Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kungani Konke Engikwenzayo Kungabi Kuhle Ngokwanele?

“Ngakuthola kunzima kakhulu ukuthokozisa ubaba lapho ngiqala ukumsebenzela. Ngangineminyaka engu-15 kuphela, futhi lomsebenzi wawuyinkimbinkimbi kakhulu; lapho ngenza iphutha, wayegxeka.”—URandy.

“Umama wayefana nomseshi wamaphoyisa—njalo efuna izici engangihluleka kuzo. Ngaphambi kokuba ngithole isikhathi sokuqeda imisebenzi yami evamile, wayewuhlola umsebenzi wami, efuna amaphutha.”—UCraig.

“Abazali bami babengisola njalo ngokuthile. Babethi ngangingakwazi nje ukuhleleka. Isikole, ikhaya, ibandla—babehlala bengithethisa njalo nje.”—UJames.

INGABE ngezinye izikhathi kubonakala sengathi akukho okwenzayo okuba kuhle ngokwanele ukuze kujabulise abazali bakho? Ingabe uke uzizwe sengathi isinyathelo sakho ngasinye singaphansi kwesibonakhulu, ukuthi ngaso sonke isikhathi ugadiwe, ugxekwa njalo, kodwa awukaze uphumelele kulokhu kuhlolwa? Uma kunjalo, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi uphila ngaphansi kwefu lokuzondwa abazali.

Isimo sakho asisona esingavamile. UDkt. Joyce L. Vedral uyaphawula: “Ngokwentsha eningi eyevé eshumini elinambili leminyaka, abazali bayabelesela. . . . Bakhalaza ngayo yonke into kusukela ekugcineni ikamelo lakho licocekile kuya ekuchitheni izibi, kusukela ekusebenziseni ikamelo lokugeza kuya endleleni ogqoka ngayo, kusukela ohlotsheni lwabangane olukhethayo kuya emamakini akho nomsebenzi wesikole.” Nakuba lokhu ngokuqondakalayo kungase kukucasule ngezinye izikhathi, akuyona ngempela into embi. Kumane kungokwemvelo ngabazali ukuba banikeze izingane zabo ukuyala nokuqondisa; kungenye indlela ababonisa ngayo uthando lwabo ngazo. Njengoba iBhayibheli likubeka, uyise uyoyiyala “indodana ayithandayo.”—IzAga 3:12.

Manje uma ungakaze uthole izwi lesiqondiso elivela kubazali bakho, ubungeke yini uzibuze ukuthi banakho ukukhathalela ngawe? (IzAga 13:24; qhathanisa namaHeberu 12:8.) Khona-ke, ungabonga ngokuthi unabazali abakukhathalela ngokwanele ukuba bakuqondise! Phela, usemusha futhi awunakho okuhlangenwe nakho uma kuqhathaniswa; ukuqondiswa kungase kufaneleke ngezinye izikhathi. Ngaphandle kwesiqondiso, unganqotshwa kalula “izinkanuko zobusha.”—2 Thimothewu 2:22.

Cabangela ezinye zezinkinga ezingabangelwa yilezo zinkanuko entsheni. Umlobi uClayton Barbeau uthi: “Yizwe eliyingozi entsheni eyeve eshumini elinambili leminyaka: ihora ngalinye, umuntu osemusha uyafa engozini yemoto ehlobene nophuzo oludakayo; intsha elinganiselwa ezinkulungwaneni eziyishumi nambili iyazibulala unyaka ngamunye; kukhulelwa amantombazane ayisigidi ngonyaka; izingane eziyizigidi ezintathu namuhla ziyimilutha yotshwala; izifo ezithathelwana ngobulili zisakazeke kabanzi.” (How to Raise Parents) Akumangalisi ukuthi abazali bakho bangase bazimisele ukukunikeza isiqondiso ngaso sonke isikhathi! Njengoba iBhayibheli lisho, ‘umuntu ohlakaniphileyo uyakuzwa, aqhubeke ekufundeni . . . Iziwula ziyadelela ukuhlakanipha nokulaywa.’—IzAga 1:5, 7; qhathanisa nezAga 10:17.

