Intsha Iyabuza . . .

Ngingabhekana Kanjani Nokukhetha Iphela Emasini?

“Udadewethu ngimshiya ngeminyaka emibili futhi uthola konke ukunakwa. . . . Kubonakala kungalungile.”—URebecca.a

LAPHO umfowenu noma udadewenu enakwa kakhulu, kulapho ungase uzizwe ungashaywa mkhuba ngokwengeziwe. Kanti uma ingane yakini inamakhono avelele, inezinkinga ezingathi sína, noma inesithakazelo noma izici zobuntu ezifana nezabazali bakho, ungase ulwe kanzima ukuze uthole ukunakwa nje okuncane! Lapho uqhubeka ucabanga ngakho, uphatheka kabi kakhulu futhi uyathukuthela.b

Nokho, iBhayibheli liyaxwayisa: “Thukuthelani ningoni; zindlani enhliziyweni yenu okhukhweni lwenu, nithule.” (IHubo 4:4) Lapho uphatheke kabi futhi uthukuthele, cishe ungasho noma wenze okuthile ongase uzisole ngakho kamuva. Khumbula indlela uKayini athukuthela ngayo ngenxa yokwamukeleka komfowabo, u-Abela, phambi kukaNkulunkulu. UNkulunkulu wamxwayisa: “Isono sihlezi ngasemnyango; ukunxanela kwaso kukuwe, kepha wena umelwe ukusibusa.” (Genesise 4:3-16) UKayini wehluleka ukulawula imizwa yakhe, futhi umphumela waba yinhlekelele!

Yiqiniso, awukho engcupheni yokuba umbulali njengoKayini. Noma kunjalo, ukukhetha iphela emasini kungavusa imizwelo emibi. Ngakho-ke, kungenzeka ukuthi kunezingozi ezihlezi ngasemnyango wakho! Ziyini ezinye zazo? Futhi ungasinqoba kanjani lesi simo?

Bamba Ulimi Lwakho!

Lapho uBeth eseneminyaka engu-13 ubudala, wayenomuzwa wokuthi abazali bakhe bathanda umfowabo futhi yena babengamphathi kahle. Uyakhumbula: “Mina nomama sasithethisana njalo, kodwa akusizanga ngalutho. Ngangingamlaleli, kanti naye wayengangilaleli, ngakho akukho okwalungiswa.” Mhlawumbe nawe uqaphele ukuthi ukuthetha kumane kubhebhethekise isimo. Eyabase-Efesu 4:31 ithi: “Makususwe kini konke ukufutheka okubi nentukuthelo nolaka nokuklabalasa nenkulumo echaphayo kanye nabo bonke ububi.”

Akudingeki ukuba uklabalase ukuze uveze umbono wakho. Ngokuvamile ukuzola kufeza okukhulu. IzAga 25:15 zithi: “Ngokubekezela kade isikhulu singavunyiswa, nolimi oluthambileyo luyaphula amathambo.” Ngakho uma kubonakala sengathi abazali bakho banecala lokukhetha iphela emasini, ungabamangaleli ngokubathethisa. Linda isikhathi esifanele, bese ukhuluma nabo ngesizotha nangenhlonipho.—Qhathanisa nezAga 15:23.

Uma ugxila ekushiyekeni kwabazali bakho noma ubahlambalaza ngokuthi “abalungile,” bayomane baqhele kuwe noma bafune indlela yokuzivikela. Kunalokho gxila endleleni izenzo zabo ezikuthinte ngayo. (‘Ngiphatheka kabi ngempela uma ninganginaki.’) Cishe bayoshukumiseleka ukuba bakucabangele. Futhi, ‘shesha ngokuphathelene nokuzwa.’ (Jakobe 1:19) Kungenzeka ukuthi abazali bakho banezizathu ezizwakalayo zokunika ingane yakini ukunaka okwengeziwe. Mhlawumbe inezinkinga ongazazi wena.

Kodwa kuthiwani uma uthambekele ekuphahlukeni futhi ukhulume ngokhahlo lapho uthukuthele? IzAga 25:28 ziqhathanisa “umuntu omoya wakhe ungenakubanjwa” nomuzi ‘ongenalugange’; angase anqotshwe imizwelo yakhe engaphelele. Ngakolunye uhlangothi, ikhono lokulawula imizwa yakho liwuphawu lwamandla angempela! (IzAga 16:32) Khona-ke, kungani ungalindi kuze kwehle igwebu ngaphambi kokuba uveze imizwa yakho, mhlawumbe ulinde kuze kube ngisho nangakusasa? Ungase ukuthole kuwusizo futhi ukusuka kuleso simo, mhlawumbe uhambahambe noma uvivinye umzimba. (IzAga 17:14) Ngokulawula izindebe zakho, ungagwema ukusho okuthile okulimazayo noma okuwubuwula.—IzAga 10:19; 13:3; 17:27.

Ukungalaleli Okuwumshoshaphansi

Esinye isithiyo okufanele usinqobe ukungalaleli. UMarie oneminyaka engu-16 ubudala waphawula ukuthi umfowabo omncane wayengajezizwa neze lapho ephazamisa isifundo somkhaya seBhayibheli. Ekhungathekiswe yilesi simo esibonakala siwukukhetha, “wateleka,” enqaba ukuhlanganyela esifundweni. Ingabe wake wakhetha ukuthula ungakhulumi noma wabonisa umoya wokungabambisani lapho unomuzwa wokuthi okuthile akulungile?

