Gcina Umshado Wakho Uhlonipheka”
“Ukuganana makuhlonishwe yibo bonke.”—HEBERU 13:4.
1. Imuphi umbuzo owabuzwa intatheli yephephandaba, futhi yaphendula kanjani enye indoda?
“UMA ubungaphinde ushade, ubungashada nomuntu oshade naye manje?” Kwabuza intatheli edumile yephephandaba. Abangaphezu kwengxenye kwaba yizi-50 000 abasabela kulokhu kuhlola baphendula ngokuthi “Yebo.” Wawungaphendula kanjani wena? Indoda engumKristu, esineminyaka engama-33 ishadile, yabuzwa lokhu umkayo: “Ngiyaqiniseka bengingakushada!” yamamatheka. “Ekubhekeni emuva, ngiyazi ukuthi kwakunezikhathi lapho kwakungelula—saba nezethu izinkinga. Kepha umshado wethu ngempela wawuwufanele umzamo. Sinento eyigugu kakhulu!”
2. KumaHeberu 13:4, kusho ukuthini ‘ukuhlonipheka’?
2 Njengoba uNkulunkulu unguMqambi womshado uyakwazi ukulungiselela ukwaneliseka koqobo nenjabulo. Nokho imishado eminingi—eminye ngisho naphakathi kwamaKristu azinikezele—icindezeleke kakhulu. Ngakho-ke umphostoli uPawulu wacelisisa: “Ukuganana makuhlonishwe [“akuphathwe njengokwenani elikhulu, okuyigugu . . . okuthandeka kakhulu”a] yibo bonke.” (Heberu 13:4, NW) Ngenxa yokuthi umshado uletha “usizi enyameni,” inselele isekugcineni umshado wakho uhlonipheka. (1 Korinte 7:28) Kepha ungakwenza kanjani lokhu? Okokuqala, umelwe uqaphele enye yezinkinga ezinkulu kakhulu.
Ukuntuleka Kokukhulumisana Komuntu Siqu
3, 4. (a) Iyiphi enye yezinkinga ezinkulu kakhulu emshadweni? (b) Ikuphi okuhilelekile ekubeni “nyamanye” kombhangqwana?
3 Omunye umbhangqwana wamaKristu wawusushade cishe iminyaka engama-20. Ngokungazelele, umshado wabo wonakaliswa ukuphinga. Kwakungenzeka kanjani lokhu. “Lapho ngihlaziya okuye kwenzeka eminyakeni edlule,” kwasho umfazi, “ngaqaphela ukuthi sasikhuluma ngezindaba zomkhaya, ngisho nangenkonzo yethu kuNkulunkulu. Kepha lapho kuza ekukhulumisaneni ngezithakazelo zomuntu siqu—asizange sibe nalutho.” Lokhu kuntuleka kokusondelana okungokomzwelo kancane kancane kwenezela ekuthambeni kwezibopho zomshado nasekuphingeni kwendoda yakhe. Ukwehluleka okunjalo kokukhulumisana okubalulekile kuvezwe ezifundweni zokucwaninga njengenye yezimbangela ezinkulu zedivosi noma “zemishado engenaluthando.”
4 Nokho uJehova wathi: “Indoda iyakushiya uyise nonina, inamathele kumkayo; bayakuba-nyamanye.” (Genesise 2:24) Umshado kanjalo umelwe ube ubuhlobo bomuntu obuseduze kakhulu kunabo bonke. Ukuhlanganisa ubuntu obubili obuhlukile—umsebenzi obucayi ngempela! Ukuze ukuhlangana okunjalo kusebenze, ngamunye kufanele akhulume ngobuqotho nomunye futhi embule imizwa yakhe.
5. (a) Yini ethiya ukukhulumisana komuntu siqu? (b) Abanye bangawuhlonipha kanjani umshado?
