Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ingabe Kumelwe Ngimcebe Umngane Wami?

“NGANGINGAKHOLELWA ukuthi wayenza into enjalo,” kukhumbula uLee. ULee wayengaphandle edlala ibhayisikili lakhe nomzala wakhe lapho emangazwa ukubona umngane wakhe omkhulu, uChris, ekanye neqembu lentsha.

UChris wayebhema ugwayi.

ULee washaqeka, njengoba lokhu kwakuphambene nezinkolelo zobuKristu zikaChris—kungasashiwo izifiso zabazali bakhe. (2 Korinte 7:1) UChris walahla ugwayi wakhe ngokuhlakanipha futhi wawucisha ngonyawo, kodwa uLee akazange alutheke. Khona-ke waphawula ukuthi ukubhema kwakumane kuwukuqala kwezinkinga zikaChris, ngenxa yabangane ababi ayenabo. ULee waqaphela ukuthi umngane wakhe wayedinga usizo futhi wayazi ukuthi wayengekho esimweni sokulunikeza. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, wayengathandi ukutshela noma ubani omunye ngalenkinga. ULee uyachaza: “Wayengumngane wami, futhi ngangingafuni ukumceba.”

Mhlawumbe uye wazithola usesimweni esifanayo—ngokungazelele uqaphela ukuthi umngane udlala ngemilaliso, ufuna ukuzibonela ngobulili, uyakhohlisa, noma antshontshe. Umagazini wentsha odumile uthi: “Ukuba incelebana. Ukushaya ikhwela. Ukuba impimpi. Abanye abeve eshumini nambili bacabanga ukuthi yilokho abebezobe bekwenza lapho bekhuluma ngomngane.”

Umthetho Wokungatsheli Abanye

Ukuthembeka okungalungile kubonakala kuyisizathu esiyinhloko esenza intsha ihoxe ekucebeni ububi bomngane. Bebheka iseluleko njengokuthile okuyingozi, okuphambene, nokulimazayo, bacabanga ukuthi basiza umngane wabo ngokugqiba izinkinga zakhe. Izimboni zeTV nezithombe ezishukumayo ziwusekela ngamandla lomqondo ngokuhlobisa umqondo wokuthi abakhapheli nabantu abalugibe kuphela abaceba abangane babo. Khona-ke, umthetho ongabhaliwe wokungatsheli abanye uvamise ukuba khona phakathi kwentsha. Njengoba insizwa okuthiwa uCarl ikubeka: “Okumelwe kwenziwe ukuba ugqibe abangane bakho. Uma kuziwa ekutsheleni abanye, awukwenzi lokho!”

Ukuphula lowomthetho wokungatsheli abanye kuchaya umuntu ekudelelweni ontanga nokulahlekelwa ubungane. Ngokwesibonelo, isihloko esikumagazini ’Teen, sikhuluma ngentombazane ebizwa ngokuthi uDebbie eyathola ukuthi umngane wayo, uKaren wayentshontsha ezitolo. Ezama ukumsiza, uDebbie wanquma ukuba atshele abazali bakaKaren. UKaren wayeka ukukhulumisa uDebbie. Okungaphezu kwalokho, nabangane bakaDebbie bamgwema futhi bamsola ngokuba kwakhe impimpi. “Kwakungokuhlangenwe nakho okudumazayo, yebo, kubuhlungu,” kusho uDebbie.

Ingabe Kumelwe Uphule Umthetho Wokungatsheli Abanye?

Ngokufanayo, uLee akabanga nandaba nobuhlungu nokudumala futhi wanquma ukuthatha isinyathelo. “Unembeza wami wawungihlupha ngoba ngangazi ukuthi kwakumelwe ngitshele othile!” Lokhu kusikhumbuza isehlakalo esibhalwe kuGenesise 37:2 esithi: “UJosefa eseneminyaka eyishumi nesikhombisa wawalusa umhlambi kayise enabafowabo . . . uJosefa waletha kuyise imibiko emibi ngabo.” Ngokunokwenzeka, lombiko wawungaphathelene nendaba encane, njengoba igama lesiHeberu sakuqala elisho ‘okubi’ lingase futhi lisho ‘ububi obukhulu.’ Mhlawumbe abafowabo bakaJosefa ngandlelathile babefaka engozini izithakazelo zomnotho womkhaya. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi isimo sasinjani, uJosefa wayazi ukuthi uma ethula, inhlala-kahle engokomoya yabafowabo yayiyoba sengozini.

