Ilobolo—Kufanele Alibheke Kanjani AmaKristu?
ISIKO lasendulo lokukhokha ilobolo namanje lisenziwa emazweni amaningi. Ngokuvamile ukukhokha kwenziwa ngemali, kanye nezipho ezingamagugu. Inani liyehluka ngezindawo nangemikhaya, kuye ngesimo senhlalo, imfundo, nezinye izici. Kwamanye amazwe limiswa umthetho, nakuba kungabantu abambalwa abaligcinayo inani elimisiwe.
Ukuhlola kokucophelela kubonisa ukuthi isiko lesimanje lihilela okungaphezu kokukhokha ilobolo. Ngakho, kuwukuhlakanipha ukucabangela indlela lokhu okungakuthinta ngayo njengomKristu.
EPapua New Guinea, ukukhokhwa kwelobolo kufana nokudluliselwa kwempahla isuka kwelinye iqembu lomkhaya, umkhaya owandisiwe womkhwenyana, iya eqenjini lakwamakoti. Inkokhiso ingasukela ku-R250 kuya ku-R115 000, kuye ngomnotho womkhaya womkhwenyana. ESri Lanka, isimo singesiphambene. Abazali bakamakoti kumelwe banikeze umkhwenyana isipho. Lesi singahlanganisa amagugu, impahla, indlu, nemali. Ukuze impahla ingaphumi emkhayeni, kuyisiko ukushada nomzala.
Ezingxenyeni eziningi zeAfrika, inkokhiso ingenye yezimfuneko ezingokwesiko eyenza isivumelwano somshado sibe ngesiphelele nesisemthethweni. “Phakathi kwamaIgbo,” kusho omunye ubaba waseNigeria ondodakazi yakhe yayilungiselelwa umshado, “ukukhokhwa kwelobolo kudingekile ukuze umshado uqashelwe ngokwesiko. Ukwamukelwa kwalo kuwuphawu lokuvuma komkhaya wentombazane. Livumelana nombono wabantu ngomshado. Ngenxa yalesizathu, ngisho nomshado obhaliswe esontweni noma enkantolo awunakuqashelwa emphakathini wendawo ngaphandle kokuba kukhokhwe ilobolo.”
Indlela Elingathinta Ngayo Ubaba
Phakathi kwalabantu baseAfrika, ukukhokha kwakuyisenzo esiwuphawu lokubonisa amandla endoda okondla umkhaya. Amalungu omkhaya wayo avakashela abazali bentombi ukuze kuvunyelwane ngelobolo. Lokhu akusenjalo emazweni amaningi, njengoba manje eqinisweni, obaba belindele inani elimba eqolo abangalithola. Kufunwa amanani asukela ku-R30 kuya ku-R3 500 noma ngaphezulu, okungamanani amiswe umthetho eNigeria. Imali noma izipho kungase kulindelwe ngisho nangaphambi kokuhambela kokuqala kwabazali bomkhwenyana. Khona-ke, njengaseZaire, kungase kukhokhwe eyengeziwe ukuze “kuvulwe umlomo kababa,” okungukuthi, ukumenza abonisane nabo ngelobolo lendodakazi yakhe. Ngisho nangemva kokuba inani elithile selikhokhiwe, ezinye izimali nezipho zingafunwa.
Imikhuba enjalo ingakhuthaza ukuhahela imali. Nokho, iBhayibheli lithi: “Ukuthanda imali kuyimpande yakho konke okubi.” (1 Thimothewu 6:10) Ngenxa yokuhaha, abantu bangaba abaphangi, futhi lokhu kubangela ukungavunyelwa uNkulunkulu. IBhayibheli lisitshela ukuthi “akukho-muntu ohahayo—okungukuthi okhonza izithombe—onefa embusweni kaKristu noNkulunkulu.”—Efesu 5:5, NW; qhathanisa nezAga 20:21; 1 Korinte 5:11; 6:10.