Isizathu Esenza Kube Buhlungu

Nokho, “ukulaya konke okwamanje kungathi akusikho okwentokozo, kepha kungokosizi.” (Heberu 12:11) Lokhu kunjalo ikakhulukazi lapho usemusha. Phela, ubuntu bakho abukathuthuki ngokugcwele; usakhula futhi usafunda uhlobo lomuntu oyilo. Ngakho ukugxeka—ngisho nalapho kucatshangelwe ngokucophelela futhi kwethulwa ngendlela enomusa—kungase kubangele ukucasuka. Incwadi ethi How to Survive Your Adolescent’s Adolescence iphetha ngokuthi intsha “isheshe ithinteke lapho igxekwa.” Njengoba omunye osemusha esho, “ukugxeka kuyangilimaza.”

Kodwa lapho kuvela kubazali bakho, inxeba lingaba elijule kakhulu. Encwadini yakhe ethi Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress, uDkt. Bettie Youngs usikhumbuza ukuthi umuntu osemusha ‘wakha umbono ngokubaluleka kwakhe njengomuntu ngokuvunyelwa noma ukungavunyelwa abanye.’ Nokho, abazali bayisici esibalulekile ekusizeni osemusha ukuba akhe lombono ngaye. Ngakho lapho umzali ekuqondisa noma ekhononda ngendlela owenza ngayo okuthile, kungase kukhungathekise, kube buhlungu.

Ngisho noma kunjalo, ingabe kufanele uphethe ngokuthi akukho okwenzayo okuke kulunge ngokwanele? Noma ukuthi uyisehluleki ngokuphelele ngenxa nje yokuthi abazali bakho baye baveza ukushiyeka kwakho okumbalwa? Ngempela, bonke abantu bantula ukuphelela ngokudabukisayo. (Roma 3:23) Futhi ukwenza amaphutha kuyingxenye yenqubo yokufunda. (Qhathanisa noJobe 6:24.) Inkinga iwukuthi, abazali bakho bangase bangasho lutho lapho wenza okuthile okulungile—futhi bangase babange umsindo lapho uphambuka! Lokhu kubuhlungu, kodwa akusho neze ukuthi uyisehluleki ngokuphelele. Funda ukwamukela ukugxeka okunengqondo ngobumnene, ungakwedeleli noma uthenwe amandla yikho.—Qhathanisa namaHeberu 12:5.

Ukugxeka Okungafanele

Kuthiwani uma ukugxeka kungafanele? Abanye abazali babekela izingane zabo izindinganiso eziphakeme ngokungenangqondo. Bangase bacasule izingane zabo ngokuzibelesela njalo ngezinto ezingabalulekile. Abazali abanezizathu ezingezwakali zokukhononda bangase bagxeke ngendlela enokhahlo nehlazisayo. UDkt. Bettie Youngs naye uthi “ukwetha amagama acasulayo, ukuthetha, ukubhuqa, ukuhlazisa, ukusola, nokusongela” kwabazali “kuyizindlela ezibhubhisayo zokuxhumana, . . . ezilulaza ukuzethemba kwengane nomuzwa wokubaluleka.”

Lapho indoda elungileyo uJobe ihlaselwa ngethala lokugxeka okungafanele, yakhononda: “Koze kube-nini nihlupha umphefumulo wami, ningiphohloze ngamazwi, na?” (Jobe 19:2) Ngendlela efanayo, ukwenyeliswa umzali njalo noma ukulinganiswa ngezindinganiso eziphakeme ngokungenangqondo kungamcasula osemusha, kumbangele ‘ukuba adangale.’ (Kolose 3:21) Incwadi ethi Coping With Teenage Depression, elotshwe uKathleen McCoy, ibika ngisho nokuthi “ukwehluleka ukuphila ngokuvumelana nezindinganiso eziphakeme zalokho okulindelwe abazali kungabangela ukulahlekelwa ukuzethemba okuphawulekayo futhi kubangele ukucindezeleka okungokomzwelo entsheni.”

Ngempela, ukugxeka okunjalo okungenampilo ngokuvamile kubangela inzondo engapheli: Abazali bakho bayakugxeka. Usabela ngokuzizwa kabi ngawe. Ngenxa yokuzizwa kabi ngawe, ubonakala ungenzi kahle lapho abazali bakho bekucela ukuba wenze okuthile. Uba yini umphumela? Ukugxekwa okwengeziwe!