5 Yini ethiya ukukhulumisana okunjalo komuntu siqu? Ngezinye izikhathi, ukuhlala ngokwehlukana kuwumkhuba wendawo. Abanye bangabathulayo, banamahloni ukuzikhulumela. Abanye futhi bathunjwe yilelizwe lethu elithanda ukuzijabulisa nezinto ezibonakalayo. Baba nesithakazelo ngokwengeziwe ezintweni kunasemishadweni yabo. Ukuba nabantu abaningi ngokweqile emshadweni wenu, noma ukunamathela kakhulu kubazali kungavimbela ukusondelana kwenu. Ngokuqinisekile, abanye kumelwe basihloniphe isidingo sombhangqwana oshadile sokuba ube wodwa futhi bangathathi amalungelo angabafanele noma bafune ukukhathalela okufanele kuye kumlingane womshado.—IzAga 25:17.
6. (a) Umngane womshado angaba kanjani nje“ngomuzi onamandla” noku“xabana” njengemiqogo “yenqaba”? (b) Imiphi imibuzo kulelibhokisi eliseceleni esiza ukwembula isimo senu sokukhulumisana?
6 Kodwa mhlawumbe isizathu esivame kakhulu sokuntuleka kokukhulumisana komuntu siqu sisikiselwe kuzAga 18:19: “Umzalwane owoniweyo ulukhuni kunomuzi onamandla, nokuxabana kunjengemigoqo yenqaba.” Ngokwesibonelo, umfazi angase embule isifuba kumyeni wakhe. Nokho, kuthiwani uma imizwa yakhe inganakwa noma igxekwe, mhlawumbe ize isetshenziswe ngokumelene naye ngesinye isikhathi? Angase asabele ngokwakha udonga olunamandla lokuthula ukuvikela ukulimala okungokomzwelo okuqhubekayo, eba njengo“muzi onamandla” oqinisiwe. Kungalandela impi yokuzidla, ngamunye enqaba ukushintsha esimweni akuso. Ukuxabana okunjalo okungadingekile kungavalela ukukhulumisana komuntu siqu nokubuyisana njengokungathi umbhangqwana wahlukaniswe imigoqo yensimbi yenqaba. Kodwa ungenzani ukuze uthuthukise ukukhulumisana?
Ukuhlakulela Ukukhulumisana Komuntu Siqu
7. AbaseFilipi 2:4 bakubonisa kanjani okudingeka ekuhlakuleleni ukukhulumisana komuntu siqu?
7 Umelwe ulondoloze isithakazelo somuntu siqu eminakweni yomngane wakho womshado. (Filipi 2:4, NW) Lokhu kudinga isikhathi sokukhuluma ngezindaba zomuntu siqu ndawonye. Ngokwesibonelo, omunye umbhangqwana wamaKristu ubekela eceleni isikhathi emva nje kokuba indoda ifike ekhaya ibuya emsebenzini ukuba uphunge itiye futhi ukhulumisane. Okungenani imizuzu eyi-15 behlanganyela imicabango yabo nokuhlangenwe nakho ngaphambi kokuba baqalise imisebenzi yakusihlwa. Baye benza lokhu njalo iminyaka engama-27!
8. Kungani ukulalela ngokunaka kubaluleke kakhulu?
8 Kodwa kudingeka okwengeziwe kunokukhuluma nje. Lapho ebuzwa ukuthi yini ayithanda kakhulu ngendoda yakhe, umfazi ongumKristu waphendula: “Uyalalela. Ungumngane wami omkhulu.” Ukulalela ngokunaka, kunokumane nje uzwe, kutshela umngane wakho womshado: ‘Ungumuntu obalulekile kimi. Ngifuna ukwazi imicabango yakho nemizwa, ngihlanganyele okuhlangenwe nakho kwakho—ngisho nokungajabulisi.’ Ukuba yisilaleli esihle kuwubuciko benhliziyo. Kudinga lokho uPetru akubiza ngokuthi ‘ukuhawukelana’ (ngokoqobo, “ukuhlupheka ndawonye”) kanye “nobubele” “nokuthobeka.” (1 Petru 3:8) Ngakho yembulelanani izifuba. Hlanganyelani ngisho nezinto ezincanyana. Guqulani imizwa yenu ibe ngamazwi.
9, 10. Umbhangqwana oshadile ungayilingisa kanjani indlela uIsaka umkaManowa noElkana abaphatha ngayo abangane babo bomshado?
