Icebiso Elinokuthenjwa Lokukhulisa Abantwana
EBHEKISELA kwixesha lokukhulelwa kwakhe umntwana wakhe wokuqala, uRuth uthi: “Ndandineminyaka eli-19 ubudala yaye kwakungekho nasinye isalamane sam esasihlala kufuphi nendawo endandihlala kuyo ibe ndakhulelwa ndingalindelanga.” Njengokuba inguye yedwa umntwana kokwabo, akazange ayicinge into yokuba ngenye imini uya kuze abe ngumzali. Wayeza kuwafumana phi ke amacebiso okukhulisa lo mntwana?
Kanti yena uJan onabantwana ababini abasele bekhulile uthi: “Ekuqaleni ndandizithembe ngeyona ndlela. Kodwa kungekudala ndaphawula ukuba andinawo amava.” Enoba abazali ekuqaleni bavakalelwa kukuba abanamava okanye badideka sele bephakathi, banokuwafumana phi amacebiso aluncedo ekukhuliseni abantwana?
Namhlanje, abazali abaninzi babhenela kwi-Internet. Noko ke, usenokuba uyazibuza ukuba aluncedo kangakanani na amacebiso afumaneka apho. Umele ulumke. Ngaba uyazi ukuba avela kubani la macebiso uwafumana kwi-Internet? Ngaba yena umnini-cebiso uye wabakhulisa kakuhle abakhe abantwana? Ngokuqinisekileyo, akufuni kwenza nje noba yintoni kwimicimbi echaphazela intsapho yakho. Maxa wambi, njengoko inqaku elingaphambili libonisa, kwanamacebiso avela kwiingcali aye angabi loncedo. Ngoko ke unokuwafumana phi amacebiso onokuwathemba?
Owona Mthombo ubalaseleyo wamacebiso aphathelele ukukhulisa abantwana, nguYehova uThixo, uMsunguli wentsapho. (Efese 3:15) Nguye kuphela ingcali yokwenene. KwiLizwi lakhe iBhayibhile, usinika imiyalelo eluncedo ngokwenene. (INdumiso 32:8; Isaya 48:17, 18) Noko ke, kuxhomekeke kuthi ukuba siyayisebenzisa kusini na ebomini bethu.
Kwacelwa izibini eziliqela ukuba zibalise ngoko zakufundayo ngoxa zazikhulisa abantwana bazo abathi ekukhuleni kwabo baba ngabakhonzi bakaThixo. Zathi eyona nto yazincedayo, kukusebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile. Zafumanisa ukuba icebiso leBhayibhile liseluncedo njengoko lalinjalo ekubhalweni kwayo.
Chitha Ixesha Kunye Nabo
Xa uCatherine onabantwana ababini, wayebuzwa ngelona cebiso lamncedayo, wathi lelo lifumaneka kwiDuteronomi 6:7. Le ndinyana ithi: “Uze uwabethelele [amacebiso eBhayibhile] kunyana wakho yaye uthethe ngawo ekuhlaleni kwakho endlwini yakho, nasekuhambeni kwakho ngendlela, nasekulaleni kwakho, nasekuvukeni kwakho.” UCatherine waphawula ukuba ngokuvisisana nesi siluleko, kufuneka achithe ixesha nabantwana bakhe.
Mhlawumbi uvakalelwa kukuba, ‘asinto ilula leyo.’ Ekubeni kwiintsapho ezininzi kufuneka abazali baphangele bobabini ukuze bakwazi ukuhlangabezana neendleko zentsapho, banokukwazi njani ke ukuchitha ixesha elingakumbi nabantwana babo? UTorlief, ononyana osele ekhulisa eyakhe intsapho, uthi eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukulandela icebiso elifumaneka kwiDuteronomi. Enoba uyaphi na, hamba nabantwana bakho yaye amathuba okuncokola aya kuzivulekela. UTorlief uthi: “Imisebenzi yekhaya sasiyenza sobabini nonyana wam. Sasihamba sonke njengentsapho. Sasisitya ndawonye. Unyana wethu wayeziva ekhululekile ukuthetha nathi nanini na.”
Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba akukho lunxibelelwano yaye kunzima ukuncokola? Maxa wambi oku kuyenzeka njengoko abantwana bekhula. Kwakhona, into enokunceda kukuchitha ixesha elingakumbi nabantwana bakho. Umyeni kaCatherine, uKen ukhumbula ukuba xa intwazana yabo yayikwishumi elivisayo yakhalaza ngelithi uyise akayiphulaphuli xa incokola naye. Eso sisikhalazo esiqhelekileyo solutsha oluninzi olukwishumi elivisayo. Wahlangabezana njani nale ngxaki? UKen uthi: “Ndagqiba kwelokuba ndichithe ixesha elingakumbi kunye nayo, sixubushe ngezinto ezicingayo, indlela evakalelwa ngayo nezinto eziyikhathazayo. Oko kwaba luncedo ngokwenene.” (IMizekeliso 20:5) Noko ke, uKen ukholelwa ukuba into eyabangela eli cebo lisebenze kukuba babehleli benonxibelelwano oluhle njengentsapho. Uthi: “Sasisoloko sinolwalamano oluhle nentombi yam, ngoko yayiziva ikhululekile ukuthetha nam.”
Okubangel’ umdla kukuba kuhlolisiso olwenziwe kutshanje, ngabantwana abakwishumi elivisayo abakhalazela ukuba abazali nabantwana abachithi xesha laneleyo kunye. Ngoko kutheni ungalandeli icebiso leBhayibhile? Chitha ixesha elininzi kangangoko kunokwenzeka nabantwana bakho—xa uphumle naxa usebenza, ekhaya naseluhambeni, xa uvuka kusasa nasebusuku ngaphambi kokuba ulale. Ukuba kunokwenzeka, hamba nabo naphi na apho uya khona. Njengoko iDuteronomi 6:7 ibonisa, ayikho into ebaluleke njengokuchitha ixesha elaneleyo nabantwana bakho.
Bafundise Imilinganiselo Efanelekileyo
UMario, onabantwana ababini ucebisa oku: “Bathande abantwana bakho ngokusuk’ entliziyweni, ubafundele.” Noko ke, akumele wenzele nje ukulola iingqondo zabantwana bakho. Kufuneka ubafundise ukwahlula okulungileyo nokuphosakeleyo. UMario uhlabela mgama enjenje: “Baqhubele isifundo seBhayibhile.”
Ngenxa yoko, iBhayibhile ibongoza abazali isithi: “Musani ukubacaphukisa abantwana benu, kodwa qhubekani nibakhulisela kwingqeqesho nasekweyiselweni kwengqondo kuYehova.” (Efese 6:4) Kumakhaya amaninzi namhlanje, ayigxininiswa kakhulu imilinganiselo yokuziphatha. Abanye bakholelwa ukuba xa abantwana sele bekhulile baya kukwazi ukuzikhethela imilinganiselo abafuna ukuphila ngayo. Ngaba oko kuvakala kusengqiqweni? Kanye njengokuba abantwana kufuneka bafumane izondlo zomzimba ezifanelekileyo ukuze bakhule bomelele yaye besempilweni, iingqondo neentliziyo zabo nazo zifuna ukondliwa. Ukuba akubafundisi ekhaya abantwana bakho imilinganiselo yokuziphatha, basenokufunda leyo yabantwana abahamba nabo isikolo neyootitshala okanye banokufunda kumajelo eendaba.
IBhayibhile inokubanceda abazali ukuba bafundise abantwana babo ukwahlula okulungileyo nokuphosakeleyo. (2 Timoti 3:16, 17) UJeff, ongumdala ongumKristu onamava, onabantwana ababini abasele bekhulile, ukhuthaza ukuba abazali basebenzise iBhayibhile xa befundisa abantwana babo imilinganiselo efanelekileyo. Uthi: “Xa usebenzisa iBhayibhile unceda abantwana babone ukuba uMdali uvakalelwa njani ngaloo mbandela, bangacingi nje ukuba yinto efunwa nguMama noTata. Siye sabona indlela iBhayibhile eyixonxa ngayo ingqondo nentliziyo yomntwana. Xa umntwana enze into ephosakeleyo okanye enotyekelo olutenxileyo, sasiye sicingisise ngesibhalo esifanelekileyo esinokusisebenzisa kuloo meko. Emva koko, sasimbizela ngasese size simnike eso sibhalo ukuba asifunde. Emva kokufunda eso sibhalo sasidla ngokubona umntwana echiphiza iinyembezi. Sasisuka sithi khamnqa. IBhayibhile yayiluncedo kakhulu ngaphezu kwayo nantoni na.”
EyamaHebhere 4:12 ithi: “Ilizwi likaThixo liphilile, linamandla . . . yaye liyakwazi ukuphicotha iingcamango notyekelo lwentliziyo.” Ngoko ke, isigidimi esiseBhayibhileni asizombono okanye amava abantu abasetyenziswa nguThixo ekubhaleni iBhayibhile. Kunoko, sisibonisa imbono kaThixo ngokuphathelele ukuziphatha. Yiloo nto ibangela ukuba amacebiso aseBhayibhileni ahluke ngokupheleleyo kwamanye amacebiso. Xa usebenzisa iBhayibhile ekuqeqesheni abantwana bakho, ubanceda bayazi indlela uThixo avakalelwa ngayo. Uqeqesho olunjalo luluncedo kakhulu yaye unokukwazi ukufikelela intliziyo yomntwana wakho.
