Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingazenza Kanjani Ngithandeke Ngokwengeziwe?

“Kwakungelula futhi ngangingakhululeki ukuxoxa namantombazane. Ngangingazi ukuthi acabangani, azizwa kanjani, noma azibheka kanjani izinto.”—UTyler.

YIZIPHI izimfanelo amantombazane azithanda kakhulu kubafana? “Ukuzethemba,” kusho u-Emily osemusha. URobyn, naye osemusha, uthi yena uthanda kakhulu umuntu ohlekisayo. Abafana bona yini abayithanda kakhulu emantombazaneni? Akumangalisi ukuthi enye inhlolo-vo yabonisa ukuthi ubuhle buphuma phambili. Ukuthanda izinto ezifanayo nokuba nezimiso ezifanayo kwaba ngokwesithupha.

Izihloko nenhlolo-vo ephathelene nobuhlobo babafana namantombazane kuvela njalo komagazini bentsha. Kusobala ukuthi intsha eningi icabanga kakhulu—noma mhlawumbe ikhathazeke nokukhathazeka—ngokuthi abobulili obuhlukile bayibheka kanjani. Mhlawumbe nawe uyakhathazeka ngalokho ngezinye izikhathi. Hhayi ngoba usulungele ukushada noma nini. Ukuthi nje akekho umuntu ofuna ukungathandeki noma ukungafunwa! UTyler uthi: “Uma usemusha, ufuna ukuthandwa yibo bonke abantu. Ufuna ukwamukeleka kontanga yakho, abafana namantombazane.” Futhi ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi ngelinye ilanga uyofuna ukushada nomuntu okahle. Ufuna ukuthi uma sifika leso sikhathi, akuthande lowo muntu.

Kodwa, njengoba ungumKristu osemusha, kungenzeka awujwayelene kangako nabobulili obuhlukile. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kungenzeka ukuthi ontanga yakho bakufundekela ngokuthi uzenze ube muhle. Lapho ubona abakhangisi abaphambili nabadlali basesiteji abayizikhondlakhondla ku-TV nakomagazini, kuyaqondakala ukuthi ungase uzinyeze. Pho ungenzenjani ukuze ube nogazi kwabanye —kuhlanganise nabobulili obuhlukile—ngendlela emsulwa nefanele?

Ubuwula Bokufuna Ukuba Nomzimba Ongenasici

Udokotela wokusebenza kwengqondo nokuziphatha kwabantu uWilliam S. Pollack uthi ngenxa yethonya labezokuzijabulisa, intsha eningi “ichitha isikhathi esiningi izincisha ukudla, iqukula izinsimbi, futhi izivocavoca izama ukunciphisa imizimba yayo nokushintsha ukuma kwayo.” Abanye baze bazifake engozini, njengokuzibulala ngendlala, ukuze babe naleyo mizimba engenasici. Nokho, iSocial Issues Research Centre ithi: “Ubuhle obuvezwa ezintweni ezinjengomagazini obubonisa lokho abantu besifazane okufanele babe yikho bufinyelelwa abangamaphesenti angaphansi kwayisihlanu—kodwa nalapho kusuke kuyisisindo nobukhulu kuphela. Cishe bayiphesenti elilodwa abafinyelela ukuma komzimba, ubuso nokunye okuvezwa ezintweni ezinjengomagazini.”

Ngakho siwusizo iseluleko seBhayibheli esikweyabaseRoma 12:2: “Ningalivumeli izwe elinizungezile linifake ngenkani efolomeni lalo.” (Phillips) Kodwa lokhu akusho ukuthi kufanele ungazinaki. Kuwukuhlakanipha ukunakekela umzimba wakho ngokuzivivinya ngokusesilinganisweni nangokudla ukudla okunempilo. (Roma 12:1; 1 Thimothewu 4:8) Ukuphumula nokulala ngokwanele nako kungakusiza ukuba ubukeke kahle futhi uzizwe uphilile. Naka nenhlanzeko nendlela ozilungisa ngayo. Umfana waseBrithani okuthiwa uDavid uthi: “Kunentombazane enhle impela, kodwa iyanuka. Abantu bayayibalekela ngenxa yalokho.” Ngakho geza njalo. Izandla, izinwele nezinzipho ezihlanzekile zingakwenza ubukeke kangcono.

