Intsha Iyabuza . . .
Kungani Ngingakwazi Ukuhlala Nginabangane?
“Mina nomngane wami sasihlanganyela izinto eziningi nemisebenzi ethakazelisayo; sasikujabulela ukuchitha isikhathi ndawonye. Kodwa ngokungazelele ubungane bethu bancipha. Lokho kwangenza ngazizwa ngicindezeleke kakhulu.”—UMaria.
EKUGCINENI sewumtholile umngane, othile okuqondayo futhi ongakwahluleli. Khona-ke, ngokungazelele, ubungane benu buqala ukuncipha. Uzama ukubuhlenga, kodwa kuba nhlanga zimuka nomoya.
Umngane othembekile uyigugu. (IzAga 18:24) Futhi ukulahlekelwa nguye kungaba okuhlangenwe nakho okubuhlungu. IBhayibheli lisitshela ukuthi lapho uJobe elahlwe abangane bakhe, wakhala: “Izihlobo zami zingishiyile, nengazana nabo bangikhohliwe.” (Jobe 19:14) Ungase uzizwe ngendlela efanayo uma uye waphelelwa ubungane muva nje. Njengoba uPatrick osemusha akubeka, “uzizwa sengathi ufelwe othile omthandayo.” Kodwa kuthiwani uma cishe bonke ubungane owake waba nabo buye baphelela emoyeni?
Ubungane Obubuthakathaka
Incwadi ka-Eastwood Atwater ethi Adolescence iphawula ukuthi ubungane bentsha “buvame ukuguquguquka, ngokuba nezinguquko ezingalindelekile, eziphawulekayo nemizwa ebuhlungu lapho abangane behlukana.” Yini eyenza ubungane bentsha bube buthakathaka kangaka? Esinye isizathu siwukuthi njengoba ukhula, imizwa yakho, imibono, imigomo, nezithakazelo zakho ziqala ukushintsha. (Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Korinte 13:11.) Ungase uzithole uphambili—noma usalele emuva—kontanga ezicini ezithile.
Ngakho lapho abangane bekhula, ngezinye izikhathi ubuhlobo buyancipha—hhayi ngoba becasukelana, kodwa ngoba baba nemigomo, izithakazelo, nezindinganiso ezingafani. Kungase kube ngcono ngisho nokuba ubuhlobo buphele. Njengoba ukhula futhi uqala ukuthatha izinto ezingokomoya ngokungathi sína, ungase uqaphele ukuthi abanye babangane bakho bangaphambili babengelona ithonya elihle. (1 Korinte 15:33) Uyabakhathalela, kodwa awusakujabuleli ukuba nabo njengoba wake wakujabulela.
Izinto Ezonakalisa Ubungane
Nokho, kuthiwani uma uhlala ulahlekelwa abangane—ubuhlobo ongathanda ukuhlala unabo? Eqinisweni, kungasho ukuthi unamaphutha obuntu okudingeka uwanqobe. Ngokwesibonelo, umona wonakalisa ubungane. Ake ucabange unomngane onothile, onesiphiwo, okhangayo, noma othandwa kakhulu kunawe. Ingabe uyacasuka ngenxa yokunakwa okwengeziwe angase akuthole? “Umhawu ungukubola kwamathambo.” (IzAga 14:30) “Ngangiyifela umona ngempela indlela umngane wami ayethandwa ngayo nazo zonke izinto ayenazo engangingenazo,” kuvuma uKeenon osemusha, “futhi kwabuthinta ubungane bethu.”
Ukugodla umngane wakho kungaba esinye isici esibhubhisayo. Kuthiwani uma uthola ukuthi umngane wakho uchitha isikhathi esiningi nabanye futhi uchitha isikhathi esincane kakhulu nawe? Othile osemusha wavuma: “Ngangiba nomona ngisho nalapho abanye bekhuluma nabanye babangane bami.” Ungase ubheke ubudlelwane bomngane wakho nabanye njengesenzo sokukukhaphela.
