Indlela Yokuba Umzali Ophumelelayo

“NGIZOKUTSHELA ukuthi yini edingekile ukuze ube umzali ophumelelayo,” kusho uRaymond, ubaba wabantwana abahlanu. “Igazi, ukusebenza kanzima, izinyembezi, nokujuluka!”

UmkaRaymond uvuma ngenhliziyo yonke. Kodwa uyanezela: “Akulula ukukhulisa abantwana namuhla, kodwa njengoba ubabona bekhulela ekubeni abantu abadala abaqotho, kuwufanele ngempela umzamo wokuzikhandla.”

Ukukhulisa abantwana akukaze kungabi nayo ngokuphelele inkathazo. Nokho, namuhla, kubazali abaningi kubonakala sengathi ukukhulisa umntwana sekuye kwaba inkathazo enkulu. “Ngicabanga ukuthi ukuba umzali namuhla kunzima ngokwengeziwe kunangesikhathi sabazali bami ngoba ukuphila sekuye kwaba inkimbinkimbi ngokwengeziwe,” kusho uElaine, oneminyaka engama-40 ubudala nongumama wendodana eyeve eshumini nambili. “Ngaso sonke isikhathi awazi ukuthi kunini lapho kumelwe uqinise khona isandla nokuthi kunini lapho kumelwe uthambise khona.”

Onjani Umzali Ophumelelayo?

Umzali ophumelelayo yilowo okhulisa umntwana wakhe ngendlela yokuthi umntwana abe nawo wonke amathuba okukhulela ekubeni umuntu omdala oqotho, oyoqhubeka ngenkuthalo ekhonza uNkulunkulu futhi abonise uthando ngomakhelwane wakhe. (Mathewu 22:37-39) Nokho, ngokudabukisayo, akubona bonke abantwana ababa abantu abadala abaqotho. Kungani kungenjalo? Ingabe ngaso sonke isikhathi kuyiphutha labazali lapho lokhu kwenzeka?

Cabangela lomfanekiso. Umakhi angase abe namapulani amahle kakhulu nezinto zokwakha. Kodwa yini ebingenzeka uma umakhi enqaba ukulandela amapulani, mhlawumbe avumele ngisho nezindlela ezinqamulelayo zobuwula ukuba zisetshenziswe noma avumele ukusetshenziswa kwezinto zokwakha zezinga eliphansi esikhundleni seziqinile? Ingabe isakhiwo esiqediwe besingeke yini sibe esisolekayo, okuyingozi ngisho nokusisebenzisa? Nokho, ake sithi umakhi ubecophelela futhi enza konke okusemandleni akhe ukulandela amapulani nokusebenzisa izinto zokwakha eziqinile. Ingabe umnikazi wesakhiwo esiqediwe ubengeke yini manje abe nomthwalo wemfanelo wokusigcina sisesimweni esifanelekile? Futhi ubengeke yini abe nomthwalo wemfanelo wokuba angakhiphi izinto zokwakha eziqinile kuthi esikhundleni sazo afake ezezinga eliphansi?

Ngendlela engokomfanekiso, abazali bahileleke emsebenzini wokwakha. Bafuna ukwakha kubantwana babo ubuntu obuhle. IBhayibheli linepulani engcono kakhulu yalokhu. Izinto zokwakha eziqinile, ‘igolide, isiliva, amatshe ayigugu,’ emiBhalweni zifaniswa nezimfanelo, ezinjengokholo oluqinile, ukuhlakanipha kukaNkulunkulu, ukuqonda okungokomoya, ukwethembeka, nokwazisa kothando ngoNkulunkulu uMninimandla Onke nemithetho yakhe.—1 Korinte 3:10-13; qhathanisa neHubo 19:7-11; IzAga 2:1-6; 1 Petru 1:6, 7.

Naye umntwana, njengoba eba mdala, uba nomthwalo wemfanelo owengeziwe wokwakha ngaphakathi kwakhe ubuntu obuqondile beqiniso. Kumelwe azimisele ukulandela ipulani efanayo, iZwi likaNkulunkulu, futhi asebenzise izinto ezifanayo zokwakha eziqinile njengoba kwakwenza abazali bakhe. Uma umntwana lapho eba umuntu omdala osemusha enqaba ukwenza lokhu noma ediliza umsebenzi omuhle kanjalo wokwakha, khona-ke kumelwe kusolwe yena ngenhlekelele ewumphumela.—Duteronomi 32:5.