Nakuba iBhayibheli lingakukhuthazi ukukhathalela ngokweqile izinto ozigqokayo, liyaweluleka amaKristu ukuba “azihlobise ngezingubo ezilungiswe kahle, ngesizotha nangokuhluzeka kwengqondo.” (1 Thimothewu 2:9) Gqoka izingubo ezikwenza ubukeke kahle kodwa ezingakudonseli amehlo abantu noma zingabi nasizotha.a Ukunaka indlela obukeka ngayo ngokusesilinganisweni kungakukhulisa ukuzethemba kwakho. Umfana okuthiwa uPaul ukubeka kanje: “Ungase ungabi muhle kangako, kodwa ungazenza ube muhle ngalokho onakho.”

Izimfanelo Zangaphakathi

Nakuba ubuso obuhle nokuma kahle kungase kukwenze uthandeke, ekugcineni “ubuhle buyigwebu.” (IzAga 31:30, Byington) Ubuhle buvame ukuba obesikhashana, futhi abuyithathi neze indawo yezimfanelo ezinhle zomuntu. (IzAga 11:22) Khumbula nokuthi “umuntu ubheka okusemehlweni, kepha uJehova ubheka okusenhliziyweni.” (1 Samuweli 16:7) Ngakho esikhundleni sokunakana nokhalo lwakho noma ukufuna ukuba usozinyama, lwela ukuzihlobisa ‘ngomuntu osithekile wenhliziyo ogqoke isambatho esingenakonakala somoya othule nomnene, ongowenani elikhulu emehlweni kaNkulunkulu.’ (1 Petru 3:3, 4; Efesu 4:24) Kuyiqiniso ukuthi intsha eningi ezweni lanamuhla ingase ingabi nandaba nezimfanelo ezinhle zobuntu—ingasaphathwa eyezimfanelo ezingokomoya.b Kodwa leyo enezimiso zokwesaba uNkulunkulu iyazazisa futhi iyazithanda lezo zimfanelo!

Ngakho, indlela engcono kakhulu yokuthandeka kwabesilisa nakwabesifazane abangamaKristu abazisa izinto ezingokomoya iwukuba nawe uzazise izinto ezingokomoya. Yakha ingokomoya lakho ngomthandazo, ngokutadisha iBhayibheli nangokuba khona emihlanganweni yobuKristu. (IHubo 1:1-3) Ngaphandle kwalokho, akhona namanye amakhono nezinye izimfanelo eziwusizo ongazihlakulela. Akudingeki uze uphole nothile noma uthandane naye ukuze uhlakulele lezi zimfanelo. Ungazihlakulela nje lapho usebenzelana nabanye nsuku zonke.

Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe awukhululeki futhi uba namahloni lapho unabobulili obuhlukile? Umfana okuthiwa uPaul uyavuma: “Ngezinye izikhathi angikhululeki—ngoba kusuke kungamantombazane, kanti angiwaqondi ngendlela engiqonda ngayo abafana. Futhi angifuni ukuzenza inhlekisa.” Ungakwakha kanjani ukuzethemba nesibindi esiyokwenza abanye bakhululeke? Enye indlela iwukuzihlanganisa nabantu abahlukahlukene abasebandleni lobuKristu. Emihlanganweni xoxa nabanye—hhayi nje kuphela intsha engangawe yobulili obuhlukile, kodwa nezingane, abantu abadala, nasebegugile. (Filipi 2:4) Ukufunda ukuphathana kahle nabantu abahlukahlukene kangaka kuyokusiza ukuba wakhe ukuzethemba.

