware w’umuryango. Ibyo se bishaka kuvuga iki? Mbese agomba gutegeka ate? Biroroshye ko umugabo avuga ko ashaka ko bamwubaha atsindagira ko ari we ‘mutwe w’umuryango’ kandi ko ’ari ko Bibiliya ibivuga’. Mbese muri icyo gihe yaba akurikije urugero rwa Kristo? Mbese Kristo yatanze itegeko ko abigishwa bamwubaha? Mbese haba hari igihe yababwiranye agasuzuguro ngo: “Ni nde Mwana w’Imana hano? Mugomba kunyubaha!” Oya da! ahubwo Yesu yakoze ku buryo bamwubaha. Mbese yabigenje ate? Yatanze urugero rwiza mu myifatire, mu magambo no mu mbabazi yagiraga.​—Mariko 6:30-34.

⁶ Ubwo rero iyo umugabo kandi w’umubyeyi akurikije neza urugero rwa Yesu Kristo ashobora gutegeka neza mu buryo bukwiye. N’ubwo Yesu atari afite umugore, yasigiye ikitegererezo abagabo akoresheje uburyo yagenzerezaga abigishwa be. Ubwo rero ni agahigo ku batware b’imiryango kubera ko Yesu yari atunganye. (Abaheburayo 4:15; 12: 1-3) Uko umugabo arushaho gukurikiza hafi urugero rwa Kristo, nibwo urukundo n’icyubahiro bizamugaragarizwa. Turebere hafi umuntu Yesu yari we.—Abefeso 5:25-29; 1 Petero 2:21, 22.

 7. Ni ubuhe buruhukiro Yesu Kristo aha abigishwa be, kandi isoko yabwo ni iyihe?

⁷ Umunsi umwe Yesu yabwiye imbaga y’abantu ati: “Mwes’abarushye n’abaremerewe, nimuze munsange, ndabaruhura Mwemere kuba abagaragu banjye, munyigireho; kuko nd’umugwaneza kandi noroheje mu mutima; namwe muzabon’uburuhukiro mu mitima yanyu: kuko kunkorera kutaruhije, n’umutwaro wanjy’utaremereye.” Mbese ni iki Yesu yashakaga guha abari bamuteze amatwi? Yesu yari amaze kuvuga ati: “Kandi nta uzi Se, kerets’Umwana w’Imana n’umuntu wese uwo Mwan’ashatse kuyimenyesha.” Muri ayo magambo Yesu yerekanye ko yari guha uburuhukiro mu buryo bw’umwuka abigishwa be b’ukuri, amaze kubahishurira Se. Ariko yanabahishuriye ko bari kubona uburuhukiro bifatanya nawe kuko ari “umugwaneza kandi yoroheje mu mutima.”—Matayo 11:25-30.

Uburyo bwo kuba umugabo n’umubyeyi uruhura umutima

 8. Ni mu buryo ki umugabo kandi w’umubyeyi agomba kuba isoko y’uburuhukiro?

⁸ Amagambo ya Kristo adufasha kumva ko umugabo w’Umukristo agomba kuba isoko y’uburuhukiro mu muryango we, ari mu by’umwuka cyangwa no mu buryo abitaho akabakunda. Iyo aha urugero abe, akabigishanya ubugwaneza agomba kubafasha kurushaho kumenya Se wo mu ijuru. Imyifatire ye igomba kugaragaza umwuka n’ibikorwa nk’iby’Umwana w’Imana. (Yohana 15:8-10; 1 Abakorinto 2:16) Mbega uburuhukiro bwo kuba iruhande rw’umugabo, akaba n’umubyeyi n’incuti yuzuye urukundo! Ntabwo rero agomba kuba atinyitse cyane kandi abura umwanya wo gutega ugutwi abo mu muryango we. Agomba kumenya kubatega amatwi akumva ibyo bavuga aho kugira ngo bice mu gutwi bisohokere mu kundi.—Yakobo 1:19.

 9. Ni izihe ngorane abasaza b’itorero bakunda guhura na zo?

⁹ Ibyo bitumye tuvuga ingorane abasaza b’itorero bakunda kugirana n’imiryango yabo. Umusaza w’itorero aba afite ibintu byinshi byo gukora kugira ngo itorero ritagira icyo ribura mu buryo bw’umwuka. Agomba gutanga urugero rwiza mu byerekeranye n’amateraniro, umurimo wo kubwiriza n’umurimo wo kuba umwungeri. (Abaheburayo 13:7, 17) Ibyo ari byo byose, hari igihe abasaza b’itorero bitangira byimazeyo itorero. Icyo gihe bituma bibagirwa umuryango wabo, hakavuka ingorane nyinshi. Tuvuge nk’umusaza umwe wari ufite byinshi akora ku buryo nta mwanya yari afite wo kwigisha umwana we bigatuma amushakira undi bigana!

