Ukukhulisa Izingane Ezweni Eliyekelelayo
WAKE wayibuka ingane inxusa umzali ukuba ayithengele ithoyizi angafuni ukulithenga? Noma ingane efuna ukuphuma iyodlala kodwa umzali ebe ethi, “Hlala phansi”? Ungabona ukuthi ezimweni ezinjengalezi, umzali ufuna ukwenza okuzuzisa ingane. Kodwa ngokuvamile umzali ugcina evumile. Lapho ebeleselwa, umzali ushintsha isinqumo esingucha sibe nguyebo.
Kubonakala sengathi abazali abaningi bakholelwa ukuthi ukuba umzali omuhle kusho ukuvumela lokho izingane ezikufunayo ezintweni eziningi. Ngokwesibonelo, e-United States, kwenziwa inhlolo-vo yezingane ezingu-750 ezineminyaka engu-12 kuya kwengu-17. Lapho zibuzwa ukuthi zisabela kanjani lapho abazali bethi cha, cishe ezingamaphesenti angu-60 zathi ziyaqhubeka zicela. Ezingaba amaphesenti angu-55 zathola ukuthi ngokuvamile leli cebo liyaphumelela. Abazali bazo bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi ukuyekelela ngaleyo ndlela kuwukubonisa uthando, kodwa ingabe kunjalo ngempela?
Cabangela lesi saga esihlakaniphile sasendulo: “Uma umuntu etotosa inceku yakhe kusukela ebusheni kuqhubeke, ekuphileni kwayo kwakamuva iyoba ngengabongiyo.” (IzAga 29:21) Kuyiqiniso ukuthi ingane ayiyona inceku. Kodwa ubungeke uvume ukuthi lesi simiso siyasebenza ekukhuliseni izingane? Ukutotosa izingane, ukuzinika konke ezikufunayo, kungazenza zikhule “zingabongi”—zibe abantu abadala abazicabangela bona bodwa, abanenkani nabangenakwazisa.
Ngokuphambene nalokho, iBhayibheli leluleka abazali: “Qeqesha umntwana ngokwendlela emfanele.” (IzAga 22:6) Abazali abahlakaniphile bayasilandela lesi siqondiso, babeke imithetho ecacile, engashintshashintshi futhi enokucabangela. Abaphambanisi uthando nokuyekelela; futhi abazivuzi izingane zabo ngenxa yokubelesela noma ukuqudula. Kunalokho, bavumelana namazwi kaJesu ahlakaniphile: “Izwi lenu elingu-Yebo malisho uYebo, u-Cha wenu, asho uCha; ngoba okungalé kwalokhu kuvela komubi.” (Mathewu 5:37) Kodwa yini ehilelekile ekuqeqesheni izingane? Cabangela lo mfanekiso onamandla.
“Njengemicibisholo Esandleni”
IBhayibheli lifanekisa ubuhlobo bomzali nengane ngendlela egcizelela ukuthi ingane iyasidinga isiqondiso somzali. IHubo 127:4, 5 lithi: “Njengemicibisholo esandleni sendoda enamandla, banjalo abantwana bobusha. Iyajabula indoda enamandla egcwalise umgodla wayo ngabo.” Ngakho izingane zifaniswa nemicibisholo, futhi umzali ufaniswa neqhawe elinamandla. Njengoba nje umcibisheli azi ukuthi imicibisholo yakhe ngeke ilunembe uphawu ngokuzenzekelayo, abazali abanothando bayaqaphela ukuthi ukukhulisa izingane akuwona umsebenzi ozenzekelayo. Bafuna ukuba izingane zabo zishaye “uphawu”—ukuphila okwanelisayo njengabantu abadala abajabulayo nabanokwethenjelwa. Bafuna ukuba izingane zabo zikhethe kahle, zihlakaniphe futhi zigweme izinkinga ezingadingekile, futhi zifinyelele imigomo encomekayo. Kodwa ukufuna lezo zinto akwanele.
