Iindlela Zokwenza Intsapho Yonwabe
Ukugcina Izithembiso Zomtshato
Omnye umfazi uthi: “Ndaphawula ukuba umyeni wam uMichael wayengenamdla kum nasebantwaneni.a Wanditshintshela emva kokuba sineInternet, yaye ndacinga ukuba umele ukuba ubukela imifanekiso engamanyala ekhompyutheni. Ngobunye ubusuku emva kokuba abantwana beye kulala ndambuza waza wavuma ukuba uyayibukela. Ndakhathazeka ngokwenene. Ndandingayikholelwa loo nto ndandiyiva. Ndayeka ukumthemba. Eyona nto yayenza yambi nangakumbi le meko kukuba omnye umntu endisebenza naye wayebonakalisa umdla kum.”
Enye indoda ithi: “Ngenye imini umfazi wam uMaria wabona umfanekiso owawusekhompyutheni yethu waza wandibuza ngawo. Xa ndavumayo ukuba ndibukela imifanekiso engamanyala kwikhompyutha, waba lugcwabevu ngumsindo. Ndahlazeka kakhulu yaye ndaziva ndinetyala. Ndandicinga ukuba umtshato wethu uyaphela.”
UCINGA ukuba kwenzeka ntoni kulwalamano lukaMichael noMaria? Usenokucinga ukuba ukubukela imifanekiso engamanyala yayiyeyona ngxaki inkulu kaMichael. Kodwa uMichael waqonda ukuba lo mkhwa ubonisa ukuba kukho ingxaki enkulu emtshatweni wabo—ukungazibopheleli emtshatweni.b Xa uMichael noMaria babesandul’ ukutshata, babekhangele phambili kubomi obumyoli nobunothando. Njengezibini ezininzi, baya bezithabatha lula iimbopheleleko zabo zomtshato, yaye kwaya kusibakho umsantsa phakathi kwabo.
Ngaba uvakalelwa kukuba ulwalamano lwenu luya lusiba buthathaka njengoko iminyaka ihamba? Ngaba ubungathanda ukuba izinto ziphinde zibe njengasekuqaleni? Ukuba kunjalo, kufuneka ukwazi ukuphendula le mibuzo mithathu: Kuthetha ntoni ukuzibophelela emtshatweni? Ziintoni ezinokuba lucelomngeni? Yaye yintoni onokuyenza ukuze uzibophelele ngokupheleleyo kwiqabane lakho?
Kuthetha Ntoni Ukuzibophelela?
Unokukuchaza njani ukuzibophelela emtshatweni? Abaninzi banokuthi kubangelwa zizinto ekunyanzelekileyo ukuba bazenze. Ngokomzekelo, isibini sinokuzibophelela emtshatweni ngenxa yabantwana okanye kuba sifuna ukukholisa uThixo, uMsunguli womtshato. (Genesis 2:22-24) Ngokuqinisekileyo, ezi zizizathu ezincomekayo yaye ziya kuwuhlangula umtshato ngamaxesha obunzima. Kodwa ukuze zonwabe, izibini ezitshatileyo kufuneka zingacingi nje ngeembopheleleko ezinazo.
UYehova uThixo wayila umtshato ukuze uzise ulonwabo nolwaneliseko. Wayefuna ukuba indoda ibe “nemihlali ngumfazi wayo” aze umfazi ayithande indoda yakhe yaye aqonde ukuba umyeni wakhe umthanda njengokuba ezithanda. (IMizekeliso 5:18; Efese 5:28) Ukuze isibini sisondelelane ngolo hlobo, kufuneka sithembane. Enye into ebalulekileyo kukuba siphathane njengabahlobo abasenyongweni. Xa indoda nomfazi bethembana yaye besiba ngabahlobo abasenyongweni, baya kuzibophelela ngakumbi emtshatweni. Baya kuba nolwalamano olufana nolo luchazwe eBhayibhileni lokuba abantu ababini “banyama-nye.”—Mateyu 19:5.
Ngoko ukuzibophelela emtshatweni kunokufaniswa nodaka lwesamente oludibanisa izitena ezakha indlu eyomeleleyo. Olu daka lwenziwe ngomxube wesanti, isamente kunye namanzi. Ngendlela efanayo, ukuzibophelela emtshatweni kubangelwa zizinto ezifana neembopheleleko ofanele uziphumeze emtshatweni, ukuthembana nobuhlobo. Yintoni enokuwenza buthathaka umtshato?
Ziziphi Iingxaki?
