Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Kuthiwani Uma Abazali Bami Benginqabela Ukuba Ngishade?

ULakesha nesoka lakhe bacabangela ukushada, kodwa unina akavumi. “Ngizohlanganisa iminyaka engu-19 kulonyaka,” kusho uLakesha, “kodwa umama ume kwelokuthi asilinde ngize ngibe no-21.”

UMA usuzoshada, kumane kungokwemvelo ukufuna ukuba abazali bakho bakujabulele. Kungaba buhlungu ngempela uma abazali bakho bengamamukeli umngane womshado ozikhethele yena. Kufanele wenzeni? Ungazinaki izifiso zabo, futhi uqhubekele phambili namalungiselelo akho omshado?a

Ungase ulingeke ukuba wenze kanjalo uma usukhulile nomthetho ukuvumela ukuba ushade ngaphandle kwemvume yabazali. Nakuba kunjalo, iBhayibheli alibeki silinganiso seminyaka yobudala okufanele umuntu azise futhi ahloniphe abazali bakhe kuyo. (IzAga 1:8) Futhi uma ungayinaki imizwa yabo, ungabonakalisa phakade ubuhlobo bakho nabo. Ngaphezu kwalokho, kungenzeka nokuthi abazali bakho banezizathu eziqinile zokwenqaba ukuba ushade.

Kunini Lapho Usemncane Kakhulu Ukuba Ushade?

Ngokwesibonelo, ingabe abazali bakho bathi usemncane kakhulu ukuba ushade? IBhayibheli alibeki minyaka yobudala yokushada. Kodwa litusa ukuthi ngaphambi kokushada, umuntu kufanele abe ‘esedlule ekuqhumeni kobusha’—eminyakeni engemva kokuthomba lapho izinkanuko zobulili zisezingeni eliphezulu. (1 Korinte 7:36) Ngani? Ngoba leyontsha imane nje isaqala ukuhlakulela ukuvuthwa okungokomzwelo, ukuzithiba, nezimfanelo ezingokomoya ezidingekayo ukuze isingathe ukuphila kwasemshadweni.—Qhathanisa neyoku-1 Korinte 13:11; Galathiya 5:22, 23.

Lapho uDale oneminyaka engu-20 enquma ukushada, wanengeka lapho abazali bakhe benqaba. “Bathi ngisemncane futhi anginakho okuhlangenwe nakho,” esho. “Nganginomuzwa wokuthi sasikulungele nokuthi sizofunda phambili, kodwa abazali bami babefuna ukuqiniseka ukuthi angiqhutshwa umzwelo nje. Bangibuza imibuzo eminingi. Ngangikulungele yini ukubhekana nezinqumo zansuku zonke, izimali, isimo esingokoqobo sokunakekela umkhaya ngokwezinto ezibonakalayo, ngokomzwelo nangokomoya? Ngangikulungele yini ukuba umzali? Ngase ngiyifunde ngempela yini indlela yokukhulumisana? Ngangiziqonda ngempela yini izidingo zomngane womshado? Babenomuzwa wokuthi kufanele ngizazi kangcono njengomuntu omdala ngaphambi kokuba ngiqale ukunakekela omunye umuntu omdala.

“Nakuba sasingafuni ukulinda, sawuhlehlisa umshado wethu ukuze sizinike isikhathi sokuvuthwa. Lapho ekugcineni sishada, sangenela lobu buhlobo sinesisekelo esingcono nokwengeziwe esingaphana khona.”

Lapho Ukungafani Okungokwenkolo Kuyisizathu Sokukhathazeka

Lapho uTerri eba nemizwa yothando ngomfana owayengahlanganyeli naye enkolweni ayezikhethele yona, waphola naye ngasese. Ngemva kokuveza ukuthi bacabangela ukushada, uTerri kwathi akasangane lapho ethola ukuthi unina uyenqaba ukuba bashade. “Angifuni ukuba umama azizwe ngalendlela ngami,” kububula uTerri. “Ngifuna siqhubeke sizwana njengomama nendodakazi.”

