Umbono Webhayibheli

Yini Engalungile Ngokudlala Ngothando?

“Kungani sibheka ukudlala ngothando njengokuxhaphaza noma ukukhohlisa noma njengokungalungile? Akukhona! Kuwumdlalo nje! futhi kuwumdlalo onizuzisa nobabili ngoba wenza omunye umuntu azizwe ejabule.” —USusan Rabin, umqondisi we-School of Flirting, eNew York City.

ABANTU abaningi babheka ukudlala ngothando njengokuvamile, okungenacala ngisho nokudingekile ekwakheni nasekulondolozeni ubuhlobo nabantu. Emazweni aseNtshonalanga, muva nje sekwande izincwadi, izihloko zomagazini nezifundo ezikhethekile ezifundisa ngokushukuma komzimba, ukuma nokubuka okudingekayo ukuze ube “nobuciko bokudlala ngothando.”

Kuyini ukudlala ngothando? Kuchazwa futhi kuhunyushwe ngezindlela ezihlukahlukene. Esinye isichazamazwi sikuchaza njengesenzo “esibonisa uthando ngokungenanhloso noma esiyengayo ngokobulili.” Esinye isichazamazwi sichaza ukudlala ngothando ngokuthi ukubonisa “uthando ngaphandle kwenhloso yangempela.” Ngakho-ke, kubonakala kuwumqondo owamukelekayo ukuthi umuntu odlala ngothando yilowo obonisa isithakazelo esivusa inkanuko yobulili engahlose kushada. Ingabe ukudlala ngothando kufanele kubhekwe njengokungenangozi? Uyini umbono weBhayibheli ngokudlala ngothando?a

Nakuba ukudlala ngothando kungakhulunywa ngakho ngokuqondile emiBhalweni, singakwazi ukuthola indlela uNkulunkulu akubheka ngayo. Kanjani? Ngokuhlola izimiso zeBhayibheli eziphathelene nakho. Ngaleyo ndlela sithuthukisa ‘amandla ethu okuqonda ukuze sihlukanise okulungile nokungalungile.’ (Heberu 5:14) Okokuqala, ake sicabangele ukuthi ukudlala ngothando kuwukuziphatha okufanelekile yini ngabantu abashadile.

Uma Umuntu Eshadile

Kuyinto evamile ngemibhangqwana eshadile ukuba ibonisane uthando ngasese. (Qhathanisa noGenesise 26:8.) Kodwa ukubonisa uthando okunjalo kubantu ongashadile nabo kuphambene nezimiso zikaNkulunkulu. UJehova wayehlose ukuba imibhangqwana eshadile ijabulele ubuhlobo obuseduze nokwethembana. (Genesise 2:24; Efesu 5:21-33) Ubheka umshado njengongcwele, oyisibopho esihlala njalo. KuMalaki 2:16 uNkulunkulu uthi: “Ngiyazonda ukwahlukana.”b

Ingabe ukudlala ngothando komuntu oshadile kuyavumelana nombono kaNkulunkulu ngomshado? Akuyona into encane ngoba ukudlala ngothando ushadile kubonisa ukungabuhloniphi ubungcwele belungiselelo likaNkulunkulu lomshado. Futhi-ke, abase-Efesu 5:33 bayala umyeni ongumKristu ukuba ‘athande umkakhe njengoba ezithanda yena’ nomfazi ukuba “abe nenhlonipho ejulile ngomyeni wakhe.” Ingabe ukudlala ngothando, okubangela isikhwele, kubonisa uthando nenhlonipho ngomngane womshado?

Okusangulukisa nakakhulu ukuthi ukudlala ngothando kungaholela ekuphingeni, isono uJehova asilahla ngokuqondile futhi asichaza njengesiwukukhohlisa. (Eksodusi 20:14; Levitikusi 20:10; Malaki 2:14, 15; Marku 10:17-19) Ngempela, uJehova ukubheka ngokungathi sína ukuphinga kangangokuthi uvumela abangane bomshado abamsulwa ukuba bahlukanise. (Mathewu 5:32) Khona-ke, ingabe uJehova ubengavumela into ewumdlalo oyingozi njengokudlala ngothando? UNkulunkulu ubengeke akuvumele njengoba nje nomzali onothando ebengenakuyivumela ingane yakhe encane ukuba idlale ngommese obukhali.