Kungani Kunzima?

Ukuba umzali ophumelelayo namuhla kunzima okungenani ngenxa yezizathu ezimbili. Okokuqala, kokubili abazali nabantwana abaphelele futhi benza amaphutha. Ngokuvamile, lokhu kuhilela lokho iBhayibheli elikubiza ngokuthi ukona, futhi ukuthambekela esonweni kuzuzwe njengefa.—Roma 5:12.

Isizathu sesibili yilesi: Abantwana abakhulayo bathonywa okungaphezu nje kwabazali babo. Umphakathi wonke unomphumela othile ezintweni ezibalulekile zomntwana nombono ekuphileni. Ngokombono walokhu, isiprofetho sikaPawulu ngokuphathelene nosuku lwethu siyabathinta abazali. Wathi: “Kumelwe nibhekane neqiniso: inkathi yokugcina yalelizwe iyoba yisikhathi sezinkathazo. Abantu bayozithanda bona nemali kuphela; bayoba abazidlayo, abazigabisayo, nabahlambalazayo; abangahloniphi abazali, abangabongi, abangenabumnene, abangenalo uthando olungokwemvelo, abanenzondo egxilile, abangazithibi nabanolaka, abangakwazi okuhle, amambuka, abakhapheli nabakhukhumele. Bayakuba abantu ababeka injabulo endaweni kaNkulunkulu, abantu abagcina isimo sangaphandle senkolo, kodwa bemelene nobunjalo bayo. Zehlukaniseni nabantu abanjengalaba.” (Omalukeke sizenzele.)—2 Thimothewu 3:1-5, The New English Bible.

Njengoba umphakathi wosuku lwanamuhla wakhiwe abantu abangalungile kangaka, ingabe kuyamangaza-ke ukuthi abanye abazali baneka izandla ngokukhungatheka futhi baze bacishe bayeke ukukhulisa umntwana? Bheka emuva onyakeni ka-1914. Lowonyaka obalulekile wabona inguquko eyinhloko emphakathini, futhi kwakungeyona inguquko yobungcono. Kusukela lapho izimpi zezwe ezimbili ziye zakhukhula okungaphezu kokuthula kuphela emhlabeni. Umphakathi namuhla untula amandla okuziphatha adingekayo ukuba ufeze ingxenye yawo ekulungiseleleni abantwana ukuba babe abantu abadala abaqotho. Kuyiqiniso, abazali abanezinhliziyo ezilungile babhekana nomphakathi ozungezile omelene nezinto ezibalulekile abafuna ukuzifundisa abantwana babo.

Ngakho, abazali banabasizi abancane kakhulu eqenjini. Esikhathini esidlule, babebheka ezikoleni zomphakathi ukuba zisize ukufundisa abantwana babo izinto ezifanayo eziyisisekelo ezibalulekile lezo bona njengabazali abazazisayo ekhaya labo. Nokho, akusenjalo manje.

“Ukucindezeleka namuhla entsheni kuhlukile,” kusho uShirley, owagogoda esikoleni esiphakeme ngo-1960. “Sasingenayo imilaliso noma ukusetshenziswa kobulili ngokukhululekile lapho ngisesikoleni esiphakeme. Eminyakeni engama-30 edlule ukubhema ugwayi emakhobeleni kwakubhekwa njengokubi. Lapho indodakazi yami endala ifunda esikoleni esiphakeme kusukela ngo-1977 kuya ku-1981, ukusetshenziswa kwemilaliso kwakuyinkinga enkulu. Manje imilaliso isidlulele ezikoleni eziphansi. Indodakazi yami encane, eneminyaka eyi-13 ubudala, kwakudingeka ibhekane nalokho kucindezela kwemilaliso nsuku zonke esikoleni iminyaka emibili edlule.”

Futhi, esikhathini esidlule, abazali babengabheka komkhulu nogogo, izihlobo, nomakhelwane ukuba basize ekuqondiseni ukuziphatha “kukaSipho.” Kodwa manje, lokho sekuphinde kwashintsha. Futhi kuyadabukisa ukubika ukuthi, liyanda inani lemikhaya lapho kungekho ngisho neqembu elinamalungu amabili; wonke umthwalo wokukhulisa umntwana usemahlombe omzali oyedwa.