Ukulindela ukuphelela nakho kungabubulala ubungane. Ngokwesibonelo, uthola ukuthi umngane wakho uye wakuhleba, mhlawumbe edalula ngisho nezindaba eziyimfihlo. (IzAga 20:19) Ngentukuthelo uthi: “Angisoze ngiphinde ngimethembe!”
Ubungane—Ukwamukela Noma Ukupha?
Uma umona, ukugodla umngane wakho, noma ukulindela ukuphelela kuye konakalisa ubungane benu, zibuze, ‘Yini engiyifunayo ebunganeni?’ Ingabe ucabanga ukuthi ubungane busho ukuba nomuntu ohlala enza intando yakho, inceku eyenza noma yini oyifunayo? Ingabe ufuna ukuba nabangane ngenxa yodumo, ukuthandwa, noma inzuzo? Ingabe ulindele ukuzinikela okukhethekile kumngane wakho, ungabanikezi abanye ithuba kulobu buhlobo? Khona-ke kudingeka ulungise umbono wakho ngobungane.
Izimfundiso zeBhayibheli zisifundisa ukuthi ubuhlobo obuhle nabanye abuveli ngokwamukela, kodwa ngokupha! KuMathewu 7:12, uJesu Kristu ngokwakhe wathi: “Ngakho-ke, zonke izinto enifuna abantu bazenze kini, nani kumelwe nizenze ngokufanayo kubo.” Kumane kungokwemvelo ukulindela izinto ezithile kubangane. Incwadi ethi Understanding Relationships iyavuma: “Ngokuvamile silindele ukuba umngane abe umuntu othembekile nokhululekile, obonisa uthando, ositshela izimfihlo nezinkinga zakhe, osinikeza usizo lapho siludinga, osithembayo futhi . . . okulungele ukuxazulula ukungezwani.” Nokho, lokho akukhona ukuphela kwendaba. Lencwadi iyanezela: “Lezi izinto abantu abalindele ukuba umngane abenzele zona futhi nabo abalindele ukumenzela zona.”—Omalukeke sizenzele.
Phawula indlela uJesu ngokwakhe aphatha ngayo ababesondelene naye. Wathi kubafundi bakhe: “Angisanibizi ngokuthi niyizigqila, ngoba isigqila asikwazi lokho inkosi yaso ekwenzayo. Kodwa nginibize ngokuthi ningabangane.” Kodwa ingabe ubungane bukaJesu nabafundi bakhe babusekelwe kulokho ababengamenzela khona? Akunjalo. Wathi: “Akekho onothando olukhulu kunalolu, ukuba umuntu anikele umphefumulo wakhe ngenxa yabangane bakhe.” (Johane 15:13, 15) Yebo, isisekelo sangempela sobungane siwuthando lokuzidela! Lapho uthando luyisisekelo, ubuhlobo bungamelana nezimpikiswano nezinkinga.
Lapho Kuphakama Izinkinga
Ngokwesibonelo, ake ucabange umngane wakho enemali eningi, ehlakaniphile, noma enekhono kunawe. Uthando olungenabugovu lukusiza ukuba ujabule kanye nomngane wakho. Phela, “uthando alunamhawu,” kusho iBhayibheli.—1 Korinte 13:4.
Noma mhlawumbe umngane wakho usho noma wenza okuthile okukuphatha kabi. Ingabe kusho ukuthi ubungane benu buphelile? Akunjalo. Umphostoli uPawulu wadumala kakhulu lapho umngane wakhe uMarku emshiya ohambweni lobuthunywa bevangeli. Wadumala kangangokuba wenqaba ukuvumela uMarku amphelezele ohambweni lwakhe olulandelayo! UPawulu waze wathethisana nomzala kaMarku, uBarnaba, ngalendaba. Nokho, eminyakeni eminingi kamuva, uPawulu wakhuluma kahle ngoMarku, embizela ngisho naseRoma ukuba azomkhonza. Ngokusobala babekuxazululile ukungezwani kwabo.—IzEnzo 15:37-39; 2 Thimothewu 4:11.