9 Ake ucabange ngokusondelana phakathi kukaIsaka noRebeka. Lapho ekhathazekile wayekwazi ukuthulula okusenhliziyweni yakhe endodeni yakhe. “Ngidiniwe ukuphila,” walila ngesinye isikhathi. Ingabe uIsaka wamenza wazizwa ejabhile ngalowomuzwa? Cha, walalela ngozwela futhi wathatha izinyathelo ukudambisa ukwesaba kwakhe. (Genesise 27:46–28:5) UmkaManowa waphawula ukukhathazeka kwendoda yakhe futhi wanikela amazwi enduduzo.—AbAhluleli 13:22, 23.
10 UElkana wayezwela emizweni yomkakhe. Emva kokuqaphela ukucindezeleka komkakhe walwela ‘ukumba’ okusenhliziyweni yakhe ngemibuzo emnene, ethi: “Hana, ukhalelani na? Awudli ngani? Inhliziyo yakho idabukeleni na?” (1 Samuweli 1:8) Kuthiwani ngawe? Ingabe uyashesha ukuhlola imizwa yomngane wakho womshado? Uyamenza yini umngane wakho womshado azizwe ekhululekile ukuveza imizwa yakhe ngaphandle kokuba azizwe enecala? Ngezinye izikhathi kudingeka ukulalela ngozwela kunokukhipha nje iseluleko.—IzAga 20:5; 21:13.
Xoxani Izinkinga Ezibucayi
11-13. (a) Kunini lapho ukukhulumisana komuntu siqu kunzima ngokukhethekile? (b) Kungani uSara ayekhathazeke ngokujulile? (c) Yini ayengayenza, nokho yini ayenza?
11 Kuthiwani uma umngane womshado enza into ethile noma evumela into ethile ekulimazayo futhi engase yonakalise umshado wenu? Ningakhulumisana kanjani phakathi nezikhathi ezinjalo? Okwenzeka ekuphileni kuka-Abrahama noSara kusinikeza ukuqonda okuwusizo.
12 Ngolunye usuku nxa indodana yakhe uIsaka yayilunyulwa, uSara wabona uIshmayeli, indodana ka-Abrahama ngesigqilakazi uHagari, “igcona” uIsaka.b Ngokungangabazeki uIshmayeli owayeve eshumini elinambili wachokoloza umfowabo ngamzali-munye awayeneminyaka emihlanu ubudala, manje owayemiselwe ukuba sesikhundleni sakhe njengekhethwe uNkulunkulu indlalifa ka-Abrahama. USara wayephatheke kabi kakhulu ngalenkulumo esongelayo. Kwakungathiwani uma indoda yakhe yayingase ife ngokuzuma? Ingabe uHagari mhlawumbe wayengakholisa abanye ukuthi indodana yakhe, hhayi uIsaka, kumelwe ibe indlalifa yesithembiso?—Genesise 17:19; 21:8, 9, NW.
13 USara wayengase esabe ukuthukuthelisa uAbrahama futhi agwinye imizwa yakhe, ngoba wayazi ukuthi wayemthanda kakhulu uIshmayeli. Kungase ukuba wayengazange enze impikiswano ngezinye izinto, evumela uthando lwakhe ukuba lusibekele. Wayaziwa njengomfazi o‘walalela uAbrahama embiza ngokuthi “inkosi.”’ (1 Petru 3:6) Kodwa lesi kwakuyisimo esingathi sína. Ngokusobala, wayengase ‘angamkhulumisi’ uAbrahama, ethemba ukuthi uzozibonela lokho okwakumkhathaza. Kepha cha, uSara akathulanga! Wathi: “Sixoshe lesisigqilakazi nendodana yaso, ngokuba indodana yalesisigqilakazi ayiyikudla ifa kanye nendodana yami uIsaka.”—Genesise 21:10.
14. Isiphi isenzo uAbrahama asithatha, futhi ngani?
14 UAbrahama wathola lesisicelo singajabulisi ngempela; okungenani okwesikhashana wavumela uthando ngoIshmayeli luthonye ukucabanga kwakhe. Kepha ingabe uAbrahama waphendula ngokuthi: ‘Ukhuluma kanjani kimina ngaleyondlela! Ubani oyinhloko yalomkhaya?’ Cha. Empeleni, uNkulunkulu wamtshela: “Akungabi-lukhuni emehlweni akho ngenxa yomfana nangenxa yesigqilakazi sakho; kukho konke uSara akusho kuwe, lalela izwi lakhe.” Ngakusasa ekuseni uAbrahama wenza khona kanye lokho. Lokhu kwalondoloza ukuthula nenjongo kaNkulunkulu yafezwa—nakuba kwaba buhlungu kuAbrahama.—Genesise 21:11-14.