Ukuze umcibisholo unembe uphawu, kudingekani? Kumelwe ulungiswe kahle, uvikelwe futhi ucibishelwe ngamandla ukuze unembe uphawu. Ngokufanayo, izingane kudingeka zilungiselelwe, zivikelwe futhi ziqondiswe njengoba zikhula ukuze ziphumelele. Ake sicabangele ngasinye salezi zici ezintathu zokukhulisa izingane.
Ukulungisa Umcibisholo Ngokucophelela
Imicibisholo eyayisetshenziswa abacibisheli ezikhathini zeBhayibheli yayilungiswa ngokucophelela. Uthi lwayo, cishe olwalwenziwa ngokhuni olulula, kwakufanele lulolongwe ngesandla futhi luqondiswe ngokuphelele. Kwakufanele ukudla kwalolu thi kucije. Ngakolunye uhlangothi lwalo, kwakuboshelwa izimpaphe ukuze umcibisholo uhambe uqonde lapho ucitshwa.
Abazali bafuna ukuba izingane zabo ziqonde njengaleyo micibisholo—zibe qotho, zingaphambuki. Ngakho-ke, uma behlakaniphile, abawashalazeli amaphutha angathí sina kodwa bazisiza ngothando izingane zabo ukuba zisebenzele ukuwalungisa. Uyoba mkhulu umsebenzi wokwenza lokho kunoma iyiphi ingane, ngoba “ubuwula buboshelwe enhliziyweni yomnntwana.” (IzAga 22:15) Ngakho iBhayibheli liyala abazali ukuba bayale izingane zabo. (Efesu 6:4) Ngempela, isiyalo sifeza indima ebalulekile ekuqeqesheni nasekuqondiseni ingqondo nesimilo sengane.
Yingakho-ke izAga 13:24 zithi: “Ogodla induku yakhe uyayizonda indodana yakhe, kodwa ngoyithandayo oyifunayo ukuze ayiyale.” Kulo mongo, induku yesiyalo imelela indlela yokukhuza, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi ifika ngayiphi indlela. Ngokunikeza isiyalo sothando, umzali usuke efuna ukulungisa amaphutha okungathi uma eyekwa ajule kakhulu, abangele ingane usizi olukhulu lapho isikhulile. Ngokuqinisekile, ukugodla isiyalo esinjalo kufana nokuyizonda ingane; ukusinikeza kuyisenzo sothando.
Umzali onothando uyayisiza ingane nokuba iqonde izizathu zokushaywa kwemithetho. Ngakho isiyalo asihileli nje ukushaya imithetho nokujezisa kuphela, kodwa okubaluleke nakakhulu, kuhilela ukudlulisela ukuqonda. IBhayibheli lithi: “Indodana eqondayo igcina umthetho.”—IzAga 28:7.
Izimpaphe umcibisheli azibophela emicibisholweni yakhe zisiza ukuba ihambe iqonde lapho ecibishela. Ngokufanayo, izimfundiso zeBhayibheli ezivela kuMsunguli welungiselelo lomkhaya zingahlala ezinganeni ngisho nalapho sezingasekho ekhaya, zizizuzise ukuphila kwazo konke. (Efesu 3:14, 15) Kodwa-ke, abazali bangaqiniseka kanjani ukuthi lezi zimfundiso “ziboshelwe” ngempela ezinganeni zabo?
Phawula iseluleko uNkulunkulu asinikeza abazali abangama-Israyeli esikhathini sikaMose: “La mazwi engikuyala ngawo namuhla kumelwe abe senhliziyweni yakho; kumelwe uwagxilise kubantwana bakho.” (Duteronomi 6:6, 7) Ngakho abazali kumelwe benze izinto ezimbili. Okokuqala, kumelwe bafunde ukusebenzisa iZwi likaNkulunkulu ekuphileni kwabo, empeleni bathande imithetho yaKhe. (IHubo 119:97) Ngemva kwalokho baba sesimweni sokusebenzisa ingxenye yesibili yalo mBhalo—‘ukugxilisa’ imithetho kaNkulunkulu ezinganeni zabo. Lokho kusho ukugxilisa ukubaluleka kwemithetho enjalo ezinhliziyweni zezingane zabo ngokuzifundisa ngokuphumelelayo nangokuphindaphinda.