Ukungazinaki izenzo ezimbi noma ukucabanga okungekho ngokombhalo kuye kwafaniswa nokuzama ukuthalalisa ubuhlungu bezinyo. Hlina futhi ubekezelele izinhlungu ngendlela othanda ngayo, imbobo ngeke iphele. Ngempela, umane nje uvumela ukubola ukuba kwande. Ngokufanayo, isono singamandla abolisayo, onakalisayo. Uma kunganakwa, ukonakala ngokuvamile kuveza ukonakala okwengeziwe. (Galathiya 6:8) Ngamanye amazwi, ngaphandle kokuthi umngane ophambukayo athole usizo—mhlawumbe ngendlela yeseluleko esingokomBhalo esiqinile—angase angene ajule ebubini.—UmShumayeli 8:11.

Kanjalo ukugqiba ububi bomngane akwenzi lutho oluhle futhi kungabangela ukulimala okungelapheki. Khona-ke akumangalisi ukuthi uJosefa wazizwa ebophekile ukuba abike ububi obabenziwa abafowabo! Kuthiwani ngamaKristu namuhla? iBhayibheli liyayala: “Bazalwane, uma umuntu ehlelwa isiphambeko, ninabomoya mbuyiseni onjalo ngomoya wobumnene.” (Galathiya 6:1) Ngokuqondakalayo, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi awunazo izimfanelo ezingokomoya zokubuyisa umngane ophambukayo. Kodwa bekungeke yini kube nengqondo ukuqiniseka ngokuthi indaba iyabikwa kothile okufanelekelayo ukusiza? Phela, ukuyekethisa ukwenza kanjalo kungase ngisho kukwenze ‘umhlanganyeli wezono zakhe’! (1 Thimothewu 5:22; qhathanisa noLevitikusi 5:1.) Kungaletha ukungabaza ekuthembekeni kwakho siqu kuNkulunkulu nasezindinganisweni zakhe ezilungileyo.—IHubo 18:25.

Ukukhuluma Nomngane Wakho

Ngakho-ke kumelwe nakanjani ukuba ukhulume nomngane wakho futhi uliveze obala iphutha lakhe. (Qhathanisa noMathewu 18:15.) Lokhu kuyodinga ukuba ube nesibindi. Nokho, ungamangali uma uhlangabezana nokuphikiswa okuthile, njengoba kuwukuthambekela kobuntu ukwenza izaba. Qina, unikeza ubufakazi obukholisayo mayelana nesono sakhe, uyisho ngokuqondile into oyaziyo nokuthi wayazi kanjani. (Qhathanisa noJohane 16:8.) Ungathembisi ukuthi ‘ngeke utshele muntu,’ ngoba isithembiso esinjalo siyoba amanga emehlweni kaJehova, olahla ukugqitshwa kokwenziwa kobubi.—IzAga 28:13.

Nokho, izAga 18:13 ziyaxwayisa: “Obuyisa izwi engakezwa, kungubuwula nehlazo kuye.” Mhlawumbe kuye kwaba khona ukungaqondani okuthile. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, umngane wakho angase akhululeke ngokuvela kwenkinga yakhe obala nangokuthola othile angakhuluma naye futhi amthululele isifuba. Ngakho yiba isilaleli esihle. (Jakobe 1:19) Ungacindezeli ukusebenza ngokukhululekile kwemizwa yakhe ngokusebenzisa izinkulumo ezandulelayo ezinjengokuthi, “Bekungamelwe u- . . . ” noma, “Ukuba bekuyimi, bengizo- . . . ” lezi zimane zikhulise imizwelo yomngane yokuba necala neyokungabi yilutho. Ngokufanayo, izinkulumo zokwethusa ezinjengezithi, “Ubungakwenza kanjani!” zimane zenze isimo esibi sibe sibi kakhulu.