Mayelana nokuphinga iBhayibheli liyaxwayisa: “Umuntu angaphatha umlilo esifubeni sakhe, izingubo zakhe zingashi, na? Umuntu angahamba phezu kwamalahle avuthayo, izinyawo zakhe zingahamuki, na? Unjalo yena ongena kumkamakhelwane: akayikuthiwa ongenacala noma yimuphi omthintileyo.” (IzAga 6:27-29) Nokho, ngisho noma kungazange kuphingwe, umuntu oshadile odlala ngothando uzidonsela amanzi ngomsele—uhileleka kulokho okuye kwabizwa ngokuthi “uthando lwemizwa.”

Uthando Lwemizwa

Abanye abantu baye bahlakulela ubuhlobo obushukumisa imizwa yothando nabantu abangashadile nabo, nakuba kungekho ukuhlangana ngokobulili. Nokho, uJesu waxwayisa: “Wonke umuntu oqhubeka ebuka owesifazane ukuze amkhanuke usephingile naye kakade enhliziyweni yakhe.” (Mathewu 5:28) Kungani uJesu enqaba inkanuko egcina enhliziyweni?

Esinye isici siwukuthi “enhliziyweni kuphuma . . . ukuphinga.” (Mathewu 15:19) Nokho, ubuhlobo obunjalo buyingozi ngisho noma bungazange buqhubeke buze bufinyelele lapho ukuphinga sekuseduze kakhulu. Kanjani? Enye incwadi ekhuluma ngalokhu iyachaza: “Noma imuphi umsebenzi noma ubuhlobo obudla isikhathi namandla amaningi obungakusebenzisa nomngane wakho womshado, kuwuhlobo lokungathembeki.” Yebo, uthando lwemizwa luphanga umngane womshado isikhathi, ukunakwa kanye nothando. Uma sicabangela umyalo kaJesu wokuba siphathe abanye ngendlela esingathanda ukuphathwa ngayo, umuntu oshadile odlala ngothando kungakuhle ukuba azibuze, ‘Bengiyozizwa kanjani uma umngane wami womshado ebeziphatha ngale ndlela nomunye umuntu?’—IzAga 5:15-23; Mathewu 7:12.

Uma umuntu eye wakha ubuhlobo bemizwa obungafanelekile njengalobu, kufanele enzenjani? Umuntu oshadile onemizwa engafanele unjengomshayeli olala eshayela. Kudingeka aphaphame futhi athathe isinyathelo esisheshayo nesiwujuqu ngesimo sakhe ngaphambi kokuba kubhidlike umshado wakhe nobuhlobo bakhe noNkulunkulu. UJesu wabonisa isidingo sesinyathelo esiphuthumayo lapho ethi ngisho nento eyigugu njengeso kufanele ikhishwe noma isandla sinqunywe uma kuzokonakalisa ukuma komuntu okuhle noNkulunkulu.—Mathewu 5:29, 30.

Ngakho-ke kungaba ukuhlakanipha ukulinganisela izikhathi obona ngazo lowo muntu nendawo ombona kuyo. Ngokuqinisekile, gwema ukuba nibe nodwa nalowo muntu, futhi uma kusemsebenzini, linganiselani enikuxoxayo. Kungaze kudingeke nokuba ukunqamule ngokuphelele ukuxhumana naye. Ngemva kwalokho, kudingeka ukuzithiba okuqinile ngamehlo akho, imicabango, imizwa nokuziphatha. (Genesise 39:7-12; IHubo 19:14; IzAga 4:23; 1 Thesalonika 4:4-6) UJobe, indoda eyayishadile yabeka isibonelo esihle lapho ithi: “Ngenza isivumelwano namehlo ami: ngingabuka kanjani intombi na?”—Jobe 31:1.