Kungani ungazami ukwenza okufanayo lapho kuphakama izinkinga ebunganeni bakho? Ungavumeli indaba idlondlobale. (Efesu 4:26) Ngaphambi kokwenza iziphetho ngokuphamazela noma ukubeka icala ngentukuthelo, thola uvo lomngane wakho. (IzAga 18:13; 25:8, 9) Mhlawumbe kuye kwaba khona ukungaboni ngaso linye. Kodwa kuthiwani lapho umngane wakho eye wahluleka ukusebenzisa ukwahlulela okuhle? Khumbula ukuthi umngane wakho unamaphutha. (IHubo 51:5; 1 Johane 1:10) Futhi sonke sikhuluma futhi senze izinto esizisolayo ngazo kamuva.—Qhathanisa nomShumayeli 7:21, 22.
Noma kunjalo, ungayisho ngokuqondile indlela izenzo zomngane wakho ezikulimaze ngayo. Lokho kungase kushukumise umngane wakho ukuba axolise ngobuqotho. Njengoba uthando ‘lungagcini umbhalo wokulinyazwa,’ mhlawumbe ungasidlulisa lesi senzakalo. (1 Korinte 13:5) Lapho ebheka emuva ebunganeni obaphela, uKeenon osemusha uyalandisa: “Ukuba benginalo ithuba lokuphinde ngibuvuselele, bengingeke ngilindele ukuphelela ebunganeni bethu. Bengiyomlalelisisa futhi ngimsekele futhi ngingakhulisi amaphutha akhe. Manje sengiyaqonda ukuthi okwenza ubungane buphumelele ukubhekana nezinkinga nezinselele.”
Kodwa kuthiwani uma umngane wakho engachithi isikhathi esiningi nawe njengakuqala noma ngendlela obungathanda ngayo? Kungenzeka yini ukuthi ugodla isikhathi somngane wakho nokunaka kwakhe? Lokhu kunganciphisa ubuhlobo. Abantu abanobuhlobo obuhle banikezana ithuba lokwenza abakuthandayo. (Qhathanisa nezAga 25:17.) Banikeza abangane babo isikhathi sokuba bajabulele ukuba nabanye abantu! Phela, iBhayibheli likhuthaza amaKristu ukuba ‘anuleke’ ebunganeni bawo. (2 Korinte 6:13) Ngakho lapho umngane wakho enza lokhu, asikho isidingo sokuba umbheke njengongathembekile.
Eqinisweni, akuwona umbono omuhle ukuthembela ngokweqile kumuntu oyedwa. (IHubo 146:3) Kuwukuhlakanipha ukuba nabanye abangane abangaphandle kweqembu lontanga yakho, njengabazali bakho, abadala, nabanye abantu abadala abakhathalelayo, abanokwethenjelwa. U-Ana ngenjabulo uyalandisa: “Umama ungumngane wami omkhulu. Ngingakhuluma naye nganoma yini.”
Ubungane Obuhlala Njalo Bungajatshulelwa!
Kweyoku-1 Petru 3:8, iBhayibheli lithi: “Ekugcineni, nonke yibani nomqondo ofanayo, nibonisa ukuzwelana, ninokusondelana kobuzalwane, ninobubele besisa, nithobekile engqondweni.” Yebo, bonisa umusa, ububele, ubuqotho ngokuziphatha, nokubakhathalela ngobuqotho abanye, futhi uyohlala ukhanga abangane! Kuyavunywa, ubungane obuhlala njalo budinga umzamo nokuzimisela. Kodwa imivuzo yenza buwufanele umzamo.
Ngokuthakazelisayo, iBhayibheli likhuluma ngoDavide noJonathani. Babejabulela ubungane obuhle kakhulu. (1 Samuweli 18:1) Bakwazi ukunqoba umona namaphutha obuntu. Lokhu kwenzeka ngoba bobabili uDavide noJonathani babebeke kuqala ubungane noJehova uNkulunkulu nokwethembeka kuye ngaphezu kwakho konke okunye. Yenza okufanayo, futhi ngeke ube nenkinga yokuhlala unabangane abesaba uNkulunkulu!
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Ngokuvamile ubungane buyaphela lapho omunye enomuzwa wokuthi kuwukungathembeki ukuba nabanye abangane