Imbangela Yokugxekwa

Ungawuqeda kanjani lomjikelezo obhubhisayo? Okokuqala, zama ukuqonda isizathu esenza abazali bakho bazizwe ngendlela abazizwa ngayo. Ingabe ukubelesela noma ukugxeka kwabo kunenzondo ngempela? Cishe akunjalo. UDkt. Joyce L. Vedral uyabuza: “Kungani bebelesela? Bayabelesela ngoba akekho olalele, noma okungenani akekho ovuma ukuthi ulalele. Lapho bezizwa benganakiwe ngokwengeziwe, kuyilapho bekhathaza khona ngokwengeziwe.” Khona-ke, ingabe ngempela unikeza abazali bakho ubufakazi bokuthi uyasabela ekukhonondeni kwabo? Noma ingabe awufuni ukulalela amazwi abo? Uma kunjalo, ungamangali uma ukugxeka kuvama njalo—futhi kuba kukhulu! Nokho, bekungaphela yini ukuba ubusebenzise amazwi ezAga 19:20? Lelovesi lifundeka kanje: “Yizwa isiluleko, wamukele ukulaywa, ukuze uhlakaniphe ekugcineni.”

Ngezinye izikhathi umzali ugxeka ngokweqile, hhayi ngenxa yokwehluleka kwakho okuthile, kodwa ngenxa nje yokuthi kuyenzeka azithole esesimweni esingesihle. Ingabe umama wakho ube nosuku olunzima emsebenzini? Khona-ke angase athambekele ngokwengeziwe kunangendlela evamile ekukukhulumiseni kabi ngenxa yokuthi ikamelo lakho libonakala lingacocekile. Ingabe ubaba wakho uthukuthele futhi ukhungathekile ngenxa yezimo ezingezinhle zezimali zomkhaya? Khona-ke, angase ngokungenhloso akhulume ngokunganaki ‘njengokuhlaba kwenkemba.’ (IzAga 12:18) Kuyavunywa, lokhu akufanele. Kodwa “sonke siyakhubeka ngokuningi; uma umuntu engakhubeki ngazwi, lowo uyindoda epheleleyo.” (Jakobe 3:2) Ngakho uma uMama noma uBaba ebonakala exinekile noma edumele, into okuwukuhlakanipha ukuyenza ukuzama ukuba uziphathe ngokucophelela futhi ugweme ukubangela noma yikuphi ukugxekwa.

Njengabantu abangaphelele, abazali bangakhathazwa futhi imizwa yokunganeliseki. Ukwehluleka kwakho kungabenza bazizwe sengathi bona bahlulekile! UDkt. Vedral uyachaza: “Ungase ulethe ekhaya umbiko wesikole ongemuhle, futhi ubaba wakho angase athi, ‘Yini, ingabe uyisithutha? Ngizele indodana eyisiphukuphuku.’ Ubaba wakho akacabangi ngempela ukuthi uyisithutha. Akushoyo ngempela ukuthi, ‘Nginovalo lokuthi angiwenzi umsebenzi wami wokukukhuthaza ukuba utadishe.’”

Ukwesaba okunjalo kungashukumisela abazali bakho ukuba babeke izindinganiso eziphakeme ngokungenangqondo. Omunye osemusha okuthiwa uJason wakhononda: “Akukho engike ngakwenza okwake kwanelisa. Uma ngicoca amaqabunga ngehhala, uBaba ufuna ukwazi ukuthi kungani ngingazange ngihlanze igalaji ngemva kwalokho. Uma kwale kancane nje ukuba ngithole amamaki aphakeme kakhulu esikoleni, abazali bami bafuna ukwazi isizathu esenza kungabi amamaki aphakeme kakhulu futhi bangitshele ukuthi ngiyisehluleki.” Kodwa umeluleki wesikole waxoxa nabazali bakaJason futhi wathola lokhu: “Amathemba abo aphakeme ngokweqile ngendodana yabo aveza imizwa yabo siqu yokunganeliseki nokudumala kwabo ngemisebenzi abayikhetha bona siqu nesimo esingokwezimali.”—Coping With Teenage Depression.

Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi siyini isimo sakho ekhaya, mhlawumbe ungasiqonda kangcono isizathu esenza ukuba ngezinye izikhathi abazali bakho siqu bathambekele ekugxekeni. Kodwa yiziphi ezinye izindlela zokubhekana ngokuphumelelayo nokugxeka kwabazali? Ingabe zikhona izindlela zokuzuza ekugxekeni kwabo? Lemibuzo kuyoxoxwa ngayo esihlokweni esilandelayo.

[Isithombe ekhasini 26]

Lapho umzali ekhononda ngendlela owenza ngayo okuthile, kungase kukhungathekise