Ukuzibophelela kufuna ukuzibhokoxa nokuzincama. Kufuna ukuba uncame izinto ozithandayo ukuze wanelise iqabane lakho. Noko ke, abantu abaninzi namhlanje abasakuthandi ukwenzela abanye izinto xa bengazi kufumana nto bona. Kodwa khawuzibuze, ‘Bangaphi abantu endibaziyo abazingcayo kodwa abonwabileyo emtshatweni?’ Ukuba bakho, bambalwa gqitha. Kutheni kunjalo? Umntu ozingcayo akanakuze azibophelele emtshatweni xa kufuneka ancame izinto azithandayo, ngokukodwa xa kungekho nto aza kuyizuza. Xa isibini singazibophelelanga, ulwalamano lwaso aluyi komelela, enoba kwakumnandi kangakanani na ukudibana kwaso.
IBhayibhile iyavuma ukuba ubomi bomtshato abukho lula. Ithi: “Indoda etshatileyo ixhalela izinto zehlabathi, indlela enokuzuza ngayo inkoliseko yomfazi wayo,” yaye “umfazi otshatileyo uxhalela izinto zehlabathi, indlela anokuzuza ngayo inkoliseko yendoda yakhe.” (1 Korinte 7:33, 34) Okulusizi kukuba kwanamaqabane omtshato angazingciyo awasoloko eziqonda izinto ezixhalatyelwe lelinye iqabane okanye awazixabisi izinto elizincamayo. Xa elinye iqabane lomtshato lingalixabisi elinye, nakanjani umtshato wabo uya kuba “nembandezelo enyameni” kunokuba bekuya kuba njalo.—1 Korinte 7:28.
Ukuze nikwazi ukumelana namaxesha anzima emtshatweni nize nonwabe, nimele niwujonge njengolwalamano lukanaphakade. Yintoni onokuyenza ukuze ube nesimo sengqondo esinjalo, yaye unokwenza njani ukuze iqabane lakho lihlale lizibophelele kuwe?
Indlela Yokomeleza Ulwalamano Lwenu
Undoqo kukusebenzisa icebiso elikwiLizwi likaThixo iBhayibhile. Xa usenjenjalo, kuya ‘kungenelwa wena’ neqabane lakho. (Isaya 48:17) Khawuqwalasele ezi zinto zimbini onokuzenza.
Ziphe ixesha lokuba kunye neqabane lakho
1. Umtshato wakho mawube yeyona nto ibalulekileyo ebomini bakho.
Umpostile uPawulos wathi: ‘Qiniseka ngezinto ezibaluleke ngakumbi.’ (Filipi 1:10) Ibalulekile emehlweni kaThixo indlela ephathana ngayo indoda nomfazi wayo. Indoda embekayo umfazi wayo noThixo uya kuyibeka. Yaye umfazi oyihlonelayo indoda yakhe ‘unexabiso elikhulu emehlweni kaThixo.’—1 Petros 3:1-4, 7.
Ubaluleke kangakanani umtshato wenu kuwe? Ngokuqhelekileyo, xa into ibalulekile, uchitha ixesha elingakumbi kuyo. Khawuzibuze: ‘Kwezi nyanga zidluleyo, lingakanani ixesha endilichithe neqabane lam? Ziintoni endizenzileyo ukuliqinisekisa ukuba sisengabahlobo bokwenene?’ Ukuba awunalo ixesha olichitha neqabane lakho, lisenokungakukholelwa xa usithi uzibophelele emtshatweni wenu.
Ngaba iqabane lakho licinga ukuba uzibophelele emtshatweni wenu? Unokukufumanisa njani oku?
KHAWUZAME OKU: Dwelisa ephepheni ezi zinto zintlanu ngokokubaluleka kwazo kwiqabane lakho: imali, umsebenzi, umtshato, ukuzonwabisa nabahlobo. Cela iqabane lakho ukuba lenze okufanayo nakuwe. Ukugqiba kwenu, omnye makanike omnye iphepha lakhe. Ukuba iqabane lakho livakalelwa kukuba awuchithi xesha laneleyo emtshatweni, xubushani izinto eninokuzenza ukuze nomeleze umtshato wenu. Kwakhona zibuze, ‘Ndingenza ntoni ukuze ndibe nomdla kwizinto ezibalulekileyo kwiqabane lam?’