Kodwa ubani ngempela owayephazamisa lobu buhlobo? Ingabe unina kaTerri wayewuhlupho noma engacabangeli? Cha, wayemane esekela iseluleko seBhayibheli kumaKristu sokuba ashade “kuphela eNkosini.” (1 Korinte 7:39) Eqinisweni, iBhayibheli liyayala: “Ningaboshelwa ngokungalingani ejokeni nabangewona amakholwa.” (2 Korinte 6:14, 15) Ngani?

Phakathi kokunye, ukuvumelana ngokwenkolo kuyisici esibaluleke kakhulu emshadweni ojabulisayo nophumelelayo. Ochwepheshe bathi ukucindezeleka okusemishadweni exube izinkolo ngokuvamile kuholela esehlukanisweni. Nokho, okukhathaza nakakhulu ukuthi umuntu angase acindezelwe ukuba ayekethise izinkolelo zakhe—noma azishiye ngokuphelele. Nakuba umngane womshado ongakholwa engakuphazamisi ukukhulekela kwakho, kusazodingeka uphile nobuhlungu bokungakwazi ukuhlanganyela naye izinkolelo zakho ezijulile. Ingabe lokhu kuzwakala kuyindlela eletha injabulo emshadweni?

Ngakho-ke uTerri wayenesinqumo esinzima okwakumelwe asenze. “Ngiyamthanda uJehova uNkulunkulu,” kusho uTerri, “kodwa angifuni ukuhlukana nesoka lami.” Awusoze waba nakho kokubili. Awunakuyekethisa izindinganiso zikaNkulunkulu kodwa uqhubeke ujabulela umusa nesibusiso sakhe.

Nokho, kungenzeka ukuthi abazali bakho bayenqaba ukuba ushade nomKristu othile okanye naye. Kungenzeka yini ukuba uboshelwe ngokungalingani ejokeni nokholwayo? Yebo, uma lowo muntu engenayo imigomo engokomoya enjengeyakho noma engazinikele kuNkulunkulu njengawe. Uma kunjalo noma uma lowo muntu ‘engakhulunyelwa kahle’ abazalwane ebandleni akulo, abazali bakho bangase bakhathazeke kufanele ngokushada kwakho nalowo muntu.—IzEnzo 16:2.

Kuthiwani Ngokungafani Kwezinhlanga Noma Amasiko?

Abazali bakaLynn benqaba ngesizathu esihlukile: Wayefuna ukushada nensizwa yolunye uhlanga. IBhayibheli lifundisani kulokhu? Lisitshela ukuthi “uNkulunkulu akakhethi” nokuthi “wenza ngomuntu oyedwa zonke izizwe zabantu.” (IzEnzo 10:34, 35; 17:26) Abantu banemvelaphi efanayo futhi bayalingana emehlweni kaNkulunkulu.

Nokho, nakuba yonke imibhangqwana eshadile ibhekana ‘nosizi enyameni yayo,’ imibhangqwana exube izinhlanga ingase ibhekane nezinselele ezengeziwe. (1 Korinte 7:28) Ngani? Ngoba abantu abaningi ezweni lanamuhla eligcwele inzondo abawamukeli umbono kaNkulunkulu ngezinhlanga. Nakuba imishado exube izinhlanga iye yaqhubeka yanda kwamanye amazwe aseNtshonalanga, kusenezindawo lapho imibhangqwana exubile ibhekana nokucwaswa okukhulu. Ngakho-ke abazali bakho bangase besabe ukuthi awukuhlomele ukubhekana nezingcindezi ezinjalo.

“Abazali bami babecabanga ukuthi siyodonsa kanzima,” kuvuma uLynn. Ngokuhlakanipha, uLynn wabonisa inhlonipho ngemizwa yabo futhi akazange agijimele emshadweni. Njengoba abazali bakhe beqaphela ukuvuthwa kukaLynn futhi bejwayelana kangcono nensizwa ayeyithanda, kancane kancane bazizwa beqiniseka ngezinga elithile ukuthi angabhekana nezingcindezi zalomshado. ULynn uthi: “Lapho sebenomuzwa wokuthi singajabula ngempela ndawonye, nabo basijabulela.”