UCatherine okhankanywe ngaphambilana uyavumelana noko. Uthi: “Xa sijamelene neyona ngxaki inzima, sasilufuna nangakumbi ukhokelo lweLizwi likaThixo—yaye loo ngxaki yayisombululeka!” Ngaba ungayisebenzisa ngakumbi iBhayibhile ekuqeqesheni abantwana bakho ukuze bakwazi ukwahlula okulungileyo kokubi?
Yiba Nengqiqo
Umpostile uPawulos uchaza omnye umgaqo obalulekileyo, oluncedo ekukhuliseni abantwana. Wabongoza amaKristu esithi: “Ukuba nengqiqo kwenu makwazeke ebantwini bonke.” (Filipi 4:5) Oku kuthetha ukuba abantwana bethu bafanele bakubone ukuba nengqiqo kwethu. Yaye khumbula, ukuba nengqiqo kubonisa ukuba ‘sinobulumko obuvela phezulu.’—Yakobi 3:17.
Noko ke, ukuba nengqiqo kubaluleke ngantoni ekuqeqesheni abantwana bethu? Ngoxa sisenza konke okusemandleni ethu ukuze sibancede, asibalawuli kuyo yonke into. Ngokomzekelo, uMario okhankanywe ngaphambilana, ngomnye wamaNgqina kaYehova, yaye uthi: “Sasisoloko sikhuthaza abantwana bethu ngobhaptizo, ubulungiseleli bexesha elizeleyo nolunye usukelo lokomoya. Kodwa sasilenza litsole elokuba mntwana ngamnye uya kuzikhethela ngexesha elifanelekileyo.” Waba yintoni umphumo? Abantwana babo bobabini ngoku bangabashumayeli bexesha elizeleyo.
KumaKolose 3:21, iBhayibhile ilumkisa ootata isithi: “Musani ukubacaphukisa abantwana benu, ukuze bangadakumbi.” UCatherine uyithanda kakhulu loo ndinyana. Xa umzali ephelelwa ngumonde, kulula ukuba abe nomsindo okanye anyanzelise izinto. Kodwa uthi, “musa ukunyanzela umntwana wakho ukuba enze into kuba wena unokukwazi ukuyenza.” UCatherine ungomnye wamaNgqina kaYehova, yaye wongezelela athi: “Yenza ukuba abantwana bakho bakunandiphe ukukhonza uYehova.”
UJeff ekuthethwe ngaye ngaphambilana uthi: “Njengoko abantwana bethu babekhula, omnye umhlobo wethu wathi ufumanise ukuba amaxesha amaninzi xa abantwana bakhe becela okuthile uyala. Oku kwakubenza bangonwabi abantwana baze bazive becinezelekile. Ukuze siphephe oku wathi kubhetele sikhangele izinto esinokubavumela kuzo.”
Uhlabela mgama enjenje: “Salifumanisa lilihle eli cebiso. Ngoko sakhangela izinto ezifanelekileyo abantwana bethu ababenokuzenza nabanye abantwana. Sasidla ngokuthi kubo: ‘Benisazi ukuba ubani uza kwenza okuthile? Aningethandi ukuhamba naye?’ Okanye xa abantwana besicela ukuba sibase endaweni ethile, sasizinyanzela noba sidiniwe. Sasisenza oko kuba singafuni ukwala.” Kuthetha loo nto ke ukuba nengqiqo—ukungamdlel’ indlala omnye, ukuba nolwazelelelo nokuba bhetyebhetye ngaphandle kokwaphula imigaqo yeBhayibhile.
Ukufumana Ingenelo Kwicebiso Elinokuthenjwa
Ezininzi kwezi zibini kuthethwe ngazo ngasentla sele zinabazukulwana ngoku. Ziyakuvuyela ukubona le migaqo yeBhayibhile inceda abantwana bazo ekuqeqesheni ababo abantwana. Ngaba unokungenelwa kwicebiso leBhayibhile?