Ukungathembeki kuqala entliziyweni
2. Phepha zonke izinto ezinokukwenza ungathembeki.
UYesu Kristu wathi: “Wonk’ ubani oqhubeka ekhangela umfazi ngokokude amkhanuke sele emkrexezile entliziyweni yakhe.” (Mateyu 5:28) Xa umntu esiba neentlobano zesini nomntu angatshatanga naye, uyaluqhekeza umanyano lomtshato, yaye iBhayibhile ithi eso sisizathu sokuqhawula umtshato. (Mateyu 5:32) Noko ke, amazwi kaYesu akhankanywe ngasentla abonisa ukuba umntu usenokuba nalo mnqweno mbi entliziyweni ngaphambi kokuba akrexeze. Ukuhlala ucinga ngokukrexeza kunokuba kukungcatsha ngandlel’ ithile.
Ukuze ukwazi ukuzibophelela emtshatweni wakho, qiniseka ukuba awuyibukeli imifanekiso engamanyala. Enoba banokuthini na abanye, imifanekiso engamanyala ingawuqhekeza umtshato. Phawula indlela omnye umfazi awathetha ngayo ngomkhwa womyeni wakhe wokubukela imifanekiso engamanyala: “Umyeni wam uthi ukubukela amanyala kusenza sithandane ngakumbi. Kodwa kundenza ndizive ndingento yanto. Intliziyo yam iba lihlwili xa ebukele le mifanekiso.” Ngaba unokuthi le ndoda iyawomeleza umtshato wayo, okanye iyawuchitha? Ucinga ukuba yenza kube lula ngomfazi wayo ukuzibophelela kulo mtshato?
UYobhi indoda eyayithembekile yabonisa indlela ezibophelele ngayo emtshatweni wayo nakuThixo ngokwenza ‘umnqophiso namehlo ayo.’ Yayizimisele ukuba ‘inganikeli ingqalelo entombini enyulu.’ (Yobhi 31:1) Unokumxelisa njani uYobhi?
Ukongezelela ekuphepheni ukubukela imifanekiso engamanyala, kufuneka ulumkele ukutsaleleka komnye umntu wesini esahlukileyo. Liyinyaniso elokuba, abaninzi bacinga ukuba ukudlala ngeemvakalelo zomntu wesini esahlukileyo akuyongozi emtshatweni. Kodwa iLizwi likaThixo lisilumkisa lisithi: “Intliziyo inenkohliso kunayo nantoni na yaye iyatyhudisa. Ngubani na onokuyazi?” (Yeremiya 17:9) Ngaba intliziyo yakho iyakukhohlisa? Khawuzibuze: ‘Ngubani oyena ndinikela kuye ingqalelo—liqabane lam okanye ngomnye umntu wesini esahlukileyo? Ngubani endiqale ndimxelele izinto ezindivuyisayo—liqabane lam okanye ngomnye umntu? Ukuba iqabane lam lindixelela ukuba mandingaqhelani nomntu wesinye isini endisebenza naye, ndiza kusabela njani? Ngaba ndiza kucaphuka, okanye ndiza kukwenza ngokulula oko lindixelela kona?
NGABA UKHE WAKUZAMA OKU? Ukuba uzifumanisa unomdla kumntu ongeloqabane lakho, qiniseka ukuba awusoloko udibana naye ngaphandle kwaxa kuyimfuneko. Musa ukumthelekisa neqabane lakho. Kunoko nikela ingqalelo kwiimpawu ezintle zeqabane lakho. (IMizekeliso 31:29) Cinga ngezinto ezakwenza walithanda. Zibuze, ‘Ngaba ngokwenene alisenazo ezi mpawu, okanye andisaziboni?’
Makuqale Wena
UMichael noMaria ekuthethwe ngabo ekuqaleni bagqiba kwelokuba bacele icebiso ngendlela abanokuzicombulula ngayo iingxaki zabo. Kakade ke, ukucela icebiso linyathelo nje lokuqala. Kodwa ukulungela kwabo ukulungisa iingxaki nokucela uncedo, kwabonisa ukuba bobabini bazibophelele kumtshato wabo, yaye bazimisele ukuzibhokoxa ukuze uphumelele.
Enoba umtshato wakho uzinzile okanye uneengxaki, iqabane lakho kufuneka lazi ukuba uzimisele ukuwenza uphumelele. Yenza nantoni na efunekayo ukuze libone ukuba uzimisele. Ngaba unomdla wokwenza oku?
a Amagama atshintshiwe.
b Ngoxa umzekelo ekuthethwe ngawo apha ingowendoda eyayibukela imifanekiso engamanyala, nomfazi owabukelayo ubonisa ukungazibopheleli emtshatweni.
ZIBUZE . . .
Ziziphi izinto endinokuyeka ukuzenza ukuze ndibe nexesha elaneleyo neqabane lam?
Yintoni endinokuyenza ukuze ndiqinisekise iqabane lam ukuba ndizibophelele emtshatweni wethu?