10. Abasaza b’itorero bashobora bate gutegekana urugero mu itorero no mu muryango wabo?

¹⁰ Mbese urwo rugero rutsindagiriza iki? Ko umusaza agomba kugira uburinganize hagati y’inshingano ze zo mu muteguro, n’izo afite imbere y’umugore n’abana be. Urugero, nyuma y’amateraniro abasaza baba bafite akazi kenshi. Mbese asabye undi muvandimwe kugeza umugore we n’abana be imuhira aho kugira ngo bategereze igihe kirekire ku Nzu y’Ubwami, ntabwo yaba abaruhuye? Dukurikije amategeko yo muri Bibiliya umuntu yavuga ko’ umurimo w’umwungeri utangirira imuhira.’ Iyo umusaza yirengagije umuryango we bishobora gutuma guhabwa izo nshingano byasubirwaho. Ubwo rero, basaza, mujye mwita ku banyu b’umuryango kandi mwite ku byo bakeneye cyane cyane mu buryo bw’umwuka no kubakunda mukabitaho.—1 Timoteo 3:4, 5; Tito 1:5, 6.

11, 12. Umugabo w’Umukristo ashobora ate gushyigikirwa n’abagize umuryango, kandi ni ibihe bibazo umuntu yakwibaza?

¹¹ Umugabo w’Umukristo ubera abe isoko y’uburuhukiro ntabwo agomba kubatwaza igitugu n’agahato. Ntabwo azafata ibyemezo byose atabanje kubaza abandi bo mu muryango icyo babitekerezaho. Hari igihe yafata ibyemezo byerekeranye no guhindura akazi cyangwa kwimuka, cyangwa se ikindi kibazo cyoroheje cyo gutoranya uburyo bwo kwidagadura. Kubera icyemezo nk’icyo kiba kireba abari mu muryango bose, mbese umugabo kandi w’umubyeyi ntabwo akwiriye kugira ubwenge n’ubugwaneza bwo kubanza kubaza umuryango we icyo ubivugaho? Ni ba azi igitekerezo cyabo azashobora gufata icyemezo cyuzuye ubwenge kandi kiri mu rugero. Ubwo bizorohera abagize umuryango bose kumushyigikira.—Gereranya Imigani 15:22.

¹² Dukurikije byo tumaze kubona, biragaragara ko umurimo wawe w’umugabo n’umubyeyi w’Umukristo atari uwo gushyira disipuline mu rugo gusa. Ugomba no kuba isoko y’uburuhukiro. Mbese wigana Kristo muri byo? Mbese umuryango wawe uwubera isoko y’uburuhukiro?—Abefeso 6:4; Abakolosai 3:21.

Bana n’umugore wawe werekana ubwenge mu byo umugirira

13. Ni iyihe nama nziza Petero aha abagabo?

¹³ Nkuko twamaze kubibona Petero na Paulo batanze inama nziza zerekeranye n’abashyingiranywe babiri b’Abakristo. Kubera ko Petero nawe yari afite umugore yari afite ibintu bibiri arusha abandi: kuba yiyiziye byinshi hamwe n’ubuyobozi bw’umwuka wera. (Matayo 8:14) Yahaye inama abagabo bose, ishobora kubacengera, agira ati: “Namwe bagabo nuko; mubane n’abagore banyu,mwerekane ubgenge mu byo mubagirira, kuko bameze nk’inzabya zidahwanije namwe gukomera: kandi mububahe.” Uwitwa J. W. C. Wand yahinduye ayo magambo avuga ngo: “Abagabo nabo bagomba gukurikiza amahame ya Gikristo mu bwenge, mu mishyikirano bagirana n’abagore babo.” — 1 Petero 3:7.

14. Ni ibihe bibazo umuntu yakwibaza kuri ubu?

¹⁴ Mbese ‘kwerekana ubwenge’ cyangwa ‘gukurikiza amahame ya Gikristo mu bwenge’ bishaka gusobanura iki? Ni mu buryo ki umugabo ashobora kubaha umugore? Mu by’ukuri se ni mu buryo ki umugabo ashobora gukurikiza iyo nama ya Petero?