Nokho, qaphela. UJesu wathi: “Kumelwe uthande umakhelwane wakho njengoba uzithanda wena.” (Mathewu 19:19) Uma uzethemba, ngeke ube nexhala futhi uyokhululeka uma unabanye.c Kodwa nakuba kudingeka ukuba uzethembe ngezinga elithile, ungeqisi. “Ngitshela wonke umuntu lapho phakathi kwenu,” kusho umphostoli uPawulu, “ukuba angazicabangeli ngaphezu kwalokho okudingeke ukuba akucabange.”—Roma 12:3.

Hlolisisa nemikhuba yakho yenhlonipho nendlela ophatha ngayo abanye. Intombazane yaseBrithani okuthiwa uLydia iyaphawula: “Kunomfana othandwa amantombazane amaningi esikoleni. Kodwa lapho esemazi awabe esamthanda ngoba uluhlaza futhi akakwazi ukukhuluma.” Abantu bayamthanda umuntu onomusa, okwaziyo ukukhuluma nobacabangelayo abanye. (Efesu 4:29, 32; 5:3, 4) “Imikhuba emihle yenhlonipho injengemvume, ikunikeza inkululeko yokuxhumana nabantu,” kuphawula uDkt. T. Berry Brazelton. Imikhuba emihle yenhlonipho “ibalulekile ukuze wamukeleke kwabanye.”

Amasiko nemithetho yokuziphatha iyahlukahluka emhlabeni. Ngakho ungase ubheke ukuthi abesilisa nabesifazane abangamaKristu avuthiwe baphathana kanjani. Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe ezweni lakini kuyisiko ukuba owesilisa avulele owesifazane umnyango? Uma kunjalo ukufunda ukwenza lokhu kuyokwenza ube nedumela lokuba umuntu onomusa nonemikhuba emihle yenhlonipho.

Okokugcina, ungase ukuthole kuwusizo ukukwazi ukuhleka izinto ngokulinganisela. IBhayibheli lithi kukhona ‘isikhathi sokuhleka,’ futhi umuntu okwazi ukuhleka uvame ukubathola kalula abangane.—UmShumayeli 3:1, 4.

Ukuba Nobungane Akufani Nokudlala Ngothando

Enye incwadi ethi “iyisiqondiso sokuphola ngokuphumelelayo” yeluleka ngokuthi imfihlo yokukhanga abantu bobulili obuhlukile ukwenza sengathi uyabathanda. Abafundi batshelwa ukuba baprakthize ukumomotheka, ukubuka umuntu nokwenza ‘izethulo’ zabo zibe mnandi. Iseluleko esinjalo siphambene neseluleko sikaPawulu kuThimothewu sokuba aphathe abobulili obuhlukile “ngabo bonke ubumsulwa.”—1 Thimothewu 5:2.

Nakuba ukudlala ngothando kungakwenza uzibone ungcono, kubonisa ukuthi awuqotho futhi awuthembekile. Akudingeki udlale ngothando noma uchobozele ukuze uxoxe kamnandi nomuntu. Futhi akudingeki ubuze imibuzo ebangela amahloni noma engafanelekile ukuze uthole ukuthi abobulili obuhlukile bazizwa kanjani futhi bacabangani. Xoxa ngezinto ‘ezilungileyo, ezimsulwa nezithandekayo,’ ngokwenza kanjalo uyobe ubonisa ukuthi ukhulela ekubeni owesilisa noma owesifazane ovuthiwe nozazisayo izinto ezingokomoya. (Filipi 4:8) Ukulalela kwakho izimiso zikaNkulunkulu ngeke kukwenze uthandeke kwabobulili obuhlukile nje kuphela kodwa nakuNkulunkulu uqobo.d—IzAga 1:7-9.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Izithombe ekhasini 31]

Esikhundleni sokunaka kakhulu indlela obukeka ngayo, lwela ukuhlakulela izimfanelo ezingokomoya

[Isithombe ekhasini 31]

Funda ukukhululeka lapho unabantu abahlukahlukene