Kuyacaca ukuthi akukho okuyisidala ngokufundisa izimiso zeBhayibheli noma ngokusebenzisa isiyalo sothando ekulungiseni amaphutha amakhulu. Lezi yizindlela ezibalulekile zokulungiselela leyo “micibisholo” ukuba ihambe iqonde njengoba ibheke ebudaleni.
Ukuvikela Umcibisholo
Ake sibuyele emfanekisweni otholakala encwadini yeHubo 127:4, 5. Khumbula ukuthi umcibisheli ‘wayegcwalisa umgodla wakhe’ ngemicibisholo. Lapho imicibisholo isilungiswe kahle, kwakufanele ivikelwe. Ngakho, umcibisheli wayeyifaka emgodleni, ukuze ingalimali kalula noma iphuke. Ngokuthakazelisayo, iBhayibheli likhuluma ngoMesiya ngendlela engokwesiprofetho njengomcibisholo opholishwe kahle uYise ‘awuthukusa emgodleni wakhe.’ (Isaya 49:2) UJehova uNkulunkulu, uBaba onothando kunabo bonke esingabacabanga, ngokuqinisekile wayivikela iNdodana yakhe ethandekayo, uJesu, kuzo zonke izingozi kwaze kwafika isikhathi sokuba uMesiya abulawe njengoba kwakubikezelwe. Ngisho nalapho, uNkulunkulu wayivikela iNdodana yakhe ukuba ingalinyazwa ukufa unomphela, wayibuyisela ezulwini ngokuphepha, ukuze iphile phakade.
Ngokufanayo, abazali abahle bayakhazeka ngokuvikeleka kwezingane zabo ezingozini zaleli zwe eliwohlokayo. Kungenzeka ukuthi abazali bayezenqabela izinto ezithile ezingachaya izingane zabo ngokungadingekile emathonyeni ayingozi. Ngokwesibonelo, abazali abahlakaniphile basithatha ngokungathí sina lesi simiso: “Ukuzihlanganisa nababi konakalisa imikhuba emihle.” (1 Korinte 15:33) Ukuvikela izingane ekuzihlanganiseni nalabo abangazihloniphi izindinganiso zeBhayibheli zokuziphatha cishe kuyozivikela ekwenzeni amaphutha amaningi alimazayo, ngisho nabulalayo.
Izingane zingase zingasazisi ngaso sonke isikhathi isivikelo sabazali. Empeleni, zingase zisicasukele ngezinye izikhathi, ngoba ukuvikela izingane zakho ngokuvamile kuyosho ukuzenqabela ezintweni ezithile. Umlobi ohlonishwayo wezincwadi ezikhuluma ngokukhulisa izingane uthi: “Nakuba zingakubonisi njalo futhi zingeke zikubonge ngaleso sikhathi, izingane ziyafuna ngempela ukuba abazali bazakhele isimo esivikelekile futhi esizinzile ekuphileni kwazo. Lokho singakwenza ngokuba umzali onegunya obeka imingcele yokuziphatha.”
Yebo, ukuvikela izingane zakho kunoma yini engase iziphuce ukuthula, ubumsulwa noma ukuma kwazo okuhle phambi kukaNkulunkulu kuyindlela ebalulekile yokubonisa ukuthi uyazithanda. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, cishe ziyoziqonda izisusa zakho, futhi ziyosazisa isivikelo sakho sothando.