15. (a) Ni kuki imiryango imwe isenyuka? (b) Ni akahe gahigo nyakuri umuntu agomba guca mu gushyingiranywa?

¹⁵ Ingo nyinshi zishingiye ku bintu bigaragara inyuma no ku mishyikirano yerekeranye n’ibitsina. Nyamara kandi ubwiza bwonyine ntibushobora guha urufatiro rutejegajega umuryango, kuko buba ari nk’umuyaga. Abantu bamaze igihe barashyingiranywe bageraho imisatsi ikaba imvi bakazana n’iminkanyari. Ariko ntitwibagirwe ko gushyingiranywa ari umurunga uhuza imitima ibiri, abantu babiri, uburere bubiri, inzego z’agaciro ebyiri, n’uburyo bwo kwisobanura bubiri. Ni agahigo koko! Ni ngombwa rero ko umuntu yiyumvisha ibyo kugira ngo ashobore kuzagira umunezero mu muryango.—Imigani 17:1; 21:9.

16. ‘Kwerekana ubwenge’ bisobanura iki?

¹⁶ Ku Mukristo kubana n’umugore ‘yerekana ubwenge’ bisobanura nko kwiyumvisha neza ibyo aba akeneye, atari ku mubiri gusa ariko cyane cyane iby’ingenzi, ari ibyerekeranye n’urukundo kwitabwaho mu myifatire ye no mu by’umwuka. Iyo ‘abana na we yerekana ubwenge’ aziyumvisha neza umurimo we Imana yamushinze. Ibyo bisobanura nanone guha umugore icyubahiro akwiye. Ibyo bitandukanye neza n’ibyo abantu b’abahakanyi bo mu gihe cya Petero bibwiraga, nko kuvuga ko “abagore basuzugurwaga, bagafatwa nk’ibiremwa byo hasi, by’umubiri gusa kandi byanduye.” (The Anchor Bible) Hari Bibiliya zimwe zahinduwe muri iki gihe zivuga ayo magambo ya Petero ngo: “Bagabo mubane n’abagore banyu mwita ku mimerere yabo yoroheje, mubane nabo mu cyubahiro.” (Francais Courant) Iyo ni inama nziza abagabo bakunda kwibagirwa.

17. (a) Ni izihe ngingo zimwe zituma twagereraranya’ umugore n’urwabya’ ‘rworoshye’? (b) Nk’urugero ni mu buryo ki umugabo ashobora kwerekana ko azirikana icyubahiro agomba guha umugore we?

¹⁷ Mbese umugore afite’ imimerere yoroshye’ ate? Mu yandi magambo, ubushobozi afite bwo kubyara butuma agira imihango ya buri kwezi harimo igihe cy’iminsi myinshi aba yumva afite intege nkeya kandi agasa n’ufite umujinya. Iyo umugabo we atitaye kuri ibyo hanyuma agashaka ko bagirana imibonano mu minsi yose y’ukwezi, ntabwo aba amuhaye icyubahiro cye. Ubwo rero aba yerekana ko abana nawe yerekana ubujiji burimo ubwikunde, atari mu bwenge.​—Abalewi 18:19; 1 Abakorintho 7:5.

Uburyo bwo kubaha abagore bagereranywa n’inzabya

18. (a) Ni akahe kamenyero kabi abagabo bamwe bafata? (b) Umugabo w’Umukristo agomba kugenzereza ate umugore we?

¹⁸ Hari ubundi buryo umugabo ashobora kubaha umugore we: amwereka kandi amubwira ko amukunda, ko akunda imico ye. Umugabo ashobora kugira akamenyero ko gutonganya buri gihe umugore we cyangwa akajya amunnyega akeka ko ibyo byamuha agaciro kurusha. Kandi ahubwo, byaba ibindi kuko akomeje kujya ashaka kwerekana buri gihe ko umugore we ari umupfapfa umuntu yakwibaza impamvu yamurongoye. Birakwiye rwose ko umugabo atakwiyemera kugeza igihe agize iyo migenzereze. Umugabo ufite urukundo yubaha umugore we.—Imigani 12: 18; 1 Abakorinto 13:4-8.