15, 16. (a) Yisho ezinye izinkinga ezingase zibangele ukucindezeleka emshadweni. (b) Imibhangqwana eshadile ingamlingisa kanjani uAbrahama noSara, futhi namiphi imiphumela? Nikeza isibonelo.
15 Izinkinga eziningi namuhla zingabangela ukucindezeleka emshadweni wenu. Ngokwesibonelo, ungase ube nomuzwa wokuthi umngane wakho womshado unikeza ukunaka okungafanelekile komunye umuntu. Isifundo sokucwaninga, kanye nokungenakubalwa okuhlangenwe nakho kwangempela, kubonisa ukuthi uma indoda noma umfazi enikeza ukunaka okweqile kumngane wakhe siqu, ikakhulukazi wobulili obehlukile, kubangela ukucindezeleka okukhudlwana emshadweni. Noma ngokunokwenzeka umngane wakho womshado uthanda umsebenzi wokuzilibazisa noma uhlobo oluthile lokuzijabulisa okunomphumela olimazayo emshadweni wenu. Mhlawumbe umngane wakho womshado uye waba ngongenaluzwela emizweni yakho. Ingabe wena, njengoSara, uyazixoxa izinto ezinjalo ezibucayi futhi mhlawumbe uvimbele ukulimala okulandelayo? Futhi uma umngane wakho womshado eletha into ethile bese ilimaza inhliziyo yakho, ungasabela njengoAbrahama, ucabangele ngokungathi sína ukuqondisa kukaNkulunkulu? Ingabe ukusabela okunjalo bekungeke yini kukhuthaze ukukhulumisana okuqotho?—IzAga 27:5.
16 Ngokusobala, “uthando lusibekela ingqwaba yezono.” (1 Petru 4:8) Ngakho musani ukwenza ukuphikisana ngakho konke ukwahlukana namaphushana obuntu. Kepha abanye ngokwesaba baye bazibamba ekuxoxeni izinkinga ezingathi sína: noma uma beke baxoxa ngazo abangani babo bomshado babagxeka. Ngokudabukisayo, ngaleyondlela kwakheka indlela eholela enhlekeleleni yomshado. Omunye umfazi ongumKristu wayekhathazeke ngokujulile ngokwesikhathi esithile ngenxa yokuba indoda yakhe intula ukucabangela ukwakheka kwakhe okungokobulili. Waba nomuzwa wokuthi waye“setshenziselwa” ukuzithokozisa kwayo. Wacabangela ukuyishiya. Nokho wayengakaze ngisho akuxoxe nendoda yakhe, esaba ukuthi ngeke izwisise. Elandela iseluleko somKristu ovuthiwe, ekugcineni wembula imizwa yakhe evaliwe. Yayingazange iqaphele indlela izenzo zayo ezazimthinta ngayo! Yenza izinguquko ezidingekile futhi manje leyonkinga ayisonakalisi intokozo yabo. Londolozani ukuhlonipheka komshado wenu ngokuhlakulela ukukhulumisana komuntu siqu.
Umthetho Womusa-Wothando Olimini
17. Imuphi “umthetho” omelwe ube solimini lombhangqwana? Bonisa.
17 Kodwa ingabe isidingo sokukhulumisana komuntu siqu sinikeza imvume yezinkulumo ezingenangqondo? “Bakhona abaphahluka njengokuhlaba kwenkemba, kepha izilimi zabahlakaniphileyo ziyimpiliso.” (IzAga 12:18) Yebo, ngisho noma ungenaphutha futhi unezinhloso ezinhle, ukuphawula okungenangqondo kusa“hlaba.” Ngesizathu esihle umfazi okhuthele uchazwa njengo“nomthetho womusawothando” olimini lwakhe. (IzAga 31:26, NW) Kungenxa yenkulumo yakhe yomusa efanayo njalo okwenza ibizwe ngokuthi umthetho. Uma indoda ihluleka emzamweni othile, yeka ukuthi iwazisa kanjani umthetho onjalo osolimini lomkayo! Enye indoda engumKristu yayicobekile ngenxa yokulahlekelwa ebhizinisini. “Okungenani uzamile,” kwasho umkayo ocabangelayo. “Kuyokuba ngcono ngesikhathi esilandelayo.” Yeka ukuthi umoya wakhe wakhuphuka kanjani!