Uma kunjalo, qaphela ukuthi amasu anjalo awumshoshaphansi aphambene nomyalo weBhayibheli wokuba udumise futhi ulalele abazali bakho. (Efesu 6:1, 2) Ngaphezu kwalokho, ukungalaleli kuphazamisa ubuhlobo onabo nabazali bakho. Kungcono ukuxoxa nabazali bakho ngezinkinga onazo. IzAga 24:26 zibonisa ukuthi onikeza “impendulo eqinisileyo” uzuza inhlonipho yabanye. Lapho uMarie exoxa nonina, bakwazi ukuqondana, futhi isimo saqala ukuba ngcono.

Ingozi Yokuzihlukanisa

Enye indlela eyingozi yokubhekana nokukhetha iphela emasini iwukuzihlukanisa nomkhaya wakini noma ukuphendukela kwabangakholwa ukuze uthole ukunakwa. Yilokho uCassandra akwenza: “Ngazihlukanisa nomkhaya wakithi ngaphendukela kubangane bezwe engabathola esikoleni. Ngaze ngaba namasoka, futhi abazali bami babengazi. Kodwa-ke ngacindezeleka kakhulu futhi ngaba nonembeza onecala ngoba ngangazi ukuthi angenzi okufanele. Ngangifuna ukuphuma kulenkinga, kodwa yayingekho indlela yokutshela abazali bami.”

Kuyingozi ukuzihlukanisa nomkhaya wakini kanye nokholwa nabo—ikakhulukazi uma uphatheke kabi futhi umqondo ungazinzile. IzAga 18:1 ziyaxwayisa: “Ozahlukanisayo ufuna esakhe isifiso, uphika konke ukuhlakanipha.” Uma ukuthola kunzima ukuxoxa nabazali bakho ngalokhu, funa umngane ongumKristu onjengalowo ochazwe kuzAga 17:17: “Umngane uthanda ngezikhathi zonke, nomzalwane uzalwa ekuhluphekeni.” Ngokuvamile kulula ukuthola “umngane” onjalo phakathi kwamalungu ebandla avuthiwe.

UCassandra wamthola “umngane” lapho emdinga: “Lapho umbonisi wesifunda [isikhonzi esijikelezayo] ehambela ibandla lakithi, abazali bami bangikhuthaza ukuba ngisebenze naye. Yena nomkakhe babethobeke kakhulu, futhi baba nesithakazelo sangempela kimi. Ngangikwazi ukubathululela isifuba. Ngangingenawo umuzwa wokuthi bazongilahla. Babeqaphela ukuthi ukukhuliswa njengomKristu akusho ukuthi uphelele.” Isikhuthazo sabo neseluleko esivuthiwe kwakuyilokho kanye uCassandra ayekudinga!—IzAga 13:20.

Ingozi Yomhawu

IzAga 27:4 ziyaxwayisa: “Ulaka lulunya nentukuthelo iyisikhukhula, kepha ngubani ongema phambi komhawu na?” Ukuba nomhawu ngezelamani ezithandwayo kuye kwashukumisela enye intsha ezenzweni zamawala. Owesifazane othile wavuma: “Lapho ngisemncane, nganginezinwele ezinsundu ezilula kanti udadewethu wayenezinwele ezinde ezinombala wegolide ezazishaya okhalweni. Ubaba wayezincoma njalo izinwele zakhe. Wayembiza ngokuthi ‘uRapunzel’ wakhe. Ngolunye usuku ebusuku elele, ngathatha isikele sikamama, nganyonyobela embhedeni wakhe futhi ngamgunda ingxenye enkulu yezinwele.”—I-Siblings Without Rivalry, ka-Adele Faber no-Elaine Mazlish.

Khona-ke, akumangalisi ukuthi eBhayibhelini umhawu uchazwa njengomunye ‘wemisebenzi yenyama’ emibi. (Galathiya 5:19-21; Roma 1:28-32) Nokho, sonke ‘sithambekele emoneni.’ (Jakobe 4:5) Ngakho uma uzithola ubopha uzungu lokufaka ingane yakini enkingeni, ukuyibhaceka ngecala, noma ukuyijivaza ngandlela-thile, kungenzeka ukuthi umhawu ‘usuhlezi ngasemnyango,’ uzama ukukubusa!

Yini okufanele uyenze uma uzithola unemizwa enjalo eyingozi? Okokuqala, zama ukuthandaza kuNkulunkulu ucele umoya wakhe. EyabaseGalathiya 5:16 ithi: “Qhubekani nihamba ngomoya futhi ngeke neze nifeze isifiso senyama.” (Qhathanisa noThithu 3:3-5.) Kungase kube usizo nokuzindla ngendlela ozizwa ngayo ngempela ngengane yakini. Ungasho yini ngempela ukuthi awuyithandi nakancane—nakuba ucasukile? ImiBhalo isitshela ukuthi “uthando alunamhawu.” (1 Korinte 13:4) Ngakho ungagxili emicabangweni ephambene, evusa umhawu. Zama ukujabula nengane yakini uma ithola ukunakwa okukhethekile kwabazali bakho.—Qhathanisa neyabaseRoma 12:15.

Ukuxoxa nabazali bakho nakho kungase kube usizo kulendaba. Uma besibona isidingo sokukunaka ngokwengeziwe, lokhu kuyoba usizo kakhulu ukuze unqobe imizwa yomhawu ngezingane zakini. Kodwa kuthiwani uma isimo singabi ngcono ekhaya futhi ukukhetha iphela emasini kuphikelela? Ungathukutheli, uthethe, noma uvukele abazali bakho. Zama ukulondoloza isimo sengqondo esihle, ulalele. Uma kudingekile, cela asebevuthiwe ebandleni lobuKristu ukuba bakusekele. Ngaphezu kwakho konke, sondela kuJehova uNkulunkulu. Khumbula amazwi omhubi: “Ngokuba ubaba nomame bangishiyile, kodwa uJehova uzakungamukela.”—IHubo 27:10.

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