Ipulani Ephumelelayo Yabazali

Nakuba ukukhulisa umntwana kunzima namuhla, abazali bangaphumelela uma bezama ukuthola usizo oseluhlale isikhathi eside—iBhayibheli. IZwi likaNkulunkulu lingaba yipulani yakho, noma isimiso somsebenzi wokuba umzali. Njengoba nje nomakhi ohlakaniphile esebenzisa kahle ipulani ukuze aqondise ukwakhiwa kwesakhiwo kuze kufinyelele esiphethweni esinempumelelo, ungasebenzisa iBhayibheli njengomqondisi wakho ekukhuliseni abantwana bakho babe abantu abadala abaqotho. Yiqiniso, iBhayibheli lalingahloselwe ukuba libe yincwadi yokufunda ngokuba umzali ophumelelayo kuphela, kodwa lineseluleko esiqondile kubazali nabantwana. Futhi linengcebo yezimiso ezingase zikuzuzise njengomzali, uma zisetshenziswa.—Duteronomi 6:4-9.

Ngokwesibonelo, cabangela uDiane. Uthi, lapho indodana yakhe eneminyaka eyi-14 ubudala, uEric, esemncane, “wayengumntwana onokucindezeleka okukhulu, kulukhuni ukukhuluma naye.” Kwakukulelozinga lapho athola ukuhlakanipha okukulesisaga seBhayibheli: “Iseluleko [injongo yomuntu noma inhloso] enhliziyweni yomuntu sinjengamanzi ajulileyo, kepha umuntu oqondileyo uyakusikhipha.” (IzAga 20:5) Ngabanye abantwana, imizwa yabo nemicabango—izinhloso zabo zangempela—zisenhliziyweni yabo njengamanzi ekujuleni komthombo ojulile. UEric wayenjalo. Kuwumsebenzi onzima ngomzali ukukhipha lezozinhloso. “Lapho efika ekhaya evela esikoleni, wayengafiki egcwele izinto angase azisho,” kukhumbula uDiane. “Ngakho ngathatha isikhathi ukuze ngithole lokho ayebhekana nakho esikoleni. Ngezinye izikhathi ngangikhuluma noEric amahora amaningi ngaphambi kokuba aveze lokho ngempela ayekucabanga ekujuleni kwenhliziyo yakhe.”

Isizathu sokubaluleka okuphakeme kweBhayibheli njengomqondisi silula: UJehova uNkulunkulu unguMlobi walo. UnguMdali wethu. (IsAmbulo 4:11) Uyasazi isimo sethu futhi uzimisele ‘ukusifundisa okusisizayo, nokusihola ngendlela okumelwe sihambe ngayo.’ Lokhu kuyiqiniso kungakhathaliseki ukuthi umuntu ungumzali noma ungumntwana. (Isaya 48:17; IHubo 103:14) Nakuba abanye abantu kudingeka bakusebenzele kakhulu kunabanye ukuba umzali ongcono, bonke bangaba abazali abangcono ngokulandela iziqondiso ezibekwe emiBhalweni.

Phatha Lowo Nalowo Njengomuntu Ohlukile

Abantwana abalalelayo ngeke bavezwe ngokulandela imithetho yabantu enzima ehleliwe njengoba nje bonke abantu abadala bengenziwanga baba umzali “ophelele.” Umntwana ngamunye unobuntu bakhe, futhi umntwana ngamunye kumelwe aphathwe njengomuntu. IBhayibheli liyakuvuma lokhu. Ukusiza abazali bagweme ukuqhathanisa kabi omunye umntwana nomunye, isimiso esiseselulekweni seBhayibheli esilandelayo sifanelekile: “Kepha makube-yilowo nalowo ahlole owakhe umsebenzi, yikhona eyakuba-nokubongwa ngokungokwakhe yedwa, kungengokomunye.”—Galathiya 5:26; 6:4.

UJohn, ubaba wabantwana ababili, uthola ukuthi iseluleko esingenhla esingokomBhalo simsiza ukuba agcine umbono wabantwana bakhe ngomunye nomunye, noma ngisho nangeminye imikhaya, usesilinganisweni. “Ngikhuthaza abantwana bami ukuba bangabheki lokho eminye imikhaya enakho noma ekwenzayo,” kuchaza uJohn. “Sinendinganiso yomkhaya wethu okumelwe ilondolozwe.”