Ngokusobala, kuyingozi futhi akuvumelani nemibhalo ukuba umuntu oshadile ahlanganyele ekudlaleni ngothando. Nokho, uyini umbono weBhayibheli ngokudlala ngothando phakathi kwabantu abangashadile? Ingabe kufanele kubhekwe njengokuvamile, okungenacala nokudingekile ukuze kwakhiwe ubuhlobo nowobulili obuhlukile? Ingabe kungalimaza ngempela?

Kuthiwani Ngabangashadile?

Akukho lutho olubi ngokuthi ababili abangashadile babonisane isithakazelo sothando, uma kuwukuthi bacabangela ukushada futhi bayakugwema ukuziphatha okungahlanzekile. (Galathiya 5:19-21) Isithakazelo esinjalo singase sibe khona phakathi nokuqala kokuqomisana lapho kusekude ukuba nishade. Lesi sithakazelo akusona ngempela esingafanelekile uma kunezinhloso ezinhle. Ukuziphatha okunjalo akukhona ngempela ukudlala ngothando.

Nokho, kuthiwani uma abantu abangashadile bebonisa izimpawu zothando komunye ukuze nje bazijabulise? Kungase kubonakale kungenangozi, ngoba abashadile. Nokho, cabangela indlela lokhu okungayilimaza ngayo imizwa. Uma indlela aziphatha ngayo lowo odlala ngothando ithathwa njengeyiqiniso kunalokho yena asuke ekuhlosile, umphumela kungaba ukuphatheka kabi kakhulu nobuhlungu benhliziyo. Yeka ukuthi ayiqiniso kangakanani amazwi ezAga 13:12: “Ithemba elilitshazisiweyo ligulisa inhliziyo; isifiso esigcwalisiweyo singumuthi wokuphila”! Ngisho noma abantu ababili bethi bayaqonda ukuthi akekho onesithakazelo sangempela komunye—ingabe ngamunye wabo angaqiniseka ngempela ukuthi omunye ucabangani futhi uzizwa kanjani? IBhayibheli liyaphendula: “Inhliziyo iyakhohlisa ngaphezu kwakho konke futhi imbi; ngubani ongayazi na?”—Jeremiya 17:9; qhathanisa neyabaseFilipi 2:4.

Cabangela futhi ingozi yobufebe, kanye nemiphumela engaba nayo yezifo nokukhulelwa ungashadile. Ubufebe bunqatshelwe ngokomBhalo, futhi labo ababenza ngamabomu balahlekelwa umusa kaNkulunkulu. Umphostoli uPawulu wawaxwayisa ngokuhlakanipha amaKristu ukuthi ukuze amelane nokulingwa, kwakumelwe ‘abulale amalungu emizimba yawo . . . ngokuqondene nobufebe’ futhi agweme ‘isifiso sobulili sokukhanuka,’ esiholela ebufebeni. (Kolose 3:5; 1 Thesalonika 4:3-5) Kwabase-Efesu 5:3, usixwayisa ngokuthi ubufebe ‘bungaphathwa nakuphathwa,’ okungukuthi, ngendlela evusa izifiso ezimbi. Ukudlala ngothando akuvumelani nalesi seluleko. UNkulunkulu wenqabela ngisho nezingxoxo ezingakhi ngobulili.

Izimiso zeBhayibheli zembula ukuthi ukudlala ngothando kungaba unya kubantu esikanye nabo futhi kungabonisa ukungabi nanhlonipho ngoJehova, uMsunguli womshado. Umbono weBhayibheli ngokudlala ngothando okungafanele ngokuqinisekile ubonisa uthando futhi unengqondo, ngoba uvikela abantu ekulimaleni. Ngakho-ke abathandi bakaNkulunkulu bayogwema ukudlala ngothando okungafanele futhi baphathe abobulili obuhlukile ngobumsulwa nangenhlonipho.—1 Thimothewu 2:9, 10; 5:1, 2.

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