Nokho, akukho okungalungile ekunikeni ubaba ilobolo njengophawu lwesinxephezelo sokulahlekelwa yindodakazi ayikhulisa futhi wayifundisa. Ozokuba ngumkhwenyana angabheka ngokufanele lenkokhelo njengophawu lokwazisa kwakhe ngokuqeqeshwa okwanikezwa ingoduso yakhe. Nokho, abazali abathile bazama ukubuyisa konke lokho abakusebenzisa, benomuzwa wokuthi amadodakazi abo ashadile ngeke asize ekufundiseni izingane ezisencane. Abazali abanjalo bafuna ilobolo elimba eqolo ngangokunokwenzeka, njengokungathi amadodakazi abo abemane nje eyizimpahla ezidayiswayo. Kodwa bakweleta izingane zabo ukukhuliswa okuhle. Ukuqhosha kwabo kufanele kube sekugcwaliseni lesibopho, hhayi ekubhekeni ukuthi bangabuyelwa okungakanani ngokwezimali noma ukuvelela ngelobolo elimba eqolo. Esikhundleni sokuba liholele abazali ekucabangeni ngezinzuzo zezinto ezibonakalayo lezo izingane ezingaziletha, iBhayibheli lithi: “Ngokuba akubantwana abafanele ukuqongelela abazali, kodwa abazali baqongelela abantwana.”—2 Korinte 12:14.
Izinto ezifunwa abanye obaba abangamaKristu aziwucabangeli umnotho ongokwezimali wabakhwenyana abasha abangamaKristu. Ingani, kunezikhathi lapho obaba abanjalo beye benqaba khona ilobolo elisesilinganisweni abalinikwa abazalwane abangamaKristu ngoba abantu bezwe bethembise elikhulu! Abanye baze ngisho bashiyele ukwenziwa kwezivumelwano ezihlotsheni zezwe, ezibe sezibiza ilobolo elimba eqolo. Njengoba lesimo siqhubeka, singaholela abantu abasha ekuhlobongeni. Lokhu yilokho okwenzeka phakathi kwabantu bezwe. Ngokuvamile kuyenzeka ukuthi umbhangqwana omusha okhungathekile usebenzise ukukhulelwa njengendlela elula kakhulu yokuphoqelela umkhaya wentombazane ukuba wamukele lokho umkhwenyana angase akwazi ukukukhokha.
AmaKristu akufanele enze ngalendlela. IZwi likaNkulunkulu liyakwenqabela ukuhlobonga, futhi labo abakwenzayo bangakhishwa ebandleni. (1 Korinte 6:9; Heberu 13:4) Ubaba akanakuzikhulula ekusolweni uma izibizo zakhe ezibiza ngokweqile zinengxenye ekuweleni kwendodakazi yakhe ekuziphatheni okubi. Ukusoleka okunjalo kungakuthinta ngokungathi sina ukuma kwakhe ebandleni. Ngokufanayo, ukwamukela imali yelobolo noma kungengakanani kumuntu wezwe ukuze ashade indodakazi engumKristu obhapathiziwe akukhona okungokwasezulwini. Ukwenza lokhu kwenza umzalwane angawafanelekeli okungenani amalungelo athile akhethekile ebandleni. Abazali abangamaKristu kumelwe bafune ukuba abasha babo bahlale beqinile ebandleni lobuKristu futhi kumelwe babasize ukuba balondoloze ukuziphatha okuhlanzekile. Kufanele bafisele ukuba amadodakazi abo ashade ngenjabulo “kuphela . . . eNkosini,” kubayeni nabo futhi abamthanda ngempela uJehova nabanenhlonipho ejulile ngemithetho nangezimiso zakhe.—1 Korinte 7:39.
Akubona ubuKristu ngomuntu ukusebenzisa ilobolo njengendlela yokwenza imali ngengane yakhe, ebiza ngokweqile ngaphezu kwalokho okufanele. Ubaba ongumKristu kumelwe axwaye ukuhaha nobugovu, njengoba lokhu kungase kulithinte ngokungathi sina ingokomoya namalungelo awajabulelayo ebandleni.—1 Korinte 6:9, 10.