18. Omunye umfazi wawusebenzisa kanjani ngokugcwele lo“mthetho”?
18 Inkulumo yothando idingeka ngokukhethekile ngezikhathi zempikiswano. Inkulumo ebhinqayo yomfazi othanda ukuxabana ingaxosha indoda ekhaya futhi iyenze ukuba ikhethe ukuhlala ehlane. (IzAga 19:13; 21:19) Ngenxa yengxabano emshadweni wakhe umfazi ongumKristu wanquma ukusebenzisa lomthetho ngokugcwele ngokwengeziwe. Kanjani? “Lapho into ethile ingihlupha angiyembuli nje njengoba ngangiye ngenze,” wachaza. “Ngizama ukulindela isikhathi esihle kakhulu uma sisodwa. Ngizama ngisho nokuqondisa isimo sobuso bami futhi angiyehlisi indoda yami phambi kwabantwana. Ngempela kuye kwenza umehluko!” Ngokusobala, bobabili indoda nomfazi kumelwe bacabangele ukuthi angase abe ligugu kangakanani amazwi abo ekuzihlonipheni komunye.—IzAga 25:11; Galathiya 5:15.
19, 20. (a) Ukuba no“kuqonda” kuhilelani? (b) Ukuqonda kwayehlisa kanjani intukuthelo yenye indoda, futhi kwaba namiphi imiphumela? (c) Imiphi eminye imibuzo ebalulekile?
19 Kepha yini edingekayo lapho imizwelo ifutheka? Ukuqonda! “Inhliziyo yohlakaniphileyo iyafundisa umlomo wakhe, yenezele imfundiso ezindebeni zakhe.” (IzAga 16:23) Ukuqonda kuhilela ukubheka ngalé kokusobala. KuNehemiya 8:8 izwi lesiHeberu lihunyushwe ngokuthi ‘ukuchaza.’ Ukuqonda kuyinqanda kanjani impikiswano? Enye indoda yangena endlini yathola umkayo ephonsa izitsha zesiliva phakathi ekamelweni ngokufutheka. “Awunandaba nami!” wakhuluma ngezinyembezi. “Ufika ekhaya uchithe isikhathi sakho engadini. Ngidinga usizo!” Kepha okwakuhlupha umfazi ngokoqobo kwakuwukukhungatheka ngokomzimba nangokomzwelo. Wayesanda kuthola nje umntwana futhi manje wayelindele omunye. Wazizwa evalelwe ekhaya. Indoda yakhe yaba nokuqonda. Ingakunaki ukuphahluka kwakhe okuphambene nobuKristu, yayiqonda imbangela yokukhungatheka. Yaba yini impendulo yayo? “Nxese, s’thandwa. Bekufanele ngibe lapha ngikusize.” Ngokushesha wadamba. “Inhlonipho yami ngaye yafinyelela ekuphakameni okusha ngokushesha,” washo kamuva.
20 Yeka ukuthi ayiqiniso kanjani amazwi ezAga 19:11: “Ukuhlakanipha [ukuqonda, NW] komuntu kubambezela intukuthelo yakhe; kuludumo lwakhe ukudlula esiphambekweni!” Ingabe ubonisa ukuqonda okunjalo? Ingabe wakuhlolisisa okubangele amazwi anjalo? Ingabe uyakwazi ukudlulisa isiphambeko esinjalo somuntu siqu? Ukuqonda futhi kungenezela ithonya kunoma yisiphi isicelo osenzayo komunye. Yebo, umngane womshado oqaphile, onokuqonda, uyisipho esivela kuJehova futhi uyanikela emshadweni oyigugu.—IzAga 19:14.