Qeqesha “Kusukela Ebuntwaneni”

Kunini lapho inkolo kumelwe ibe yingxenye yokuba umzali ophumelelayo? “Awunakuqala ngokushesha kakhulu,” kusho uGary, onendodana esanda kuqala ukufunda enkulisa. UGary ukholelwa ukuthi abantwana kumelwe babe nabangane beqiniso ebandleni lobuKristu lendawo ngisho nangaphambi kokuba baqale ukungena isikole. Leso esinye sezizathu zokuthi kungani uGary nomkakhe bebelokhu beletha uEvan emihlanganweni yobuKristu cishe kusukela osukwini azalwa ngalo. UGary ulingisa lokho uEvnike, umzali otuswayo eBhayibhelini, akwenza ngendodana yakhe uThimothewu. UThimothewu wafunda izimfundiso zokuqala ezingokombhalo “kusukela ebuntwaneni.”—2 Thimothewu 1:5; 3:15.

Unina kaThimothewu futhi ngokunokwenzeka nogogo wakhe, uLowisi, baqiniseka ukuthi kwakungeyona imibono yabo siqu eyayimshukumisa kusukela ebuntwaneni; kunalokho, babazi ukuthi kwakuyizimfundiso zikaJehova ezaziyomenza ahlakaniphe ukuze athole insindiso. Incwadi eyabhalelwa uThimothewu ngumphostoli uPawulu ongumKristu ithi: “Kepha wena yima kulokho okufundile nowaqiniseka kukho, wazi ukuthi ukufundé kobani, nokuthi kusukela ebuntwaneni wazi imibhalo engcwele enamandla okukuhlakaniphisa, kube-yinsindiso ngokukholwa kuKristu Jesu.”—2 Thimothewu 3:14, 15.

Ngakho uLowisi noEvnike basiza uThimothewu ukuba azindle ngeZwi futhi abe nokholo kulokho iZwi likaNkulunkulu elilotshiwe elalikusho. Ngalendlela ukholo lwakhe lwalungasekelwe kubazali bakhe kuphela kodwa ekuhlakanipheni kwaphezulu kweZwi likaNkulunkulu. Akazange alandele iqiniso lobuKristu ngenxa nje yokuthi unina nogogo wakhe babengabakhulekeli bakaJehova, kodwa wazenza wakukholelwa ukuthi lokho ababemfundisa khona empeleni kwakuyiqiniso.

Ngokungangabazeki, uThimothewu futhi waqaphela uhlobo lwabantu unina nogogo wakhe ababeyilo—abantu abangokomoya ngempela. Babengeke bamphambe noma basonte iqiniso ngenxa yezifiso zobugovu; futhi babengebona abazenzisi. Ngakho-ke, uThimothewu wayengazingabazi izinto ayezifundile. Futhi akungabazeki ukuthi ukuphila kwakhe esemdala njengomKristu okhuthele kwafudumeza inhliziyo kanina othembekile.

Yebo, ukuba umzali ophumelelayo kungumsebenzi onzima, kodwa njengoba umama ocashunwe ngaphambili eshilo: “Kuwufanele umzamo wokuzikhandla.” Lokhu kuyiqiniso ikakhulukazi lapho abazali bengasho kubantwana babo lokho umphostoli uJohane akubhalela abantwana bakhe abangokomoya: “Anginayo intokozo enkulu kunaleyo yokuba ngizwe ukuthi abantwana bami bahamba eqinisweni.”—3 Johane 4.

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Isimiso Sokufundisa Esalandelwa Abazali KwaIsrayeli

KuIsrayeli wasendulo, abazali babenomthwalo wemfanelo wokufundisa nokuqeqesha abantwana babo. Baba abafundisi nabaqondisi babantwana babo. Abazali banamuhla bangazuza ngokuqaphela isimiso esifanayo. Isimiso semfundo kwaIsrayeli singafushaniswa ngalendlela:

1. Kwakufundiswa ngokwesaba uJehova.—IHubo 34:11.

2. Kwakwelulekwa ngokwazisa ubaba nomama.—Eksodusi 20:12.

3. Kwakufakwa enhliziyweni ukuyala koMthetho, kuhlanganise nemisebenzi kaJehova.—Duteronomi 6:7-21.

4. Inhlonipho ngabantu abadala yayigcizelelwa.—Levitikusi 19:32.

5. Ukulalela kwakugcizelelwa.—IzAga 23:22-25.

6. Kwakunikezwa ukuqeqeshwa okuwusizo kokuphila.—Marku 6:3.

7. Kwakunikezwa imfundo yokufunda nokubhala.—Johane 7:15.

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IZwi likaNkulunkulu liyipulani, noma isimiso somsebenzi, wokuba umzali