Ngokujabulisayo, obaba abaningi abangamaKristu baye babonisa ukucabangela kulokho abaye bakucela njengelobolo, futhi lokhu kubonakalisa isimo esihle. Abanye baye bakhetha ngisho nokungalifuni kwanhlobo ilobolo, ukuze bagweme ukusebenzisa kabi isiko nokubangela izinkinga ezingokomoya.
Indlela Elingathinta Ngayo Umakoti Nomkhwenyana
Ezikhathini eziningi, ukuhaha kwentombazane kuye kwathonya inani abazali abalimisa njengelobolo. Kukhona labo abacela umshado odulayo nobukisa kakhulu, baze babelesele abazali babo njalo ngalokhu. Abanye bafuna ukuba abazali babo bathenge izitsha ezidula kakhulu abayozisebenzisa endlini entsha. Ukuze anakekele ukufuna okunjalo, ubaba angase akubone kudingekile ukuba akhuphule ilobolo.
Ngakolunye uhlangothi, lokhu kuphoqelela umkhwenyana ukuba aqalise ukuphila kwakhe komshado ngaphansi komthwalo wezikweleti ezenziwe ngenxa yomshado odulayo nempahla yasendlini ebizayo. IZwi likaNkulunkulu lithi “ukuhlakanipha okwaphezulu . . . [ku]nokuva.” Imibhangqwana esemisha kumelwe yenze ‘ukucabangela kwayo kwaziwe abantu bonke’ ngokuhlela umshado ongathwesi-muntu umthwalo onzima ongokwezimali.—Jakobe 3:17; Filipi 4:5, NW.
Ngemva komshado, umfazi angaqalisa ukulinganisa uthando lwendoda yakhe ngaye ngenani alikhokha njengelobolo. Angase azizwe engalondekile uma akhokha kancane. Angase acabange ukuthi uma engacikeka nguye futhi afise ukumxosha, angenza kanjalo kalula, evuma ukulahlekelwa inani elincane alikhokha. Kuyiqiniso ukuthi amanye amadoda aye aphindisela abafazi bawo emuva kubazali babo ngenxa yezizathu ezihlukahlukene, njengokungazali abantwana noma ukubonisa umoya wokwedelela. Lokhu kukhuthazwa ngokungaqondiwe yilabo abathi ensizweni esand’ ukukhokha ilobolo: “Uthenge umfazi.” Uma ikhokhe imali enkulu, ingase ilingelwe ukubheka umkayo njengesisebenzi esithengiwe kunomngane wayo oseduze kakhulu. Futhi, ngenxa yezizathu ezihlukahlukene, obaba baye babuyisela ilobolo futhi baphoqelela amadodakazi abo ukuba ashiye amadoda awo.
Kunalabo abaphikisa ngokuthi ilobolo eliphakeme liyasiza ukuvimbela lokhu ngenxa yobunzima bokuthola futhi noma ukubuyisela isamba esikhulu semali. Futhi banomuzwa wokuthi imali ephakeme inciphisa ukushada ngokushesha, njengoba kuthatha isikhathi eside ngendoda ukulondolozela ukushada. Banomuzwa wokuthi umphumela walokhu kucabangela uba amadoda avuthiwe nanomthwalo wemfanelo nemishado eqine kakhulu.
Nakuba lokhu kungase kube njalo ngezinye izikhathi, ukuqina komshado womKristu akumelwe kusekelwe ekucatshangelweni okunjalo kwezinto ezibonakalayo. Ukuthembeka kwendoda engumKristu akumelwe kuncike kulokho engase ilahlekelwe yikho ngokwezinto ezibonakalayo uma umshado ubhidlika. Kunalokho, kufanele iqondiswe isimiso esingokomBhalo: “Lokho akuhlanganisileyo uNkulunkulu, umuntu makangakwahlukanisi.” (Mathewu 19:6) Esikhundleni sokubheka abafazi njengempahla ethengiwe, amadoda ayalwa ukuba ‘abanike udumo.’ (1 Petru 3:7) UJesu wathi indoda nomfazi baba “nyamanye” lapho beshada. (Mathewu 19:5; Genesise 2:24) IBhayibheli leluleka amadoda ukuba athande omkawo, abondle futhi abanakekele, njengoba benza kweyabo imizimba. (Efesu 5:28, 29) Ngaphezu kwalokho, isilinganiso sangempela sothando lwendoda kumelwe kube yindlela ephatha ngayo umkayo phakathi neminyaka yangemva komshado. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi indoda ilikhokhile yini ilobolo noma cha, uma imnakekela kahle umkayo futhi ithembekile othandweni lwayo, ingabe ukhona ongangabaza ukuthi iyamthanda?