Vumela Ukwahlukana Nokungapheleli
21. Ukwamukela ukungafani kungawugcina kanjani umshado wenu uyigugu?
21 Naphezu kwemizamo engcono kakhulu awukho umbhangqwana oyovumelana kuyo yonke into. Ukwahlukana kuyoba khona. Umbonisi ongumKristu ojikelezayo, oseneminyaka engaphezu kwama-25 eshadile waphawula: “Eminye imibhangqwana ithi, ‘Sihlukene kakhulu!’ Bese inaka lokhu kwahlukana futhi masinya ingakwazi ukumela ukuphila ndawonye. Iqiniso, mina nomkami sinezinto ezingafani esizithandayo, kepha sinokuningi okufanayo futhi. Ngokuqondile kulokho esinakho okufanayo, umshado wethu uba ligugu usuku ngalunye.” Ingabe uzimisele kanjalo ukuzifanelanisa nokuvumela ukwahlukana emshadweni wakho?
22. (a) Yini engasiza abangane bomshado bathole ukwaneliseka emshadweni? (b) Yisiphi isisusa esiqine kakhulu sokugcina umshado wenu uhlonipheka?
22 Umngane womshado ophelele akekho. Ukwaneliseka kungafinyelelwa ngokufunda ukwamukela ukwahlukana nokubekezelela amaphutha amancane. (Kolose 3:13) Iqiniso liwukuthi, ubuhlobo bethu noNkulunkulu, ukumfuna ukuba ahlale ewuMngane wethu, kuyisisusa esiqine kakhulu sokugcina umshado wethu uhlonipheka. Ituseka ngempela inkambo yalawomaKristu athi ngokwazisa ubuhlobo bawo noJehova alwele ukwenza impumelelo yomshado wawo.
23. Singayigcina kanjani imishado yethu iligugu?
23 Noma yimuphi umshado onganakiwe ungonakala. Nokho ungavuselelwa ubuhle bawo ngokubeka phambili umzamo ongokoqobo (1) wokuhlakulela ukukhulumisana komuntu siqu (2) wokugcina umthetho womusa-wothando olimini lwakho (3) nokumela ukwahlukana nokungapheleli. Lokhu, kuhlanganisa nesibusiso sikaNkulunkulu, kuyogcina umshado wenu uyigugu hhayi kini kuphela kodwa nakuMqambi wawo Omuhle.
[Imibhalo yaphansi]
a A Greek-English Lexicon of The New Testament, nguJ. H. Thayer. Igama elifanayo lisetshenziswe ukuchaza “igazi elinqabileyo [eliyigugu, NW]” likaKristu.—1 Petru 1:19.
b IBhayibheli lembula ukuthi lokhu kwakungaphezu kokudlala kobungane. ‘Kwakuwushushiso.’—Galathiya 4:29, 30
Ungakhumbula Yini?
□ Kungani ukuxoxa ngezinto ezithinta umuntu siqu kubaluleke kangaka?
□ Ukulandela isibonelo sika-Abrahama noSara kuyokuthuthukisa kanjani ukukhulumisana?
□ Umuntu ubonisa kanjani ukuthi “umthetho womusa” usolimini lwakhe?
□ Ukuqonda kusiza kanjani emshadweni ohloniphekayo?
[Ibhokisi ekhasini 16]
Kunjani ukukhulumisana kwenu?
(1) Singakanani isikhathi enisichitha ndawonye nikhuluma nje?
(2) Ziningi kangakanani izingxoxo zenu ezingezebhizinisi kuphela (izindaba zomkhaya, abantwana, izinto eninazo, njalonjalo), kunokuhlanganyela imicabango nemizwa?
(3) Ingabe zikhona ezinye izindaba noma imizwa onayo, kodwa ongakhululekile ukuba ukuxoxe nomngane wakho womshado?
(4) Sekuyisikhathi eside kangakanani omunye wenu agcina ukupha omunye isipho ngenxa nje yothando?
(5) Nivame kangakanani ukubambana ngezandla noma ukuthintana, ngaphandle kwesikhathi sobuhlobo bobulili?
[Isithombe ekhasini 18]
Umfazi ono“mthetho womusa wothando” olimini lwakhe waziswa kakhulu, ikakhulukazi ngezikhathi zobunzima