Ukuqondisa Umcibisholo
Phawula ukuthi iHubo 127:4, 5 lifanisa umzali ‘nendoda enamandla.’ Ingabe lokhu kusho ukuthi ubaba kuphela ongafeza indima yokuba umzali ngempumelelo? Lutho neze. Empeleni, isimiso salo mfanekiso sisebenza kubo bobabili obaba nomama—ngisho nabazali abangabodwa. (IzAga 1:8) Inkulumo ethi ‘indoda enamandla’ isikisela ukuthi kwakudingeka amandla amakhulu ukuciba umcibisholo ngomnsalo. Ezikhathini zeBhayibheli, ngezinye izikhathi imicibisholo yayinanyekwa ngethusi, futhi kwakuthiwa isosha ‘linyathela umnsalo,’ mhlawumbe linyathele umnsalo ngonyawo ukuze likwazi ukudonsa intambo yawo. (Jeremiya 50:14, 29) Ngokusobala, kwakudingeka amandla nomzamo omkhulu ukudonsa intambo iqine ukuze umuntu acibishele endaweni efanele!
Ngokufanayo, ukukhulisa izingane kudinga umzamo omkhulu. Azizikhuleli, njengoba nje nomcibisholo ungazicibi. Ngokudabukisayo, kubonakala sengathi abazali abaningi abazimisele ukwenza umzamo odingekayo. Bathatha indlela elula. Bavumela ithelevishini, isikole nontanga bafundise izingane zabo okulungile nokungalungile, izindinganiso zokuziphatha nezindaba zobulili. Bavumela izingane zabo ukuba zithole noma yini eziyifunayo. Futhi lapho ukwenqaba kubonakala kunzima, bamane bavume—baze bathethelele isinqumo sabo ngokuthi abafuni ukulimaza imizwa yezingane zabo. Empeleni, ukuyekelela kwabo okuyolimaza izingane zabo ngempela, ngendlela ehlala njalo.
Ukukhulisa izingane kuwumsebenzi onzima. Ukwenza lowo msebenzi ngenhliziyo yonke ngesiqondiso seZwi likaNkulunkulu ngokuqinisekile kuyabizela, kodwa kunemivuzo emikhulu. Umagazini i-Parents uthi: “Ucwaningo . . . luthole ukuthi izingane ezikhuliswa abazali abanothando kodwa abasebenzisa igunya—abazisekelayo izingane zabo kodwa babeke imingcele eqinile—ziqhuba kahle esikoleni, ziba namakhono angcono okusebenzelana nabanye, ziyazithanda, futhi zijabula kakhulu uma kuqhathaniswa nezingane ezinabazali abayekelelayo noma abanokhahlo ngokweqile.”
Kukhona umvuzo ongcono ngisho nakakhulu. Ekuqaleni sifunde ingxenye yokuqala yezAga 22:6, ethi: “Qeqesha umntwana ngokwendlela emfanele.” Leli vesi liyaqhubeka ngala mazwi ajabulisayo: “Ngisho nalapho ekhula ngeke aphambuke kuyo.” Ingabe lesi saga esiphefumulelwe sinikeza isiqinisekiso sempumelelo? Cha. Ingane yakho inenkululeko yokuzikhethela futhi iyozikhethela lapho ikhula. Kodwa leli vesi linikeza abazali isiqinisekiso sothando. Siphi?
Uma uqeqesha izingane zakho ngokweseluleko seBhayibheli, wakha izimo ezinhle zokuthola imiphumela emihle—ukubona izingane zakho zikhula ziba abantu abadala abajabule, abanelisekile nabanokwethenjelwa. (IzAga 23:24) Khona-ke, yenza konke okusemandleni ukuze ulungiselele le “micibisholo” eyigugu, uyivikele, futhi uzikhandle ekuyiqondiseni. Awusoze wazisola.
[Isithombe ekhasini 13]
Ingabe abazali basuke bebonisa ukuthi bayazithanda izingane zabo uma bevumela noma yini eziyifunayo?
[Isithombe ekhasini 15]
Umzali onothando uyazichaza izizathu zemithetho yasekhaya
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Abazali abahle bavikela izingane zabo ezingozini zaleli zwe eliwohlokile
[Isithombe ekhasini 16]
Ukukhulisa izingane kuwumsebenzi onzima, kodwa kunemivuzo emikhulu