Futhi ilobolo lingathinta indlela indoda ebheka ngayo abazali bomkayo. Njengoba ikhokhe ilobolo eliphakeme, ingase iphethe ngokuthi ayisabakweleti lutho, ngisho noma sebeswela. Nokho, iBhayibheli lithi: “Kepha uma umfelokazi enabantwana noma enabazukulwane, labo-ke mabafunde kuqala ukuhlonipha indlu yakwabo, babuyisele okufaneleyo kubazali babo, ngokuba kuyabongeka lokho phambi kukaNkulunkulu.” (1 Thimothewu 5:4) AmaKristu alandela lomyalo, kodwa inkinga ingase ivele uma indoda ivumela iphuzu lokuthi yakhokha ilobolo lisonte indlela ezizwa ngayo ngomthwalo wemfanelo.
Gcina Umbono Olinganiselwe
Imikhuba ethile ehlobene nelobolo ingase yakhe izinkinga ezingavamile kumuntu omusha ozoshada udade ongokomoya obazali bakhe abangewona amaKristu. Bangase bafune ukuba ahlanganyele emasikweni asekelwe ekukhulekelweni kwamadlozi nasenkolelweni yokungafi komphefumulo. (UmShumayeli 9:5, 10; Hezekeli 18:4) Kodwa ingabe angakwenza lokhu ngaphandle kokulahlekelwa ukuvunyelwa uNkulunkulu nayisibusiso uJehova asigcinela labo abaye ‘bahlambulula imiphefumulo yabo ngokulalela iqiniso’? (1 Petru 1:22; IsAmbulo 18:4) Uma ebhekene nokufuna okunjalo, umKristu ozinikezele kumelwe njalo azimisele “ukulalela uNkulunkulu kunabantu.”—IzEnzo 5:29.
Ukukhulumela okungenhla ngokuphanga, ukugwema ukuhlobonga, nokushada kuphela esikholwa nabo kusebenza ngokufanayo nalapho umkhaya kamakoti unikeza isipho. Intombazane engumKristu nabazali bayo akumelwe baqondiswe izindinganiso zezwe ekukhetheni indoda. Ukushada umuntu ongeyena umKristu kuyisenzo sokungamlaleli uNkulunkulu. NgoMose, watshela amaIsrayeli: “Ungaganiselani nazo, ungayiniki indodana yakhe indodakazi yakho, ungathatheli indodana yakho indodakazi yakhe.” (Duteronomi 7:3, 4; 1 Korinte 7:39) Ngokusobala, kuyoba okungafanele ngezinsizwa noma izintombi ezingamaKristu ukuzimemezela emaphephandabeni omphakathi njengezifuna abangane bomshado abafiselekayo. Kuphakathi kwabafowabo nodadewabo bobuKristu lapho kumelwe zifune khona abangane abafanelekayo.
Umshado uyilungiselelo likaJehova elingcwele, futhi sonke kumelwe siqondiswe yilokho akushoyo ngawo eZwini lakhe. Uthando olujulile ngoJehova, abantwana bethu, nesikholwa nabo kumelwe lusiholele ekugwemeni yonke imikhuba eyephula okulungile nokuhle. (IHubo 119:105; Heberu 4:12) Ngokuqinisekile isibusiso sikaJehova siyoba kulabo abavumela iZwi lakhe libaqondise ezinqumweni ezingaphathelene nje kuphela nelobolo nesipho esivela kumakoti kodwa futhi zonke ezinye izindaba zokuphila.—IzAga 10:22.