Nokho, ngezinye izikhathi inkinga akubi uhlanga kodwa kuba isiko. Abazali bakho bangase bakhathazeke ngokuthi ngokuhamba kwesikhathi, uyokuthola kunzima ukujabulela ukuphila nomuntu ondlela yakhe yokuphila, lokho akulindele, uhlobo lokudla, umculo nokokuzijabulisa kuhluke kakhulu kokwakho. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yikuphi, ukushada nomuntu wolunye uhlanga noma isiko kungaletha izinselele ezinkulu. Ingabe ukulungele ngempela ukubhekana nazo?

Lapho Ukwenqaba Komzali Kubonakala Kungenangqondo

Kodwa kuthiwani uma unomuzwa wokuthi ukwenqaba kwabazali bakho akunangqondo ngokuphelele? Intokazi okuthiwa uFaith ithi ngonina: “Umama uye wahlukanisa izikhathi eziningana. Uthi awunakumazi ngempela umuntu oshada naye kuze kube yilapho sekwephuze kakhulu. Uyaqiniseka ukuthi ngeke ngijabule emshadweni.” Ngokuvamile, abazali abaye baba nemishado engaphumeleli abakwazi ukubheka umshado wengane yabo ngombono ovulekile. Kwezinye izimo, abazali basuke benezisusa ezisolisayo zokunqabela izingane zabo ukuba zishade, njengesifiso sokuqhubeka belawula ukuphila kwengane.

Uma abazali bakho bengazimisele ukulalela umbono wakho onengqondo, ungenzani? KoFakazi BakaJehova, abadala bebandla bangacelwa ukuba bazosiza ekuxazululeni izinkinga zomkhaya. Ngaphandle kokuchema, bangasiza amalungu omkhaya ukuba axazulule izindaba ngendlela ezolile, enokuthula nenezithelo.—Jakobe 3:18.

Ukufuna Ukuthula

Yebo, ziningi ezinye izici ezingenza ukuba abazali bakho benqabe ukuba ushade, njengezinkinga ezingokwezimali noma ubuntu balowo ozoshada naye. Futhi kulenkathi yengculaza nezinye izifo ezithathelwana ngobulili, abazali bakho bangakhathazeka ngokufanele ngempilo yakho uma othembisene naye ayephila ukuphila kokuziphatha okubi ngaphambi kokuba abe umKristu.b

Uma nje usahlala emzini wabazali bakho, ubophekile ukuba uqaphele ukuthi banegunya phezu kwakho. (Kolose 3:20) Kodwa noma uhlala wedwa futhi usukhule ngokwanele ukuba uzenzele izinqumo, ungasheshi ukuchiliza ukukhathazeka kwabazali bakho. Zimisele ukulalela. (IzAga 23:22) Hlaziya ngokucophelela imiphumela engaba khona uma ushada.—Qhathanisa noLuka 14:28.

Ngemva kokwenza kanjalo, ungase unqume ukuthi usafuna ukushada. Njengokulindelekile, kuyodingeka uwuthwale wonke umthwalo wesinqumo esinjalo. (Galathiya 6:5) Uma wenze yonke imizamo yokucabangela umbono wabazali bakho, mhlawumbe bayoshukumiseleka ukuba basisekele isinqumo sakho, nakuba bengase bangabaze. Kodwa uma beqhubeka benqaba, zama ukungacunuki noma ukungathukutheli. Khumbula: Abazali bakho bayakuthanda futhi bayayikhathalela injabulo yakho yesikhathi esizayo. Qhubeka uzama ukulondoloza ukuthula nabo. Njengoba wenza umshado wakho uphumelele, mhlawumbe isimo sabo sengqondo siyoshintsha.

Ngakolunye uhlangothi, uma ukucabangela ngempela konke abazali bakho abakushoyo futhi uzihlolisisa ngokwakho kanye nomuntu ofisa ukushada naye, ungamangali uma ufika esiphethweni esishaqisayo sokuthi abazali bakho bebeqinisile.

[Imibhalo yaphansi]

[Isithombe ekhasini 21]

Abazali bakho bangase babe nomuzwa wokuthi usemncane kakhulu ukuba ushade