19. Ni kuki bidakwiye ko umugabo ashyira hasi umugore we?

¹⁹ Mu bihugu bimwe abagabo, kubera kuticisha bugufi, baba bafite akamenyero ko gushyira hasi abagore babo. Nk’abagabo bamwe b’abayapani iyo berekana abagore babo babita “Gusai,” ari byo bisobanura ngo ‘umugore w’umupfapfa w’igihubutsi’ ibyo ariko bakabigirira kugira ngo undi muntu abigarurire hafi avuga agasingizo k’uwo mugore. Umukristo aramutse abigenjeje atyo mu gihe yerekana umugore we mbese mu by’ukuri aba ‘amwubaha’ nk’uko inama ya Petero ibivuga? Mbese ubwo aba abwira mugenzi we ukuri? Mbese aba atekereza koko ko umugore we ari umupfapfa?—Abefeso 4: 15, 25; 5:28, 29.

20. (a) Ni iyihe myifatire idahuje umugabo ashobora kugirira umugore we? (b) Ashobora kwirinda ate kugera iyo yose?

²⁰ Umugabo ashobora nanone kwambura urukundo n’icyubahiro umugore we yibagirwa ko nawe ari mushiki we w’Umukristo, atari mu Nzu y’Ubwami gusa, ahubwo ari n’imuhira n’ahandi hose. Byaba byoroshye kuba umuntu mwiza kandi ufite ikinyabupfura mu Nzu y’Ubwami ariko imuhira agahinduka umubisha! Inama za Paulo rero zirakwiye rwose: “Nuko rero, dukurikize ibihesh’amahoro n’ibyo gukomezanya.”“Umuntu wese muri tw’anezeze mugenzi we, kugira ngo amuber’inyunganizi, amukomeze.” (Abaroma 14:19; 15:2) Ubwo se, haba hariho mugenzi w’umuntu uruta umugabo we cyangwa umugore we?

21. Abagabo bagomba gukora iki kugira ngo batere inkunga umugore we?

²¹ Umugabo w’Umukristo wuzuye urukundo azereka umugore we ko amukunda ari mu magambo ari no mu bikorwa. Ibyo nibyo umusizi umwe yavuze muri aya magambo ngo:

“N’ubwo ukunda kurakara

Ukagira n’utubazo,

Umugore wawe mwiza kandi ukundwakaza

Bimubwire! . . .

Kuko iteka ryose uri uwe;

We wenyine;

Ntuzategereze kubyandika kw’ibuye,

Bimubwire!”

Mu bihe bya kera nyina w’umwami Lemueli yavuze ibyiyumvo nk’ibyo. Dore ibyo avuga ku mugore nyawe: “Abana be barahaguruka bakamwita Munyamugisha; n’umugabo we na w’akamushima, ati: Abagore benshi bagenza neza; ariko weho urabarusha bose.” (Imigani 31:1, 28, 29) Bagabo, mbese mujya mushimira buri gihe abagore banyu, cyangwa muheruka kubikora igihe mwabarambagizaga?

22, 23. Ishyingiranywa ririmo umunezero riba rishingiye ku ki?

²² Ibyo tumaze gusuzuma mu magambo make byatweretse ko kugira ngo umugabo ahe urukundo n’icyubahiro umugore we bidahagije kuzana umushahara imuhira. Gushyingiranywa kurimo umunezero’ kuba gufite urufatiro ku mishyikirano yuzuye urukundo, ukudahemukirana no kwitanaho.(1 Petero 3:8, 9) Uko imyaka igenda ihita iyo mishyikirano irushaho kuba myiza, umugabo n’umugore, buri wese akishimira imico myiza n’ibindi byiza mugenzi we akora, akiga kurenza ku ntege nkeya ze.​—Abefeso 4:32; Abakolosai 3:12-14.

²³ Iyo umugabo yerekanye urugero rwiza maze akagira urukundo n’icyubahiro umuryango wose uzavanamo ibyiza byinshi. Ariko se, umukristokazi ashobora ate kugira uruhare mu munezero w’umuryango? Inyandiko ikurikira iravuga iby’icyo kibazo hamwe n’ibindi bifitanye isano na cyo.

Mbese waba wibuka?

◻ Mbere na mbere ni nde ufite inshingano yo gukomeza umunezero mu muryango kandi ni kuki?

◻ Abagabo bashobora bate kuba bate isoko y’uburuhukiro bakurikije urugero rwa Kristo?

◻ Umugabo w’Umukristo azarangiza ate inshingano ze zo mu itorero n’izo mu muryango nta kiryamiye ikindi?

◻ Umugabo ashobora ate ’kubana n’umugore yerekana ubwenge’?

◻ ‘Kwerekana ubwenge mu byo agirira umugore kuko ameze nk’urwabya rudahwanije nawe gukomera’ bisobanura iki?

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 4]

Umusaza w’itorero ushyira mu rugero aba azi umurimo wo kuba umwungeri utangirira iwe mu rugo