Khumbula ukulandisa kweBhayibheli ‘ngabaduduzi’ abathathu bakaJobe, abangenzanga lutho ngaphandle kokulahla uJobe. Ngemva kokummangalela kwabo okudumazayo, uJobe wathi: “Induduzo eniyinikezayo iwusizi lodwa. Ingabe niyoqhubeka nikhuluma ningaqedi? . . . Uma ngabe nisesikhundleni sami kepha mina ngikwesenu, . . .Ngangiyoniqinisa ngeseluleko bese ngiqhubeka ngikhuluma ukuze nginiduduze.” (Jobe 16:1-5, Today’s English Version) Ngakho-ke zama ukubonisa uzwela futhi ube nemizwelo efanayo neyomngane wakho. (1 Petru 3:8) Lokhu kungaqinisa okushoyo nendlela okusho ngayo.

Kodwa nakuba ungase wenze ngokusemandleni akho ukuze ukhuthaze umngane wakho, ngokuvamile isimo sidinga usizo okwengeziwe kunalolo osesimweni sokulunikeza. Khona-ke, gcizelela ukuba umngane wakho aveze ububi kubazali bakhe noma kwabanye abadala abanomthwalo wemfanelo. Kodwa ungenzani uma umngane wakho enqaba ukwenza kanjalo? Mtshele ukuthi uma engayilungisi indaba ngesikhathi esifanele, khona-ke njengomngane wakhe weqiniso, uyophoqeleleka ukuba umyele kothile.

Ukuba “Umngane Weqiniso”

IzAga 17:17 (NW) zisikhumbuza ukuthi “umngane weqiniso uthanda ngaso sonke isikhathi, futhi ungumfowenu omzalelwa lapho usekuhluphekeni.” Iqiniso, ekuqaleni umngane wakho angase angasiqondi isizathu sokuthatha kwakho isinyathelo esinjalo, futhi angase angasazisi. Angase ngisho aphatheke kabi futhi aqede ubungane benu. Kodwa ungakhathazeki. Nikeza umngane wakho isikhathi sokuhlela imizwelo yakhe nesokuqaphela ukuthi ngempela ubunesithakazelo enhlalakahleni yakhe ehlala njalo nokuhle.

Manje ake sibuyele endabeni kaLee nekaDebbie. ULee uthi: “Ngiyazi ukuthi ngenza okulungile ngokutshela othile. Unembeza wami waba ngcono kakhulu ngoba uChris wayethola usizo ayeludinga. Kamuva weza kimi futhi wangitshela ukuthi wayengangidinelwe ngalokho engangikwenzile futhi lokho kwangenza ngakhululeka.” Yiqiniso, akubona bonke abangane abayokujabulela lokho. Kukhumbula uDebbie: “Ngangazi nje ukuthi ngeke ngimyeke uKaren aphelele ejele ngenxa yerekhodi lobuhlongandlebe bobusha.” Ngokushesha abangane bakaKaren bayeka izinkulumo ezimbi. UDebbie uthi, “Ngathola abangane abasha. Ngaphumelela futhi ngafunda okuningi kukho konke lokho.”

Uma umngane wakho eqhubeka nokungazemukeli izenzo zakho zobuqhawe, ngokusobala wayengeyena umngane weqiniso kwasekuqaleni. Nokho phakathi kwamaKristu eqiniso kukhona abayozazisa izimiso zakho eziphakeme, abanye babo baze ngisho bafune ukuba abangane bakho. Ekugcineni, uyoba nokwaneliseka kokwazi ukuthi ubonise ukuthembeka kwakho kuNkulunkulu futhi wazibonakalisa ungumngane weqiniso.

[Amazwi acashunwe esihlokweni ekhasini 16]

Uma umngane wakho engazimisele ukuzitholela usizo, kungaba okudingekile ngawe ukumthathela isinyathelo

[Isithombe ekhasini 18]

Kumelwe wenzeni uma uzwa ukuthi umngane ungene enkingeni engathi sina?