URuth ekuthethwe ngaye ekuqaleni kweli nqaku, kunye nomyeni wakhe maxa wambi babeziva ngathi basenyanyeni ukuqala kwabo ukuba nomntwana. Kodwa ke kwakungenjalo. Babenolona khokelo lubalaseleyo, iLizwi likaThixo, iBhayibhile. AmaNgqina kaYehova aye ashicilela iincwadi ezininzi ezinokunceda abazali ekufundisiseni iBhayibhile nabantwana babo. Enye yazo yethi Funda Kumfundisi Omkhulu, Incwadi Yam Yamabali EBhayibhile, Imibuzo Yabantu Abaselula—Iimpendulo Eziluncedo, Oyena Mntu Ubalaseleyo Wakha Waphila. UTorlief, umyeni kaRuth, uthi: “Namhlanje kukho amacebiso amaninzi asekelwe eBhayibhileni anokunceda abazali. Xa bewasebenzisa, anokubanceda ekukhuliseni abantwana babo.”
[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 5]
Oko Kuthethwa ZIINGCALI . . . Oko Kuthethwa YIBHAYIBHILE
Ngokubonisa Uthando:
KwiThe Psychological Care of Infant and Child (yowe-1928), uGqr. John Broadus Watson wabongoza abazali esithi: “Ungaze ubange yaye ungaze ubancamise” abantwana bakho. “Ungaze ubasingathe.” Noko ke mvanje, kwiphephancwadi elithi Our Children (likaMatshi 1999), uGqr. Vera Lane noGqr. Dorothy Molyneaux bathi: “Uphando lubonisa ukuba abantwana abangazange badlaliswe nabangazange bathandwe badla ngokungaphumeleli.”
Ngokwahlukileyo koko, uIsaya 66:12 uthi uThixo ubonisa uthando kubantu bakhe ngendlela umzali abonisa ngayo uthando ebantwaneni bakhe. Ngokufanayo, xa abafundi bakaYesu bazama ukunqanda abantu ukuba bangazisi abantwana kuYesu, wabakhalimela esithi: “Bayekeni abantwana abaselula beze kum; ningabaleli.” Emva koko, “wabawola aba bantwana waza wabasikelela.”—Marko 10:14, 16.
Ngokufundisa Imilinganiselo Efanelekileyo:
Kwinqaku leNew York Times Magazine yowe-1969, uGqr. Bruno Bettelheim wagxininisa into yokuba umntwana “unelungelo lokuzakhela ezakhe iimbono, angaphenjelelwa [kukuyalelwa ngabazali bakhe] ngegunya, kodwa ezo mbono zisekelwe kumava akhe obuqu.” Noko ke, emva kweminyaka emalunga nama-30, uGqr. Robert Coles, owabhala incwadi ethi The Moral Intelligence of Children (ngowe-1997), wathi: “Abantwana bafuna ukhokelo ebomini nokubekelwa imilinganiselo” eyamkelekileyo kubazali babo nakwabanye abantu abadala.
IMizekeliso 22:6 ibongoza abazali isithi: “Yiqeqeshe inkwenkwe ngokwendlela yayo; naxa indala ayisayi kuphambuka kuyo.” Igama lesiHebhere eliguqulelwe ngokuthi “yiqeqeshe” likwathetha ukuthi “qalisa” yaye apha libhekisela ekuqaliseni ukufundisa usana. Ngaloo ndlela, abazali bakhuthazwa ukuba baqalise ukufundisa abantwana babo imilinganiselo efanelekileyo ukususela ebusaneni. (2 Timoti 3:14, 15) Izinto abazifundiswayo ebuntwaneni banokuqhubeka bezisebenzisa ebomini babo.
Ngoqeqesho:
KwiThe Strong-Willed Child (yowe-1978), uGqr. James Dobson wabhala wathi: “Xa umzali onothando ebetha umntwana wakhe uyamkhusela kwihambo yobunjubaqa.” Kwelinye icala, ecaphula kwinqaku lohlelo lwesixhenxe lencwadi eyaziwayo ethi Baby and Child Care (yowe-1998), uGqr. Benjamin Spock wathi: “Xa ubetha umntwana umfundisa ukuba umntu omdala unegunya lokwenza nantoni na ayithandayo enoba ilungile okanye iphosakele.”
Ngokuphathelele uqeqesho iBhayibhile ithi: “Intonga nesohlwayo zinika ubulumko.” (IMizekeliso 29:15) Noko ke, asingabo bonke abantwana ekufuneka bebethiwe. IMizekeliso 17:10 ithi: “Ukukhalinyelwa kungena nzulu ngakumbi konokuqonda kunokubetha isiyatha izihlandlo ezilikhulu.”
[Umfanekiso]
Sebenzisa iBhayibhile ukuze ufikelele intliziyo
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 7]
Abazali abalumkileyo balungiselela amaxesha okuzihlaziya nabantwana babo